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RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 8:39:00 PM

feastie

Posts: 1793
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline

I know a dominant that lives in a fifth wheel. His line of work moves him from state to state frequently. He'll find an RV park, rent a space for as long as the job lasts...then off he goes, dragging his home behind him. Doesn't make him any less dominant.

_____________________________

Snarky and loving it.

Disclaimer: Any views expressed in any post are my opinions only. They may or may not be yours.

(in reply to HarleyKitty69)

Post #: 61

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 8:49:01 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
Does financial standing have anything to do with being a dominant?
Being wealthy is not necessary, being responsible is very
necessary.

If, (at middle age) I do not own a home, does this mean that I am incapable of owning a submissive?
That seems a silly idea to me. There are too many factors in
modern life that effect your living situtation; career, location
in a metro, suburban or rural area, being single or divorced
or having custody of children (full or part time), number of
average hours worked each week, using a bicycle or walking
or public transportation or having a vehicle, etc, to say that
home ownership is a prerequisite for owning a sub/slave.
Add to that list your own personal living preferences,
some people want a yard and garden, others want a chic
townhouse without the upkeep of a yard.

Is social status tied into the perception of dominance?
Unfortunately, many people do perceive social status as
being linked to dominance. And other people view
dominance as a personal trait, not a social-economic trait.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 62

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 8:55:50 PM

whisperedsighs

Posts: 349
Joined: 11/12/2006
Status: offline

I wouldn't say that just because you live in an apartment you can't be a Dominant. I will say though, that I do list in my profile that someone must be financially self-sufficient. I have had too many experiences in life where I end up in a roller-coaster relationship with someone who is unable to manage their money. When I say financially self-sufficient, I of course mean; responsible with money, able to live within a budget, and not living on the charity of others. Relationships are hard enough without the added hardships of money problems. This doesn't mean that I expect a Dominant to support me, or pay for everything, buy gifts etc.
Is this too high an expectation?

_____________________________

oh my god that was so wrong! .... again please!

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 63

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 9:09:37 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

thanks for the honorable mention, Loki!!!

quote:

Does financial standing have anything to do with being a dominant?...orig: Gauge

people choose to rent apartments or houses vs. other ownership options for many reasons. this slave does not believe that any of those reasons have anything to do with dominance~more like personal preference. financial standing might have something to do with Owning property(as in a slave), but this slave sees that as different than being part of a Dom/me/submissive relationship.

quote:

If, (at middle age) I do not own a home, does this mean that I am incapable of owning a submissive?... orig:Gauge

again, what you choose to own and why or even IF you choose to own sounds like personal preferences. then again, if your potential submissive will be checking your credit rating to see if you qualify, maybe it is a valid concern.

quote:

...Is social status tied into the perception of dominance?...orig:Gauge

only for insecure Dom/mes.

this slave wouldn't advise ownership of anything that one can not afford. also, just because one can afford it, doesn't mean ownership is the best route for that particular individual, either.

for this slave, it matters not if Master has rented an apartment, leased a house or outright purchased a muti-million $$ home. He is still responsible for any of the things He owns, leases or rents.

(in reply to Wulfchyld)

Post #: 64

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 9:25:28 PM

FelinePersuasion

Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline

ok WHERE did living in an apartment turn into not finacialy stable, not mature or any of the other things the people here of that camp are going on about.

Apartnments do not mean you're not stable, or mature, or responcible.

(in reply to FootQueen)

Post #: 65

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 9:45:47 PM

MizSuz

Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

If, (at middle age) I do not own a home, does this mean that I am incapable of owning a submissive?

No, it means the person who made the statement hasn't a clue just how wide a spectrum "apartment" can encompass, particularly in larger metro areas. There are multimillion dollar apartments in Manhattan, I'm sure the same could be said about other places.

Perhaps the person who made the statement only has the lower end of the spectrum in their experience. It's about as valid a jump as the assumption that an apartment is an indication of lack of financial resources (which is to say - not at all).

_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 66

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 9:57:17 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline

This is a fast reply:

I do appreciate everyone's input thus far. I have found it enlightening to say the least.

There does seem to be a theme throughout this thread that an apartment dwelling individual is somehow irresponsible or in some way financially suspect. Perhaps I should go into a little detail just to clarify my particular situation.

I was separated more than 7 years ago and divorced one or two years later. Due to a very bad drinking problem (for which I am now sober over 6 years) I had a very tough time of things. Supporting two kids and an ex-wife basically financially destroyed me... I lost everything. I have been disabled now for the better part of 5 years. Rebuilding my life has been very difficult and an uphill climb all the way. I live in an apartment because it is what I can afford to do, and I am not quite sure that if I would be able to own a home that I would choose to do so. After losing everything in my life I found out that my priorities had changed dramatically. I am now content to live within my means and be (essentially) debt free. My budget is tight and sometimes I have to tweak it's nipples to get a little more out of it, but I do not go hungry, nor do my kids. I do the best with what I have and to me that is what is important.

I have put a lot of hard work into overcoming adversity that might have crushed me and my will to live... and in the process, I have learned some valuable lessons.

I don't know if I am making sense because I am very tired.

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 67

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 9:59:51 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

I turn 'middle aged' this month, and the closest I've come to a house is the one I currently rent. With that in mind, I'll also state that I have been quite content up to now, to be barely scraping through by the skin of my financial teeth.

That will necessarily change in the near future of course, but I'm simply not obssessed with financial gain. I care far more about owning a few quality things, than I do about owning a pile of trash. I spend a great deal less time in pursuit of wealth than most other people, and am quite content with a far lower standard of living. I've probably fried more potatoes that most people have ordered from McDonalds, my work boots tend to burn clean through the sole and heel before I consider replacing them, and I spend less on food each month than most women do on their hair. None of this is even remotely related to my skill with a whip, mind, or my dominance as a personality trait.

On the other hand, other people want, need, or expect a higher level of wealth. That doesn't make them inherently bad people; I make in a year what my boss makes in a week, and she's still a wonderful lady. Had I chosen a less satisfying profession and path in life, I would likely be making in a week what she makes in a year. It's all a question of priorities.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to MizSuz)

Post #: 68

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 10:12:09 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

DAMN
I cant be dominant. I live in an apartment, and ratehr like it. I dont own a home because I haveint found a place to settle yet, and I prefer the ability to pick up and leave an apartment rather than the necessity to put all the work into selling a home when I am not 100% sure of where I want to be.
Now, yes, I'll admit being in an apartment has its chalenges... like nosy neighbors overhearding things they shouldnt, ad far less room than a house. But I'l take my little apartment without the ties to the location over a nice roomy home and anchor anytime.

My 2 cents.
DV

PS dont tell Angel I cant be dominant in an apartment. He'll be crushed

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to FootQueen)

Post #: 69

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 10:26:20 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline

Over the years I've lived in apartments, houses and now a condo.
My last house had 3 acres of lawn to cut and there was always something to be done.
I don't like gardening so a condo or apartment would be the way to go for me.
I just don't like the idea of paying rent to someone else and not building equity so that's why I bought this condo then another one a year later that I rent out.
I put a good bit down on this place after selling the house consequently my mortgage payment is just above $300.
But, up North some apartments go for $1,000 per month or more and that's in the suburbs not in the cities.
Here we have a guy who cuts the lawns, trims the bushes, cleans up, takes care of the pool, paints, changes light bulbs and basically anything else that needs to be done outside on the grounds and to the outside of the buildings.
All I do outside is take the trash out to the dumpster and use the pool! And there's plenty of freshly cut grass if I want to take a chair out on the lawn and work on my tan. This is heaven compared to owning my last house. Oh, and we have what's called "party walls" too. It's two double walls with space between them that keeps the noise in each individual unit.
I love this condo.
I'd be pulling tons of snow off the roof in winter up in N.H. shoveling, cutting the lawn in summer, sealing the 100 foot long driveway and on and on!
So people live where they do for many reasons.
I don't think that where you live has anything to do with whether you're Dom or sub but what works for you at that point in your life.
I may decide a few years down the line that I want a house again.
Who knows.

< Message edited by popeye1250 -- 2/4/2007 10:46:05 PM >

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 70

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 10:37:04 PM

reamer

Posts: 57
Joined: 1/16/2007
Status: offline

Houses mean "money". So do cars and other status symbols, but the rules of acquiring these have changed, and differ from place to place, not just state to state, even county to county.

Anyone whom requires "a house" basically is looking at what a dom can offer ASIDE from sex and kink, which is not why your are here. If you wanted a potentially dangerous gold digger, you could use far less risky vanilla sites. Considering that anyone could sue you or level litigation upon you, as a male dom, with a law suit if you left any marks (or other "domly" evidence of consentual play that could easily be used in court to ruin your life), and say "gimme this and that or I'll drag you through the courts publically or worse", it would be far better for you (and every OTHER dom male) to IGNORE EVERY FEMALE that ever has such a requirement and "starve them out", paying attention to the women that matter, the ones after a person, not a victim or meal ticket.

You don't have to get married in CA to give more than half your life away.

and you don't have to put yourself at risk just to be happy with a REAL female sub, versus sticking your head in the lion's maw of a Bling Bling sheister POSING as a real sub.

Also, if a fermale is bringing things down to "what you are worth" and what that means to them?

That's what prostitutes do.

However,

Any woman that in their profile or e-mail demands your "bling info" is LESS than a prostitute (and I hope they read this), because prostitutes scam less and cvan;t con a guy into taking "half" without giving the sex a guy wants first.

So you are better off hiring a pro sub that will add a charge for sex than risking anything from these "Gimme da Bling" Boggarts. Since they are far more honest and do not hoodwink a lad whoring out the concept of "relationship".

Odd who the professionals wrongfully called "whores" are less whorish than the women that send men TO the sex professionals, due exactly to the attitude exemplified in your initial post.

and with that, I await the flames, with a smile on my lips and a laugh as well...

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 71

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 10:50:26 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

In general it basically stated that if you were 40 and lived in an apartment that you couldn't be a dominant. Now this bothers me on two levels, the first of which is that I live in an apartment and I am 41 years old and a dominant. The second item that chafes my nether regions is that by sheer implication, that statement in that profile is single-minded and basically rude in it's nature.

Before everyone tears into me and tells me to "get over it" allow me to attempt to explain why I even bothered posting about this. Does financial standing have anything to do with being a dominant? If, (at middle age) I do not own a home, does this mean that I am incapable of owning a submissive? Is social status tied into the perception of dominance? I believe the answers to those questions are fairly obvious but I am quite curious to see if this actually is something that a submissive will place any weight in when evaluating a potential dominant.

:: stops strumming on my banjo long enough to shrug and type something ::
Don't really care what "someone" thinks about it. Here's what I know.

I can be dominant while standing in the checkout line at Lowes.
I can be dominant while reading my niece or nephew a bedtime story.
I can be dominant when giving the cat a bath.
I can be dominant when ordering a meal at a resteraunt.
I can be dominant while coordinating things on a construction site.
I can be dominant in business negotiations.
I can be dominant in bed.
I can be dominant with a smile.
I could probably even manage to be dominant standing naked in the rain (but don't plan on testing that theory out).

Being dominant comes from within me, circumstances may change, I don't.

However, I do find that managing a dominant / submissive relationship is a good deal easier under some circumstances than others. For example, there's likely to be a lot less stress living in an apartment vs living in a cardboard box... and more room as well. And I also know, from my own experience, that living in a house in the country affords me opportunities and privacy that apartment never did. Things are less stressful when the bills are paid and there is money in the bank. These things make it easier for me to be dominant, they may make things more stable perhaps, they may afford better opportunities.

But even sitting in a wet cardboard box in the rain... I'd still be me... and I'd still be dominant... and I'd be scheming how I was going to get out of that damn box and back into a house.

But that's just me.

:: shrugs again and goes back to my banjo ::

YMMV

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 72

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 11:14:51 PM

tml721

Posts: 162
Joined: 11/28/2006
Status: offline

I need the tax deduction.!!!Either that or a few kids!! OK No brainer!! take the house!!!you can always SELL it!!!

(in reply to HarleyKitty69)

Post #: 73

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 11:35:12 PM

RobertCloud

Posts: 2959
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

Being a dominant has nothing to do with where you live. You can live in a shack in the woods and still be a dominant, a cardboard box under a bridge and still be a dominant, a house in the country, an apartment in a large city or a tenament, none of that defines what makes up a dominant.

Being financially responsible also does not mean being financially secure. There are many factors that in the last several decades that have hit people and driven them to the brink of disaster that are in no way their fault. The economy, downsizing, natural disasters, disabilities, divorces, medical emergencies or illnesses, and other tragedies that can financially wipe a person out. Sometimes even filing bankruptcy to clear the debt will not alleviate the situation because coming back from the brink of ruin can take years especially if you have something that hinders it like large financial obligations to support children, ex-spouses, or you are disabled and struggling because your medications almost ruin you and there is no help.

These things still do not mean you are NOT a dominant. Financial responsibility means you pay everything you can without throwing money away on things you don't need. You eat beans, rice and cheap meat, instead of fast food so you can pay your bills, and you find help to make the ends meet wherever you can, and however you can even if it means selling things that are dear and precious to you like family heirlooms because it is the only way to survive. You also look into doing whatever work you can do even if you are disabled, even if you can only work two or three hours a day just to get that little extra in.

Sometimes the things you do you get roadblocks.. People take down your flyers, or your posts are deleted etc. Those things you did to make the extra money you need to get through the month, but you still do all you can do.

A responsible Dominant may choose not to start a new relationship during a time when he is in a situation like this, but does that make him any less a Dominant.... No.... Nor does it make him any less deserving of the right to be in a relationship. If he chooses to look as long as he is honest about his situation, then so be it.

The girl that is so stuck on the finances that she cannot see that he is more a Dominant because of all he is doing and he is fighting, and has managed to survive through everything he has been through, then she is not worthy of him and he can just tell her.... F... Off..

I am Disabled... I own my own home... I barely make it... but I do manage... sometimes I have to do somethings extra to make ends meet, and right now it is going to get tighter still because Medicaid has decided I make too much money to help with my medications anymore.. My Medicare does not start for 2 months, so I am currently uninsured.. All of this is thanks to all the money going to support the war that we should never have gotten involved in.

I am Disabled due to a series of three auto accidents, NONE of which were my fault, one of which my car was even sitting completely still. One the woman ran a red light, I was the third car through the green light, not the first, and the other a woman pulled out in front of me in a 55 MPH zone cutting across the traffic and I did not even have time to hit the break, all I could do was swerve to keep from hitting her in the driver door or she would have been killed.

Does this make me any less a Dominant?.. Many of you have seen my post... Many of you have read my journal or profile.. What do you think? No... Just like your location does not matter... your financial status is not proof either... It is WHO you are...

_____________________________

Author for Black Velvet Seductions
she melted to her knees and crawled to her master.
Toy's Story: Acquisition of a Sex Toy

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 74

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/4/2007 11:50:22 PM

meatcleaver

Posts: 9030
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline

I live in a studio apartment in the middle of Amsterdam and that has nothing to do with finance because I could buy a house for the same price in the suburbs with six good sized bedrooms. My neighbour rents her apartment and the rent is way more expensive than a mortgauge on a house in the suburbs. The reason I live in an apartment is because I hate the suburbs, I like to live alone and I don't want anyone living with me, particularly someone who feels I'm incapable if I can't support them. That tells me they are materialistic and would be more interested in someone's money rather than the person themselves. I would rather visit the local brothels than have a relationship with someone who was so money orientated, at least prostitutes are honest and have integrity.

_____________________________

There are fascists who consider themselves humanitarians, like cannibals on a health kick, eating only vegetarians.

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 75

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/5/2007 12:18:45 AM

cjenny

Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssScarlet

quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny

*Blushes because she seems to be the only one concerned about the noise factor*

Actually, that is what I thought about first as well. I thought perhaps she was simply making jest of the situation. Thin walls on either side restricting play and all. (Giving her the benefit of the doubt perhaps?)
Mistress Scarlet

Oh no I wasn't jesting, I live on six acres....... I am used to making as much noise as I want to heh. It was not derogatory at all.

< Message edited by cjenny -- 2/5/2007 12:25:36 AM >

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.

~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to MstrssScarlet)

Post #: 76

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/5/2007 12:43:43 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

Yes you can, but you knew that already Gauge!

M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 77

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/5/2007 1:25:15 AM

Raphael

Posts: 263
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline

If you're 40 and live in an apartment *because you can't afford anything bigger* _and_ financial aggrandizement has been your main goal in life then, well, I don't know if that means you're not dominant but it means something and it's not good.

On the other hand if that hasn't been your main goal, it doesn't necessarily mean anything other than that you're not as materialistic as certain people think you should be.

If the fact that those people make such judgements of you particularly bothers you, I'd suspect that might be a sign you're not a dominant too. *shrug*

On the other hand, if you've succeeded in terms of *your goals,* whatever they were and are, and you're happy with that and could not possibly care less whether or not some random Betty on the net is impressed with that... then you wouldn't be posting this would you?

Unless maybe you were just really bored?

*shrug*

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 78

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/5/2007 2:18:34 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny

*Blushes because she seems to be the only one concerned about the noise factor*

Haha, no, that was my first impression when I saw the thread. I thought he was talking about the noise factor, too. LOL. Who cares what anyone lives in?

I've lived in apartments at 40 when I lived in Wash.DC because that was the norm. I'm into houses now and do enjoy the privacy. Financial responsibility is a whole other thing that shows me much about Doms and subs alike.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to cjenny)

Post #: 79

RE: You Cannot Be Dominant If You Live In An Apartment - 2/5/2007 3:06:08 AM

NorthernGent

Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

This is a fast reply:

I do appreciate everyone's input thus far. I have found it enlightening to say the least.

There does seem to be a theme throughout this thread that an apartment dwelling individual is somehow irresponsible or in some way financially suspect.

Possibly but there are others saying that apartments are a fact of modern city life.

I've seen all sides of the coin - apartment, house and renting.

It depends what stage of your life you're at. If you're married with 3 kids, a two bedroomed flat is out of place.

If you're single, why live in a 4 bedroom house which requires a full weekend of cleaning to keep it tip-top? Say you're working 50-60 hours a week, do you really want to spend a significant amount of leisure time cleaning a big house? For me, this would be an unnecessary pain in the arse. Also, flats can be impressive. The mass produced ones (knocked up quickly for a quick profit) are rubbish but you can pick up flats with bay windows in huge old Victorian houses and mills.

The noise factor is a fair point. You will have the neighbours banging on your door if it gets above a certain level. To a degree, you can get 'round this by having a top floor flat.

Just about all the single people I know live in a flat and that's not because they're cheaper - it's a result of modern city life and long working hours.

At a rough guess, I'd say 70% of the submissive women who have replied on this thread have said it's not a problem. From where I'm standing, that's a decent enough percentage to go at.

< Message edited by NorthernGent -- 2/5/2007 3:18:03 AM >

_____________________________

I have the courage to be a coward - but not beyond my limits.

Sooner or later, the man who wins is the man who thinks he can.

(in reply to Gauge)

Post #: 80

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