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ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

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ORIGINAL: Quivver

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ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69
Some like to have back burner subs while not making commitments to full time subs.

..... ~ back burner subs ~ ? 

If He means what I think He means then He is refering to the practice some dimdoms have of fishing for more girls than they can activly fuck-up right at that moment and keep a few "On the back burner" just dragging along with minimal contact/effort till such time as the dims are discovered for what they are by the current ones or simply bored with them... then those are taken from the back burner to become the next active victim.

If they can do it 'right' the one they just screwed up might even end up on the back burner ready to be reeled in again for another dose of being screwed around at a later date.

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ORIGINAL: toservez

Relationships have expectations and they need to be on the same page and communicated in a direct manor. When adding a third it just is way more complicated and all parties need to understand and work at it knowing it will not go romantically smooth.

A relationship of this nature is only as strong as the weakest person desire and effort for making it work. So in the OP shoes, I would be seriously focusing on the woman and she if she truly wants another in the relationship.

A couple can have different reasons for wanting a third to join them but the other has to understand the other’s reason and motivations and they have to mesh. Entering into poly is not just about what the dominant wants it is what EVERYONE wants and everyone has to be on the same page. The OP and the woman have to also work, like and care for each other from the start. Life is different the theory, a main goal of serving the one you both care about is not all that it takes to be happy in relationships of this nature. You cannot theorize human emotions.

My advice is if you are serious then you have to meet them in person quickly. The questions that pops up in my mind is have all true desires and expectations been discussed by everybody together and not just the dominant directing traffic? Does the other woman really want a poly situation? Can the poly work if the other woman finds out she cannot handle sex with another woman?

To me if you can meet in person you will have much better clues to their relationship and their desires for poly. See how healthy their relationship is. Right now they could be on the same page but working through nerves or it could be the dominant pushing, even if it is subtle, for another and the sub trying to go along to please the dominant.

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ORIGINAL: obey1

I agree, there could be several dynamics going on.  If there is a list of rules to follow during the day, the theme of those rules might lean towards a more trusting dynamic between the two.  As well, this might be a setup between Him and her to find out what she is willing to deal with, even if he is trolling without any immediate interest in finding a third, just exploring His options with her.

He also may lack a certain dynamic with her that He is exploring by trolling other people.  Although overall the actions are suspicious and ultimately undermine the idea of trust within an established relationship, He could be simply setting her up, or in fact, may be insecure in what He truly wants even though a very limited amount of communication has occurred.  I agree that one year is a new relationship and without moving towards 'collaring' there are still issues that have to be resolved.

In summary, I personally would 'outwait' the situation until the facts become clear before taking any further steps.  I would not immediately 'bolt' as the journey is definitely more valuable than the final destination IMHO.  You stand to learn a great deal, whether or not it ultimately progresses into 'what He wants'.

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ORIGINAL: szobras

Amlonging,
After reading your post, and your concerns voiced here, for me, i would review just what I was choosing to sign up for. As you have stated, you do not find this Dom appealing, and seem to me to have more interest in her. Your concern for the best interest of all is admirable. If I were to feel that those I were considering to be involved with were not of open, honest, and clear communication between them, then I would surely be wary of the same applied to me. No thank you. Just my opinion. To answere your question. Yes, in this case,I would discuss openly, honestly and forethright with all involved, Collared or not, of my intentions preceeding my discision to pursue them.

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ORIGINAL: KatyLied

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What has the number of rules got to do with anything.

Nothing if you are into micromangement and desire a girl who can't live her life without guidance and rules every minute.  Sounds like a lot of unncessary work to me.

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ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs

Using fast reply...

I don't actually think its necessarily lying by omission for the dominant to not tell the submissive when or if he's talking to the other submissive.  I know for us, even though it was definitely a bitter pill to swallow I'm just not entitled to that kind of information.  I think the trick is whether the dominant is honest about it not being information that the submissive is entitled to, although if the submissive identifies as being entirely monogamous with no room to grow or change then they may not even be a good fit.

C~

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ORIGINAL: Celeste43

He's a horndog and he doesn't care about her feelings. Get her to talk to another submissive, then swipe the phone number without telling her he's trolling you. Doesn't ask what her feelings are, doesn't care that she's monogamous and that doing this will hurt her.

This is totally incorrect. He should have had her ask you for permission for him to speak to you, because he didn't know if you were interested. He should first have his alpha be totally secure with the possibility of a third which she isn't.

He has behaved badly throughout. Me? I wouldn't get involved with him ever. And I would be expecting a train wreck in their relationship shortly. And anybody can hand out a bunch of rules without caring about how they work out, or how the person following them feels. He's an ass of the first order.

Celeste43 unfortunately has some insight....  I was thinking this VERY thing as I was having my niptuck done.  I was trying not to focus on what the Doc was doing to my lip and floated into this very same conclusion...so I wrote both of them (as already posted). 

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ORIGINAL: Quivver

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ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69
Some like to have back burner subs while not making commitments to full time subs.

..... ~ back burner subs ~ ? 

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ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave

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ORIGINAL: amlonging

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

The mere fact that these two have such a disconnect is proof enough for me that both are at best inexperienced and at worst, fools.

I am sorry you think this and find yourself making this judgement when you know ONLY my view in this other relationship.
To clarify, because of your judgement, I am well aware that they communicate in an almost micromanagment sort of way all during the day, she has more than 20 rules she must follow daily, andjust from talking with them both (on phone) they are not fools altho she might be inexpereinced, I do not find him inexpereinced. 

WOW I cant beleave you equate number of rules with quality of Domanence or relationship.. I could have 1000000 rules with Master and still have the worst relationship and he could still be the worst Dom.. in fact I would lean twords haveing less rules would show a better structured relationship IMO

Magik's slave

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ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

Did someone say Troll?

OMG  I knew I was being trolled !!  

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ORIGINAL: sweetnurseBBW

First I wouldn't have given my phone number to him yet. Bad move. It is very easy for him to find where you live now.  Seems he is just looking for another for him or her. Collaring has nothing to do with being in a threesome or a poly realationship. A collar is not required in both of these situations. He seems a bit too forward and creepy for me. If it walks, talks and sound like a troll, it usually is.

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ORIGINAL: sugarcandy

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ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

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ORIGINAL: Quivver

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ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69
Some like to have back burner subs while not making commitments to full time subs.

..... ~ back burner subs ~ ? 

If He means what I think He means then He is refering to the practice some dimdoms have of fishing for more girls than they can activly fuck-up right at that moment and keep a few "On the back burner" just dragging along with minimal contact/effort till such time as the dims are discovered for what they are by the current ones or simply bored with them... then those are taken from the back burner to become the next active victim.

If they can do it 'right' the one they just screwed up might even end up on the back burner ready to be reeled in again for another dose of being screwed around at a later date.

That is just awful.
Are you serious, does that really happen please?
 
what can we do?

PS this is upsetting and i feel like crying

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ORIGINAL: amlonging

After a very brief communicae with both this am, my intuition is ...Obey1,
you are correct.
Thanks for the input.  Very helpful