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stupid ? - 2/6/2007 6:17:30 PM

thepeg

Posts: 4
Joined: 1/27/2007
Status: offline

sorry to waste the time of people who have been in the lifestyle for awhile, but i am very new to this. my experience is only with one girl i met who loved to be spanked HARD, choked an hair pulled while having sex doggie style. i enjoyed this alot even if afterwards was exhaused (worth it) i was scared i would hurt her but i got into later on when i saw how much she liked it.i have been to a local bmsd club a few times and dated a women who is a professional dom(it wasnt her normal lifestyle and we didnt practice it together, but i was exposed to what her clients liked) since the first girl i have introduced some aspects of the lifestyle in my relations, but the most i've found anyone wants to do is a little ass slaping or a little hair pulling. my question is iam i really right for this lifestyle and if so how shall i go about finding out how to and where to find someone how if combatable?

Post #: 1

RE: stupid ? - 2/6/2007 6:23:23 PM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Well only you can answer if you are right for the lifestyle. You have to determine what you want out of it. You know, there's nothing wrong with kinky sex. If that's all you want...go for it!

(in reply to thepeg)

Post #: 2

RE: stupid ? - 2/6/2007 6:25:54 PM

MistressDolly

Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thepeg

sorry to waste the time of people who have been in the lifestyle for awhile, but i am very new to this. my experience is only with one girl i met who loved to be spanked HARD, choked an hair pulled while having sex doggie style. i enjoyed this alot even if afterwards was exhaused (worth it) i was scared i would hurt her but i got into later on when i saw how much she liked it.i have been to a local bmsd club a few times and dated a women who is a professional dom(it wasnt her normal lifestyle and we didnt practice it together, but i was exposed to what her clients liked) since the first girl i have introduced some aspects of the lifestyle in my relations, but the most i've found anyone wants to do is a little ass slaping or a little hair pulling. my question is iam i really right for this lifestyle and if so how shall i go about finding out how to and where to find someone how if combatable?

Make no apologies.

This "lifestyle" means different things to different people. If it suits you, it's right. There's no official "bdsm" book of laws. :) Just write what interests you in your profile and someone with similiar interests is bound to come knocking.

Good luck.

(in reply to thepeg)

Post #: 3

RE: stupid ? - 2/6/2007 6:30:09 PM

cjenny

Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline

It is never stupid to ask a question especially when asked in a polite way :)
Maybe you need to explore in your local BDSM scene more? Explore and find new stuff, new people and new ideas.
I wish there were a yes or no answer but it really is a process of exploration and elimination.
Best of luck to you.

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.

~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to MistressDolly)

Post #: 4

RE: stupid ? - 2/6/2007 6:33:37 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

First, you gotta work on your profile. You're one step ahead than most...you have a decent pic. Now, sit and think about what you want. Write it out. Then, think about what you have to offer. Write that out, too. THEN, check everything against reality...meaning, don't offer a military style relationship if you don't want to do regular uniform inspections. When you're happy with it, put it in your profile.

Second, look up the scene in your area and work to meet people real-time and attend educational events. Go to google and put in your nearest big city and the acronym BDSM.

Third, participate in the forums. Don't feel bad about being new...we all were once. Ask questions...we love to give advice! LOL

Welcome!

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to thepeg)

Post #: 5

RE: stupid ? - 2/6/2007 6:33:37 PM

shybutsweet

Posts: 16
Joined: 1/31/2007
Status: offline

I am also very new to this lifestyle. Please consider my two cents worth. The only way that I know of for you to know if this is right for you is to really look into your self. You need to know who you are and what your needs and wants are. Then decide if this lifestyle meets those needs/wants. A really great thing on this site are the forums. I have posted a few questions here and have always found a great wealth of information. People are wiling to help. Good luck in your search.

_____________________________

Peace, Love and Honesty to you now and Forevermore.

shybutsweet

(in reply to thepeg)

Post #: 6

RE: stupid ? - 2/6/2007 7:42:36 PM

SCDommie

Posts: 176
Joined: 1/24/2007
Status: offline

Only you can determine if the life is right for you. It takes time to find the right mate.
I have been in this thing for four years and sometimes I wonder if I should stay in it, but then I see a toy or dungeon and light back up again.
Try not to label anything and go with what you feel. Depending upon the skill level of the pro-domme you know, hang out with her and learn as much as you could about it.
Flogging is much more enjoyable than spanking for some, but you need to know what you are doing before you start trying it.
Good luck to you.

SCD

(in reply to shybutsweet)

Post #: 7

RE: stupid ? - 2/6/2007 7:58:57 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Its difficult to get an sense of whether or not your in the right lifestyle when you are not dating someone ho is also active with you. I am a Domme, but when I was married to a very vanilla man, I was fairly convinced that the lifestyle wasnt right. I tried to introduce a bit of what I liked into our marriage, but it just didnt work. Then, I doubted that what I wanted was anythign more than a kink that was getting in the way.
Now that I am rid of him and very happily involved with someone who is also in the lifestyle, I realize that this IS what I wanted and where I belong. Angel went through something similiar, where as a male who is submissive to most women by default, he was often either abused or ridiculed. Now that we have found one another, we both found this is where we belong.

Try dating someone who is a submissive. Or at least a switch, but someone who is into the things you are as well. That will give you a better idea of whether you are into kinky sex or actually into something deeper than that. You might find mutual likes, or you might realize you dont realy enjoy anything about bieng Dominant outside of sex.
Either way, its what works for you, but you cant figure it out without a partner who is willing to explore with you.

Good luck. Its a rough road for a while, but once you do find the right person and the right fit, it is definately worth the trip.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to SCDommie)

Post #: 8

RE: stupid ? - 2/6/2007 8:36:36 PM

MaryT

Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thepeg
my question is iam i really right for this lifestyle and if so how shall i go about finding out how to and where to find someone how if combatable?

Question 1) No - abandon all hope.

2) How to's are abundant.
3) Where to's may be abundant depending on where you live. You could do a search on BDSM and the nearest large city. Also, there are some great books that could help a lot - Check out greenerypress.com.

4) You want someone combatable? You like 'em feisty, eh?

Welcome.

(in reply to thepeg)

Post #: 9

RE: stupid ? - 2/6/2007 8:51:15 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear thepeg, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Welcome to the lifestyle and community of BDSM.

I would offer these words of personal advice to you. BDSM, the lifestyle and or the community at large is like a huge buffet bar. It is full of many flavors of experiences; it has many spices from mild to wildly hot and everything in between. You will need to really follow your own gut instincts as you will find that you are the one with the plate and must taste test each experience for yourself, in order to find yourself and what makes you personally happy.

Please expect well meaning individuals and those who may not be so.
You must be your own white knight, as well as accepting the responsibility to research and know for yourself, instead of living through another's words, regardless in text book form, Internet and the like. Even with three decades of experience in the lifestyle; I know a lot but, I don't know it all. For as huge as the lifestyle and or the BDSM community appears, it really is a small world and or community.

I am of the hope, that you will seek out a local support and education group. And, I wouldn't be shy about exploring other scene/community cultures as everybody has something to add to the basket of knowledge.

Although you might be into spanking now, there are so many other things Dominants can do. However, there are Special Interest Groups, also known as SIG, which may be focused totally on 'spanking.'

No matter how stupid/dumb the question may be--ask. It is much preferred to ask a stupid question then to do a stupid/unsafe thing.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to thepeg)

Post #: 10

RE: stupid ? - 2/7/2007 6:49:00 AM

LordVelvet

Posts: 311
Joined: 4/25/2006
Status: offline

the peg IMHO if you found this site chances are then you should be here. I mean people who aren't alcoholics don't end up in AA. You have tasted the tip and you want more. I say go for it.
LordVelvet

(in reply to LadyHugs)

Post #: 11

RE: stupid ? - 2/7/2007 7:01:58 AM

bludemonn

Posts: 2619
Joined: 9/10/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MaryT

quote:

ORIGINAL: thepeg
my question is iam i really right for this lifestyle and if so how shall i go about finding out how to and where to find someone how if combatable?

Question 1) No - abandon all hope.

2) How to's are abundant.
3) Where to's may be abundant depending on where you live. You could do a search on BDSM and the nearest large city. Also, there are some great books that could help a lot - Check out greenerypress.com.

4) You want someone combatable? You like 'em feisty, eh?

Welcome.

Dear Mary,

Yes I need someone combatable too! In combat gear holding a bullwhip, a kinda drill sergeant but with tits and ass ...oh yeah and female! What is your advice for finding my combatable domme ?

_____________________________

A hopeless dreamer she said, eyes of cloud and feet of lead.

(in reply to MaryT)

Post #: 12

RE: stupid ? - 2/7/2007 8:51:34 AM

slavekara

Posts: 76
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline

Its hard for someone new to the BDSM lifestyle to know where they actually 'belong'. There are different sorts of Dominants and submissives. It can take a person years to find where they belong, i am only a slave and can only offer simple advice if you wish to take it.

Maybe you want to experiment with different types of submissives before looking for along term one. You may wish to keep note of what you enjoyed the most and what you didnt. Alot of people in the BDSM community have checklist guides to see what they think they will enjoy and what they won't.

The alternative lifestyle doesn't start and end at just BDSM it has taken me two years to find where i belong :)

i hope you find what you are looking for.

slave kara (A)

(in reply to thepeg)

Post #: 13

RE: stupid ? - 2/7/2007 10:46:19 AM

sugarcandy

Posts: 96
Status: offline

Hi

I don't know much. I have been kept away from public play and stuff ( it is OK, mutual ) but i am not looking.

Like they all said: you are here :) LadyHugs said it nice. Respectfully, Ms. you remind me of a sweet grade school techer ;) maybe you are? giggle

Do fix the profile.

(in reply to slavekara)

Post #: 14

RE: stupid ? - 2/7/2007 10:49:16 AM

bludemonn

Posts: 2619
Joined: 9/10/2006
Status: offline

...anyways any combatable mega dommes here? .....no really! Getting to the point though i would offer that time and introspection is a great indicator as to what is 'you'. Did that help atall? no? hmmmpph!

_____________________________

A hopeless dreamer she said, eyes of cloud and feet of lead.

(in reply to sugarcandy)

Post #: 15

RE: stupid ? - 2/8/2007 6:55:17 AM

Kondolinni

Posts: 67
Joined: 4/2/2004
Status: offline

Approaching the decision to become more involved in an alternative lifestyle choice is the same as any other endeavor one may or may not undertake. The enrichment and reward you receive from your choices is entirely dependant on your commitment.

One of the "real" differences between being a grown up and a kid is that a grown up is able to disguise their motives (or, more relevent to my point; lack thereof) better. Both kids and adults do poorly at activities that do not attract and hold our attention, and better at ones that do.

The wind up is this: you will have to invest personal time and effort into learning what you want out of this and then seeking it. If you are prepared to do that, and by this I mean, if you still feel motivated and positive about it AFTER you find out how much you have to learn, well... then you'll know this is right for you.

If it is, then I suggest you first spend time alone with yourself. Define your own desires and motivations first, before you try to impose them or integrate them with somebody else. You need to learn what your kinks are. What your ego-base is. What your drives are, as a man, and as a sexual being. Inspect your personality. Look at the basic nature of your inter-personal relationships with the people you meet in your day to day life. What are the dynamics you impose on others you deal with? Take a look at your fantasies. What you dream about when you let your mind have free reign is a good way to learn what you really want or need, often especially where sexual desires are concerned.

This process does not have to be exhaustive. You will still have a lot to learn about yourself as you progress in your chosen lifestyle. But you will do yourself a big favor, believe me, if you perform at least a little self-analyzation before you begin interacting with others in the life.

After that, there are a multitude of resources that can help you find others who may potentially share your interests, online and in real life. But, once you have a set of goals and a good idea of what you are/want, you should certainly try to find local venues where you can meet and interact with others in the life. The more you talk with people who live alternative lifestyles, the greater your perspective will be on what works best for you.

Good luck. I hope I have helped a little.

(in reply to bludemonn)

Post #: 16

RE: stupid ? - 2/8/2007 7:07:17 AM

CrazyC

Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressDolly

[ There's no official "bdsm" book of laws. :)

This is good to know, since i have been looking for it on Amazon. Is there a "BDSM for Dummies" book? I was going to offer it to a couple people i know.

_____________________________

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

(in reply to MistressDolly)

Post #: 17

RE: stupid ? - 2/8/2007 11:08:51 AM

slavekara

Posts: 76
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CrazyC

This is good to know, since i have been looking for it on Amazon. Is there a "BDSM for Dummies" book? I was going to offer it to a couple people i know.

Greetings All,

Thank you for this post, it made this girl laugh, and if it were offered to this girl,shewould read it thoroughly

slave kara (A)

(in reply to CrazyC)

Post #: 18

RE: stupid ? - 2/8/2007 12:13:33 PM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I don't think there is a book called "BDSM for Dummies"

but there are some really good books available. One of our favourite posters here at CM, John Warren, has a good one "The Loving Dominant". In addition, if you search the forum boards there are some old threads floating around out there with other good titles.

I would also recommend doing a search on Amazon and see what comes up. You might be surprised.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to slavekara)

Post #: 19

RE: stupid ? - 2/8/2007 4:32:25 PM

Jeffshope

Posts: 12
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline

Welcome to the chaos :)

You know, this lifestyle is so broad and so encompassing - everyone fits in. I have been in about 10 year - and I have seen everything from mild ass tapping to people hanging with hooks in their skin - to people who seemily have a 50/50 relationship - to people living a M/s where the lave has zero rights.

Yup, and everything in between.

I say you read around - see what others like... and then meet people in real life - talk to them - are there any Munches in your area? If so, go to some - meet people. You'll see what you like and what you need - then go forward with it.

(in reply to thepeg)

Post #: 20

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