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RE: Is common courtesy dead online? - 2/7/2007 8:10:20 AM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		When I read this sort of post, or the more common 'everyone here is a fake' whinge fests, I always have the same reaction...
 
What site are these people on?
 
In about 4 years here on CM, I have found non-responses to be the exception, rather than the rule, and even, IMX, most of the 'No's were at least, marginally polite. I have met a lot of wonderful people through this site, and made some good friends.

_____________________________

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(in reply to bludemonn)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Is common courtesy dead online? - 2/7/2007 8:29:08 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

She stated (on her profile)that she often fell behind in her e-mail so it might be a while before she responded sometimes.


I stated the very same thing in my journal when I first joined this site. Then I realized it was just not possible to respond to 100s emails with a personal note. So I sifted through them, one liners deleted, people who did not match what I stated I was looking for deleted, people who lived out of state deleted. Perhaps you were one of these categories for her, or do you expect her to write everyone of the 1000s emailing her from all over the world (literally)?

quote:

then she comes online 6 days later (after the date I sent an e-mail) and changes her profile to say she's being considered. No reply, no nothing. If that isn't lying through your teeth I don't know what is.


You know, if you were in her situation you might do that too. It is overwhelming to someone, especially if new. My Daddy gave me the link to this site a couple of weeks before we met. As soon as we met and hit it off, I changed my profile to "no longer seeking" because I did not want to answer emails. I was not seeking anymore, she may not be lying, she may very well be in the same situation as I was.

quote:

I can only hope that she gets her just desserts in the end. What goes round does eventually come round I think.


Now this is just creepy, wishing harm on someone you have never had a conversation with, she is lucky she never emailed you back. I cannot imagine holding a grudge against a complete stranger over something so trivial, it really is creepy.



quote:

And as for wooing online, I was under the impression that that was what the personals section of this site was for. Maybe one of the other "real" ladies here will show better manners.  Someone said that most are just hear for the forums etc. not to find someone.  Then why don't their profiles reflect that?  What purpose can it serve to indicate you are looking if you aren't?  It takes what 5-10 seconds to edit your profile to indicate that fact.  It's funny in a way.  People can often spend plenty of time in forums replying to posts, but don't have enough time to update if they aren't really looking.  So far the only difference between here and other sites I know of (from my experience) is that they do charge a fee to have access. 
As for talking to "aquaintances" on site rather than post, it's a bit hard to do that when the problem in the first place is in meeting someone, isn't it?



There is your problem, woo in the real world, chat online. You have major expectations on people you do not know and allow them to control your feelings and emotional states. This is within you, and not their problem.

On edit you do realize this post contradicts itself? You are  mad at this lady for changing her profile to reflect the fact that she is not seeking, but then turn around and bash others that do not...

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 2/7/2007 8:31:27 AM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to MasterC70)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Is common courtesy dead online? - 2/7/2007 8:30:58 AM   
mgdartist


Posts: 328
Joined: 5/13/2006
From: irving tx
Status: offline
quote:

In about 4 years here on CM, I have found non-responses to be the exception, rather than the rule


that so?
Out of hundreds of somewhat polite, respecful messages I've sent, i can count the responses on one hand.
mgd


_____________________________



(in reply to topcat)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Is common courtesy dead online? - 2/7/2007 8:33:03 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

When I read this sort of post, or the more common 'everyone here is a fake' whinge fests, I always have the same reaction...
 
What site are these people on?
 
In about 4 years here on CM, I have found non-responses to be the exception, rather than the rule, and even, IMX, most of the 'No's were at least, marginally polite. I have met a lot of wonderful people through this site, and made some good friends.


Well in your case this is understandable, look at your photos, they won you the eye candy award didn't they

It is not only that, but you are one of the most warm people on CM, and I bet that warmth translates to the people you have contacted.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to topcat)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Is common courtesy dead online? - 2/7/2007 8:34:58 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		He also took this rant into the Doms and apartments thread.  It's really enough whining already.  To put it simply:  if someone does not respond, they are not interested in you as a friend or potential partner.  I can't make it any easier than that.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Is common courtesy dead online? - 2/7/2007 8:35:53 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		True katy...smiles

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Is common courtesy dead online? - 2/7/2007 8:42:37 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Nope.  Men outnumber men by ? 10 to 1 on these sites.   Men, hunt by nature. Woman- get weary of being the "prey".

My advice- do your shopping in real life. It is easier to compare and contrast the merchndise.

You/I have NO idea what it is like to be a woman and fear the preditory type. My friend Jenn tells me her fears- even a little thing like walking to her car and getting raped past dark......


Aside from that many men are bozos- and no matter what they "say"- the bottem line is SEX.


ps- if a communication is just friendship, then it wouldnt necessarily matter male or female.    nextttttttttt.

(in reply to MasterC70)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Is common courtesy dead online? - 2/7/2007 8:45:33 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		Common courtesy is a two way street. If a person express an interest in another person by writing and accepting that this medium is a written medium, then to me it is common courtesy to have putting some effort in their profile and taking the time to write a personal message longer then a sentence or two and this does not mean a novel.

For people who did that I tried but cannot promise that I replied 100% of the time. For people who had lazy profiles, copy and paste messages or my personal favorite “I like your profile here is my IM, I expect a reply” types they did not get replies. No effort on your part equaled no effort on my part.

There also seems to be some big discrepancy in what constitutes what is a contact with a person and obligation of that contact. In my opinion and call me crazy, just because a person writes you back positively does not mean they are now beholden to you. It just means you got one positive message back. They are not under any obligation to continue to write you and what is clear that many make the same mistake over and over again, they are not in any obligation, have the desire or psychic ability to meet your expectations of timing in message returning. Heck, I would almost think it would be a positive that a person took some days before answering a message. It could very well be the person lives a full life and does not sit around a computer most hours of the day daydreaming of might be. One thing I do know, the repeat messages sent to inquire on if they got the message and when will it get the reply will get you the do not reply/block them he could be too impatient/stalker type.

To the OP, cyber land is not real life interaction and standards of that nature open yourself up to failure and bitterness. You can moan about the lack of courtesy or respect but the people who do this to you probably do not care and the rest of the people do not care to be lumped in with your gross generalizations. Everyone now that might be interested in you can click on your forum posts and see a one track and negative rant. Remember positive is attractive, negative is not.



_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to topcat)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Is common courtesy dead online? - 2/7/2007 8:47:56 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		toservez, nice reply- :-)

(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Is common courtesy dead online? - 2/7/2007 8:52:20 AM   
BBBTBW


Posts: 836
Joined: 5/21/2004
Status: offline 		MasterC70,

Cold Hard Facts. 
  • It is NOT mandatory that mail be read or responded to.  
  • collarme.com has mail filters.  It may not have made it to her inbox but rather her bulk mailbox based upon what you have in your profile and what she wants blocked
  • A person can read a profile without ever reading the mail.  Perhaps your profile didn't appeal to her and she thought it would not be worth her time to read the mail
  • The possibility of her being in consideration before you wrote her is there and she was showing her potential DOMINANT respect by not reading or responding to you.

There are more reasons but I don't have inclination to continue to list the blatently OBVIOUS.

Good Luck in your search

Ms Loren

_____________________________

"You keep using that word, I do not think it means what you think it means" -- Inigo Montoya, The Princess Bride

(in reply to MasterC70)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Is common courtesy dead online? - 2/7/2007 9:18:08 AM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mgdartist

quote:

In about 4 years here on CM, I have found non-responses to be the exception, rather than the rule


that so?
Out of hundreds of somewhat polite, respecful messages I've sent, i can count the responses on one hand.
mgd


M. Marc-
 
I just checked- My mailbox goes back to 06DEC06, and I count
four 'never got a reply' messages that went out, and forty two persons that replied (counting by the person, not the indiviual message, as many of the interchanges went back and forth for a few messages). I did not count persons who I have known for many years, and often communicate with.

It's worth noting, I think, that none of my inital contacts propose a relationship. For the most part, they are a comment on a post, or a picture, or something I found agreeable/puzzling/funny in their profile and, with the exception of something along the lines of ' since we are local, if you'd like to meet for coffee or a cocktail, feel free to drop a line...', none suggest a meeting.
 
I don't know how you are approaching your correspondance, but if you like, I'd be happy to look one over, and over some advice.
 
Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to mgdartist)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Is common courtesy dead online? - 2/7/2007 9:25:32 AM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

When I read this sort of post, or the more common 'everyone here is a fake' whinge fests, I always have the same reaction...
 
What site are these people on?
 
In about 4 years here on CM, I have found non-responses to be the exception, rather than the rule, and even, IMX, most of the 'No's were at least, marginally polite. I have met a lot of wonderful people through this site, and made some good friends.


Well in your case this is understandable, look at your photos, they won you the eye candy award didn't they

It is not only that, but you are one of the most warm people on CM, and I bet that warmth translates to the people you have contacted.


awww, I'm gettin all misty...
 
Thanks, and my regards to your M.-
 
Stay Warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Is common courtesy dead online? - 2/7/2007 9:26:53 AM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		People flame me for my opinions a lot.
I'm neither a Dem nor a Repub so I get it from both sides.
I do enjoy reading people's opinions on different subjects and realise that they don't always agree with mine and that's ok.
We can agree to disagree.
I always try to maintain a good sense of humor about things.
Evidently some people think it's ok to be rude just because they're online. Thankfully they're in the minority.
As for courtesy I do try to answer all my e-mails. (No pushing and shoving ladies!)

(in reply to BBBTBW)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Is common courtesy dead online? - 2/7/2007 9:42:41 AM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

When I read this sort of post, or the more common 'everyone here is a fake' whinge fests, I always have the same reaction...
 
What site are these people on?
 
In about 4 years here on CM, I have found non-responses to be the exception, rather than the rule, and even, IMX, most of the 'No's were at least, marginally polite. I have met a lot of wonderful people through this site, and made some good friends.

I think a lot of that has to do with the persons involved.  When email comes from someone who has a profile or forum history reeking of desperation, cluelessness, misogyny, anger issues, a lack of social skills or any number of unpalatable behavior traits;  the urge to respond is obviously not going to be all that high.  You clearly don't fall into that radish patch.

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to topcat)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Is common courtesy dead online? - 2/7/2007 9:42:54 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

It's worth noting, I think, that none of my inital contacts propose a relationship. For the most part, they are a comment on a post, or a picture, or something I found agreeable/puzzling/funny in their profile
 
This is what got my attention when my Daddy emailed me on another site. He mentioned the content of my profile. I stated that I was in the process of picking out graduate schools, and he asked me what I was studying. It was not a long email, or suggestive in anyway. It did spark me to look at his profile, and I loved what I saw. If his approach would have been different I do not know if I would have responded the same way or not.

So others of you that are still looking, apparently I am not the only one that appreciated this approach. People love it when you take an interest in them as a human being.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to topcat)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Is common courtesy dead online? - 2/7/2007 9:44:56 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Whatever.  He just wanted to touch your belly button!   

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Is common courtesy dead online? - 2/7/2007 10:02:26 AM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Whatever.  He just wanted to touch your belly button!   


well duh! But he was classy about wanting to, that was my point

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Is common courtesy dead online? - 2/7/2007 10:18:42 AM   
adaddysgirl


Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterC70

I wasn't trying to be snotty findmedaddy, I was just trying to point out that  if you don't know anyone in the first place it's hard to find someone to commisserate with about stuff.  Anyway I never said that anyone had an obligation to respond to me, just that it would have been common courtesy that's all. 

OK, so most agree that it would have been common courtesy for her to respond.  So are we over that point yet?

By not doing that for others those who don't show that consideration do something that can't be undone.  They waste the precious time of another. 

No, she didn't waste your time...you did.  Anytime you write to someone here, you take the chance that they may never respond.  If you don't want to waste your time, then don't bother writing anyone.  Otherwise, get used to it.
 
Sounds like you're wasting even more time crying about it, doesn't it?
 
DG


(in reply to MasterC70)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Is common courtesy dead online? - 2/7/2007 10:19:33 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Yep it's difficult....I've met a few very cool and interesting prople. This site is what it is.

But for the newbies I thought I might translate guy speak (Looks over shoulder to make sure "The guy Police" are not present.)

#1)Guy says... "Looking for someone to chat with"....Definition:   looking for someone to fuck.

#2)Guy says...."Looking for friends".......Definition:  Looking for someone to fuck...but not buy dinner.

#3)Guy says...."Looking for someone to just hang out with."...Definition: Looking for someone to fuck....plus I'm going to do rotten things to your ass and mouth.

#4)Guy says....."Looking for a LTR."  Definition:  A relationship where I "swear I have deep feelings" and possibly might even promise "monogamy" in the hopes that these words will get you to eat some pussy.

Just some thoughts....All of these things I am looking for in my profile.

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 2/7/2007 10:22:42 AM >

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Is common courtesy dead online? - 2/7/2007 10:23:04 AM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

People flame me for my opinions a lot.
I'm neither a Dem nor a Repub so I get it from both sides.
I do enjoy reading people's opinions on different subjects and realise that they don't always agree with mine and that's ok.
We can agree to disagree.
I always try to maintain a good sense of humor about things.
Evidently some people think it's ok to be rude just because they're online. Thankfully they're in the minority.
As for courtesy I do try to answer all my e-mails. (No pushing and shoving ladies!)



Hey now. I know popeye to be a fair and credable man. I admire him as a person, I thank him for his service to our country.  He has been on the baord a while.

If someone is dissing him, cut it out!

Most long timers will agree- this man is a decent man.

PS-ladies- he really does strike me as a decent man. Look him up.

(in reply to popeye1250)
Profile   Post #: 60
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