healthy lifestyle

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babbebear -> healthy lifestyle (2/7/2007 8:49:37 AM)
Is a first relationship in this lifestyle healthy if the Master will not allow socialization with others in the lifestyle, will not allow research or groups on the computer and when events are attended the slave is not allowed to participate or speak to another man.

QuietDom -> RE: healthy lifestyle (2/7/2007 8:55:06 AM)
Healthy? Well... possibly. You can't truly assess a relationship based on a short website post alone. I think we'll all agree, though, that there are red flags and warning signs all over this relationship as you describe it. I say flee while you can.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: healthy lifestyle (2/7/2007 8:59:06 AM)
It is unlikely that this is a healthy situation, but not necessarily so. Although speaking to another man, my guess is that this is overstatement- how can they work, or order at a cashier, or answer the phone in fear it's a man, or talk to their male relatives?

SimplyMichael -> RE: healthy lifestyle (2/7/2007 9:04:43 AM)
I rarely speak in absolutes but I will here. ANY relationship with a submissive/slut/whatever who is not VERY experienced with multiple POSITIVE relationships that involves isolation is FUCKED UP PERIOD.

Sunshine119 -> RE: healthy lifestyle (2/7/2007 9:06:00 AM)
I'd be very wary of anyone who tried to control my "environment": those I socialize with, my family, my friends, my work, etc. There is a difference between "control" and "control freak". One is a Dominant, the other can be an abuser. From your post, I can tell which you might have, but you might want to ask yourself if this is the kind of dominance desire, especially given the fact that you describe yourself as "strong-willed". Good luck, Sunshine

toservez -> RE: healthy lifestyle (2/7/2007 9:15:24 AM)
I believe there are no absolute answers but just basing what was written, yikes that does not bode well at all. This type of thing always feels it has a person with severe insecurity issues. Does the man try to also isolate you from regular friends, family and social interaction? If this is all encompassing then it is not healthy and while I hate the “get out of it” quick answer but it might apply. If this is just isolated to local community events and internet surfing then you have to decide if that is something you cannot deal with, try to talk to him to get him to change, or deal with it as part of your duties. Common sense is something he cannot shield you away from and if you feel that this crosses the line then it does cross the line. You do not need him or others to tell you what is appropriate when it goes into this area.

drawntothedark -> RE: healthy lifestyle (2/7/2007 10:21:46 AM)
I would say that this is something you should take a good hard look at. If a Master or Dom or even the Easter Bunny doesn't want his sub or slave to have outside contact then that to me is a red flag. But......I truley believe we all know when something does not feel right. So instead of answering your question..........let me ask you one. How does this isolation make you feel? If you feel unhapy about it then speak with him.

RavenMuse -> RE: healthy lifestyle (2/7/2007 10:40:58 AM)
There are some here who try to justify the isolationist approach. Presonaly I think it is total bull but they are entitled to their opinion. Look at them and their historys, Me and My history and make your own mind up if you choose to take what either side advises. My advice to any sub finding the Dom trying to isolate them is not to 'walk' away.... RUN! Cutting them off so they don't have anything to compair with, to ask questions of (Though any girls first port of call with any question should be their Master.... but other PoV's can help their understanding, especialy PoV's from other subs/slaves) is one draw back. Makeing them believe they have no way out is another. Not just no-place to go but also often their confidence is undermined "Nobody else would want me. I am so ugly/misbehaved/difficult that He is all I deserve" Isolation is one of the BIG tools of many abusers. IMO it ALWAYS red flags!

daddysprop247 -> RE: healthy lifestyle (2/7/2007 10:51:04 AM)
isolation, to various degrees, works for some, doesn't work for others. no outsider looking in, especially with the sparse information given, can say "get out now" or "that's bad news"...because everyone has different needs, desires and beliefs within this lifestyle. personally i was kept isolated from all former friends, family, and most internet contact for the first year + of being owned. that was a very valuable time in my growth and training as a slave, however lonely or difficult at times. if it were a permanent thing, that would be hard for me, but that's just me. for someone else it could be precisely what they need. there are no universal healthy or unhealthy signs in this lifestyle. it's all dependent on the needs of individuals.

daddysprop247 -> RE: healthy lifestyle (2/7/2007 10:55:05 AM)
btw...if the OP is from the slave in question, as opposed to just being a general question or perhaps the ponderings of a concerned outsider, and you are breaking the rules set forth for you (not to mention disrespecting your Master) by coming here and asking us these questions, then i would say that there are already major problems in the relationship.

MagiksSlave -> RE: healthy lifestyle (2/7/2007 10:56:51 AM)
Im not saying this is the case but that kind of behavior does lie the ground work for abuse. And if your conserned enough to post this it shows your red flags are flyen up hon. Magik's slave

SimplyMichael -> RE: healthy lifestyle (2/7/2007 10:58:07 AM)
Sorry but I strongly disagree. While I can imagine cases where some super perfect male equivalent to LA takes in a young drug addicted teen and by isolating her, helps her overcome things, for the most part, I can't see it working and would always see it as a major red flag even in my example. Forcing someone to go to places that are positive rather than negative influences fine, but to isolate someone is something I would almost always see as wrong.

agirl -> RE: healthy lifestyle (2/7/2007 11:17:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: babbebear Is a first relationship in this lifestyle healthy if the Master will not allow socialization with others in the lifestyle, will not allow research or groups on the computer and when events are attended the slave is not allowed to participate or speak to another man. I'd have reservations with ANY relationship that had such restrictions , for obvious reasons. The more interaction I've had over the years just makes M look better and better.....lol I'd just ask why?....it's not unreasonable to do so. The answer to that may or may not satisfy any concerns. In a first relationship, I'd encourage lots of whys?. agirl

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: healthy lifestyle (2/7/2007 11:39:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael Sorry but I strongly disagree. While I can imagine cases where some super perfect male equivalent to LA LOL you are too crazy :)

juliaoceania -> RE: healthy lifestyle (2/7/2007 11:43:52 AM)
Is he isolating you from people you know in the vanilla world as well?

BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: healthy lifestyle (2/7/2007 11:59:25 AM)
I believe a sub should be active with others in the lifestyle and family.DIANE and I insist that ours maintain contact with family and old friends..When I say active I mean conversation and discussion not play...BH

amayos -> RE: Healthy lifestyle (2/7/2007 12:01:41 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: babbebear Is a first relationship in this lifestyle healthy if the Master will not allow socialization with others in the lifestyle, will not allow research or groups on the computer and when events are attended the slave is not allowed to participate or speak to another man. From my point of view, limiting access to the misinformation outside influence often brings makes good sense, especially during early training. Socialization with others in "the lifestyle" can often be detrimental, as there is a lot of bad theory in circulation which can undermine his authority. If you feel you must cross-reference your Master's methods and seek guidance beyond what he provides to placate your own instinctual concerns or fears, I would suggest you reconsider the trust and selfless devotion serving as a "slave" ideally entails. Perhaps you are not quite ready for that, and for what may be very good reasons. Entering into such an arrangement should be carried out with considerable motive, caution and mental intercourse. I'm aware many people have different ideas about what a slave is, but in my world, that is not an appointment to be taken lightly at all.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: healthy lifestyle (2/7/2007 12:33:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: babbebear Is a first relationship in this lifestyle healthy if the Master will not allow socialization with others in the lifestyle, will not allow research or groups on the computer and when events are attended the slave is not allowed to participate or speak to another man. Isolation is a red flag about abusers. It doesn't have to mean that he's abusive, but....someone who drinks everyday looks an awful like an alcoholic, too. How do YOU feel about it? Do you WANT to give these things up? Are they important to you and your emotional health? If they are, you need to move on and look in other directions. Master Fire

MagiksSlave -> RE: Healthy lifestyle (2/7/2007 1:26:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: amayos From my point of view, limiting access to the misinformation outside influence often brings makes good sense, especially during early training. Socialization with others in "the lifestyle" can often be detrimental, as there is a lot of bad theory in circulation which can undermine his authority. If you feel you must cross-reference your Master's methods and seek guidance beyond what he provides to placate your own instinctual concerns or fears, I would suggest you reconsider the trust and selfless devotion serving as a "slave" ideally entails. Perhaps you are not quite ready for that, and for what may be very good reasons. Entering into such an arrangement should be carried out with considerable motive, caution and mental intercourse. I'm aware many people have different ideas about what a slave is, but in my world, that is not an appointment to be taken lightly at all. if his athority is that easily underminded there is an issue.. isolateing her from others in the lifestly to me is suspitouse because it looks to me as if he doesnt want her to see how others do things to see examples so she will have nothing to compare something that may be abusive and unhealthy to. Magik's slave

Celeste43 -> RE: Healthy lifestyle (2/7/2007 2:15:29 PM)
Isolation for a short term period to increase bonding I can just about see. But personally I'd have run for the hills. And it's funny about the no talking to other men. The early part of our relationship is when I did email male posters to ask them to expound further on something a post had just touched on. I got directions for flogger making from one I remember. The one thing I didn't do was start any conversations with men in my area. Primarily because all of them had zoomed in on me when they realized there was a new sub in this semi-rural area and I wasn't interested in any of them at all. The worst first emails imaginable came from the ones who didn't care about anything but a warm body that was close by. And some of them probably wouldn't care if the body was warm or not!

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