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What would you do if... - 2/7/2007 8:35:33 PM

DominaSmartass

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Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
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If you told your slave to clean up your office and in doing so he/she couldn't help his/herself and while filing old papers, stumbled upon and read some old letters that you had written to previous subs and/or slaves? Also, what if in reading those letters you current sub/slave learned information that you had not previously shared and perhaps were not going to share anytime soon - if ever - and that information caused the sub to get worried about things or scared. Assuming the sub came to you, admitted to reading something that may have been not meant for his/her eyes, what would you do?

A scenario posed to me by a friend and I thought I'd get outside advice.

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RE: What would you do if... - 2/7/2007 8:37:23 PM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
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Burn her eyes out with a red hot poker.

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RE: What would you do if... - 2/7/2007 8:45:57 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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If I kept old letters in my office, where they could be found by anyone, then having to dea witha few fears about what they read isnt such a bad thing. Its like dealing with jealousy when someone finds love letters from an ex. Human nature, they are going to read them, especailly if you have told them to go clean up, they look at what is there to see if it should be kept or dumped.
If you dont want your slave seeing something, then either dont keep it out or dont tell them to clean up where it was kept.

Maybe its jus me, but I cant see punishing them for human nature.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

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If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

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VampiresLair

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 3

RE: What would you do if... - 2/7/2007 8:47:20 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Dear DominaSmartass, Ladies and Gentlemen;

It is a bit late to have placed files or old letters to past individuals in one's life. So, one cannot deny that such was written to others.

The current slave may perhaps be concerned and should approach the subject on where the concerns are.

Unfortunately, Dominants forget when they have submissives/slaves; their life is then a open book to the slave/submissive and vunerable to 'leaks' if there wasn't previous guarding of important letters of the past.

Each person will react differently but, I do feel sad for the slave who discovered the letters and now question as to what position they're in and may become.

Time to sit and talk about it.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 4

RE: What would you do if... - 2/7/2007 8:57:23 PM

MysticFireTopaz

Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
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In the scenario described, I would probably sit down and have a long talk with the slave if he or she was honest enough to admit what he or she did. While I consider this a pretty serious offense, if I was otherwise happy with the him or her, I would reassure him or her about the worries raised by reading the letters. I think it took a great deal of courage to come forward and admit something like this. However, I would make it VERY clear that this was unacceptable and would not be tolerated a second time.

I had something similar happen in my home with a snooping submissive, but he was not honest enough to admit what he did. I had to listen between the lines of things he said to realize the only way he could possibly know what he knew was by snooping and reading something not intended for his eyes.

Lady Topaz

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 5

RE: What would you do if... - 2/7/2007 9:17:52 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

We'd talk about it openly and honestly.

Actually this happened to myself and my partner when we moved. I cleaned out and filed all his old cards and letters- this included valentines and anniversary cards from his ex-wife. When I got to the personal stuff, I asked him if he wanted me to keep going and if it was ok to read or not. IMO that's just common courtesy. If he hadn't been around to ask, I'd have put everything personal into a box and asked when he was next around. He thought about it and decided that he wanted to be open with me and knew that I'd do a better job at organizing them than he would.

So I spent a few days reading them all and organizing by person and date. I learned a lot of gaps and such, nothing shocking or life-altering, just painting more strokes on the canvas. The things that piqued my interest on, we talked about. It was a great experience for us both- his memories and my learning about him.

IMO if you want someone in your life well enough to be cleaning out your desk for you, there's nothing in the papers that should make much difference anyway.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)

Post #: 6

RE: What would you do if... - 2/7/2007 9:23:51 PM

Raphael

Posts: 263
Joined: 5/10/2005
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First punish the transgression.

Then deal with whatever the other thing is.

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)

Post #: 7

RE: What would you do if... - 2/7/2007 9:50:02 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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On the submissive side of things, I helped my Daddy organize his old place to help him get ready for his move (only 2 months into our dynamic), and I helped him unpack from his move (which was about 4 months into our dynamic). He hid nothing of his paperwork from me right from the start. I avoided dealing with that aspect when helping him premove because I did not want to snoop, it just felt weird.

When I helped him unpack in someways I could not help but see certain things, he had not bothered to get rid of things that were ex related, like some of her products, and I sorted receipts related to her. I stacked cards received without reading them because I just did not feel comfortable reading it. There were some things I just could not help but see though.

There was nothing that he did not tell me about. I suppose when one melds their life with another that they should tell them information that they are likely to find out anyways. It is a measure of trust to divulge certain things. Let me tell you, things you try to hide that are pertinent to the relationship will always come out. I think part of what makes me trust my Daddy increasingly is that he has trusted me around his personal effects. If I found out he was hiding something that was germane to our relationship it would be a blow to trust.

I do think what this sub did is human nature, and I also think that perhaps some intuitive sense drew that sub to read those letters to answer questions in their mind. Obviously they found what they feared and it unsettled them. If I felt there was information that I needed, and the only way to get that information would be to take the opportunity to read old letters, I might do it... not because I am naturally snoopy, I am not... but because there were trust issues before the opportunity arose.

If I were this master, I would address the trust issues, because if they had not existed this sub may never have read these letters to begin with... just a sub perspective.

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(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 8

RE: What would you do if... - 2/8/2007 6:18:05 AM

LeatherBentOne

Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

If you told your slave to clean up your office and in doing so he/she couldn't help his/herself and while filing old papers, stumbled upon and read some old letters that you had written to previous subs and/or slaves? Also, what if in reading those letters you current sub/slave learned information that you had not previously shared and perhaps were not going to share anytime soon - if ever - and that information caused the sub to get worried about things or scared. Assuming the sub came to you, admitted to reading something that may have been not meant for his/her eyes, what would you do?

A scenario posed to me by a friend and I thought I'd get outside advice.

Full disclosure is for Dominants and submissives especially if the relationship desired is a long-term one. However, sometimes the wise thing to do is disclose on a need-to-know basis. I can think of few reasons not to disclose at all, other than to hide a deal breaker such as an addiction, criminal record and the like. Although these may be reasons in one's mind, there is no excuse for the behavior they are trying to hide. But that depends on the scenario at hand. For example, if I had a hefty nest egg put aside for a rainy day, I'd keep that to myself rather than be suspicious that someone's motivation would be money.

Do you know or are you at liberty to convey more about what the category of the disclosure involved? Past relationship? Financial?

LBO

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 9

RE: What would you do if... - 2/8/2007 6:25:46 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Raphael

First punish the transgression.

Then deal with whatever the other thing is.

What transgression? In the OP the slave was ordered to tidy the office. You can't file unless you know the contents of what you are fileing.... no indication was given that she'd been told "Don't go in that draw or in that folder whatever.

The slave happened to stumble over information whilst carrying out her assigned task, she wasn't 'snooping'

We all have pasts, I'm open with My girl about My past, sure I haven't gone through it with a fine toothcome, nor have I gone through hers in minute detail.... we both know the highpoints and low points. If there are any surprizes that have been missed they are unlikely to cause any problem as that was then, this is now... if there are any worrys then they are talked over and worked through.

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This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to Raphael)

Post #: 10

RE: What would you do if... - 2/8/2007 6:26:32 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

You tell him to clean up the papers, then you punish him for reading the papers he should have magically known not to read. Your fault for not removing those papers first and putting them into a sealed envelope.

So the word strangulation jumped out at him from the page. Naturally he got scared and read it. He discovers that you used to do this with rope around the neck till the person passed out. He's terrified of you doing this to him and you've never given him parameters about breath play so now you have to talk about it. Punishing him for reading papers you told him to and refusing to discuss his fears will lose you a good relationship and cause the sub to have one foot out the door.

(in reply to LeatherBentOne)

Post #: 11

RE: What would you do if... - 2/8/2007 8:38:00 AM

MasterGremlin

Posts: 230
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DominaSmartass

If you told your slave to clean up your office and in doing so he/she couldn't help his/herself and while filing old papers, stumbled upon and read some old letters that you had written to previous subs and/or slaves? Also, what if in reading those letters you current sub/slave learned information that you had not previously shared and perhaps were not going to share anytime soon - if ever - and that information caused the sub to get worried about things or scared. Assuming the sub came to you, admitted to reading something that may have been not meant for his/her eyes, what would you do?

A scenario posed to me by a friend and I thought I'd get outside advice.

I would say it is Your own damn fault for not keeping Your own office clean and for not being upfront with him/her.
Just my humble opinion.
Sincererly,
minxy

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 12

RE: What would you do if... - 2/8/2007 8:42:09 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline

I agree with most here. First I do not see the offense at all. The person was ordered to clean up and file and did not go in there to snoop. Second, at best this would be a giant case of entrapment by the dominant to the point of being cruel and against such human nature to think a slave doing what they have been told to stumble on these things and not actually read them. To expect differently fails basic reality tests.

I would think that the person admitted it and came to the other with questions as a strong and positive sign of the health of the relationship. The only thing I would do was what others suggested and sit down have a talk so any problems or questions get explained and resolved.

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I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

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Post #: 13

RE: What would you do if... - 2/8/2007 9:30:06 AM

gandalf0297

Posts: 148
Joined: 8/6/2006
Status: offline

Consider it a good thing and move on.As most have said here. She was ordered to clean and she did.As a Dom your life like they say;is an open book. You should hide nothing. It will just bite you in the ass later down the road.belive me. Been there.Done that.Talk to your girl and getter done

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"The best things cannot be said. The second best are misunderstood." (Joseph Campbell.)

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Post #: 14

RE: What would you do if... - 2/8/2007 9:34:28 AM

BeatMeDaily

Posts: 99
Joined: 1/7/2007
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so, what is it you are hiding ?

(in reply to gandalf0297)

Post #: 15

RE: What would you do if... - 2/8/2007 9:39:40 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I have to say my thoughts echo what most have said. If there were things you would not want the submissive to see and forgot......I would say the error would be on the person doing the forgetting. The submissive is doing what they were told to do.

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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Post #: 16

RE: What would you do if... - 2/8/2007 10:19:17 AM

BeatMeDaily

Posts: 99
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

i also think that if your slave was looking for info, is there a reason? As you've said, it scared and worries her.
She should NOT be punished for trying to safeguard her future and health. Honesty is a 2 way street in this
lifestyle. i will not submit to someone i know little about or sense they are hiding something from me. Being tied
up by a possible domestic abuser is pretty scary. she needs to tuck tail and run and you need to organize your life
and put your past to rest. Then with the next potential slave, be open and honest, and don't leave incriminating papers
laying around. That is a indirect confession waiting to be found.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 17

RE: What would you do if... - 2/8/2007 10:39:33 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

if they were clearly private said sub or slave shouldn't of read them. if they were not obviously private then once they figured it out they should of put it down.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 18

RE: What would you do if... - 2/8/2007 11:09:22 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

But then again the D did send them into organize stuff so Id on't know it's not clearly defined, and if like someone else suggested it was something dangerous yeah they have a right to be afraid.

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Post #: 19

RE: What would you do if... - 2/8/2007 2:32:48 PM

Kinkypupper

Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline

To me I would not worry about it at all. One of the big commitments in a M/s relationship as far as I am concerned is 110% total openness and trust regardless of the subject.
Besides those were past relationships. not current or future ones

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Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
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