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ettiquette... - 2/7/2007 9:53:27 PM

soulKnife

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okay um this may seem wierd but anyone have advice on conducting oneself in a bdsm-oriented social setting? I apologize for the vagueness but any advice would be appreciated.

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RE: ettiquette... - 2/7/2007 10:01:50 PM

joyinslavery

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Well, if it's a social setting then just be social. Be your normal, fun self.

If, on the other hand, it's a play situation then the rules change.

Okay?

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RE: ettiquette... - 2/7/2007 10:02:27 PM

Lorelei115

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The same way you would in any social setting. Be polite and respectful of others.

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RE: ettiquette... - 2/7/2007 10:04:35 PM

FukinTroll

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Only fart on people who ask first.

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RE: ettiquette... - 2/7/2007 10:07:38 PM

SusanofO

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If it's a dungeon, or a play-party then: No touching! (other people's subs - Ever!) This will really get you in trouble, I hear - unless you are specifically invited by that submissive's Dominant to touch her/him in some way. Otherwise - hands off! That is probably rule #1, from what I hear.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 2/7/2007 10:17:55 PM >

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RE: ettiquette... - 2/7/2007 10:46:54 PM

hobbit9sub4u

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well not sure if this aplies, as i am a new sub, but i was taught to always be at your masters side, hands clasped behind your back or in your front unless you are holing masters hand.

also in a social dinner setting i was taught to always make sure master has hot buttered bread ready and on the table before you yourself get your food, masters needs come first.

im not sure if these are the sorts of things you are looking for but i can name more ettiquette ive been taught in my short life in service.

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RE: ettiquette... - 2/8/2007 12:06:57 AM

Sirandlittle1

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A munch: introduce yourself to the group, be polite, manners cross the bdsm border.

At a club: look up the club and email them requesting the clubs rules and etiquette. Most people who are new, get by very nicely by being friendly. BDSM'rs are just folk, they come in all sorts of personalities, but manners that you use in every day life are fine. General rule of thumb? Dont touch other peoples property, be that tools, or slave, or sub. Dont interupt a scene by talking too loudly nearby etc. Anything you are really concerned about, speak to the dungeon master, they should be able to explain things to you, answer any questions etc. If you use any equipment, clean up after yourself.

At a play party, manners are all you need. At a play party, you should of received some form of invite, with a contact on it, phone them and ask if they'd like you to bring a plate of nibbles, or help clean up afterwards, anything helpful will really be appreciated by the hosts.

You do not have to do ANYTHING that you do not feel comfortable doing. Try to remember, its supposed to be fun and social. If you dont like it, you can leave.

Its scary getting into this, but that is mainly your aniticipated anxieties, and often not based in the actual reality of the situation.

Dress code that will get you by in ANY of the above, is black clothing. Not necessarily fetish, just black'll do.

good luck honey, come on in, we're a really friendly crowd.

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RE: ettiquette... - 2/8/2007 12:08:40 AM

Sirandlittle1

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also thought id add,
You maybe submissive, but you dont have to submit to jack shit, unless you feel you want to.
little1

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RE: ettiquette... - 2/8/2007 12:42:30 AM

julietsierra

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The short answer is that Emily Post is your friend.

There's a line in the movie "Thank you for Smoking" that I like to adapt to this life.

The guy in the movie says something like "You know the guy who could pick up any girl? I'm him - on crack"

I like to say "we do politeness - on crack."

(meaning to the nth degree. I'm NOT advocating drug use - sheesh!)

I guess the best thing to suggest is what your mother's been preaching for years. "Be a gentleman." It'll suffice.

juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 2/8/2007 12:51:13 AM >

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RE: ettiquette... - 2/8/2007 3:53:28 AM

twicehappy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

If it's a dungeon, or a play-party then: No touching! (other people's subs - Ever!) This will really get you in trouble, I hear - unless you are specifically invited by that submissive's Dominant to touch her/him in some way. Otherwise - hands off! That is probably rule #1, from what I hear.

AMEN!!!!!

Thank you Susan, this is a rule that is sometimes not explained to newbies and probably the only one than violating can lead to violence.

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RE: ettiquette... - 2/8/2007 3:59:27 AM

bandit25

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LOL! Abso fucking lutely

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RE: ettiquette... - 2/8/2007 4:00:51 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
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And the "no touching" doesn't just mean other people - don't touch anything that doesn't belong to you without asking permission first. Especially not toys. If you see something interesting, ask if the owner can show it to you - don't grab it.

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RE: ettiquette... - 2/8/2007 5:54:29 AM

SirDominic

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Here is a pretty good overview of playparty rules:

http://www.sensual-service.com/guide/5/essay/31

As others have pointed out, munch rule etiquette is like any other vanilla group function. Be polite to all, Dom or sub.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

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RE: ettiquette... - 2/8/2007 6:41:00 AM

RavenMuse

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quote:

ORIGINAL: twicehappy

quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

If it's a dungeon, or a play-party then: No touching! (other people's subs - Ever!) This will really get you in trouble, I hear - unless you are specifically invited by that submissive's Dominant to touch her/him in some way. Otherwise - hands off! That is probably rule #1, from what I hear.

AMEN!!!!!

Thank you Susan, this is a rule that is sometimes not explained to newbies and probably the only one than violating can lead to violence.

The other part of that is that it is fine to stand and watch a scene from a distance where you won't interfear BUT if you have any questions then LEAVE it till there is an obvious break. Do NOT interupt during the scene!

I don't mind folks asking questions before or after, or if I have stepped back to take a mouthful of coke before continuing..... but interupt Me during and My responce is unlikely to be a polite one. Especialy if you've just snapped Me out of Domspace when I've focused down in a flogging session or the like!

But just to reinforce the No touching comment.... nothing is more likely to get you a rather physical responce from someone of My ilk than making a grab at My girl during play. It is NOT acceptable and I will be responding to the fact that your actions may HARM My girl (Not neccessaraly physicaly, but by making her uncomfortable with playing in public!)... I am VERY protective of My girl... do the math... not the reaction you WANT!

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RE: ettiquette... - 2/8/2007 7:15:18 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Same as what goes with vanilla etiquette.

So, unless you're a doofus in vanilla social situations, act just like you normally would and you'll be fine.

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RE: ettiquette... - 2/8/2007 7:18:07 AM

sambamanslilgirl

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i attended one of Mistress Xena's events and the rules were quite simple:

be mindful and respectful of all persons at the event

no rude behavior allowed or you will be kicked out

no touching unless permitted by Dom/me

otherwise experience and have fun

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RE: ettiquette... - 2/8/2007 10:58:35 AM

soulKnife

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thank you all for the replies!

@albatross I am a bit of a doofus in normal social situations mainly due to anxiety but this past weekend it was like x10 because it was all new and I was so unsure of how to act or what reactions to except. *shrug* yeah I know I am overthinking things way too much but that's what i tend to do with most things. But again thank you for the responses.

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RE: ettiquette... - 2/8/2007 2:07:57 PM

Noah

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sambamanslilgirl

i attended one of Mistress Xena's events and the rules were quite simple:

be mindful and respectful of all persons at the event

no rude behavior allowed or you will be kicked out

no touching unless permitted by Dom/me

otherwise experience and have fun

This "no touching" thing keeps coming up. Do you really observe such a rule in any social situation, whether or not kinky?

It keeps being stated as an absolute, too, no exceptions (except by special permission in advance) no modulation such as: "within reason." I don't want to jump to conclusions. Would some of you care to indicate just how radically this rule is enforced?

I think touching is a fine form of communication and in my circles of friends a good deal of touching happens, even beyond the tap on the shoulder or gentle elbow nudge or even shaking of hands that seem to be so highly regulated prohibited in so many posts above.

Are you all British, or what?

Is there some belief in a slippery slope? That if one allows even very socially conventional touching then base instincts will take over and within moments orgiastic chaos will ensue? Kinky people can't be trusted in ways that just about anybody else can be?

In short, why are so many of you, and your friends, apparently, so totally hung up on this taboo against contact between human beings which isn't pre-negotiated?

Or is "touching" a euphemism for "crotch-grabbing" that everyone understands but me?

Thanks

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

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RE: ettiquette... - 2/8/2007 2:20:55 PM

sambamanslilgirl

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what does me being British have to do with this?

the event i attended a couple of weeks ago, the "no touching" rule was fully enforced. two vanillas made the mistake of rubbing/ fondling a collared and leashed slave right in front of her Dom - a HUGE no-no! believe me those two guys didn't mingle around the club for the rest of the night. from what i observed if you wanted to spank/flog a slave/sub - you better ask permission or risk the wrath of the angry Dom/me.

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RE: ettiquette... - 2/8/2007 2:28:51 PM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Noah

I think touching is a fine form of communication and in my circles of friends a good deal of touching happens, even beyond the tap on the shoulder or gentle elbow nudge or even shaking of hands that seem to be so highly regulated prohibited in so many posts above.

Are you all British, or what?

Thanks

Touching is an outrageous invasion of private property.

Here in Britain, the last recorded touch was in 1635 (a witch was drowned, by the way). Since then, touch and hang.

P.S. we fuck with our stare.

< Message edited by NorthernGent -- 2/8/2007 2:32:16 PM >

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