RE: Slavery and Obedience

RE: Slavery and Obedience (Full Version)

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aSlavesLife -> RE: Slavery and Obedience (2/9/2007 6:00:56 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: strikingamatch How do you react when your slave hesitates to do as she is told? I am talking of a case when she is told to do something that is very difficult for her, however, it is something which does not cross any of her hard limits. If she eventually does as she is told, after repeated requests and after a few hours of cajoling ordering and discussion, does she get credit, or is she to be punished for taking her merry time? Is immediate obedience a realistic and fair objective? You mean that some people don't hit the button on the shocking dog collar if they notice more than a second of hesitation?

Focus50 -> RE: Slavery and Obedience (2/10/2007 1:56:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Celeste43 Focus, by assuming he has the maturity and life experiences you did at 32 you are making a huge mistake. He went from school to the army for three years, then probably spent six months to a year traveling and only then started university if he's anything like my cousins. So effectively he's closer to life experiences of you at 25. Plus he still goes back to the army for about a month every year. And the army life is not training to make decisions, it's about following them. *Doesn't seem like that unreasonable an assumption, let alone a "huge mistake" on my part....* *But you do seem to be offering some excellent reasons why he's not ready to be anyone's Master right now. Intentional or not on your part, I agree!* *Focus.*

chrissyslave -> RE: Slavery and Obedience (2/10/2007 4:37:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DiurnalVampire I dont know, sounds more to me like she wanted to see how long you'd let her keep her secret, and how much it would eat at you not knowing. She dangled the carrot infront of you. DV I think DV is correct here but would like to suggest looking in the other direction as well, and not only the affect on the dominant in terms of his current position. I think she was also checking within herself whether she was going to be able to share something that was both important to her personally, was part of the process of "knowing her better" overall, and might influence your relationship (like a hidden "bump" in the road that you might hit and wonder what it was at some point or a steady "resistance"). So in shorter terms perhaps she was checking with hints her own readiness to share this past concern. The biggest single factor/concern I think is possible negative feelings towards the past offender unconsciously transfered to the dominant person today, especially if the previous person was in some similar position of authority. By bringing it up in detail at the right time it allows the one she is attached to now rebutt the behavior of the past offender and show he/she is not like that one, thus allowing deeper trust to develop between you two. I would like to hear whether you two felt closer in your relationship after this deep sharing. Did you do anything to reassure her of your focus and care? Give a form of "after-care" in effect as well?...given how emotionally draining such sharing can be. I have a (man) mentor at the moment, and due to a history assignment I had recieved recently, I knew that in order to both fulfill that and knowing it was significant to our relationship I too gave hints that I needed to share something important to me, and yet could not just blurp it out, yet kept giving hints I needed to share this aspect. The Sir was willing to allow me NOT to respond immediately to his inquiries about this by our simple IM as I told him that would not allow full context in sharing this chain of events. It needed much proper context, so given it is a basically on-line relationship I wrote it into a history segment with all due factors included, and hoped for the best and being willing to accept any response (even possible rejection). If it would have been in person than likely I would have done something similiar to your sub, while working up the right words and courage to share this trauma she had experieinced. And it did make a major difference for me in his understanding for working with my mind, emotions and sexuality. I agree with nearly all the response here and she should not be punished but in fact admired for her bravery in trusting your futher in your relationship, and see the voluntary sharing of this as a good sign. Hopefully it helped you both, and your relationship.

goodpet -> RE: Slavery and Obedience (2/10/2007 4:50:15 AM)
And your degree is in what? I can see telling her that you, as "master" would want to know all about her and her past.. And asking her to set aside time to either write about her past or talk about it with you, is a task you are giving her.. and then let her pick the time and place. Pushing it is not something that is going to help or get her to totally open up with trust. listen to LA, Mysti, FT, jadie and the others

feastie -> RE: Slavery and Obedience (2/10/2007 5:06:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: strikingamatch I thank everyone for their responses. I wish to clarify what it is that puzzles me. I am in the beginning of an m/s relationship with a young lady. It is clearly understood by both sides that she is slave and I am master. We are both happy in our roles. I told my slave to do something, in this case, to talk about a traumatic experience she had. It took her at least two hours to finally talk about it. My question is, during the time that she was hemming and hawing, was she aware of the m/s dynamic, or was she choosing to ignore it? In other words, when she is resisting orders, is she still aware that she is slave? Further, will the fact that I let her hem and haw, encourage her to be lackadaisical at other times too? There is a decided difference between a Master and an asshole. I suggest you take the time to learn what that difference is. My advice to your "slave"... RUN!

KnightofMists -> RE: Slavery and Obedience (2/10/2007 5:29:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: strikingamatch Is immediate obedience a realistic and fair objective? Yes! However, just because an action is well within the Hard Limits of a person... doesn't make it something that is going to be within their ability to succeed at. for example. ... competence in the skill/action is required... no competence in it... will result in many underlying issues.. like hesitation.

lilbrattie -> RE: Slavery and Obedience (2/10/2007 5:51:39 AM)
Greetings, i agree with some of the points chrissyslave has made, especially the point about the importance of sharing feelings with your dominant. i had an essay given to me on the topic a few years back and I found it interesting talking to other slaves and submissives about the essay and seeing how they felt. Most wanted to let it all out and have everything out in the open. Another Essay was the importance of listening, and self love, both essays that helped me grow away from my past. As a sub/slave you are trusting this Person with your well being as during scenes they could cause you serious harm mentally and physically if they aren't aware of "all that is you" so to speak. i have had a horrible past myself, and during a scene i can have a negative flash back into those times, however by having someOne near, that understands what is happening and that i fully trust helps me through it and grow from it. If that Person didn't know about my past they would never of known what was happening or how to help. Taking the time to share things like problems of the past during negotiations and such imo will only build the trust and bond between both and make them happier. If you are trusting the person with your life... why can't you trust them with your past, your present, or your inner secrets and fears? i've found that they aren't the big deal i thought they would be after i've spoken openly with Sir. Hesitations have many different reasons behind why a person pauses for a moment, or takes time to process the instructions... it's different for each person. There was a quote in a book i read a while ago that stated something along the lines of "a Master should know His slave better than He knows Himself". Now not that this is possible, but it is a good point... ~ brattie ~

SimplyMichael -> RE: Slavery and Obedience (2/10/2007 6:35:00 AM)
Some people want to dominate dogs, others lions. Dogs obey much quicker and easier and with vastly less work. Lions take much longer. As for the OP, I think you are not ready to take the training wheels off and shouldn't be playing around inside someone's mind without adult supervision.

strikingamatch -> RE: Slavery and Obedience (2/10/2007 9:14:24 AM)
Just to set the record straight, I am in the midst of a beautiful relationship. Not a single harsh word has passed between my slave and myself. Never have either of us raised our voices at each other. We are both extremely happy. I could continue with a description of my relationship, but I think what I have said is enough to give a general idea. I am not as experienced as some of the other people here, which is why I asked for advice. Most of the respondents gave of their advice generously, others chose to be cruel and hurtful. I hope that if and when I am asked for advice in the future, I will remember the two classes of responses, and will choose to act in a way which will bring me credit.

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