RE: Masturbating & Public Play

RE: Masturbating & Public Play (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

SimplyMichael -> RE: Masturbating & Public Play (2/11/2007 7:24:12 AM)
Goodpet, You nailed the spitting thing, nothing to add there! As for sex/masterbation at an event, if it isn't outlawed by the group rules, someone sitting quietly masterbating isn't really any different than couples getting all hot and bothered watching and then going off and sceneing. If it IS against the rules, then of course enforce them. This isn't something I do at parties, but I would never throw an event where ALL forms of sex weren't welcome, but I guess that sort of makes me a pervert within BDSM! Of course I wouldn't NOT attend an event where it was banned as many SF heterosexual events have all sorts of stupid rules about sex. Which is of course why I prefer to play with gay men and women, they play harder, are more strict and it IS fucking about sex! On of my personal favorite memories is playing with a famous male bottom named Rodger (he is dead and was SO out, he would be proud to know I remembered him) at Power Exchange. He was such a regular they even had an infant themed room made up just for him. Anyway, he liked to be scolded by mommy and daddy and my pet and I got dragged into his scene and I ended up "forcing" him to "get rid of that horrible hard thing" by masterbating.

Wildfleurs -> RE: Masturbating & Public Play (2/11/2007 7:42:33 AM)
I don't know why I'm thinking of that song... There's a skeeter on my peter Whack it off Whack it off There's a dozen on my cousin You can hear the bastards buzzin' There's a skeeter on my peter Whack it off Whack it off C~

alandraofMists -> RE: Masturbating & Public Play (2/11/2007 7:44:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: feylin I think we need kinky sport commentators....."oooh, look at that back swing, Mike, I don't even think he connected where he wanted to with last stroke." "Sure you're right, Frank, but we need to take into consideration the ceiling height. Okay, here we go, he's going to switch to the Thumper....shorter strands but certainly a more substantial weight...this is a whole new ball game, Frank." okay.... hot cocoa almost covered the computer screen when i read this....LOL now the next time i play at a public event this is going to be going through my mind. Knight's alandra

GeekyGirl -> RE: Masturbating & Public Play (2/11/2007 8:51:22 AM)
I have never played publicly, but for me the objection would be two fold: A) exposure to bodily fluids B) I work in a jail...I constantly have to deal with men who stare are me and jerk off and it gets very old, very quick when you are being used without your consent for someone else's gratification. I should think that seeing some guy beat off while looking at me at a play party (without my consent) would give me negative flash backs to my work environment. I love watching a man I'm involved with masturbate, but seeing strangers do it just makes me think of that person as being like the inmates I work with.

whisperedsighs -> RE: Masturbating & Public Play (2/11/2007 8:59:41 AM)
My concern would be that if that person is masterbating in public whether or not he is using a condom while doing so. Most places have this rule because of the bodily fluids issue. Also, not sure what you mean by "right next to." But being right next to anyone's scene in a public play space is generally frowned upon, giving the participants in a scene the space they need is general practice. If they are right next to the scene, masterbating, are they then not intruding into that scene? I know when I play in public, the panties stay on, and the scene is never about sexual aspects of what it is we do, but more about the power play and endorphine rush, so to have someone pull it out and start masterbating right where we are playing would be very intrusive.

farglebargle -> RE: Masturbating & Public Play (2/11/2007 9:01:18 AM)
quote: I mean, could folks hold up Olympic-size score cards or shout out encouragement or discouragement? You mean they're NOT supposed to??? Oh dear!

needdiscipline23 -> RE: Masturbating & Public Play (2/11/2007 9:07:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: whisperedsighs My concern would be that if that person is masterbating in public whether or not he is using a condom while doing so. Most places have this rule because of the bodily fluids issue. Also, not sure what you mean by "right next to." But being right next to anyone's scene in a public play space is generally frowned upon, giving the participants in a scene the space they need is general practice. If they are right next to the scene, masterbating, are they then not intruding into that scene? I know when I play in public, the panties stay on, and the scene is never about sexual aspects of what it is we do, but more about the power play and endorphine rush, so to have someone pull it out and start masterbating right where we are playing would be very intrusive. Great answer--for me, BDSM is about so much MORE than just sex (not saying it isn't sexual, just saying it's not ONLY sexual) and I'm more comfortable at a play party that doesn't emphasize the sex, b/c for me, sex it an intimate thing. No judgment on those who find BDSM to be primarily or only sexual--just saying where I'm most comfortable!

MasterGremlin -> RE: Masturbating & Public Play (2/11/2007 9:19:03 AM)
Maybe the clubs should hand out complimentary towels and condoms for those who like to "whack it" in public. They could even use it as a marketing tool having their logo put on the towels and condoms. Cordially, minxy

MaryT -> RE: Masturbating & Public Play (2/11/2007 9:40:30 AM)
If I saw it happening, I would turn away from the one masturbating and focus on whatever was getting him off, but I wouldn't say anything. I likely would not watch a woman masturbating either, but I confess that it wouldn't bug me to see it. One reason is because it such a common thing to see in mainstream media, let alone porn. Aside from that, other posters ideas seem right. I think part of it is the "dirty old man" thing. Part of it is a learned aversion to guys who are obsessed with their own cocks. Part of it is not liking bodily fluids splashed around in a public place. quote: ORIGINAL: feylin This makes me wonder what you do consent to during public play. Once you put yourself out there, isn't anything game? My streak of exhibitionism is dependent on the idea that someone "outside" is excited by what is happening to me. That is kind of hypocritical and dualistic. Something to think about.

afeathr -> RE: Masturbating & Public Play (2/11/2007 9:59:54 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Siona SimplyMichael, I've seen this before and have often wondered what the purpose was behind it.....spitting in their mouths? Please explain? thanks Sir has done that to me a few times... he knows that it's my "squicky" point (and you have no idea how ironic this is), so it's a way for him to humiliate me and gross me out -- it really puts me over the edge. Though when I think about it afterwards the thought is very erotic -- mostly from the sense that it's something that is totally yucky/dirty/disgusting to me... yes... I am very strange.

cjenny -> RE: Masturbating & Public Play (2/11/2007 10:02:38 AM)
If I weren't in a scene I don't 'think' it would bother me to see a person masturbating. If I were being used as his/her source of masturbation material while in a scene? That would bother me & distract me if he/she were in my view. It would feel like an infringement upon me & my Dom. The fluid issue is a valid point... serious squick at squirting lol. Ew ew ew if it landed on me I would be really unhappy. Plus cum can stain some material! [:D] Oddly though, the thought of a guy getting off on the image of me doesn't bug me. Hmm. Now I've confused myself again.

Chavayeen -> RE: Masturbating & Public Play (2/11/2007 12:03:08 PM)
I've been in a couple of public scenes where it was very disturbing to have a ring of men watching and frantically jerking off. I think the disturbing part is about the power balance. A good bdsm scene generally involves some power exchange--and that's often the "hot" part of the scene (and both players are also exerting power over the audience, too, if they're doing a good job). Then this gaggle of wankers shows up. My sense is that they aren't really hooked into all the delicious moments of the scene going on--they are more hooked into each other (each guy giving permission to the one next to him to go ahead, jerk away). At that point, it doesn't matter anymore what the people doing the scene are doing--as long as there's some nekkid female showing, these wankers are good to go. My boyfriend and I were at a club one evening, early, nothing going on. We started kissing--and there were 5 guys around us with their dicks out! Pathetic. Another time, we were playing in a fairly secluded corner when a guy showed up, beating his meat...and then a step closer, and closer. I was pretty oblivious, but it wasn't fun to have to stop when my boyfriend suddenly had this guy up against the wall ready to hit him for nearly rubbing against me. In contrast, this boyfriend loved to watch others, and liked to pull me against him and cum on me--very discreet. Although perhaps not if anyone noticed the cum stains on the back of my skirt.

MBETWO -> RE: Masturbating & Public Play (2/11/2007 12:17:37 PM)
As a newbie I'm still trying to get a grasp on the proper ettiquette at our play parties. They tend to shy away from the sexual aspects of play. I don't understand the aversion to an observer taking matters into his own hands. Is it not part of the head game of public play to show off a bit. If you don't want someone enjoying what you are doing do it in private. That said there are as always limits, maintaining appropriate distance, controling your discharge, house cleaning and sanitation.

gypsygrl -> RE: Masturbating & Public Play (2/11/2007 2:14:42 PM)
I've never been in that position, so I can't say for sure, but logically, what you're saying makes sense. And the idea doesn't squick me too bad. To me, its like folks in my apartment complex who see a condom in the parking lot and freak out ewww and get all indignant about it. I'm like, jeeze, we should be happy they're using something. I mean seriously, how bad is condom compared to aids or an unwanted child? If a club or some place like that provides a reasonably safe environment for whipping and stuff like that, I don't see why it shouldn't provide a reasonably safe environment for folks who want to get off watching. Or get off being watched. Or whatever.

daddysprop247 -> RE: Masturbating & Public Play (2/11/2007 2:34:02 PM)
can't relate to the scening and what-all goes on in a bdsm-heavy club, however in my personal opinion, men don't masturbate in public nearly enough for my taste. the idea of people out there demanding less of this makes me kinda sad. :(

aSlavesLife -> RE: Masturbating & Public Play (2/11/2007 5:39:00 PM)
If one goes to a heavy BDSM club, do they not expect people to become aroused? And have these people not already consented in essence by choosing to go there? If you see something that you don't approve of, you walk away. You don't whine about it being against your consent, otherwise some puritanical twit could waltz into any fetish event, exclaim their displeasure at the behavior there, and force everyone to put away their toys. Give me a break! I hate watching people make out in public, but I don't run to the nearest police officer and demand that they be forced to stop because I didn't consent to seeing it. I direct my attention elsewhere instead of trying to force feed my morals to other people. As for ' leaving puddles '... women do this too, especially while naked. It is a bodily fluid, sure. So where do we go from there? Lets see, whenever someone sneezes they are expelling their bodily fluids through the air. Do we toss them out of clubs every time they sneeze? I've caught colds while around other people that were sneezing, and I damned sure didn't give my consent to be violated by their germs, except that I did willingly go out in public. I consented to go to a place that might expose me to the cold virus. In the same light, I am relatively certain that some guy is going to sprout wood at a BDSM party. Unlike exposure to a cold virus, it is not just possible, it is very damned likely! In fact it is just about as likely that I will encounter a boner there as it is that I will see someone with a sword at a ren fair. Ohhhhh, dangerous weapons are scary! I didn't consent to condoning violence, and a sword is made only for violence.... therefore they need to close the ren fair down, right? Same convoluted logic.

juliaoceania -> RE: Masturbating & Public Play (2/11/2007 6:55:52 PM)
quote: If one goes to a heavy BDSM club, do they not expect people to become aroused? I do not expect people not to get aroused anywhere... even the beach with bikini clad girls. quote: And have these people not already consented in essence by choosing to go there? People being aroused is no excuse to be dishonor yourself by not following the rules of behavior that you have agreed to. quote: If you see something that you don't approve of, you walk away. You don't whine about it being against your consent, otherwise some puritanical twit could waltz into any fetish event, exclaim their displeasure at the behavior there, and force everyone to put away their toys No, if I go into a situation with the agreement that no one will watch me and beat their meat, I will ask the DM to remove them for not following the rules they agreed to before they went into a club. quote: Give me a break! I hate watching people make out in public, but I don't run to the nearest police officer and demand that they be forced to stop because I didn't consent to seeing it. I direct my attention elsewhere instead of trying to force feed my morals to other people. I would go to a police officer if people were having sex and beating off in front of me. I see no difference. No one is forcing you or anyone else to agree to the rules of a club when you enter their doors, you agree not to shoot your body fluids all over, then live up to that agreement. We are not animals without self control. Most places have private areas for people to have an orgasm.

AquaticSub -> RE: Masturbating & Public Play (2/11/2007 8:07:52 PM)
To me, it's all a time and place issue. Have I been informed that masturbation in the dungeon will be allowed/encouraged at this event? Have I been told that to play is to consent to that? I don't have a problem with a porn room where people are having their fun but frankly, I don't go to a play party so that a dominant other then mine can enjoy the show. I go because I want to socialize with other d/s couples and enjoy the more expensive toys that I can't afford. Yes, I realize it is displaying my body. Yes I realize people will remember what it looked like and may or may not masturbate to it later. But someone in my history class may be wanking to the thought of me as well. I don't enjoy the idea of men surrounding me, watching my dominant enjoy me and getting off on that. I'm here to please him, not others who get off on watching and would simply not attend or not play at a party/place where I knew this would be happening. I see this as being like anything else we do. Some people enjoy butt plugs, others can't stand them. I don't really see the difference between that and enjoying being watched or not.

needdiscipline23 -> RE: Masturbating & Public Play (2/11/2007 8:40:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: aSlavesLife If one goes to a heavy BDSM club, do they not expect people to become aroused? And have these people not already consented in essence by choosing to go there? If you see something that you don't approve of, you walk away. You don't whine about it being against your consent, otherwise some puritanical twit could waltz into any fetish event, exclaim their displeasure at the behavior there, and force everyone to put away their toys. Give me a break! I hate watching people make out in public, but I don't run to the nearest police officer and demand that they be forced to stop because I didn't consent to seeing it. I direct my attention elsewhere instead of trying to force feed my morals to other people. As for ' leaving puddles '... women do this too, especially while naked. It is a bodily fluid, sure. So where do we go from there? Lets see, whenever someone sneezes they are expelling their bodily fluids through the air. Do we toss them out of clubs every time they sneeze? I've caught colds while around other people that were sneezing, and I damned sure didn't give my consent to be violated by their germs, except that I did willingly go out in public. I consented to go to a place that might expose me to the cold virus. In the same light, I am relatively certain that some guy is going to sprout wood at a BDSM party. Unlike exposure to a cold virus, it is not just possible, it is very damned likely! In fact it is just about as likely that I will encounter a boner there as it is that I will see someone with a sword at a ren fair. Ohhhhh, dangerous weapons are scary! I didn't consent to condoning violence, and a sword is made only for violence.... therefore they need to close the ren fair down, right? Same convoluted logic. As was pointed out before--it's debatable what you've consented to, even if you are scening in public...you aren't consenting to being touched by random audience members (in fact, it's a big no no), you aren't consenting to the loud sports commentary (unfortunately, since that would be SO much fun) or even the large scorecards. So just b/c you are there, doesn't mean you have consented to being wanker fodder. Again, it goes back to the rules of the establishment, and if someone is breaking them, I think people have every right to complain to a dungeon monitor--WIITWD is ALL about consent, and I think if people are breaking the rules, they are potentially violating that for some people, and that's not fair. If it's not against the rules I'm not sure consent is an issue, and I say, look away if you're bothered, or speak politely to the person if they're affecting your scene somehow. At the dungeon I go to, anyone leaving bodily fluids is expected to clean up after themselves. I don't care if it's a sneeze or cum--leaving a puddle on the floor or a bench is inappropriate and rude. --Edited to add that I don't have enough experience to actually KNOW if I'm bothered by masturbating in public...this is just my humble opinion about the principles involved.

DominaSmartass -> RE: Masturbating & Public Play (2/11/2007 8:45:50 PM)
To me, it isn't the idea of men masturbating as much as it is the way in which it's done. For example, I was once at a club in Brooklyn (which has since closed) and I was one of only a handful of women in the entire place, surrounded by wankers. I had brought a boy to play with and we had played and were enjoying some cuddling on the couch afterwards when a naked man just decided to perch on the arm of the sofa about 8 inches from my face and jerk off. It was a huge invasion of my space and it made me feel grossed out and dirty in the time I usually quite enjoy after a scene. If they would keep their distance I would be much happier. There is also of course, the cleanliness factor. Many clubs do outlaw fluid exchange or release of any type whether it be urine, feces, blood, or semen. Since women are generally allowed to be naked during a scene I guess you can't forbid vaginal secretions. If the rules of the place are such that sex is allowed then you open a whole other can of worms, but at least everyone who goes in knows in advance what will be happening. IMO, sex and ejaculation are not part of the bdsm club experience. When I go out to Paddles (which has been a while, I'll admit) I want to enjoy the social company of my kinky friends and watch or participate in some good scenes, but save the fucking for the privacy of home. That's just me though, and why I don't go to clubs where sex is allowed.

Page: << < prev 1 2 [3] 4 5 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.046875