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safe calls? - 2/11/2007 12:45:47 PM

stateira

Posts: 48
Joined: 12/19/2006
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A story:

My best friend recently moved to the other side of the country to be in a poly relationship. The couple was moving from Vegas and she was moving from Houston. all moving to Pennsylvania. The very first time they ever met eachother in real life was in Tulsa, Oklahoma. They were going to stay the night in a hotel there. She had said she would call me when she got there to let me know she was alright. She knows how I am about safe calls. Well..she didn't call until I left a message that said something to the effect of "you're in a strange city with people you don't know...it's really not cool to not answer your phone." If she had had other safe calls I probably wouldn't have worried so much. so when she finally did call me back it got ugly...and now she has decided that I am a "stupid cow and controlling bitch" and that she regrets ever being friends with somebody as selfish as I am.

The question: I was always taught that safe calls were the most important part of meeting somebody new, especially in this lifestyle. Am I wrong? I just am wondering if maybe I have been taking this safe call thing too seriously. Are they really not that important?

-stateira

< Message edited by stateira -- 2/11/2007 12:47:31 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 12:50:31 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: stateira

A story:

My best friend recently moved to the other side of the country to be in a poly relationship. The couple was moving from Vegas and she was moving from Houston. all moving to Pennsylvania. The very first time they ever met eachother in real life was in tulsa. They were going to stay the night in a hotel there. She had said she would call me when she got there to let me know she was alright. She knows how I am about safe calls. Well..she didn't call until I left a message that said something to the effect of "you're in a strange city with people you don't know...it's really not cool to answer your phone." If she had had other safe calls I probably wouldn't have worried so much. so when she finally did call me back it got ugly...and now she has decided that I am a "stupid cow and controlling bitch" and that she regrets ever being friends with somebody as selfish as I am.

The question: I was always taught that safe calls were the most important part of meeting somebody new, especially in this lifestyle. Am I wrong? I just am wondering if maybe I have been taking this safe call thing too seriously. Are they really not that important?

-stateira

They are most important to some, and not to others. Did you just call once and leave the message? Did you call incessantly, perhaps interrupting something she was engaged in at the time? How long did you wait before beginning to call her? Did she specifically ask for a safe call, or did you take it upon yourself to instruct her to call you?

Obviously you are concerned about your friend and she does not understand this. But perhaps she felt intruded upon and defensive, and resented this?

Just trying to see both sides. Not sure what "getting ugly" means. Perhaps in that phone call she felt you were not respecting her choices. Regardless, I am sorry for the loss of your friendship, and hope you can rebuild it in the future.

(in reply to stateira)

Post #: 2

RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 12:51:33 PM

Matt1958

Posts: 20
Joined: 7/2/2006
Status: offline

I think safe calls are important. In the case you sited, I feel it is critical. You friend really had no idea what she was walking into.

Matt

(in reply to stateira)

Post #: 3

RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 12:56:29 PM

MasterGremlin

Posts: 230
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stateira

A story:

My best friend recently moved to the other side of the country to be in a poly relationship. The couple was moving from Vegas and she was moving from Houston. all moving to Pennsylvania. The very first time they ever met eachother in real life was in Tulsa, Oklahoma. They were going to stay the night in a hotel there. She had said she would call me when she got there to let me know she was alright. She knows how I am about safe calls. Well..she didn't call until I left a message that said something to the effect of "you're in a strange city with people you don't know...it's really not cool to not answer your phone." If she had had other safe calls I probably wouldn't have worried so much. so when she finally did call me back it got ugly...and now she has decided that I am a "stupid cow and controlling bitch" and that she regrets ever being friends with somebody as selfish as I am.

The question: I was always taught that safe calls were the most important part of meeting somebody new, especially in this lifestyle. Am I wrong? I just am wondering if maybe I have been taking this safe call thing too seriously. Are they really not that important?

-stateira

This was something you were doing for her, to insure her safety. That certainly isn't selfish or controling. If that is her reaction, I would say "don't the door hit you in the ass on the way out".
JMHO
Sincerely,
minxy

(in reply to stateira)

Post #: 4

RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 1:20:08 PM

canupleaseme

Posts: 775
Joined: 7/9/2006
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I think your friend was lucky to have a friend like you who cared so much, maybe if you speak to her again you could point out how grateful she might of been if things had gone terribly wrong at her end and she had noone who gave a shit !!! My best friend has always made me safe call her even before i played in thislifestyle and while it could be slightly annoying if she rang me mid sex session it was always comforting to know that she gave a shit and would be there in an instant if i needed her.
I say well done you for caring enough and sod her for being so bitchy about it.

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(in reply to MasterGremlin)

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RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 1:20:21 PM

domiguy

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Safe calls....Makes sense to a degree...A lot of it has to do with instinct...However every woman who met Ted Bundy probably wished they had a "safe call." People "hook-up" randomly at all times...I have a feeling that there is more to the story...Sounds like you friend felt like...you were all up in her biz....Who knows?....I would have no problem with someone who had to check in...The question is, so they check in?...Unless the person that they are checking in with has some idea of who "I am"....such as my name. address, drivers license #, plates....Social security # what difference does it really make?

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RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 2:39:49 PM

stateira

Posts: 48
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

They are most important to some, and not to others. Did you just call once and leave the message? Did you call incessantly, perhaps interrupting something she was engaged in at the time? How long did you wait before beginning to call her? Did she specifically ask for a safe call, or did you take it upon yourself to instruct her to call you?

She was the one that said she would call me as soon as she got there. I waited an hour and a half before I started calling, and even then only called 3 times before I left her that message. The thing about calling incessantly...again I was taught that before you engaged in anything you needed to let somebody know you were safe.

< Message edited by stateira -- 2/11/2007 2:42:03 PM >

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 7

RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 2:43:55 PM

domiguy

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Don't care what happens....(Domiguy rubs eyes) feeling extremely soporific.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 2/11/2007 2:47:48 PM >

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RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 2:46:43 PM

sub4hire

Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: stateira

The question: I was always taught that safe calls were the most important part of meeting somebody new, especially in this lifestyle. Am I wrong? I just am wondering if maybe I have been taking this safe call thing too seriously. Are they really not that important?

-stateira

Being concerned for a friend is not being controlling. Safe calls are very important to people. Some don't think they are. You can't change the world.

Forget her..she doesn't value your friendship. You did what was right.

(in reply to stateira)

Post #: 9

RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 2:47:47 PM

Sparkingfunboy

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/13/2006
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Hi there
Safe calls are very important, you should have this set up with a friend for when you meet up with someone for any type of meeting/dating.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 10

RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 2:50:33 PM

StacyCat

Posts: 112
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline

Safe calls really only work if you have very specific things set up. A thing like "I'll call when I get there" doesnt do much. Something like "I will call at this time with this information, I will call again at this time, and if either of those do not happen, you need to do this."

On her end, knowing that the cops would be called if the phone call was not made will make her make the call. On your end, you know that she will be safe, and that you have something to do, rather than leaving pissy messages on her phone.

In this case, what if something really did happen? You would have done nothing. And, the police would have known the times someone called her if she was dead. What is so safe about what you did?

(in reply to sub4hire)

Post #: 11

RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 2:53:44 PM

MsIncognito

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Joined: 5/24/2005
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Safe calls aren't stupid or a waste of time (they *do* make it easier to find the body, I'm sure) but I think some people think they're fail-safes. In reality they're anything but. They aren't going to protect you from people who are intent on harming you in any way. Having said that, one of the best (and worst) scenes I ever had was with someone I barely knew and didn't have a safe call for. That's part of what mad it so damn hot. To each their own.

(in reply to Sparkingfunboy)

Post #: 12

RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 2:54:33 PM

MissyRane

Posts: 1032
Joined: 5/11/2005
Status: offline

You said that she told you she'd call you when she'd get there n blahblah
now this was a situation nobody knew was going to end up like so I think it would be essential to actually call so yeah if a person says.."I'll call" to let know everything is okay I do expect them to actually make that phonecall otherwise I'd be worried. I wouldn't be as worried if I knew the people she was with were definitely safe but under these kind of circumstances it does matter everything.

(in reply to Sparkingfunboy)

Post #: 13

RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 2:59:02 PM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

You were concered as a good friend would be.
She is being an ass.
I wonder who she is going to call if this
situation she has gotten into- doesnt work out.
Remember what she said and how she treated you when she calls

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Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to stateira)

Post #: 14

RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 3:01:13 PM

Caitriona

Posts: 327
Joined: 8/28/2006
Status: offline

This past Friday, we had a slave come to visit. She and I have been close friends for awhile online and she's spoken with My Lord very often as well. It was kind of a meet and greet to see what the chemistry was like, as we have been considering taking her on as part of our family. She spoke to her former Master while with us, and made her safe call to another friend upon returning home safely that night. I think safecalls are very important and that you were only doing what a good friend should have done in that situation. I am sorry that it didn't turn out well for you.

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Serving alongside ciarra

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Post #: 15

RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 3:05:50 PM

needdiscipline23

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Joined: 5/14/2005
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I think safe calls are extremely important, particularly in a situation like this--what's even more important, is following through if you set up a safe call--anything less than follow-through on her part or yours is just wrong.

For her to fail to follow through after arranging a safe call--regardless of whose idea it was--is silly and inconsiderate....for her to be rude to you afterwards just seems beyond rude to me...

Disclaimer of course that we've only heard your side of the story--but assuming you're telling the truth, that's my opinion.

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 16

RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 3:10:11 PM

lilsubl

Posts: 4595
Joined: 2/6/2006
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i met with a new Dominant & set up a safe call...i was supposed to call my friend within 45 minutes of the time i was supposed to meet with him...i should have set my alarm, cause he & i were having so much fun conversing, that i lost track of the time...she called me 15 minutes after i was supposed to have called her...the first words out of my mouth were "i'm so sorry i didn't call you when i said i would" & begged her forgiveness...she was upset with me, but only because i had worried her needlessly & i fully understood & appreciated that....
safe calls are very important & need to be honored....

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Linea, collarded pet of the evil Sir Max & his lovely & equally evil wife

it's no fun unless you're scared

if you can't be brave, be determined & you'll get to the same place

wannabe member of the subbi mafia

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RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 4:06:27 PM

TemptingNviceSub

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Joined: 10/1/2005
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Safe calls are important but not ALL important, you should also have safe words set up...something along the lines of....if blue is entered into the conversation ,then it means you are in trouble but cannot speak freely....When I meet someone I always make an effort to obtain license plate numbers, where I plan on being and if I go elsewhere to inform my safe caller of such..still not foolproof but then what in life is?...Tempting

(in reply to lilsubl)

Post #: 18

RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 4:08:23 PM

lilsubl

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Joined: 2/6/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: TemptingNviceSub

Safe calls are important but not ALL important, you should also have safe words set up...something along the lines of....if blue is entered into the conversation ,then it means you are in trouble but cannot speak freely....When I meet someone I always make an effort to obtain license plate numbers, where I plan on being and if I go elsewhere to inform my safe caller of such..still not foolproof but then what in life is?...Tempting

my code word was "sasha"

_____________________________

Linea, collarded pet of the evil Sir Max & his lovely & equally evil wife

it's no fun unless you're scared

if you can't be brave, be determined & you'll get to the same place

wannabe member of the subbi mafia

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 19

RE: safe calls? - 2/11/2007 4:09:41 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
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I've never used a safe call. Honestly, if someone gives me the slightest vibe that I MIGHT need a safe call, then I won't meet them. Every person you meet could potentially harm you. The guy standing beside you in the grocery store line could pull a gun out and shoot you in the face. You could be pull into a dark alley and nasty things could be done to you. What I mean is safe calls are not quite as useful as everyone else makes them out to be, but I do think they are a good idea. I don't think that people who choose to not use safecalls and still excercise good judgment and listen to their intuition are insane. ps-sounds like she wasn't that great of a friend to begin with.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
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(in reply to lilsubl)

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