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AAkasha -> RE: Silly Sunday Question! Would you consider a poor submissive? (2/13/2007 11:24:01 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer
As a fair corollary, I would advise subs to also beware of dominants who are not reasonably self supporting. There are exceptions, but as a rule I'd suggest that any adult who really isn't capable of holding a job may also not be capable of holding up their end of a committment to a serious relationship. There are individuals of both sexes who are much better suited to staying at home and taking care of the house than they are to success in the outside world, but the skills for doing that successfully can still be parlayed into at least minimal self support. If that isn't happening, there may be a serious personal deficiency that is also going to cause issues in a relationship. A successful long term relationship takes work, maturity, honesty and committment, and someone who has a record of not being able to apply these skills to the rest of their lives is not a promising risk in a relationship either.
Obviously there's always the "shit happens" factor in real life, and you'll run into people who are broke due to circumstances outside their control, or circumstances in which their behavior and their choices were ethical and mature. But as a general rule "broke with no job" should be a warning sign worth investigating no matter what your gender or kinky orientation. You may find an answer behind it that's acceptable, or you may not.
I've been suckered in by some very pretty but fundamentally flawed and dysfunctional boysubs with no jobs a few times because I'm actually attracted to the "gigolo" dynamic. I let it happen - to an extent - because it was fun. But there's a point beyond which I won't go, because the amusement value isn't worth the annoyance factor of a dysfunctional partner with lazy fuckaround habits. I don't look at a man's bank account before I start dating him, but I do look at his maturity, reliability, work ethic and personal habits. Under most circumstances these things are likely to have a fairly direct connection.
This is such a great point and I wanted to illustrate it with an example. I, too, am really attracted to the "gigolo" dynamic, and moreso was/am attracted to the "Successful Corporate Woman/sexy boytoy/plaything/armcandy" dynamic. Early in my career when I was only moderately successful I still spent extravant amounts of money (unwisely) flying boytoys around and supporting them (well beyond my own means; I am a financial mess when I manage my own money - even when I make a lot of it).
I had a few situations with a livein type where I worked happily and supported my "boy" and it was fine. But I got tired of these guys who slept all day, stayed up til 3am playing videogames, left the place looking like a dump, not cleaning up their own messes, you name it. I didn't want to be a PARENT, after all.
When I met my current man, he didn't work because of his tourist-Visa status, and he lived with me. But he got up every morning when I did, started taking over cleaning the place, ran all my errands, took care of all the cooking, and totally made my life managable (and ran the finances properly, so not only did I make good money, the money started making money). Fast forward a year or so, and there's no way in hell I want this guy to work - I want him running my household. He is up in the morning before me so my breakfast is hot and ready, and he's thinking three steps ahead of me to make sure I have nothing to worry about. He's not lazy, and doesn't see his "non working" status as a permanent vacation. There's a big difference!
And he's STILL great arm candy!
Akasha
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