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RE: the how soon to collar question - 2/12/2007 7:15:59 AM

MasterC70

Posts: 68
Joined: 1/31/2007
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You spent one evening with him, and because you want to be sure that he's the right one before you commit to him he's angry? No relationship is set in stone by one single day. Relationships develop over time. How much time probably varies from couple to couple, but I don't think that a single day is quite enough. To paraphrase the old saying, "Act in haste, repent in leisure." If he's angry just because you aren't willing to commit after just having spent a few hrs with him how do you think he is likely to act if you have a limit that you are hard on, and that he wants to ignore? Better to keep on looking for the right one than risk ending up in the emergency room because the other person got physically hostile to the point of causing permament or lasting harm.

quote:

ORIGINAL: touchthesky

a local Dom ( not from collarme) who i spent one evening with and kept in touch with via email asked me to move into his household, be his slave and wear his collar. We got on pretty well. but i do not have a full sense of him. I told him this and he said i do know him and know i am meant to be his slave, that if i trust my instincts to be with him. I suspect he might just be lonely or wanting someone to take care of his needs, that it could easily be someone else. So i told him we had to wait and see what happens, but now he is real angry. He might be the one and i don't want to blow it. tough call

(in reply to touchthesky)

Post #: 21

RE: the how soon to collar question - 2/12/2007 7:19:23 AM

nephandi

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From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
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If you need to wait OP, then wait, dont sign your life away to somone you ahve just met, how will you know this man you have just met will treat you right?

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 22

RE: the how soon to collar question - 2/12/2007 8:02:26 AM

Driver1961

Posts: 459
Joined: 9/8/2005
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He enters, dips His lid to all.

OP; you both may well have enjoyed your one night together and of course that leads to thoughts of long-term permancy but, (always a but!) how REAL are both of you approaching this?

Thankfully one of you is!   Sure your comment about Him 'getting in before the competition' might be valid cos it's definitely a meat market out there but (another but!) what would you advise your or a friends- 18 yr old daughter or son if they asked your advice on this in a nilla relationship?

From a Dom's point of view- I question how much 'Strength' appears to be exhibited in His initial request of moving in after one night. Neediness is not STRENGTH.

I would 'run' (in a very domly fashion) if a sub behaved this way, even if it was my only chance to leave the 'trailer park' and move to a Beverley Hills Mansion.   (umm Eyes wonder why 'Ellie Mae' always had frayed ends on her britches rope belt) Ok, back on track (She did look the picture with her tied shirt) ok, back on track........(Damm, what about Ellie Mae and Jethro in Drag suspended from the main chandalier? or Mistress Gran ruling with Her wooden spoon?)

Agreeing with just about all others here;, anger at your request for some reality appears to be grounds for removing oneself before actual hurt.   Is it possible that you have set up this 'invitation' in your own (possiblely unintentional) neediness?

Therefore I think 'reasoned' questioning of His 'anger' response is appropriate to sort this turmoil better. Come back to the boards with His responses should this be warranted.

Smiles in our journeys

Driver1961

Warm regards Driver.

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Post #: 23

RE: the how soon to collar question - 2/12/2007 8:08:14 AM

RumpusParable

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From: NYC now!
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Honestly, the moment he started telling me what I do and don't know, should feel or not feel, etc is when I'd've gotten up and said "nevermind". Pitching a fit on top of such would just make me that more serious about ending it.

Those are just too big of bad signs for the future. Unacceptable in an equals relationship for me, doubley so in the case of power exchange. I couldn't trust someone who behaved so.

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(in reply to touchthesky)

Post #: 24

RE: the how soon to collar question - 2/12/2007 8:11:45 AM

SirKenin

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Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
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quote:

ORIGINAL: touchthesky

a local Dom ( not from collarme) who i spent one evening with and kept in touch with via email asked me to move into his household, be his slave and wear his collar. We got on pretty well. but i do not have a full sense of him. I told him this and he said i do know him and know i am meant to be his slave, that if i trust my instincts to be with him. I suspect he might just be lonely or wanting someone to take care of his needs, that it could easily be someone else. So i told him we had to wait and see what happens, but now he is real angry. He might be the one and i don't want to blow it. tough call

The problem with anyone and their relationship questions is they get all confused as soon as BDSM appears in the equation. People act like BDSM suddenly changes everything. It does not.

Simply think of it in a standard vanilla context. Would you accept an engagement ring from this man? If you answer no, the same answer applies to the collar and moving in with him. That is as simple as it gets.

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(in reply to touchthesky)

Post #: 25

RE: the how soon to collar question - 2/12/2007 8:15:26 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
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From: Charleston, WV
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Would you marry someone who you'd spent an evening with and ne proclaimed that you are meant to be his wife? Granted, a collar might not mean as much as a wedding ring to you, but you get the analogy.

Master Fire

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(in reply to touchthesky)

Post #: 26

RE: the how soon to collar question - 2/12/2007 9:08:57 AM

mixielicous

Posts: 1283
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From: Boston area, Massachusetts
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i was with Mine in a nilla relationship before we found BDSM. we had been together 3 months. i was collared the next month & things have never been the saem

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(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 27

RE: the how soon to collar question - 2/12/2007 9:15:22 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
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From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
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Well i should not be the one to talk realy. i met my Master when 16, we talked online 2 times and on the phone once, desided we did not want to boyfrind and girl frind hassel, made some groud rules and promised to be together forever and we are still together 8 years later. But i was lucky, very,very,very insaly lucky.

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(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 28

RE: the how soon to collar question - 2/12/2007 9:15:52 AM

juliaoceania

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Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

So i told him we had to wait and see what happens, but now he is real angry. He might be the one and i don't want to blow it. tough call

He was angry? I think it would be a good idea to think about that. People get angry at times, but not usually with someone that they are trying to court/win over into a long term relationship. That just sounds scary to me, and I would run the other way. In my opinion someone that was so easily angered and bent out of shape would be the last person I would submit to. Think about this, you are not even his yet and he is emotionally blackmailing you to manipulate you to consent to being his submissive. Is he going to do the same when he hits a hard limit?

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 2/12/2007 9:16:16 AM >

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(in reply to touchthesky)

Post #: 29

RE: the how soon to collar question - 2/12/2007 9:31:10 AM

SirKenin

Posts: 2994
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From: Barrie, ON Canada
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To further what juliaoceania is saying. Think of it this way. Doms outnumber subs by about 50 to 1. It is really tough for a Dom to find a good sub. Just look at your inbox and the amount of bullshit you have to put up with from Doms and wannabes. So, this Dom has found who he thinks is a "sucker" judging by his shit attitude. He is trying to reel you in. When you are showing some objection, he is getting irate and trying to manipulate you.

Quite frankly? Run away from him. He is not the one. Best case scenario he is desperate for *anyone*. Worst case he is a poser.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 30

RE: the how soon to collar question - 2/12/2007 9:35:20 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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quote:

I suspect he might just be lonely or wanting someone to take care of his needs, that it could easily be someone else

He sounds desperate. It's not an attractive trait.

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(in reply to touchthesky)

Post #: 31

RE: the how soon to collar question - 2/14/2007 9:53:07 AM

sexyone4you

Posts: 613
Joined: 8/17/2006
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Yeah, if you can't control yourelf, how can you expect to control everyone else? I tend to think about collaring like marriage. Would you marry this guy after 1 night? Take a bit more time to get to know each other. If he is that pushy and you are that uncomfy, he isn't for you

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 32

RE: the how soon to collar question - 2/14/2007 1:35:53 PM

MasterAdamn

Posts: 3
Joined: 12/20/2005
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A Sensei used to drum it into us that you can't truly know someone except over time and first-hand observation of actions and behaviors. How much time? That is the question mark but in relationships, even more so for D/s types where trus and, communication are of greater significance for a whole host of reasons (not the least of which is personal safety), time in my opinion is so critical. Rushing into something wherein one party is pushing the instinct/gut check/intuition angle seems unreasonable. Ultimately, intuition is based on intellect, experience, and sensing. You may have some comfort at an intellectual and sensing level.....but experience is time-based....comes from direct interaction over time. And if that is missing, then not sure you can trust instinct/intuition.

(in reply to touchthesky)

Post #: 33

RE: the how soon to collar question - 2/14/2007 1:46:04 PM

Lucius

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Joined: 6/13/2004
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I've noticed in Myself that the more time passes, the more experience I get, the slower and more reluctant I am to make - or accept - any commitments.

Lucius Alexander

House of the Palindromedary

(in reply to MasterAdamn)

Post #: 34

RE: the how soon to collar question - 2/14/2007 1:46:57 PM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
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Can someone say PREDITOR???
I think any one who'd push you to move in with them after one meeting wants to trap you in their home before you get the chance to see who they really are, or they are too desperate.
I would have a whole football field of red flags over that request.
There's no way in hell I'd move in with him & if he's angry someone he just met isn't willing to start in the deep end of the unkown then he's unrealistic & too needy for me.
I think you'd be nuts to even really consider his request.
suzanne
** Edited to add BESIDES it's the sub's place to beg the Dom/Master's collar he's not supposed to ask you to be his sub, you're suopposed to be the one asking him to take your submission.
He isn't even following protocol, and his anger is a sign of other things he's not mature enough to handle too I'd bet.

Run Missy, Run.

< Message edited by onestandingstill -- 2/14/2007 1:52:34 PM >

(in reply to touchthesky)

Post #: 35

RE: the how soon to collar question - 2/14/2007 2:33:13 PM

Arastella

Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
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Hunny 4 words. He's not the one. Not if he doesn't care about your needs. Plus...... you met him ONCE? And not only does he, after one meeting, want you to move in and be his slave, but after one meeting you think he's the one. You need to work on not trusting people so quickly, believe me, it'll hurt you. It hurt me, I learned the hard way. He probably just wants a free fuck whenever he gets horny. He's fucking with your mind, men sometimes tend to do that. Get out of it while you still can, PLEASE. These stories ALWAYS lead to rape, kidnapping, and/or death. Sorry to be so blunt.

(in reply to touchthesky)

Post #: 36

RE: the how soon to collar question - 2/14/2007 4:45:17 PM

kate

Posts: 177
Joined: 1/10/2004
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*thinks of something like that happening to her*..........*starts to cry*....... that's the kind of thing that could turn a soft hearted person nilla!.... seriously there are so many things wrong with that sanario that i can't even list them.....listen to your gut....and don't allow yourself to be taken advantage of....being taken advantage of SOUNDS a lot better than it actually is hun.... be SAFE! don't let crack-pot men who clame to be Doms tell you what is best for you.....he can't do that untill you concent to it *smile*..... you can do better....like someone earlier said...there are a lot more Doms than there are subs...so don't get sucked in by a bad one

(in reply to Arastella)

Post #: 37

RE: the how soon to collar question - 2/14/2007 4:59:15 PM

Shadowrun

Posts: 27
Joined: 7/24/2005
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Echoing the other opinions here. Run, run like the wind. I had just dropped this link for someone else but it seems very appropriate for this discussion. Take at look at the manipulator files.

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/manipulator/manip.shtml

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 38

RE: the how soon to collar question - 2/14/2007 7:02:18 PM

JasonF

Posts: 61
Joined: 5/30/2005
Status: offline

(reply to OP)

Wow... I opened this thread thinking "how soon" would be measured in months, not days. Wow.

I waited one month to collar my girl, but it wasn't so much a "now you're mine!", we grew into the relationship so that the collar just was a symbol of the power exchange that already existed.

But a day? Wow. I smell a predator.

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(in reply to Shadowrun)

Post #: 39

RE: the how soon to collar question - 2/14/2007 9:59:54 PM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
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From: Under a bridge
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Collar that girl as soon as she joins or she will read your forum posts and run for safety.

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Post #: 40

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