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Please help me understand. - 3/11/2005 11:28:01 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Once again my prejudicial position regarding "relationships" that people claim they have that are exclusively on-line. Even using the word "relationship" pains me because if isolated I'd bet the individuals would have very different ideas about the "relationship".

Without even considering the aspect that many playing on-line games are in committed relationships or married, and are in my opinion cheating. I want to understand what is the difference between on-line scening and remote mutual masturbation? It's sill your fingers, hands, or your hands on household appliances, doing the 'work'. Do you need someone at the other end of the Internet to orchestrate? Is the glow of the computer screen, and the jumping movements of a web cam image really that erotic?

Why does it bug me so much? Simple - when these people provide lifestyle relationship advise there is no disclaimer attached saying the closest they've ever been to a paddle, crop, or cuff is the avatar picture on CollarMe. I'm sure some have the same practical experience with a person to person relationship. What bothers me are people who use this advise and then go out in the real world and fail.

Maybe the people who partake in this kind of play are the same people who have a need to create 10 different profiles and play with themselves mentally. On-line is just the physical aspect of the mental masturbation practiced in many of the recent threads. Maybe it's what they do between 'sessions'. I really want to understand the goal? What is the "BEST RESULT" you can expect from an on-line encounter? How long do you get away with baiting an innocent participant who has a personal goal of meeting and partaking in this lifestyle real time? Is that part of the game? Do you keep score and discuss with other players? Does this exchange occur regularly in some kind of on-line players chat-room? "I strung out this poor bastard for 3 years promising I'd meet him/her. Can you believe that?? What a stupid, trusting, fool!!"

Being politically correct has never been my strongest point. I make no effort to be PC on subjects that I believe are absolutes. And my absolutes on this subject are simple. There can not be a Master or a slave in an exclusively on-line relationship. There is no relationship, there is the perception of a relationship. It's a fantasy. Nothing wrong with fantasy, until you feel your fantasy experience qualifies you as if you really know something.

Playing a golf simulator game I can shoot a 65 at Augusta and win the Masters. I wouldn't consider myself a golf pro by ANY means. If I ever played the course I'd be lucky to break 100 - hell I'd be lucky to break 150 under tournament conditions. Those that play with flight simulators - think you could really fly an F-14? And I don't think anyone would be silly enough to walk up to an F-14 pilot at an air show and say; "You know, I've got 5000 'Flight Simulator' hours on that jet. Next time you should take your barrel roll with a little less flap and more speed." I'm sure the pilot would be very impressed.
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RE: Please help me understand. - 3/11/2005 11:38:58 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		The thing is I think you CAN form a meaningful relationship and convey emotions online through writing. I have people I consider friends who I know online only, I have people I gain and lose respect for from their writing alone. When you read someone's writing and respond to them, that IS a relationship with them directly.

However, it's a VERY LIMITED relationship and only goes so far. The problem is that people forget those limitations and think that what they are getting is the full picture. Blame it on our Gestalt minds for filling in holes, blame it on inexperience of reality, blame it on frenzies, for whatever reason, we build expectations unfairly and unrealistically if we are not careful.

As well, comparing online relationship to offline just won't cut it. They aren't the same, they won't be the same. The reality of living Ds day to day with someone you can see regularly is a VERY DIFFERENT reality than only seeing them every so often or never seen them at all.

I also think that, eventually, you either have to meet or let it go. The energy can only be sustained for so long before you have to expand the picture, or let things stall out.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: Please help me understand. - 3/11/2005 11:56:35 AM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline 		Hey guys...is this just a rant, or are you really trying to understand something?

Are you trying to figure out why people have online relatioships?

Are you trying to figure out why experienced people (players) have online relationships?

Are you trying to figure out why people with online relationships think they know what a BDSM relationship is?

Let me know which it is, and I will try to help.

On a side note, do you know why the majority of online people are so much more into D/s then B&D or S&M? It is because D/s requires no actual contact, while the other two aspects do...

Taggard

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: Please help me understand. - 3/11/2005 12:17:13 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

Hey guys...is this just a rant, or are you really trying to understand something?


Taggard - REALLY REALLY want to know.

Want to understand the mind set and purpose. And remember, not talking about people who meet on line and get together. Not even talking about people who are far away from each other and on-line between getting together. I used to be totally against the idea of any on-line play, but changed my belief to account for those people who just can't be with each other as often as they would like. Sometimes mutual masturbation under those circumstances is therapeutic and beneficial to the relationship.

I'd like to appreciate insight into ALL the factors you bring up. I'd assume that their adamant justification is a rationalization. If they don't think they are practiced lifestyle participants how can they believe anyone else would?

On the D/s versus B&D issue. I agree. So there is nothing physical happening on the part of either participant? Is it akin to a role play game with no intent or goal of sexual stimulation or release? WOW - If that's the case it's a highly frustrating game!

(in reply to TallDarkAndWitty)
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RE: Please help me understand. - 3/11/2005 12:42:24 PM   
Voltare


Posts: 841
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Santiago, Chile
Status: offline 		Such a complicated issue, so little time to post.

Here's a simple stab - quite simply, many people online do not know why they are online.

Sure, they know they are online to read the news. Maybe they have to look up some information for work. Check email? Of course! They have a couple hours to kill before bedtime, and want to escape from the nagging wife/husband/kids/dog/landlord/sickrelative/etc so they start browsing. They get curious about chat rooms, and a few months later they are obessed by the instant relationship interaction and gratification that comes from a relationship without any definate goals, direction, or expectations besides simple interaction. Real life relationships take real time, effort, goals, direction, money, time in a shower, time washing clothes, and comes with a whole other host of responsibilities. Online relationships require an average quick wit, command of one language, and somewhat of an imagination. Nothing else is obligatory, and lying online (if only online) is something that only increases the interaction, rather then hindering it. It's only when the relationship moves to a real life interaction, that such lies and lack of ability to meet 'normal relationship' responsibilities do the internet.

Internet relationships aren't inherently unhealthy, and aren't always valueless. I could safely say that I have many internet relationships, from this site and others, that have lasted for literally years. I enjoy the interaction, and don't feel they are much different from my casual acquaintences in my real life. One or two of these people mean quite a bit more, and I fully intend to meet these people in real time one day. They can lead to very healthy, meaningful relationships in real time - but that can only happen if the people meet. Without making that relationship tangible and real, the person you are talking online to will only remain a fantasy.

I would take it a step further and mention a relationship of my own. I dated a woman real time for about a year and a half. We were nearly inseperable, while I was in college. Later, the relationship deteriorated as we both grew, but we remained friends. As I started travelling, she remained at school, and we often kept in touch by messenger and phone. As the months passed, the relationship became more and more strained. We talked less, emailed less, and generally lost contact. I saw her on messenger a couple days ago, and the conversation was extremely pained, lasted about five minutes, and I have no doubt we will probably not speak again for a long time, if ever.

Relationships, online or real life, will go nowhere if there is no direction. They will die without love and care, just as a flower dies without water or sunlight. There are people who engage in mutual masturbation in real time, just as online. If this is what people want their relationships to be, then more power to them. If more is wanted, then it is the personal responsibility of everyone involved to find it.

Stephan

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"There is always some madness in love, but there is always some reason in madness." - F. Nietzsche

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: Please help me understand. - 3/11/2005 12:56:02 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth
Once again my prejudicial position regarding "relationships" that people claim they have that are exclusively on-line.

I feel that way too; unless it becomes a real life meeting within a short amount of time (2 weeks-3months) and unless it becomes real face-to-face interaction, it's just fingers and a keyboard, so I don't attach much importance/emotions to it. I do suppose that some of the typists take themselves extremely seriously. If you've ever said "no thanks, am not interested" to someone online and he/she became irate calling you out of your name with names you've never heard of, I would say he/she takes it very seriously, at least to the point of needing a psychiatrist in my view.

quote:

I want to understand what is the difference between on-line scening and remote mutual masturbation? It's sill your fingers, hands, or your hands on household appliances, doing the 'work'. Do you need someone at the other end of the Internet to orchestrate?

Yes actually Merc (no me); some people lack imagination; some people have fantasized but never met/been with anyone that looks like this particular person, some people aren't kinky in their everyday lives, but are open to kinky ideas online since it feels safer; certainly it's safer sex. Indeed some people are married/cheat, and wives don't care who he's phucking online.

quote:

Why does it bug me so much? Simple - when these people provide lifestyle relationship advise there is no disclaimer attached saying the closest they've ever been to a paddle, crop, or cuff is the avatar picture on CollarMe.

I understand your frustration, because it's real humans asking for advice because they need it, and real jerkoffs being irresponsible by teaching things they have no idea about, but in the end we all have to be responsible for our choices and that includes whom we choose to take advice from. I tend to shy away from people without experience and plenty of advice.
quote:

I'm sure some have the same practical experience with a person to person relationship.

Yes, this part is true too. When people try to downplay the normalcy of meeting people from an online medium, I tell them that the majority of liars/people with some mild-severe form of narcisssistic personality disorder (among other diagnoses) I've met/dated or married have been in real time, so am willing to take my chances on the net, naturally doing much better at detection of unacceptable behavior since I've been there and done it.
quote:

I really want to understand the goal? What is the "BEST RESULT" you can expect from an on-line encounter? How long do you get away with baiting an innocent participant who has a personal goal of meeting and partaking in this lifestyle real time? Is that part of the game? Do you keep score and discuss with other players? Does this exchange occur regularly in some kind of on-line players chat-room? "I strung out this poor bastard for 3 years promising I'd meet him/her. Can you believe that?? What a stupid, trusting, fool!!"

I have always wondered how much of a loser one has to be to get joy from this kind of play (lying/stringing people along). I still feel tremendous sympathy for the people lied to, because for me, everytime I encounter another human being who is a liar/self absorbed ass****, the less innocent I feel and less able to trust in the basic kindness of humans.

quote:

Being politically correct has never been my strongest point. I make no effort to be PC on subjects that I believe are absolutes. It's a fantasy. Nothing wrong with fantasy, until you feel your fantasy experience qualifies you as if you really know something.

I'll join you there and agreeing that some things are absolutes, and no amount of rationalizing BS makes it okay, though this would get into trouble with Taggard, who can argue that nothing is absolute (phylosophical genius).
Just my $.02. M


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""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: Please help me understand. - 3/11/2005 1:09:20 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		Well, I can explain why -I- had on online relationship, but I can't speak for anyone else.

To put it simply, I was underage, and was not ready for a face to face relationship.

I knew what I thought I'd wanted. I'd read just about everything I could get my hands on, and knew what -sounded- good, but at 15ish I also knew I was -not- emotionally ready for a face to face relationship of -any- kind beyond boyfriends and girlfriends who were my age.

Still, I -craved- the types of power exchange I read about. Online was a good compromise. I could be safe and legal. There was no pressure for sex (which I was not ready for either). However I could obey and give someone at least some type of fufilment.

Too, it was a great place to start. It introduced me to things I hadn't read about, and gave me a chance to see what actually worked for me.

I believe that an online relationship is only as real as the two people invovled want it to be. I wanted, desperatly, to serve the person I was with, so I took it -very- seriously. I didn't fudge or lie. I acted in the same way I do with my partner now. The only difference was that our interaction took place through the net.

I maintain that online is a good place to start, because it gives you a chance to make sure "this" works for you whithout putting yourself or somoene else in danger.

Personally, having moved off line I couldn't go back. However, I understand the appeal. To me, the important thing is honesty. If you want online only, say you want online only. Be clear about what you want and where you're coming from and you can find partners that work for you.

's my reason for having an online relationship.

_____________________________

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RE: Please help me understand. - 3/11/2005 1:15:01 PM   
Leonidas


Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline 		Hello Mercnbeth,

There is little mystery to it. Sometimes people "do" online as an entree to the life, but when someone restricts themselves to online interaction, it's because their life circumstances either prohibit actual participation, or don't square with what they potray online. Married or in a committed relationship that they're hiding is one that you mentioned, but there are others. The all powerful online Master is, in reality, a security guard at Sears who rides the bus to work and shares an apartment with a room-mate. Even if he wanted to get involved actively, money would be a cronic issue and he'd have no place to take a flesh-and-blood woman if he managed to meet one.

So, for a few hours a day and the cost of a dial-up internet connection, he's SirLordMasterDomlyDom. Virtual women treat him with deference. He gets to be somebody in the virtual world that he won't ever actually be. If he messes up or things get too sticky, no problem, just change the screen name and try again. He can invent and re-invent himself at will as he learns the lingo, and what works for him, and what doesn't.



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Take care of yourself

Leonidas

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RE: Please help me understand. - 3/11/2005 1:35:31 PM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

The all powerful online Master is, in reality, a security guard at Sears who rides the bus to work and shares an apartment with a room-mate. Even if he wanted to get involved actively, money would be a cronic issue and he'd have no place to take a flesh-and-blood woman if he managed to meet one.


Leonidas,
Damn, I hope you're wrong about that scenario, because if someone is out there feeling that way - it's very sad. Would the answer or position be the same prohibitive factor regarding a vanilla relationship? With a little imagination and $10 at a Dollar Store you get enough toys to get started. It costs the same amount to date vanilla-ly as is does flavored.

Going from screen name to screen name is an obvious ploy. Seems to happen all the time on CollarMe. But the question is, is "real" NEVER in the picture? And if so, shouldn't they be at least be honest and let the other person know? If not they are very dangerous predators, and their victims have only their experience with them as the image of this lifestyle. Is honesty and the other person's emotional health totally irrelevant?

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RE: Please help me understand. - 3/11/2005 2:04:05 PM   
Leonidas


Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline
quote:

With a little imagination and $10 at a Dollar Store you get enough toys to get started.


*wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes*

Oh Geezus, thank you for the best laugh I've had in a while. I guess you've never seen SirLordMasterDomlyDom operate. After holding a girl spellbound with his stories of how he attained his Grand Master status training in the secret academies of Europe where the graduation test was flicking a sequin from a blindfolded girl's clit with a 20' single tail without making her flinch, he's going to look a little funny showing up to play with his plastic handcuffs, pancake turner, and wooden spoon from the dollar store.


_____________________________

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

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RE: Please help me understand. - 3/11/2005 2:04:34 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Why does it bug me so much? Simple - when these people provide lifestyle relationship advise there is no disclaimer attached saying the closest they've ever been to a paddle, crop, or cuff is the avatar picture on CollarMe. I'm sure some have the same practical experience with a person to person relationship. What bothers me are people who use this advise and then go out in the real world and fail.


Merc,
I have often wondered about the whole online thing and what a person could possibly get out of it. I can not comprehend how anyone could term this type of interaction a relationship.

The part of your post that I quoted is the one thing that ires me most. I have seen countless instances of people who are strictly online or phone giving advice all over these boards. If you read through the threads there are several instances of that very thing going on here right now. At the risk of being shredded to mincemeat, I am going to take what you said and go one step further and include the people who get together and play occasionally and have NEVER lived in a 24/7 relationship.

I don't think that either of these groups have any idea what it is like to live this "real time" day in and day out. I don't think that what they are doing is wrong, heck if it pleases them then who am I to say they shouldn't? I do think, however, that they should refrain from giving advice to those who are living this day to day "real time". I think it is very much like someone reading a copy of Prevention magazine and then thinking they are or portraying themself to be qualified to perform surgery. It could be downright dangerous.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
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RE: Please help me understand. - 3/11/2005 2:19:23 PM   
willing2serve


Posts: 385
Joined: 4/6/2004
Status: offline
quote:

stories of how he attained his Grand Master status training in the secret academies of Europe where the graduation test was flicking a sequin from a blindfolded girl's clit with a 20' single tail without making her flinch, he's going to look a little funny showing up to play with his plastic handcuffs, pancake turner, and wooden spoon from the dollar store.


OMG....LAUGHING TOO HARD>......I think I met him once...

But seriously though, I can't speak for what people seek online or in real time, but I just know this submissive cannot live without looking into my Sir's eyes, feeling his touch and kneeling at his feet.

Taggard made a great point by saying D/s doesn't require touch but B&D and S&M does...that is true...but...is D/s complete without the 5 senses?

Respectfully,
Willing2serve1

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RE: Please help me understand. - 3/11/2005 2:45:56 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

On a side note, do you know why the majority of online people are so much more into D/s then B&D or S&M? It is because D/s requires no actual contact, while the other two aspects do...

Taggard


Hmmmm... I can relate to your thoughts... for Master and I, our relationship doesn't need physical contact to work(even though we are together in life) to allow each other, under His Guidence, to be ourselves.

Merc:
All i know is that I have some wonderful friendships from people I talk to online. There is one person I have shared amazing times with from the death of His sub, through to His son joining the soccar team. I have laughed, cried and shared deep and meaningfuls with... who I consider a Brother and a friend even though we have never met in real life. I have known Him over 8 years and our friendship is stronger than ever, yet I do not ever plan meeting Him in real, because it may never be possible. But I never started speaking to Him contemplating I 'must' meet him... just that he and i had so much in commen and we became friends. I don't consider him any less of a friend just because he is online. I have a friend who is a sub, i have known for 10 years. We have never met yet she and i know each other so well, we dont even have to tell each other if somethings happened, because a few words in and the other knows... intuition? You tell me...
People have had pen friends for centuries... there are people who write to people in prison who will never be together... some people just have the need to be needed in whatever way that may be. For some, online maybe just like any other fetish... but even as a non-onliner, it isnt about having to understand the reasons behind it, but accepting it just exists for some people and if its their choice, then thats nothing to do with people outside of their relationship.

I personally feel we don't have to understand a fetish or a need to accept it. We do not have to be concerned unless it affects us as individuals in some way. It could be said that it does affect us, because as you have mentioned, onliners give advice that they may not have any experience of. But then, the same can be said for people who are 'real-time' who offer advice, that have other people cringing and reading in horror, because their views are 'dangerous'. But in the end, everyone, even slaves, must ultimately take care of themselves. Abuse happens everywhere. We can't focus on accusing just one section or group for the problems that exist in the community. But we can keep doing what we have been doing... offering individual advice... offering different versions and ideas and that allows everyone to make their own choice.
Just a thought...

Peace and Love

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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RE: Please help me understand. - 3/11/2005 2:49:44 PM   
sterlingsweet


Posts: 180
Joined: 8/10/2004
Status: offline 		When I met my first Domina, it was on line and we were together face to face within 3 weeks and we lived 400 miles apart.

I spent a lot of time with her, 3 ot 4 weeks at a time, travling back in forth.

I don't get the on-line thing to much either, and when I go into the Chat (which is a rarity) it actually scares the chit out of me how people interact with physical strangers.
To each their own, but to me it seems like some of them are men with the Fastasy of the desire to someday be a Dom(new to the ropes,lol), and most of the women and I can only speak about the women in the only woman chat( I went there being Lesbian), seem to be into the Very Bi thing and are looking for Fantasy fun with another woman to Masterbate to, is seems to me that they have no desire to meet in real life for most of them are married.

So I personally don't understand it, it must feed some need for them though or there wouldn't be so many doing it. I am glad that most of those chatters don't use the boards here.

I feel I have enough knowledge to not fear any of them throwing advice around although it is somewhat scary for the novice.

I don't know their... "Kink" is their "Kink" I guess.

_____________________________

Who Let the Dommes Out?? (I'd like to Thank them).
~Wink

Peace Out...Sterlingsweet

I finally got my cuffs,
I hope to use them soon ~wink

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RE: Please help me understand. - 3/11/2005 2:51:02 PM   
mantis65


Posts: 456
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline 		Threes a lot of these types out there Dom/me, sub switch whatever. you cant trust people just by their online persona.
I don’t see how people could trust someone they don’t really know in the flesh.

I think they fall in love with their own fantasy image of the person they have in their head. They wont see any negative aspects because they are only shown what the persona on the other end wants themselves to be seen as.

i have online friends i will never meet and have a mental image of them that maybe nothing like their real selves.
mantis

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RE: Please help me understand. - 3/11/2005 2:52:12 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
quote:

is D/s complete without the 5 senses?


My answer would be yes.

We have experimented on periods using only one or two senses. Also, being synaesthesic myself, I would say at times I use 6... bring religion or a belief system into the equasion I would have 7... but I have never thought of other people in a D/s relationship as 'only using 5'... on another extreme there are people who have a physical disability who do not use 5 senses, and D/s is still important and works for them.
Just an opinion...

Peace and Love

_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Please help me understand. - 3/11/2005 3:18:15 PM   
FragileRose


Posts: 58
Joined: 3/6/2005
Status: offline 		Well, I don't have the full answer here. I am mostly seeking answers, not giving them. And, you know that I have a long distance relationship - and I do mean relationship - with constant telephone contact. I imagine that it is true that a good many people playing online are engaged in fantasy, hiding from their own lives, cheating on their spouses, and engaging in grandiose behavior. Before your readers completely denigrate online and long distance, I just want to say that it can be a way of dipping your toe in the water for some people. I myself was catapulted into a new world through this LDR. Many people, such as you and others, suggest taking the next step - and perhaps that is in the stars for me. But, when I was initiated into D/s, real world connections did start happening. I am doing work related to my Master's business in the real world, meeting new people in the BDSM world, and slowly deciding what I want to do next. I was actually in a state of being "sick unto death" when my Master first called, as I had lost my job last year and languished in bed for nearly a year. His voice and warmth made me interested in life. He wanted to know all about me - my clothing, my lifestyle, my work and I became interested in life again. So, like everything else in life, it is not all good or bad. My therapist believes that my D/s friendship is indeed a relationship, but that it has limits. I think most people eventually recognize that they are facing limits and decide to either accept them or make changes. As for mutual masturbation, I take strong issue. My Master has taken me places that I would have never gone just using my own hands and brain. He has transformed my idea of what sexuality is all about - and I was very certain that I had all the answers before. He has also assigned demanding real world exercises that have expanded my limits and led to greater pleasure and joy that I had experienced before. Growing up the 1970s, I was right in the thick of the sexual revolution - so it is saying a lot that he brought me to another level.

So, I understand why you are asking the question, but I would hate to see online and telephone contact relegated to the status of meaningless masturbation. It has created the conditions for great change in my life, a new blossoming.

< Message edited by FragileRose -- 3/11/2005 3:23:07 PM >

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RE: Please help me understand. - 3/11/2005 3:51:16 PM   
FangsNfeet


Posts: 3758
Joined: 12/3/2004
Status: offline 		Mercnbeth, some people just don't have a life. Well perhaps it's a life but one without a full time/part time job, not enrolled in an education course, socialization with friends, sleep, family, hobbies that require to leave the house, and a clean environment.
A strict online relationship has never cut it for me. Sure I have interesting conversations and gain ideas as well as possibly consider them a friend but as for calling them a bf or gf, it ain't happening. I meet ppl from time to time who say how much they're in love with so n so 3000 miles away without ever meeting them in person. Even after chatting for over 2 years, they still haven't meet but are considering plans. If you haven't meet by then because of set backs and excusses, some one is getting there chain yanked. I guess I'm just a tad to much of a physical kind a guy to want a cyber relationship.



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RE: Please help me understand. - 3/11/2005 5:21:14 PM   
TallDarkAndWitty


Posts: 1893
Joined: 6/12/2004
From: Rochester, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

Hey guys...is this just a rant, or are you really trying to understand something?


Taggard - REALLY REALLY want to know.


Those who do this online only are looking for an escape from their regular lives. Be it from a wife, a mother, the kids, the law, a crappy job, a lousy living situation, a bad case of acne, a weight problem or what ever it is, the online only BDSMer is looking for a way to, just for a while, leave his life and experience a different one.

Over time, this escape becomes more and more meaningful in this person's life. The bounderies between the persona they play online and their own self image begin to fade, and they actually begin to believe their own online resume. The realities that keep them from living out the fantasies they write about still prevent them from doing anything off line, but that doesn't stop them from thinking they have actually developed some skill at BDSM. (Well, quite typically it is D/s as the skill required for B&D and S&M is something that must be developed and used real time, which has little use for the online only BDSMer.)

After a few years, the same old posts appear again and again, and the online BDSMer has read enough of them to know what to regergitate. It is sage advice passed down from message board to message board, mailing list to mailing list. It doesn't matter if they have ever experienced the actions spoken of, they have read of them, and written of them, enough times to be at least semi-expert on any BDSM topic.

There is nothing dangerous about this type of BDSMer. They are completely harmless as they will never meet another in real life. As far as time wasting goes, if you are willing to spend 6 months, or even 2, submitting to someone before meeting them, you probably need to learn the lesson you are being taught.

Taggard

< Message edited by TallDarkAndWitty -- 3/11/2005 5:23:39 PM >

_____________________________

A most rewarding compliment is an insult from the ill-informed.


My slave: Kat (RainaVerene on the other side) and her website: RainaVerene.com

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Please help me understand. - 3/11/2005 5:37:12 PM   
conflicted


Posts: 140
Joined: 10/31/2004
Status: offline
quote:

I think they fall in love with their own fantasy image of the person they have in their head. They wont see any negative aspects because they are only shown what the persona on the other end wants themselves to be seen as.


i agree with with the above statement, to meet may spoil the illusion each has of each other. i do understand what the thread is saying, and as i have never had an online D/s type relationship, i find it even hard to imagine doing so. i think you can generally see what a person is all about with eye contact and body language.

quote:

At the risk of being shredded to mincemeat, I am going to take what you said and go one step further and include the people who get together and play occasionally and have NEVER lived in a 24/7 relationship.

I don't think that either of these groups have any idea what it is like to live this "real time" day in and day out. I don't think that what they are doing is wrong, heck if it pleases them then who am I to say they shouldn't? I do think, however, that they should refrain from giving advice to those who are living this day to day "real time".


ok, i dont want to start a back and forth bickering type thing here about the above statement.

BUT...

please correct me if i took it the wrong way mistoferin

Are you saying that those of us that have Doms/Masters/subs/slaves that are not in a 24/7 live in relationship (though see/speak to each other daily) are not "real time"

And when posting a reply, how is anyone to know who is "real time" and when or if one is to refrain from offering advice or participating in a thread?

Is there a "real time", "most time", "anytime", "sometime" heirachy that us newbies dont know about?


n



(in reply to FangsNfeet)
Profile   Post #: 20
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