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Would You Be Bound? - 2/12/2007 3:47:02 AM

losttreasure

Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
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I did not wish to hijack the thread that prompted this question, What Binds You The Most?, but the answers I saw there made me curious. It appeared as if the majority of subs and slaves were quick to answer that it is the love or similar emotions they feel that binds them to their dominant. But I wonder what the answers would be if the dominant did not in some way share that bond (assuming that they do)?

Would you be as bound to your dominant if he or she did not have an emotional investment in you? If they viewed their ownership of you as a purely unemotional relationship and one where you should serve because it is both your place and your agreement? If he or she was ambivalent about whether you love or have any emotional attachment to them, just as long as you abide by your agreement and serve them obediently?

_____________________________

Just because it isn't "all about me", doesn't make it "all about you".

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RE: Would You Be Bound? - 2/12/2007 4:25:48 AM

Caitriona

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Joined: 8/28/2006
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I do not think that I could serve someone who did not have an emotional investment in the relationship - I have often said that my submission is based in my relationship, not the other way around, if that makes sense. I realize that there may be others who can do that sort of thing and get their emotional needs fulfilled elsewhere, but I do not think that I could. That, of course, is based on the fact that the only Dominant I've ever had was my husband first, then we started down the D/s road together.

_____________________________

Property of Shadowraven
Serving alongside ciarra

(in reply to losttreasure)

Post #: 2

RE: Would You Be Bound? - 2/12/2007 4:38:58 AM

bandit25

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I agree with Caitriona. I don't know that the emotion would necessarily have to be love but if he had no emotional involvement or investment in me or our relationship, I doubt that I would be in one with him. Course I wouldn't make an agreement like the one you describe unless I was certain that we both had some sort of emotional involvement.

(in reply to Caitriona)

Post #: 3

RE: Would You Be Bound? - 2/12/2007 4:46:57 AM

twicehappy

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Joined: 2/5/2006
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Easy answer, Hell No!

_____________________________

Infinite Diversity in Infinite Combinations.

The human heart is not a finite container but an ever expanding universe with all the stars contained there in.

(in reply to losttreasure)

Post #: 4

RE: Would You Be Bound? - 2/12/2007 4:57:16 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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It would be difficult for me to submit to someone with whom I didn't feel some emotion. I know it works for some people and a lot of people scene, but the idea of that doesn't do much for me. I also don't fall in love immediately with people, so I don't need to be in love, but I need an emotional connection, affection and caring of some sort.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to twicehappy)

Post #: 5

RE: Would You Be Bound? - 2/12/2007 5:20:13 AM

sleazybutterfly

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Joined: 5/15/2006
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No, I can say that I wouldn't be. If I had the contract and agreement, yes, but I wouldn't make a contract, nor accept a collar from someone that didn't have love or emotions for me in return. I have had many Doms that wanted me for just property, they told me that upfront, but I wasn't happy that way. I wanted someone to be my husband, to have a family with.. I don't think either one of those things would work if he didn't love me in some way in return.

Its like sex without love, it had its place, but right now for me it doesn't. I knew what I was looking for and when he and I started talking, I knew I had it.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to losttreasure)

Post #: 6

RE: Would You Be Bound? - 2/12/2007 6:19:16 AM

viperess

Posts: 290
Joined: 11/6/2006
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Greetings,

Yes i have served a couple Masters to whom i was just considered property and while i did not have a feeling of love for them i still tried to do my very best in my service to them. i can honestly say i am much happier now that i am again serving a Master whom i do love. i also can say i knew with the couple that i served out of only my desire to serve that i did know going into the relations how they viewed me and they were up front about the fact that they would not/could not love me if that was what i was looking for.

viperess slave of CTDOM4sub

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)

Post #: 7

RE: Would You Be Bound? - 2/12/2007 6:47:53 AM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: losttreasure

Would you be as bound to your dominant if he or she did not have an emotional investment in you? If they viewed their ownership of you as a purely unemotional relationship and one where you should serve because it is both your place and your agreement? If he or she was ambivalent about whether you love or have any emotional attachment to them, just as long as you abide by your agreement and serve them obediently?

if there weren't any emotional attachment to my bond with Daddy, i wouldn't be collared by Him and/or continue my search for someone else. i believe there has to be some type of emotional bond between D/s though not defined as love.

also to add - i have been this type of D/s relationship where there was no emotional bond between my former Masters. i was merely used to serve their sexual needs and then dismissed like trash after our session was over. i felt more like a unpaid whore than a submissive to them.

< Message edited by sambamanslilgirl -- 2/12/2007 6:50:46 AM >

_____________________________

...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...

...announcing Mr. & Mrs. British Petrol ...yeah, marrying into oil is slick business...

(in reply to losttreasure)

Post #: 8

RE: Would You Be Bound? - 2/12/2007 7:13:27 AM

nephandi

Posts: 4470
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From: Cold and magickal Norway in a town near Bergen!
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i do not need romantical love to serve Master, but i need him to love me, at least as property so yes, i need some emotional investment.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 9

RE: Would You Be Bound? - 2/12/2007 7:15:26 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
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Hard limit that. I am not the only one risking emotional intimacy here. I can't be. I couldn't let down my defences and trust him if he didn't feel about me the way I feel about him. For me, it's all or nothing.

(in reply to nephandi)

Post #: 10

RE: Would You Be Bound? - 2/12/2007 8:12:07 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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For most, no.

For me, yes.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 11

RE: Would You Be Bound? - 2/12/2007 8:19:55 AM

ownedgirlie

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Joined: 2/5/2006
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No. I need to be able to love. I never asked him to love me in return; only to please accept the love I feel for him. If he had been ambivalent about my feelings toward him, that means he would not really care about owning ALL of me, because he wouldn't be receiving my heart. And I couldn't submit fully to a partial owner.

That he loves me in return is icing on the cake, although he rarely expresses it. I can see it in the way he rules me, however, and it draws out the sweetness of my own love. But I was emotionally bound to him before he ever loved me, so that was not an issue in my developing submission.

However, I have difficulty understanding a dominant who did not feel SOME sort of emotion toward a submissive who continued to offer him/herself, push him/herself, and strive to please the dom. Whether it is love or some other form of emotion, can someone be so stoic as to be completely unemotional? I suppose so, but that would be a different kind of D/s relationship, and one that would likely not have enough depth to fill my tank.

(in reply to losttreasure)

Post #: 12

RE: Would You Be Bound? - 2/12/2007 8:27:18 AM

toservez

Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
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For me to commit myself to a long term relationship I would have to know that the other cared for me on a pretty deep level that I could believe would be there for me when/if I get sick or other bad times that life throws at you.

My first experience being owned was by a couple and it was a wonderful experience but it was also a known short term relationship (until I finished my education). One of the things that prevented me from wanting to be in another poly situation was that I would struggle in dealing with having to share hearts with another. For me to serve and dedicate myself to a person that has to be there for them to get al of me which is what they deserve.

Now the person has to love me is not something I consider have to as I am not sure how one can quantify love or what constitutes it. So for me the word love does not have to be uttered but their affection or need for affection for someone else has to be filled by me.

_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 13

RE: Would You Be Bound? - 2/12/2007 8:34:15 AM

MsNdsisuv

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Joined: 2/20/2006
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I have to honestly say here that I am not sure.

I began a nilla relationship with my ex. I didn't realize what a Dom he was, he didn't lead on for quite a while. Eventually tho... the emotions of love ran dry ( I don't know how else to explain that) and yet I still found myself serving him on many levels. I wasn't necessarily "in love" yet I was proud of my abilities to still serve well. Eventually things happened, he went away... I found life without him was just as good if not better and then I met Sir.

Sir and I have a totally different dynamic and I love serving him. We have very strong emotions for each other. I am much "happier" where I am now. I don't know if it would be the same if there were no emotions.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 14

RE: Would You Be Bound? - 2/12/2007 9:59:37 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: losttreasure

Would you be as bound to your dominant if he or she did not have an emotional investment in you? If they viewed their ownership of you as a purely unemotional relationship and one where you should serve because it is both your place and your agreement? If he or she was ambivalent about whether you love or have any emotional attachment to them, just as long as you abide by your agreement and serve them obediently?

A long time ago, in a galaxy far away... ::chuckles::

With my first Master, hell, I didn't even like him. I was bound by my insecurity, naivete, horny fantasy's, low self-esteem and the fact that I viewed his cruel and abusive nature as powerful and being in control. My bad, not his although I actually learned alot (about myself) being in service to him for 3 years. He took total advantage of me, but I also took advantage of him and used him for what I could get, so, he sucked, but I sucked, too. I think he was just as bound albeit for very different reasons as I and those reasons really, if they had anything to do with any sort of positive emotional attachment, I couldn't see it then and in hindsight, over 20 years later, I still can't see it.

Staying with him had nothing to do with any agreement between us (we didn't really have one in any event, just sort of fell into things but no negotiation or things of that nature - he gave me a list of what he expected and, well, that was what he expected so that's what happened), I didn't care a fig for him and didn't care if he didn't care a fig for me. I stayed because I didn't like myself enough 'not' to stay. Being bound to someone comes from both sides of the coin, both negative and positive.. the binds can be just as tight if you don't know how to get out of them, don't know you should or just, flat out, don't want to because you think that's all there is for you.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to losttreasure)

Post #: 15

RE: Would You Be Bound? - 2/12/2007 11:30:47 AM

mixielicous

Posts: 1283
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: Boston area, Massachusetts
Status: offline

for Him to be my Master, for a man to OWN me, yes i must love Him. He did not take me, i gave myself to Him as thanks. as my signature implies.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v68/serafiend/slavecopy.jpg

thats my thoughts on it. that was made a few months after my collaring.

< Message edited by mixielicous -- 2/12/2007 11:51:05 AM >

_____________________________

"lets just say he's a few prawns short of a galaxy"

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 16

RE: Would You Be Bound? - 2/12/2007 12:48:23 PM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

No. I just couldn't do it. Been there (although it was not a D/s relationship, it was a very significant (or supposed to be) - relationship, and it just hurts me too much.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 2/12/2007 12:54:32 PM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to mixielicous)

Post #: 17

RE: Would You Be Bound? - 2/12/2007 1:17:52 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

If my dominant did not love me I would not be his. Very simple for me as I desire love most in life.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to SusanofO)

Post #: 18

RE: Would You Be Bound? - 2/12/2007 2:07:02 PM

Littlepita

Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
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No

_____________________________

“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 19

RE: Would You Be Bound? - 2/12/2007 2:25:07 PM

junecleaver

Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline

I would never intentionally choose it, but I would probably remain in the relationship in hopes that they would change their mind.

_____________________________

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

(in reply to Littlepita)

Post #: 20

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