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Edification in the scene - 2/13/2007 10:27:28 AM   
Aubre


Posts: 478
Joined: 12/9/2004
Status: offline 		Edification - the act of using words to try to build someone up and make them feel better about themselves - how do people feel about this?
I don't think it makes me any less of a dom to say something to someone to try to uplift them - just because I can. I'm not talking about blowing smoke up people's asses or buttering them up. I'm talking about - you are in a situation - you could either say something rude and flip but instead, you try to make them feel better about themselves.

I just feel like there is too much insulting and not enough edifying going on - in the scene and in the world in general.
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RE: Edification in the scene - 2/13/2007 10:35:18 AM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline 		I don't know... that's a pretty big generalization. 

I don't think being dominant means someone has to be malicious.  Of course, if one were to assume that the confidence possessed by most dominants was gained through intimidating others, they might feel that way.


_____________________________

Just because it isn't "all about me", doesn't make it "all about you".

(in reply to Aubre)
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RE: Edification in the scene - 2/13/2007 10:38:31 AM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aubre

Edification - the act of using words to try to build someone up and make them feel better about themselves - how do people feel about this?
I don't think it makes me any less of a dom to say something to someone to try to uplift them - just because I can. I'm not talking about blowing smoke up people's asses or buttering them up. I'm talking about - you are in a situation - you could either say something rude and flip but instead, you try to make them feel better about themselves.

I just feel like there is too much insulting and not enough edifying going on - in the scene and in the world in general.



I think it's wonderful you feel that way and try to help people build up their esteem by being so generous with your words. There is far to little of that going on and that's more or less my own style as well. That said, some people learn better with a 'tough love' approach, so there is room for both in this world, in fact, a need for both styles so no one is left without the opportunities available to view themselves as the wonderous creatures humans can become.

Celeste

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 2/13/2007 10:39:35 AM >

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"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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RE: Edification in the scene - 2/13/2007 10:55:30 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		If it's sincere, then go for it.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Edification in the scene - 2/13/2007 11:02:38 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		losttreasure: This is off-topic, but I just wanted to compliment you on your new pic! It's pretty.

On topic - I think edifying comments are more motivating (to me) than insults ever will be. I guess some who are Dominants who think insults are motivating might consider they are having the opposite effect on shaping their submissives behavior toward the ends they presume they are moving towards with belittling comments.


- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to losttreasure)
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RE: Edification in the scene - 2/13/2007 11:10:53 AM   
denika


Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline 		Words are extremly powerful, especially when vunerable,and within the scene (play) a person can be either broken down or built up. There is nothing wrong with a little verbal humiliation in the right place but IMO a good Top/Dom/Master-again pick your term can be judged on how they build up the person they are playing. There is nothing more powerful than to be at your  weakest moment, and hear things  such as 'you are beautiful, you are valuable' especially since in that state they could pretty much tell you anything and you would start to beleive it. The mind is funny that way.


denika

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RE: Edification in the scene - 2/13/2007 11:35:43 AM   
losttreasure


Posts: 875
Joined: 12/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SusanofO

losttreasure: This is off-topic, but I just wanted to compliment you on your new pic! It's pretty.


Awww... thank you. 


_____________________________

Just because it isn't "all about me", doesn't make it "all about you".

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RE: Edification in the scene - 2/13/2007 11:36:58 AM   
SusanofO


Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline 		losttreasure: You're welcome!

- Susan

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to losttreasure)
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RE: Edification in the scene - 2/13/2007 11:55:21 AM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		I don't think this (the OP) is true.  Let me see if I can make my way decently through my meaning.

I create a balance in how I communicate with people.  With strangers, I'm usually polite, noncommital, boring.  If I can get by with silence, all the better.

With people who know me on a superficial level, say co-workers and to a greater or lesser extent how I communicate here, I'm about 85% sarcasm.  I couch my phrases in such a way in such a way that you can believe that I'm being rude and a boor, but if you stop, take a breath, and think about what I'm saying you will see that there is truth to what I'm saying.  I just do it in a way you wouldn't ordinarily SEE the truth.  You can usually take what I have to say one of two or three different ways.  I don't create doublespeak as a hobby, it's just my way.

The other 15% of the time, I'm helpful and genuine in a more direct way.  This is the balance that allows people who 'know' me (which isn't anyone, really) to understand that the sarcasm isn't 'real', that a lot of what I say is in jest (kinda).

Believe it or not, and I'm not even sure 'I' do, this balance endears me with most everyone around me.  I can't explain it.

When it truly matters, such as in a relationship, I have the ability to behave the same, but I'm much more cognizant of the mental state of the person I'm with.  If I feel they cannot handle my peculiar brand of viewpoint, I will say things in such a way that allow that person to generally feel better about themselves (your words) or become less self-conscious or whatever needs to bolster the relationship.

If I find myself in a spot where I have nothing to say wihtout some form of sarcasm, then that is because the actual (bald) truth can only come across unkind.  I break ties at that point, because if I have to hurt someone with the truth then I'm better off not being in that situation.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

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RE: Edification in the scene - 2/13/2007 12:17:50 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

If it's sincere, then go for it.


That sums it up.

Personally I believe it is not so much the actual words being spoken but the intention behind them. So I may or may not believe that the person speaking truly believes what they are saying but are truly wanting to help another person then I do think there can be more of this but do not believe there is very little of this that does go on in real life communication.

Personally I do not believe or trust people I know who are always sunny and positive or mean and negative as to me as I get exposed enough to them I often find them lacking a realness about them in where they seem to have trouble really have sincere contact with another.

In the end you have to be you in order to form a bond with a person, whether you are a positive, negative, sarcastic or anywhere in between, whether a significant other, friend or acquaintance. It is that bond that will determine the outcome of communication with the other in times of this nature. Whether tough love, blind optimism and anywhere in between, the sincerity of the communication from how the person is valued and the person’s opinion of them is what it comes down to.


_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Edification in the scene - 2/13/2007 1:17:44 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		For me, part of my calling is to provide a supportive and nurturing atmosphere for my slaves. This includes edification and acknowledgement of positive things, outcomes and traits.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Aubre)
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RE: Edification in the scene - 2/13/2007 2:07:08 PM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline 		Aubre, I'll tell you this, almost everyone I have met in person (play parties, munches, ect.) has been decent folks. The only people I know of who are assholes are ones who are to be found on sites like this. Obviously this is not a universal statement, as there are also a great many wonderful people on this site, and there is the occasional dirtball in real life settings. In most cases though, anyone who acts rude in a real setting is not asked back again.

There is nothing Domish about cutting people down. Quite the opposite, most Doms I know want to praise and reward their subs who respond well. Most Doms I know are courteous to each other and to other subs. But, then again, I am meeting the people in my local scene who are social.

Bita Truble, when talking about "tough love" was talking about a style of training, which has nothing to do with cutting someone for no reason.
Any dom who has to get their strength from ripping someone down, is no Dom at all.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

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RE: Edification in the scene - 2/13/2007 2:33:13 PM   
PONYSEEKER


Posts: 364
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		I do it all the time.  I sometimes use insults of course but usually I try to build the person up.  There really is no reason to be an asshole all the time.

(in reply to SirDominic)
Profile   Post #: 13
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