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What REALLY attracts a Woman ? and why ? - 2/14/2007 1:43:56 PM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		This is a tougher problem than face value suggests.

I have this friend, a Man of about 6'2", not really good looking, not ugly, but not good looking. He is the only person I know who could be described as fat and lanky at the same time. Not really fine teeth, doesn't shave much. Keeps himself clean but uses no fragrances except for the occasional baby powder. Nice eyes they say. Who are they ?

Some of the five Women vying for his affections. Yes, and this is not bullshit. I know it is not bullshit.

OK, some are hookers some are sluts, whatever, but he never pays. They bring and cook food, stay the night. One wants to move in but he is not sure he wants that. She is offering to pay rent and take care of him "in every way", her own words. How does he do it ?

It has to be personality, but not the way you might think. He is a formidable presence, but not because of his size (in either department) I think it is because he always goes for the gusto in life. Is that it, the excitement of knowing this guy is a nut and who knows what he'll do ? Something like that ? I am not talking in a kinky sense.

Gusto, you can almost sense it when he walks in the door, at least by the time he opens his mouth. The way he talks exudes a sense of a high energy. I've known this guy for a long time, and I can tell you, he had a paty with three kegs, TWO live bands that kicked ass. There were at least a dozen motorcycles in the front yard (they had a nice big house). Well he considers that not to be a big party.

He works for his money and takes care of business, but so do alot of people. So that isn't it. He says "Don't be nice". Upon elaboration I find that this does not mean treat them like dogs, but don't dote, don't do alot of things. They keep coming back. Why ? Why did they want him in the first place ?

After he elaborated about "Don't be nice" I asked him if they might have a submissive side. (he is kink aware, but doesn't practice it with them at this time). He said yes.

No matter what orientation, is it possible that no matter how dominant a Woman can be there is a submissive side for the right person ? Something deep down that no amount of conditioning or "empowerment" can eradicate ? My other postulations should express that but you'll never find them.

My theory is that because the means to feed the babies used to be breasts, and they were on the Woman, the Man was the one to work up his muscles out in the field. This led to a general conditioning, caused by nature that the Woman would also look to the Man for strength and protection. Basically all natural social engineering.

Is this theory crazy ? Have I been amogst crazy people so long that I now am one ? Or does this make a little bit of sense ? And look at all the, even good looking, Women who are abused in the world every day. And put up with it. What makes them do that ?

Now I've opened up a can of worms I see. Some people like pain. Could some of these victims of abuse have put up with it for too long for that reason ? I think we all agree that if that desire exists it is much better satisfied in a safe sane and consentual manner, rather than not understanding the desire and provoking disputes.

Look at the video someone posted of a cat getting paddled. The cat loved it. While that's not me, I can try to understand. Pain is invigorating on a physiological level. Cranks up your adrenalin.

So maybe all of our kinky mindsets are not all mindfucks. Maybe physiology plays tricks on us. Indeed it is what provides a sex drive for us all, the continuation of the species. Perhaps mind and body are not as seperate as some think.

T
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RE: What REALLY attracts a Woman ? and why ? - 2/14/2007 1:57:24 PM   
defiantbadgirl


Posts: 2988
Joined: 11/14/2005
Status: offline 		I don't know what attracts other women, but I know what attracts me. I would go for a man with average looks as long as he had all his hair and front teeth. I'd even go for an overweight man as long as he didn't take up two chairs. Three characterists any man must have for me to even consider him  are intelligence, employment, and his own transportation. I would say women go for the man you use in your example because he's a challenge.

(in reply to Termyn8or)
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RE: What REALLY attracts a Woman ? and why ? - 2/14/2007 1:59:56 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I think we all like to be taken care of- to identify that as 'submissive' would be inaccurate.

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RE: What REALLY attracts a Woman ? and why ? - 2/14/2007 2:05:10 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		My first reaction to what you have written is to ask what type of women these are in terms of long term mental health.

What you describe is a man that is always entertaining and fun to be around and this will certainly attract a certain type of women. I just wonder if he and the women he attracts have nothing more to offer then the live for the moment fun and nothing else is in the relationship.



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(in reply to Termyn8or)
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RE: What REALLY attracts a Woman ? and why ? - 2/14/2007 2:36:41 PM   
pahunkboy


Posts: 33061
Joined: 2/26/2006
From: Central Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Ill jump in- as to what i look for in a man.

1. simmiliar age
2. im split between eye candy and a brain.
3. TRUST.  in every way.
4. a good communicator
5. TRUST
6. A good brain.
7. a guy that marches to the beat of a diff drummer.
8. masc enuf to be male- campy enuff to be fun.
9. a good listener
10. someone I can learn from.


[im speaking for me- not the ladies]

Thanks for letting me jump in.  :-)

(in reply to toservez)
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RE: What REALLY attracts a Woman ? and why ? - 2/14/2007 2:41:43 PM   
kindaeasy69


Posts: 104
Joined: 12/18/2006
Status: offline 		IMO:

Attraction is not a choice, you either are or you are not attractive to a particular person, likewise they either are or are not attracted to you.  How you react to that attraction is really what we have control over.

As far as the guy you describe, I would bet most of the women who are "after" him would consider him confident and funny, and I would bet he doesn't act or come off as being needy.

< Message edited by kindaeasy69 -- 2/14/2007 2:42:31 PM >

(in reply to Termyn8or)
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RE: What REALLY attracts a Woman ? and why ? - 2/14/2007 2:53:51 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

OK, some are hookers some are sluts, whatever, but he never pays. They bring and cook food, stay the night. One wants to move in but he is not sure he wants that. She is offering to pay rent and take care of him "in every way", her own words. How does he do it ?


He either knowingly or unknowingly uses the Law Of Attraction. In other words his thoughts, actions, and his very vibration attract these women.

quote:

He works for his money and takes care of business, but so do alot of people. So that isn't it. He says "Don't be nice". Upon elaboration I find that this does not mean treat them like dogs, but don't dote, don't do alot of things. They keep coming back. Why ? Why did they want him in the first place ?



Yes, hence he attracts the variety of women he attracts, the ones he does not have to be nice to. Some women do not want someone that will treat them well, that they have to compete for, that will forever give them less than they may optimally need because that is their Law of Attraction... they keep attracting men that could take them or leave them.

quote:

After he elaborated about "Don't be nice" I asked him if they might have a submissive side. (he is kink aware, but doesn't practice it with them at this time). He said yes.



Confusing submissive with insecure I see. Some submissives are insecure, but not all are, and being insecure is not a submissive trait in my opinion.

quote:

No matter what orientation, is it possible that no matter how dominant a Woman can be there is a submissive side for the right person ? Something deep down that no amount of conditioning or "empowerment" can eradicate ? My other postulations should express that but you'll never find them.


I suppose the same maybe true for men, no matter how dominant a man, could he have submissive traits and be submissive to the right woman?

quote:

My theory is that because the means to feed the babies used to be breasts, and they were on the Woman, the Man was the one to work up his muscles out in the field. This led to a general conditioning, caused by nature that the Woman would also look to the Man for strength and protection. Basically all natural social engineering.

Is this theory crazy ? Have I been amogst crazy people so long that I now am one ? Or does this make a little bit of sense ? And look at all the, even good looking, Women who are abused in the world every day. And put up with it. What makes them do that ?



The one anthropological theory dates back to hunter and gatherers and men leaving the village/camp to hunt leaving women to gather close to the camp. This was because women of child bearing years needed to be more sedentary to sustain pregnancy, child birth and rearing of young.. yours is not a new theory.

One measure of how egalitarian a culture of people are is how evenly the responsibility for obtaining calories is. Among the Kung! of Africa they had a very egalitarian society because women obtained even more than 50% of caloric needs, but men got the lion's share of the meat protien. Among the Inuit we see the opposite, women did not obtain almost any calories, and had almost no rights.

These are things I learned in my studies of anthropology.

quote:

Now I've opened up a can of worms I see. Some people like pain. Could some of these victims of abuse have put up with it for too long for that reason ? I think we all agree that if that desire exists it is much better satisfied in a safe sane and consentual manner, rather than not understanding the desire and provoking disputes.

Look at the video someone posted of a cat getting paddled. The cat loved it. While that's not me, I can try to understand. Pain is invigorating on a physiological level. Cranks up your adrenalin.

So maybe all of our kinky mindsets are not all mindfucks. Maybe physiology plays tricks on us. Indeed it is what provides a sex drive for us all, the continuation of the species. Perhaps mind and body are not as seperate as some think.


The book  The Naked Ape could illuminate some things for you.
 




_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Termyn8or)
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RE: What REALLY attracts a Woman ? and why ? - 2/14/2007 2:59:17 PM   
GeekyGirl


Posts: 905
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline 		Since I don't know your friend, I can't tell you what it is about him that attract women.

I can tell you what attracts ME though.

Personality and compatiblity come first. I've turned down some really good looking guys because they didn't match my criteria.

Number one criteria is that he be child-free. Men with children hold no sexual attraction for me. The minute they achieve "dad" status, my interest disappears. Interestingly enough, I like Daddy doms but not real dads..probably has something to do with my childhood.

Next for me is age. I'm really picky about it. Men under 30 hold no attraction for me. I can't tell you why...they just don't. Likewise for men over the age of about 38. I imagine the upper end range of what I find attractive will change as I age.

Next priority is intelligence. If I feel his IQ is lower than mine, it's an automatic turn off. I want him to be able to have stimulating conversation with me and to be able to lend me perspective about my life. If he's stupid, it doesn't matter how good looking he is.

Next, hobbies and interests in common. If we don't enjoy some of the same things, I get bored. I want us to be able to enjoy our hobbies TOGETHER.

After that, religion and political beliefs. I just can't date a hardcore christian. No offense meant, I just can't do it. I HAVE dated some guys who had very different political beliefs but I regret doing it now. It caused a lot of heated arguements.

As far as other personality factors, I find myself very attracted to someone with a scathing wit/sense of humor, someone very physically affectionate, someone straightforward and honest. And of course, they have to have a dominant vibe. Submissive seeming men are a huge turn off. He also has to love animals.

As far as physical preferences, I prefer men who are taller (6ft +) broad shouldered, and carrying a few extra pounds (I like to see muscle through the arms and upper chest but like a soft tummy to snuggle with.) Plus I'm a bigger girl and I think a guy thats overly fit or who obviously works out a lot is intimidating to me, because I feel that he'll expect me to be as fit as he is.

I have a natural attraction to dark hair and blue eyes also.

That said, I've dated only a handful of men who met that description. Preferences are just that...preferences, and if a man has everything else I look for other than looks, then that's ok with me. I don't care if he's bald. I don't care if he has less than perfect teeth (dated a guy who had lost 4 of them in Iraq from shrapnel and I was still very attracted to him.) I don't care if they are overweight by 100 pounds or less.I'm about 80lbs over myself and I figure if he can keep up with me physically, that's cool.

Despite my attraction to physically strong and stout looking guys, I have also dated some short, slender guys. As I've gotten older, this one has become more of a stickler for me. Short I can get over (I'm only 5ft3 so most guys are taller than I am.) But if they have an overly slender build, I have a very hard time being sexually attracted. I want to know he's stronger than I am (and I'm a pretty stout girl.) I don't want to feel like I'm going to squish him if I climb on top of him during sex.

Really though, the most important thing (physically) is that he has to be clean and have good hygiene. I've enjoyed dating some really ugly guys and been very sexually attracted to them because of their personality and their sexual skills. If he can make you cum over and over, you tend to forget that his nose is crooked or that he has big ears or whatever.



< Message edited by GeekyGirl -- 2/14/2007 3:08:30 PM >

(in reply to toservez)
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RE: What REALLY attracts a Woman ? and why ? - 2/14/2007 3:07:49 PM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		All I am going to add is that I have met very few, I could count them on one hand, men that are 100% dominant to all women all the time. I have met very few women that were 100% submissive to all men all the time. To say that it is some sort of law of nature or evolution is something I could find 1000 holes in if I had the desire and time to do so.

This guy doesn't have some magic potion that attracts ALL women, not even all straight women. He simply attracts a certain type that are interested in his type. Obviously his type is attractive to a large number of women. Yet, it is quite obvious by your words that he does not remain attractive after they get to know him. Unless these vast hordes are long time girl friends?

Myself, I don't care about the number of women I attract. I just care about the one that ultimately matters. But then I am interested in more than a quick lay also.


_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

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RE: What REALLY attracts a Woman ? and why ? - 2/14/2007 3:41:40 PM   
caitlyn


Posts: 3473
Joined: 12/22/2004
Status: offline 		Even tempered ... no banger cloths ... a expensive ride.

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RE: What REALLY attracts a Woman ? and why ? - 2/14/2007 4:47:29 PM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline 		There are certain people that put off "that" aura (if that's the word for it) of competence and dominance. There will always be people that are attracted to that aura like a moth to flame. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder so one person's attractiveness may not equal the same attractiveness by someone else. Not knowing your friend I can't say what it is about him.

quote:

No matter what orientation, is it possible that no matter how dominant a Woman can be there is a submissive side for the right person ? Something deep down that no amount of conditioning or "empowerment" can eradicate ? My other postulations should express that but you'll never find them.



This I can answer on a personal level only...no. It simply isn't something I've ever been attracted to. Although most of the men I've been involved with over the years have had powerful personas to the vanilla world they always tend to be submissive within the privacy of the relationships.

The attributes that attract me are intelligence, manners, a specific physical type, and commonality of outside interests. Their openess to cuckolding never hurts either. ;^)

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

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RE: What REALLY attracts a Woman ? and why ? - 2/14/2007 5:03:19 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Or, he could just have a really, really big dick

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You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

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RE: What REALLY attracts a Woman ? and why ? - 2/14/2007 5:10:19 PM   
Rule


Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: defiantbadgirl
I would say women go for the man you use in your example because he's a challenge.

Quite.

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RE: What REALLY attracts a Woman ? and why ? - 2/14/2007 7:13:08 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline 		If this is one of your drug using friends, it could be that he has and shares his pot, coke, meth or other drugs with female friends. They will hang around for free drugs.
Akasha


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RE: What REALLY attracts a Woman ? and why ? - 2/14/2007 8:25:04 PM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline
quote:

Or, he could just have a really, really big dick



Now that could definitely be it! Alot to be overlooked if that's the case LOL

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to windchymes)
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RE: What REALLY attracts a Woman ? and why ? - 2/14/2007 9:33:11 PM   
subfever


Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: kindaeasy69

IMO:

Attraction is not a choice, you either are or you are not attractive to a particular person, likewise they either are or are not attracted to you.  How you react to that attraction is really what we have control over.

As far as the guy you describe, I would bet most of the women who are "after" him would consider him confident and funny, and I would bet he doesn't act or come off as being needy.


Bingo!

(in reply to kindaeasy69)
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RE: What REALLY attracts a Woman ? and why ? - 2/14/2007 11:11:48 PM   
SeveredNeuron


Posts: 57
Joined: 8/6/2005
Status: offline 		I like confident guys, smart guys.. guys that are mentally stronger then me.

Have I ever found a guy like that?

Hell No.


_____________________________

"Noli me tangere, for Caesar's I am,
And wild for to hold, though I seem tame."

Sir Thomas Wyatt - Whoso list to Hunt

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RE: What REALLY attracts a Woman ? and why ? - 2/15/2007 2:19:37 AM   
Quivver


Posts: 1953
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SeveredNeuron

I like confident guys, smart guys.. guys that are mentally stronger then me.

Have I ever found a guy like that?

Hell No.



What she said....... but I can say that I've met one or two over the years! 



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The problem with communication ... is the illusion that it has been accomplished. ~George Bernard Shaw

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RE: What REALLY attracts a Woman ? and why ? - 2/15/2007 8:36:37 AM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: caitlyn

Even tempered ... no banger cloths ... a expensive ride.


Caitlyn, what is "banger cloths?"

Maybe it's just my experience but why do a lot of guys who would be considered "good looking" seem to be on the lower end of the i.q. scale?
You ask them about politics, history, science, or different concepts and they seem to be clueless.
I've found that people who are well read and well travelled tend to have higher i.q.s.
And their girlfriends seem to be the same way.
There's a definate lack of the ability to grasp concepts.
I know I'm generalising but personally I've seen that many times.

(in reply to caitlyn)
Profile   Post #: 19
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