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When you're wrong - 2/14/2007 1:49:03 PM   
krikket


Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline 		After being on these boards for a while now, I know that "our" dominants aren't wrong very often..but..(and isn't there always a but..lol)..

If you find out that you did indeed punish your submissive partner in (gasp) error, what do you do?

Inquiring minds and all that....

cheers
jk

_____________________________

"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."

by A. Nin



When your heart speaks take good notes.




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RE: When you're wrong - 2/14/2007 1:53:34 PM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		Dear JK-
 
Punish them more- for my sins...
 
Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to krikket)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: When you're wrong - 2/14/2007 1:57:28 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Let me say this is highly unlikely as I don't punish without lots of discussion and understanding beforehand.  It's part of why I ask them directly if they understand why they are being punished and what their behavior should do in the future.

But I might scold or snap at them wrongly before getting the whole picture.

And yeah, I pretty much apologize immediately, discuss what happened and move on.  Hopefully next time I'll remember and not snap so quickly.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_255870/mpage_1/key_punishes%252Cdom/tm.htm#255875
Is there ever a case where a dom punishes himself?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_316886/mpage_1/key_master%2Cmistakes/tm.htm
Dominant Accountability

http://www.collarchat.com/m_156881/mpage_1/key_master%2Cmistakes/tm.htm
So whose responsibility is it?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_494974/mpage_1/key_wrong/tm.htm#495237
when we are wrong

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to krikket)
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RE: When you're wrong - 2/14/2007 2:12:40 PM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: krikket

After being on these boards for a while now, I know that "our" dominants aren't wrong very often..but..(and isn't there always a but..lol)..

If you find out that you did indeed punish your submissive partner in (gasp) error, what do you do?

Inquiring minds and all that....

cheers
jk

I'd hope they would be mature enough to accept responsibility for their mistake and admit it.
From what I see 1/2 are mature enough to admit when they are wrong or when they wrong someone, but the other half (like topcat said HOPEFULLY JOKING!!!) would just punish the sub more for their own shortcomings.
I find those that fall into the 2nd catagory are too immature to be considered Dominants in my eyes. I consider those the preditor players that make it bad for the ones who try hard to do things right.
suzanne

(in reply to krikket)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: When you're wrong - 2/14/2007 2:24:07 PM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		Admit that I was wrong and give them a sincere apology. We are all human we all make mistakes anyone who says that they don't is full of shit.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to onestandingstill)
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RE: When you're wrong - 2/14/2007 2:27:57 PM   
Wyrd


Posts: 109
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Columbia, SC
Status: offline 		Me wrong? NEVER!

Actually I am prone to fucking up, ALOT, and in major earth shattering ways, best I can do is apologise, correct and move on, and attempt not to make the same mistake again.

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: When you're wrong - 2/14/2007 3:19:40 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		Punishement by mistake should never happen.. There should be enough trust in the relationship and talking befor a punishment that if the sub said I really didnt do this then the Dom would beleave them, if that trust isnt there or the nessisery talking out and letting a sub know why they are beeing punished beforhand isnt done then there is something far greater wrong then getting an unearned spanking.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to Wyrd)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: When you're wrong - 2/14/2007 3:26:12 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		I have punished quickly when I knew for a fact that they were guilty of the offense, without a doubt. If there is any possibility that they arent, or theres a miscommunication about there actualy being an offense at all, I will discuss the point in detail before the punishment is done.  Usually by the end of it, they feel so guilty if they actualy did do somehting wron, the punishment is almost unnecessary. I have gotten snappy with Angel over things that werent truly offenses before, and apologied afterwards.  Unfortunately, stress can shorten ones fuse, which is why I avoid actual physical punishment unless the offense is a major one.
I have nothing against admitting I can be wrong. I have nothing against apologizing.  However, Angel knows this and some of the others I have known would hav ebeen better off learning it, if I am open enough to admit I made a mistake, and you throw it up in  my face... we are going to have problems.

My 2 cents
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to MagiksSlave)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: When you're wrong - 2/14/2007 4:01:04 PM   
SCDommie


Posts: 176
Joined: 1/24/2007
Status: offline 		I have apologized to an open group and to my slave before, but I have moved on.  A Dom/me should not be publically punished for something they have done wrong.
We have a few that probably should leave the life all together, but still they are the Dominant person involved.

SCD

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: When you're wrong - 2/14/2007 4:54:20 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		I admit my mistake and remind her that we both are growing and will continue to grow together for a very long time

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to krikket)
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RE: When you're wrong - 2/14/2007 5:14:57 PM   
Arastella


Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat

Dear JK-
 
Punish them more- for my sins...
 
Stay warm,
Lawrence
ur joking right???

(in reply to topcat)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: When you're wrong - 2/14/2007 5:17:48 PM   
Arastella


Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline 		Of course admit your wrong and apologize, then possibly do something for her.  Satisfy her without her having to do it back, reward her, something like that.  Even holding her and kissing and caressing her is good too.  This is just coming from a sub who would appreciate that, who has a Mistress who does that kinda thing (the last one).

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: When you're wrong - 2/14/2007 5:25:03 PM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		Man it would be pretty tough for me to get all the way to punishment without noticing I was in error.
Since before I get to punishment I have to go through Counciling and Retraining for the same offense type.
But assuming somehow I had gone through them both and then gotten to a punishment and I was in error, I'd appologize certainly, and make some form of ammends.

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: When you're wrong - 2/14/2007 5:39:32 PM   
WhiplashSmile


Posts: 1472
Joined: 6/8/2004
Status: offline 		I apologize and admit my mistake. This maintains or strengthens trust and respect, which keeps the relationship in balance.  A sub can and will unsubmit herself away from a Bad Master.   A Master should feel secure in who he is, secure enough to admit to a mistake, own up to it, and apologize.  There is a line between a sub and a slave.  A true slave will tolerate more than a submissive, however they too have a limit to the BS a Dom/Master can dish out.  Regardless of the roles, if the punish is not for just reason, then it's mindless punishment.  I suspect there are Masters which try to pass off unjust punishment as a form of use and abuse to a slave.  For some couples which are living a hardcore lifestyle, where the DOM/MASTER is always right, even when he is wrong, not a big deal to be wrong, and no need to apologize I guess.

(in reply to Arastella)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: When you're wrong - 2/14/2007 6:49:12 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Arastella, I'm not going to reward someone just because I fucked up.  I don't do that kind of guilt (I tend not to do guilt much at all).  I'll let them know I am sincerely sorry and do what I can to help move on and stay positive, but I won't give them extra snugglies or presents just because I made a mistake- nor would I allow them to do it for me (because I don't foster guilt in others either).

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to WhiplashSmile)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: When you're wrong - 2/14/2007 6:59:30 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		As others have said...full fledged punishment, in my case, is never inflicted until he has a clear understanding of what took place.  He might react to something - snap at me or come down hard on me or something like that...but if I state my case clearly and understandably, and he sees he was in error, we simply move on.

I've said before in other threads, my Master has about a 95% success rate of being right on target.  Knowing that, I can live with the other 5%.  It's simply part of being his slave.  I don't need his apology.  I can always tell when he recognizes an error.  I am grateful for the recognition and for the opportunity to explain myself.  Once he sees the complete picture, we both move on.  Oh yeah sure I might sniffle a bit, but it does neither of us any good to hang on to it.

(in reply to krikket)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: When you're wrong - 2/14/2007 7:08:03 PM   
JasonF


Posts: 61
Joined: 5/30/2005
Status: offline 		(fast reply to OP)

I fess up, just like I would in any other human relationship. You have to say "my bad" every now and then if you want credibility for those times you seem wrong but really are right.

Nobody is perfect, and I don't think my baby would expect me to be either.


_____________________________

Jay
TNG-NC Council Member
engaged to my girl, junecleaver

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: When you're wrong - 2/14/2007 7:10:41 PM   
Arastella


Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

Arastella, I'm not going to reward someone just because I fucked up.  I don't do that kind of guilt (I tend not to do guilt much at all).  I'll let them know I am sincerely sorry and do what I can to help move on and stay positive, but I won't give them extra snugglies or presents just because I made a mistake- nor would I allow them to do it for me (because I don't foster guilt in others either).
Fine and I never said you did.  I was simply giving the guy some advice from my own POV.  You're beginning to annoy me.  For once, try responding to the person posting, as opposed to flaming someone elses beliefs, k?

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: When you're wrong - 2/14/2007 7:15:22 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear krikket, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
You asked, should a Dominant punish a slave and come to find that it was in error, what would you (in a general question) do.
 
As for me--I would apologize and communicate how the wires were crossed and or how I missed what I needed to see and or understand and comprehend what I saw, heard or witnessed.
 
We're human and everybody can make mistakes.
 
Good to see you krikket.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to krikket)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: When you're wrong - 2/14/2007 8:04:08 PM   
MaryT


Posts: 553
Joined: 12/8/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: krikket
If you find out that you did indeed punish your submissive partner in (gasp) error, what do you do?


Hopefully the dominant would learn to ask and learn to listen.

(in reply to krikket)
Profile   Post #: 20
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