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LadyTantalize -> RE: Some silly questions... (3/15/2005 2:16:25 PM)
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ORIGINAL: KCbuttslut4U
Interesting responses. Pretty useless mostly, but interesting... Lets re-cap some of the highlights, shall we?
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As for your comments about Dommes refining their skills, note that learning how to use an instrument properly is a very small part of being a Domme. Being a Domme has so much more to do with the power inside. Perhaps once you realise that, you might *click* more with your local Dommes.
Why would i want to "click" with someone who honestly believes this without an outstanding medical plan? Your "power inside" doesn't mean you know jello from corn nuts when a submissives safety is involved.
Question: What good is that "power inside" without someone to have power over, even if only for a short time?
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This is fine to acknowledge, and I do the same. But the message you posted is rather undiplomatic, especially for someone so new. And I hate to break the news to you, but you really should know this: **Dommes do not lack for male subs**. You and I are on the wrong side of the supply/demand ratio. It means we have to be extra careful not to offend.
Thank you for the advice Chris. Wise words. As undiplomatic as my question seems, it was written in a sincere effort to understand something that i have observed through reading profiles. i realize that male subs are a dime a dozen, my questions were aimed at the quality of male subs an unpracticed Domme might expect to find, as well as how important keeping skilled at domination is to a Domme. However, since you responded consider this; as a male submissive, how wise do you think it would be to submit to, say CBT, if you were reasonably certain that a Domme is unskilled in that activity. Is that session worth the risk of permanent, irreversable damage?
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It amuses Me you question about whips and floggers getting a workout when all it is you want is to be farked with a strap-on and be used as an oral sex service boy. So tell Me what whip skill inparticular are you offering these Mistresses a chance to hone?
Actually, thats sort of the point, now isn't it? What kind of twit would let someone who doesn't know what they're doing smack them around with a single-tail just because they happen to own one? i would think that more submissives would be concerned about that sort of thing. While i dearly love being "farked" with a strap-on, in order to move into a more involved sort of play, sanity tells me that emergency room visits are a bad thing.
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I'm continually amazed just how cheap some guys are. There are skilled Pro-Dommes everywhere. They don't give a whit (usually) about marital status or other contributing factors. So long as you pay their fee & agree to the terms they set, your need for anal reaming would be satisfied.
Here's a hint buttslut, stop whining & go pony up the money. In the long run, you'll be happier because you'll get exactly what you want. Bent over, lubed, & taken for a ride along the hershey highway.
Interesting comments, and a little hypocritical considering the comments in your own profile GddsBella. You are searching for "One who knows that this lifestyle is less about kinky sex than the connection; the power exchange between a dominant & a submissive." Yet your suggestion is that i pay someone for kinky sex rather than find a way to find someone with whom to connect in a power exchange. Here's a hint GddsBella, anyone can use someone elses own words against them. It's a pointless endeavor, and childish at best. Thank you for allowing me this time to connect with my own inner child though.
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I find it interesting that you assume that Dommes can't practice their skills unless they are with a play partner. I have spent some time using my floggers and whip on pillows in order to practice my aim. I choose not to play with every sub that comes along because D/s is a very emotional and physical thing for me, and it's something I choose to experience with someone with whom I have a deeper connection.
Thank you very much. i appreciate the straightforward response SecretDomme. That actually does help clear up some of my questions.
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Everyone comes into the BD/SM world with a different agenda. and you will eventually come to realize this. Perhaps you have not found someone who you are on the same page with and maybe you might not find that person with your current attitude. Suggestions were given for you to see a pro Dom but from the tone of your post it doesn't sound like you would want to give a monetary tribute (and they aren't cheap!) for the lady's time because it sounds like you feel you are somehow owed free playtime for Dommes to practice on. you are so wrong.
Um, actually no. The point of my questions were intended to find out how important Domme's think a working knowledge of there skills are. A professional Domme would not be likely to attract a very large clientel if she was ignorant of how to use her equipment. In a private sense, my questions go to the quality of submissives a Domme is likely to attract if she does not practice her skills, as well as the safety of their potentual submissives.
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Why do you assume We are abstaining?
Silly boy, with the silly questions. My play skills have nothing to do with whether or not you can do the dishes, clean My bathroom, wash My car, and countless other tasks you would be required to perform. My strap-on, which you so badly want, is not for your pleasure. It is for Mine.
Why yes, as a matter of fact, i would love to experience your strap-on. Thats not the point of these questions though Ma'am. Sorry, that just had to be said. I digress...
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If you are lounging around a club or party with the attitude that you are there only to play, then it is about you, isn't it? Most Dominas are not going to be attracted to that aura!
Let me use your line of thought for a moment. If you were lounging in a club, or at a party and obviously lacking in competency or any real skill, what sort of submissive would be attracted to your "I am Woman, hear me roar" aura if thats the only thing you really have to offer?
Oh well, we live, we learn not to ask serious questions in the "Ask a Mistress" Forum...
Thank you
Serious questions always apply here, but We prefer to be posed questions with more of a polite and sincere demeanor. Possibly you are completely sincere, but might I suggest a few things to ponder.......
I mean no offense in My words and only share such as possibly giving you reason to think and further explore your needs, the leather lifestyle, your attitude and the possible reasons you are not finding what you want.
A side point on the above, if I may.... if someone replied to Me when I asked "ummm, why I am not getting a spread for Playboy" with a blunt, possibly ego-blow of a response .... "because Lady T. you are not PlayBoy material as you are quite the ah, oh, voluptous and older Woman!!!" ...... I would not be offended as this would be an honest answer to what I deemed a serious question. My point......constructive criticism is often painful but also often useful if one humbles themselves enough to see a positive outcome given via a negative critique.
I feel your posts contains shades of passive-agressive behavior in that you are irritated that you are not finding what you desire in the BDSM personals or elsewhere so you somewhat point the blame elsewhere while being in denial of any reasons for such inability to find a "BDSM anal play mate" that might be your fault.
Also, you admit to being new yet you often shun points given by others that do not fit into your ideal. Such condescending tones from someone admittedly new is another reason for possibly not finding the one you want to fulfill you "anal needs" as well not being taken seriously as sincerely wanting answers to your questions.
So, with that said...
I agree with all that everyone mentioned! Seems to Me that you need to research seeing a ProDomme! Granted, some states do have ancient statutes which make "strap-on training" a gray area. But, with the proper research and communication with a ProDomme such can be established quickly and easily. Also, might I add that many ProDommes, Myself included, prefer to establish some degree of a caring, trusting relationship....a friendship, a D/s bond and in My case, even slavery or collared submission. Not every ProDomme is a revolving door of emotional callousness, and again with the proper research such can be determined fairly easily hence allowing you the freedom of an "non body-fluided bonded" or uncommitted relationship while receiving the BDSM and anal play that you so desire combined with an emotional and secure bond .......yes, I KNOW this combination can be found with a Professional Dominatrix and it can be found much sooner and easier than with a Lifestyle Mistress who prefers commitment, unconditional servitude and most often, fidelity.....none of which you are willing to offer.
Further, and again no offense, the actitivities that you described sound more of a kinky nature than of a D/s ideal, which is more the format that most "lifestylers" prefer and strive for .... a personal BDSM relationship is often grounded in commitment to servitude and commitment to each other.... not just mere play.... such, in My opinion, betells more a "kinky sex" or a "swinger lifestyle". Now, I have nothing against swingers, nor periodic play-partners, but for most lifestylers, a more committed and special BDSM relationship is preferred.... especially for most Dominant Women who would hesitate to engage in such intimate acts with someone either not committed to them, or someone merely looking for periodic kinky sex.....what does the Domme have to gain emotionally from such periodic anal play with someone not committed to her? And, if your answer is sheer physical gratification is to be gained, I forge into My next point......
yes, it's supply and demand......Dommes hold the demand and have massive supply to choose from.....most are bombarded with offers for mere kinky sex, just like yours, and most are able to weed out those for ones that offer more than just periodic kinky sex.......why eat cornflakes when you have a smorgasboard of more to choose from....why settle for just kinky sex when the magnitude of subs out there might offer you emotional gratification via love, committment and servitude plus extreme sexual gratification and physical pleasure.
Possibly researching more about the "leather lifestyle" and it's protocols, in general, as knowledge of what most Dominants prefer and/or require in their personal relationships might be very helpful. Might I also suggest researching more a swinger-fetish lifestyle, as I know the folks who evolve in those type of relationships are much more open to uncommitted, periodic kinky sex with fetish/BDSM play. Just some thoughts, but hey, there might be a Dominant Woman out there willing to do things your way and satisfy your needs as you dictate..... but, dear, I do doubt it. That whole approach sort of negates the Dominant-submissive mind-set, does it not?
And, your points about practice are just nonsense to Me, in that you evidently have no idea how a Domme garners experience or even "practices".....and yes, I can assure you that we practice!!!! From all avenues of practice mentioned by others which are head-on and correct... I can only agree and add that I certainly would never consider "practicing" a new technique on a stranger!! Only the most trusted in My stable can fill that role, only those that I most comfortable with will I engage in an activity that I am just learning. As for practicing corporal activities with which we are familiar, most Dommes do so on pillows, furniture, collared personal slaves or subs, and for Me, I like the clothes-pins on the teddy-bears for My single-tail practice and I actually have a mannequinn in My playspace who helps Me to perfect My aim. And, much experience is to be garnered via reading, research and/or attending classes, demos or presentations - none of which require the presence of a body to use. And, as many Dommes know...... much of our practice is gained via PLAY, dear, and I imagine that most Dommes here play enough to be very practiced in all they do.
Finally, I must add that your post totally confirms some of My rationale in the statements at My profile......in that I want a personal submissive who is willing to serve Me with no expectation of play!! Such delicious fun as strap-on play, or flogging, or any activity that I exert effort and energy MUST BE EARNED and will not be given so lightly to just anyone out there who merely asks and expects to get what they want from Me without earning such pleasures! Early on in My BDSM explorations, I played often, I played kinky and I played with many people....but after time that became unsatisfying and I craved a true emotional bond as well as complete servitude combined with the reward for such being hot, kinky, BDSM, fetish fun!!!
Anyway, I hope these words here bring some enlightenment to your outlook and not just a defensive shut-down or flaming crusade. I do wish you and everyone the best of luck in fulfilling your desires and living your dreams!!!
Truly,
Lady T.
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