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kinkiminx -> RE: Too prideful to say your safeword? (2/23/2007 4:37:52 AM)
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Am I the only person who will admit that the answer is maybe/partly?
If anyone suggests I'm not a proper sub for admitting that, I'll suggest it in advance so you won't have to; I'm probably not, and it doesn't bother me one way or another. [;)]
I believe safe words/signals can be useful as they're a quick way of letting a Dom know there's a problem - I've used safe signals when gagged because there's no other easy way of explaining "the rope round my arms is too tight" when you can't speak! I've never used a safeword, mainly because if a Dom has done something which could be putting me in danger or causing damage, my automatic reaction has always been "what the f**k are you doing!!" putting a Dom's pleasure before my own is something I've done many times. Putting my Dom's pleasure, or situation, before my own safety is not something I will ever do. If I'm uncomfortable with a situation or activity, I'll just say so.
The maybe/partly, is that I've never used a safeword to say something is too much. It isn't just about "proving how much you can take" at all, (that sounds more like a game than really being to do with pride.) Giving myself over to someone to dominate might be an act of submission I'm happy to give; that shows trust, respect, if you're in a romantic relationship, love. I've noticed a lot of subs here are proud of their submission, and think that's a good thing, for a start, it shows they feel good about themselves, and their Doms.
I would never hold back from using a safeword if anyone's safety is at risk, but backing down or begging (as it would feel to me if I used one simply because things were getting a bit more intense than I was used to,) would make me feel like I was being a fake, not being honest and just showing my true self to a Dom. It would also spoil a certain element of things for me, I'm not the subbiest of subs, don't consider myself a "brat" either, but I enjoy a power struggle, and (with the right Dom,) losing that element of things would take a lot out of things.
There's a certain element of pride there, because I'm proud to be an individual. I'm proud not to yell out safewords left right and centre because that's just the way I am, and there's no point trying to be anyone else. I'm certainly not self-centred in BDSM, I see things as being about the needs and wants of both partners, whoever the one is who ends up in control. I'm not very service orientated as a sub, but don't need to be to "serve" my Dom, because I'm generally a giving person and will go out of my way to help people out anyway.
The one problem with using a safe word straight away instead of pushing yourself on the basis that it's in the hands of the Dom, is that a Dom needs to respect a sub's limits - to push a sub beyond a safeword would destroy any trust a sub has in his/her Dom, and/or render the safeword useless as it's been used in situations where it wasn't yet necessary. I like to keep hold of my safeword, just in case I'm about to keel over and only have time to yell "red!" lol
Having a separate safeword and emergency word works for some, but looking at the bit above this still means the safeword isn't really too useful...
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