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SusanofO -> RE: When do you mention it? (2/18/2007 2:00:42 AM)
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I mention it upfront. I take heavy daily doses of anti-depressants, and most likely always will. I function completley normally when taking them. Without them, I am a "basket case" (within days, or a few weeks at most, of stopping my meds, usually). For years I hardly told anyone, but that was due mostly to shame, and also in some ways I did think it was a private matter.
I suffered for years with severe depression, and it made my my life almost a living hell. I finally found a medication that worked (in my mid-twenties), and it made an almost unbelieveable difference in the quality of my life. My depression is completely bio-chemical, and genetically inherited. "Talk therapy" and "counselling" never seemed to make one whit of difference, in terms of making me feel better.
Unfortunately, this was not discovered until my parents had shelled out thousands of dollars for therapists, on the recommendation of the doctors I saw, to try to treat it. I also was exposed (several times) to the wonder of electro-shock therapy, as part of my treatment, which did help me. Unfortunately, it also erased a large part of my childhood memories - forever, apparently. But I finally found (after years of trying) a medication that worked for me. I thought it was a miracle.
About three years ago, I met a prospective Dominant, and was getting attached to him, and he found out I took anti-depressants (because I told him). He immediately started yammering on and on about how if we were together, he would never allow me to take them again, and how I'd be eating better, and taking "vitamins" instead, etc.
Then I just got really angry with him. I asked him if he had any idea what I'd been through, personally, before I started taking my current medication, or how long or seriously I was depressed, or if he was a medical doctor. I told him I thought he was acting like an imbecile, and told him he had no medical degree and was therefore not responsible enough to be considered my Dominant, as he was obviously willing to sacrifice my future and mental health, just to satisfy some weird personal belief on his part, about the acceptability of taking prescription meds to deal with depression. Then I dumped him like a hot potato.
I am sorry this has happened to you. Personally, unless this person is considering getting medical help to find a medication that works for him, I think your future together might be a challenging one. People who are very depressed and not on medication (IMO) don't always make the most involved partners, and can be weepy, bitchy, and pretty un-ambitious about changing their situations.
**However, from personal experience, I can say that it isn't usually apparent to the depressed person when they are in the throes of their illness, that there could be a "light at the end of the tunnel". I had almost completely given up on finding a medication that would improve my situation, when I found one. It is indeed very possible that he has simply not found the right anti-depressant medication for himself, and is therefore assuming there might not be one out there (which isn't an altogether unreasonable assumption).
**Maybe he stopped his current meds because they didn't work for him. Also, some anti-depressant meds have undesireable side-effects that, for some people, almost make the cure seem worse than the illness.
**I take the anti-depressant Serzone - it has no side effects (for me, or in general, supposedly) that cause weight gain, loss of sex drive, or "cotton mouth" (feeling thirsty all the time). I think it's a great anti-depressant - but I believe that anti-depressants work differently for everyone, and it took me years to discover it.
**Meds really do (IMO) work differently for everyone. I know people who swear by Paxil, and Prozac - both of these meds, however, made me feel like jumping off a bridge somewhere and "ending it all", when I took them. My suggestion to him would be trying different ones until he finds one that works, if his current medication isn't working well for him. This is time-consuming and a bother, yes, but I don't really see an alternative. If he finds a good doctor, they will help him do this. If he has one that won't, he should probably find another doctor, instead.
I do think he might have told you sooner, but it is a tricky situation for some people, and I am glad he at least told you. Too bad you got emotionally involved first though. Hopefully, he is willing to try to find a better medication for himself to treat his depression. If not, I'd think over any further involvement with him very carefully if he is prone to serious depression.
Good luck in the future.
- Susan
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