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RE: justified punishment - 2/17/2007 6:56:48 PM   
justheather


Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: janet1965
      Hell. im still seeing Him, dont want to stop.               just wanted to know if He'd gone overboard.        


Who defines "overboard"?

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RE: justified punishment - 2/17/2007 6:58:24 PM   
BabyNyla


Posts: 578
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline 		It seems like the usual downfall ... a lack of communication and clear cut rules or expectations ... but since I don't really know you or the dynamics ... that's just my feel of it.  I would have to agree with someone and wonder what he'd do to you if you truly did something really awful.  I know that I am not punished that badly (and I have done some really stupid shit) ... but each relationship in D/s is also different.

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RE: justified punishment - 2/17/2007 7:00:00 PM   
janet1965


Posts: 7
Joined: 1/16/2007
Status: offline 		It was a long term friend,   no BDSM connections. Master has admitted He was wrong.       but still says He was justified.    and even if not, He can do as He pleases.            
               

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RE: justified punishment - 2/17/2007 7:02:43 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline 		Man I wonder what burnt toast gets ya?

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RE: justified punishment - 2/17/2007 7:04:37 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Seems to be a moot question since you took the 200 lashes..Now you need to talk with each other in how to avoid this kerfaffle (love that word LA) again..Maybe you also need to discuss with your Master on rules and consequences..Heck! maybe you 2 need to communicate a whole LOT! more...Tempting

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RE: justified punishment - 2/17/2007 7:07:13 PM   
FelinePersuasion


Posts: 4792
Joined: 11/20/2004
Status: offline 		Personally I would say he was being whishy washy and it was stupid thing to punish for, but I can't answer for the op nor her dominant.

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RE: justified punishment - 2/17/2007 7:09:34 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		No shit that's wishy washy---I woulda went for the blowtorches double quick ---

Ron


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RE: justified punishment - 2/17/2007 7:13:13 PM   
janet1965


Posts: 7
Joined: 1/16/2007
Status: offline 		Ron...............thanks that someone agrees 200 lashes is overboard, for a simple email

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RE: justified punishment - 2/17/2007 7:17:21 PM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		Not to hijack the thread, but is 200 from a flogger REALLY that extreme?
 
I mean, there is a lot of variation in floggers, and delivery counts for a lot, but it still sounds like a good warm up to me...

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RE: justified punishment - 2/17/2007 7:19:49 PM   
emdoub


Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: janet1965
[...] My choices were. 200 lashes with a flogger, 100 lashes and sleep chained on the floor for a week, or go home. 
i took the 200.      
Was He justified in doing this??

As I understand it, you're an owned slave - he'd be justified in handing this out because his favorite team lost, he was cut off on the freeway, or it was a slow day and it amused him.

Was it a reasonable punishment for the infraction?  It's not the way *I'd* do things - but I've known slaves for whom 200 lashes and sleeping chained on the floor for a week would have been a great treat.

Is this what slavery is?  Not to everyone.  Do you know him well enough to feel confident in having handed ownership of yourself to him?  Apparently not.

'I'm just new, but I'm a slave' - words that strike terror into hearts everywhere.  One generally does not learn to drive at the Indy 500, either.

Now that you've both had a taste, perhaps some serious discussion is in order - it's important that you're both happy with the relationship, and some changes may be useful toward that goal.

I do hope that he's as heavy-handed with rewards as he is with punishments - balance there is important for effective training.

Midnight Writer


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RE: justified punishment - 2/17/2007 7:22:25 PM   
sillygirl09


Posts: 446
Joined: 1/31/2007
From: New Jersey
Status: offline 		Good Point TopCat, I'd be loving that 200

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RE: justified punishment - 2/17/2007 7:30:04 PM   
janet1965


Posts: 7
Joined: 1/16/2007
Status: offline 		200 for pleasure is a lot different from 200 for punishment.       mind set is different.         

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RE: justified punishment - 2/17/2007 7:33:40 PM   
privatebeauty


Posts: 3
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline 		i'll take 500 while chained to the floor ......Alex.

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RE: justified punishment - 2/17/2007 7:35:53 PM   
Wolf1020


Posts: 447
Joined: 11/7/2005
From: Anderson, SC
Status: offline 		what was it you did?  That would help.

Punishment is a way of correction and teaching.  If you don't know what you did in the first place you don't know what is being corrected and you aren't learning how to do it or not do it. 

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RE: justified punishment - 2/17/2007 8:13:50 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline 		Okay, Ron based on the data what do you think the punishment for burnt toast would be?

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RE: justified punishment - 2/17/2007 8:53:28 PM   
touchthesky


Posts: 121
Joined: 1/27/2007
Status: offline 		Doms that like to flog will look for small reasons to indulge that, of course. And subs love it. Perhaps this isnt really for you. 

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RE: justified punishment - 2/17/2007 9:06:36 PM   
adaddysgirl


Posts: 1093
Joined: 3/2/2004
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline 		my former partner gave some very severe spankings, which i often thought were too harsh.  But he made it clear right at the beginning that this is how it would be....and i could take it or leave it.  i stayed but knowing full well what was in store for me as far as discipline went.  Your Master feels justified....it probably doesn't matter if you (or we) think it was or not.  Either accept it and get used to it....or reconsider if such harsh discipline is what you are looking for.  Doesn't sound like he's about to change.
 
Daddysgirl

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RE: justified punishment - 2/17/2007 9:45:26 PM   
Nikolette


Posts: 488
Joined: 10/2/2004
Status: offline 		janet1965,

I'd say it wasn't parallel to the situation. 200 lashes seem a bit absurd to me. I generally try not to punish my slaves to the extent that they can recall the punishment but not the issue.

Oh.

Wait.

You still... evidentally.. remember what you did wrong. And think it wasn't very bad. And apparently think 200 was unjustified, since you thanked Ron.

So maybe you should opt for asking for 200 more, until you feel like you've adequately paid for the indiscretion.

Or maybe you should have gone home, as he freely offered.

As I said, I think its a bit much, but obviously its not too much because you don't want to leave. Maybe you should ask yourself why exactly you are on the message boards striving to take your punishment frenzied Master's validation away. The dynamic in general doesn't seem adequate. Foggy (seeming) instructions on his part, dubious activities on your part, you looking for comfort from strangers that this was harsh and unjustified on your Master's part.

Are you going to take any of the advice given and actually examine how YOU feel about this and what YOU want from this and go and TALK TO HIM about?

I'd definitely be disappointed if my slave accepted a punishment, and then continued to question my judgement about it. I'd be particularly displeased if my slave then went and asked people what their opinions on it were. I'd question my slave's motivations behind such an action. Especially since you've stated you aren't leaving him.

Did you just want pity? Attention? Because looking for reassurance outside your relationship is probably not the best way to conduct an honest and open relationship. You have to trust yourself, and him and make decisions based on what is reasonable to YOU.

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RE: justified punishment - 2/17/2007 9:54:35 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikolette
I'd definitely be disappointed if my slave accepted a punishment, and then continued to question my judgement about it.

I would too- in MYSELF.

If they are continuing to question my judgement, then there's a serious issue in the relationship which I've not addressed and dealt with at this point.

If left alone, it will only fester and spread.  If shamed underground, it will be even worse.

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RE: justified punishment - 2/17/2007 10:06:57 PM   
Nikolette


Posts: 488
Joined: 10/2/2004
Status: offline 		Lucky Albatross:

I wouldn't be disappointed in myself if I held up my end of the relationship. There has to be give and take. So if I held up my end, and communciated appropriately (and granted, it doesn't seem like this Master did a good job of that) I wouldn't have anything to be disappointed about.

Sometimes people have their OWN issues to deal with and work out. A Master/Mistress isn't a fix all in my opinion they can't address and deal with someone else's issues FOR them. Or even WITH them, sometimes. The person has to want it for themselves. No amount of work on my part is going to fix something that has to be fixed by them as well. I can help and guide and lead, but they too must do the work.

It seems to me like she has her own issues and she isn't bringing them up, or working them out. So... in this case, I'd be disappointed in my slave, not myself. I would never be proud of a slave for doubting me behind my back. I'd be disappointed in them and the situation in general. In my relationship communication is of ultra importance. And is everyone's job.

PS: Hopefully my slaves at this point are more mature to deal with their feelings as a result of my disappointment in them or a situation to be "shamed underground". I definitely expect better conflict resolution skills than that, and do my best to offer them up on my side.

But that's just my perspective.

< Message edited by Nikolette -- 2/17/2007 10:11:48 PM >

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