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RE: justified punishment - 2/17/2007 10:49:49 PM

AquaticSub

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Joined: 12/27/2005
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Based on what you've given it seems out of line to me. Unless he's also giving you rewards of equal value (whatever a box of Godiva truffles is to you or possibly shiny things), I personally wouldn't accept it when I'd been rebuffing the advances. Tell me, if he punishes you for saying no exactly what does he want you to do when people hit on you?

Personally, I do struggle to always remember that even if Valyraen isn't right, he's never wrong. However, he does admit when he's wrong and when he says he's wrong he doesn't continue to say that whatever punishment he gave me was justified. He simply kisses my forehead, says he was wrong, says sorry and we both move on.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

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Post #: 41

RE: justified punishment - 2/17/2007 11:24:23 PM

cinnfulhussy

Posts: 135
Joined: 1/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: janet1965

200 for pleasure is a lot different from 200 for punishment. mind set is different.

Perhaps for some. My body responds to the pain regardless of the mindset. I get wet.
Punish me with 200 lashes for an email and I might look for another email to send......
I think its pretty hokey actually that he's punishing for an email, but then I'm sure we don't really know the rest of the story. I don't tend to get punished with pain, for obvious reasons, unless there is absolutely no other punishment suitable. To each their own and all that.

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Contrary to popular belief, slavery is not the path of least resistance.

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Post #: 42

RE: justified punishment - 2/18/2007 12:15:40 AM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: janet1965

It was a long term friend, no BDSM connections. Master has admitted He was wrong. but still says He was justified. and even if not, He can do as He pleases.

Id like to know how he can be wrong and justefied at the same time??

Honestly I think that this sorta thing is wrong.... You where talking to a friand as you are aloud to do, you declined a meeting which is what you where suposed to do yet he punished you... There is something really wrong there (I dont want to use the word abusive but its on the tip of my fingers) It seems to me the Dom was menipulateing the facts to fit his wish to give you 200 lashes.. which even if you had broken a rule here would in my eyes be a bit extreme for the infraction. Punishment should fit the crime and if this was worth 200 lashes I really hope you tread carefully because you are on thin ice I hate to see what he would do if you skiped a chore or something more savear... And honestly if he didnt like that e-mail I dont see him beeing to thrilled you made this thread!!! He leaves no room to back off and only room to get more savear with punishments by setting the bar so high for such a small infraction.... This is all just my opinion but I would be conserned..

People are saying he could do that to you for anything someone said he could do that to you just because he was bored and this is true but that is WAY different... beating a slave because you want to because you own them is one thing but it is another to beat them as PUNISHMENT for no reason.. that is more exteme in the sence of emotion if not anything els and to me I would feel it was sorry to use the word but abusive... but thats just to me you may be different everyone is and some wont agree but punishment is something not to be taken lightly.

Magik's slave

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If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

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Post #: 43

RE: justified punishment - 2/18/2007 12:45:49 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
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quote:

ORIGINAL: janet1965

I was punished for an email someone sent me. i answered politely. he answered wanting to meet. Even though i said no to meet,( im collared, owned). My choices were. 200 lashes with a flogger, 100 lashes and sleep chained on the floor for a week, or go home.
i took the 200.
Was He justified in doing this??

Wow, this whole thing made my head hurt trying to figure it out. Your profile states that you are owned. Got that. It also states that you are 'actively seeking dominant males'. Don't get that. Later in the thread you state that your email correspondance is with a long term friend but here it seems as if you were just answering someone with a polite 'no' to wanting to meet.

Whether the punishment was justified or not doesn't seem to be the important issue to me. Whether or not it was effective would seem to be the important issue and as you are here questioning it, it doesn't seem as though you learned anything from it so it doesn't seem as though that punishment was an effective way to deal with the issue.

I'm not even sure where I'm going with this because, frankly, I'm still confused but reading your profile..

quote:

i will happily hand over total control of my heart, body and soul.

... you either mean this statement or you don't. Decide which it is then go from there.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

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Post #: 44

RE: justified punishment - 2/18/2007 3:35:41 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
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greetings

that was a very hard punishment!!! that in the old times of slavery would had kill someone but then they used to use a bullwhip. i think it was too hard and being new he should had some thoughts on that matter of your being new. was this yoiur first punishment? i do hope your ok.

mons

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Post #: 45

RE: justified punishment - 2/18/2007 4:30:31 AM

mnottertail

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Exactly, punishment to fit the crime.

Here is a warning, don't throw out my favorite raggedy underwear in the trash without permission, it ain't gonna be your best day.

Ron

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

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Post #: 46

RE: justified punishment - 2/18/2007 6:36:40 AM

michaels4evr

Posts: 184
Joined: 8/8/2006
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I'm not going to get into the relationship issues..and there does appear to be quite a few..LA and others have adequately addressed those.. BUT

no one here can tell you if 200 lashes is justified, or even harsh..its all relative..what type of flogger used, how hard he hit you, whether you are a masochist, whether the psychological effects of the lashing play into it.. punishment is really an individual thing..physical punishment would do absolutely nothing for me but possibly reinforce the undesired behavior, especially since S/M activities are few and far between these days..however, for others just the thought of being whipped is horrifying.

instead of focusing on whether He was justified, a better use of energy might be to focus on the obvious miscommunication that lead you to this point.

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RE: justified punishment - 2/18/2007 6:51:20 AM

Rapture

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"I was punished for an email someone sent me. i answered politely. he answered wanting to meet. Even though i said no to meet,( im collared, owned). My choices were. 200 lashes with a flogger, 100 lashes and sleep chained on the floor for a week, or go home. i took the 200.
Was He justified in doing this?? "

Interesting....

First, janet, would seem you had a choice, unlike many, you did in deed have a choice. You choose the whip. Was he wrong? Obvisously he thought you did something and hence he gave you a couple of choices. Why he would say he was wrong and then say he was justifed ... havent the clue on that one. You could of just up and left, choosen the lesser of the lashes, but you did not.

There is really only one actual conclusion since _you agreed_ to take the whip 200 times. He was totally justified. Further, he was not wrong either. He gave you a choice, and be thankful for that, you took one of the options, live with it.

Rapture

>>

justify
One entry found for justify.
Main Entry: jus·ti·fy
Pronunciation: 'j&s-t&-"fI
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): -fied; -fy·ing
Etymology: Middle English justifien, from Anglo-French or Late Latin; Anglo-French justifier, from Late Latin justificare, from Latin justus
transitive verb
1 a : to prove or show to be just, right, or reasonable b (1) : to show to have had a sufficient legal reason (2) : to qualify (oneself) as a surety by taking oath to the ownership of sufficient property
2 a archaic : to administer justice to b archaic : ABSOLVE c : to judge, regard, or treat as righteous and worthy of salvation
3 a : to space (as lines of text) so that the lines come out even at the margin b : to make even by justifying <justified margins>
intransitive verb
1 a : to show a sufficient lawful reason for an act done b : to qualify as bail or surety
2 : to justify lines of text
synonym see MAINTAIN
- jus·ti·fi·er /-"fI(-&)r/ noun

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Post #: 48

RE: justified punishment - 2/18/2007 9:11:38 AM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
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First Post you say

quote:

janet1965I was punished for an email someone sent me. i answered politely. he answered wanting to meet. Even though i said no to meet

then you say

quote:

It was a long term friend

The highlighted part just sounds odd to me for long term friendsI think you left out some info

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RE: justified punishment - 2/18/2007 9:48:06 AM

amuzingtoyou

Posts: 144
Joined: 6/27/2006
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Im still confused on what you did wrong? And why you were being punished? It seems from the information given that your dominant was merely looking for a reason to punish you. So you say you want to stay in this dynamic. Well if it works for you thats great..however you wouldn't be comming here if you didn't have questions or concerns. When i read this a big red flag went up for me. You say you are new to the lifesyle, well in my opinion this type of punishment is not acceptable for the crime. It sounds like a nice formula for abuse. Yes even though you agreed to it, you were given three choices. None of them appealed to you very much. But again..what was the crime? Basically what he was saying is you take my physical punishment or you can leave. Sounds like emotional manipulation to me.

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RE: justified punishment - 2/18/2007 10:08:19 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

Based on what you've given it seems out of line to me. Unless he's also giving you rewards of equal value (whatever a box of Godiva truffles is to you or possibly shiny things), I personally wouldn't accept it when I'd been rebuffing the advances. Tell me, if he punishes you for saying no exactly what does he want you to do when people hit on you?

Personally, I do struggle to always remember that even if Valyraen isn't right, he's never wrong. However, he does admit when he's wrong and when he says he's wrong he doesn't continue to say that whatever punishment he gave me was justified. He simply kisses my forehead, says he was wrong, says sorry and we both move on.

I don't wish to make Aquatic feel singled out, but her comments represented the one of the common trends in this thread that I disagree with.

In the context of an M/s relationship, the dominant may choose to punish their slave in any way s/he sees fit. M/s isn't the only way to live, though; a non-TPE relationship is just fine and dandy as well. A wise dominant, to me, would explain why the sub/slave is being punished so as to prevent this from reoccurring, as it saves time and effort. I wish I could tell my cats they're being sprayed with water for trying to eat my sandwich, but all they know is every time they're near my plate, they get wet. This is not a 'wrong' way to teach, for cats or humans, it just takes a lot more time and effort on the discipliner's part (and a lot more frustration on the receiver's part.)

As suggested before, if you feel the situation was unfair, you do have options available; leaving may seem like an overly harsh alternative, but if the lesson he was teaching was "I can punish you, anytime, anywhere, for any reason" than it's a lesson worth learning. If he is inexperienced or overly callous, those are traits you will have to choose to accept or reject, yourself.

Good luck,

Stephan

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"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

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RE: justified punishment - 2/18/2007 11:05:13 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

In the context of an M/s relationship, the dominant may choose to punish their slave in any way s/he sees fit. M/s isn't the only way to live, though; a non-TPE relationship is just fine and dandy as well. A wise dominant, to me, would explain why the sub/slave is being punished so as to prevent this from reoccurring, as it saves time and effort. I wish I could tell my cats they're being sprayed with water for trying to eat my sandwich, but all they know is every time they're near my plate, they get wet. This is not a 'wrong' way to teach, for cats or humans, it just takes a lot more time and effort on the discipliner's part (and a lot more frustration on the receiver's part.)

As suggested before, if you feel the situation was unfair, you do have options available; leaving may seem like an overly harsh alternative, but if the lesson he was teaching was "I can punish you, anytime, anywhere, for any reason" than it's a lesson worth learning. If he is inexperienced or overly callous, those are traits you will have to choose to accept or reject, yourself.

Good luck,

Stephan

Not everyone in a master/slave dynamic chooses a true and total power exchange. As you said, it's not for everyone.

My opinion is that sure, you can punish your slave anytime you want. Does that make it a good idea? No. Does that mean I have to agree with it? No. Does that mean when another submissive/slave asks me "Do you think I deserved this?" I'm always going to say "Yes!"? No.

Then again, my opinion is also: Hit your dog enough without giving it some love and it's going to run away.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Stephann)

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Post #: 52

RE: justified punishment - 2/18/2007 11:19:35 AM

sharainks

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First off like many on here I have to wonder about your relationship. Had you talked about punishment at all? Had he set clear cut guidelines of what would and would not be acceptable to him? Were you in trouble for getting the email or for answering it?

Then there is the flogging itself. Was the flogging over the top? To the point you felt traumatized? Then with a novice person it may not have been appropriate. It was inappropriate that you both didn't have a clear understanding of his expectations of you and what your consequences would be if you did not meet those. If those things had been clear in your mind before this happened you would not need to ask the question you are asking.

You say you are a slave. In your own mind what is it about the relationship that makes you a slave? My suggestion would be (for both of you) that you refrain from further punishments until both have a clear idea of the expectations of this relationship.

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Post #: 53