Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual - 2/17/2007 9:32:22 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I never said that the sub was "proving" trust, I said that perhaps the dom in question thought that having new experiences would grow trust.

Agreed- but this is true of life in general.  New experiences together will build trust over time- whether they are limits or not.  I think life will bring us more than we could ever imagine, and personally, if I could have "needing income on a regular basis" as a limit in my life, I'd certainly employ it! :) 

Life will bring a relationship far more issues and problems and obstacles than any kinky limits list will provide.

So if the people involved honestly and sincerely for themselves decide that they feel it's time to explore something which may have been previously decided not to explore, absolutely, go for it.

But I know a lot of people in the scene see "limit" as codeword for "go for me now!"

quote:

 I also never said the dom demanded, or that he guilted, I said "request".

And again I said that changing limits isn't bad at all, I may have gotten vehement over certain aspects that people often go through in the limits discussion, but I think we fundamentally agree on the process.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual - 2/17/2007 9:32:29 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		edited because it wasn't worth it.

< Message edited by sweetnurseBBW -- 2/17/2007 9:34:13 PM >

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual - 2/17/2007 9:33:15 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

But lets say they had been living together for 2 years? Would you still think that he was wanting her to do this for that reason?


mmm 2 years.. sounds like a situation where he is getting bored with her.


That was a hypothetical... smiles.


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LotusSong)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual - 2/17/2007 9:35:14 PM   
vield


Posts: 354
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Yes this topic goes through a lot of points of view, which is interesting.
My view is that all hard limits of all persons involved need honoring at all times, and that all soft limits are open to negotiation.
I also feel that full knowing consensuality of all partners at all times is also important.
Over the years I have found some very simple common acts to be hard limits for some people even though those same people eagerly participated in other activities many would find to be edge play.
Sometimes a minor thing in a scene that no one has thought about brings someone past what they can handle. It might be a lost partner's favorite scent on someone else, or a flashback to a bad experience from something else. Imagine that you are doing a bi scene for your dominant's Pleasure, and the same gendered new partner uses your Dad's aftershave or your Mom's perfume?
On another day, with conditions a bit different, the same sub may eagerly give the same dominant the play that squicked them out today.

_____________________________

As always, your mileage may vary!

vield

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual - 2/17/2007 9:46:00 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		As far as limits, Sinergy handled this differently than anyone I had ever heard of. He told me he would always ask permission before trying something new with me. He knew I had a list of limits, most of which are listed on my alt profile. I am sure he read them, but he never really wanted to talk about limits with me. Everytime he has asked me to do something I have agreed to it, even the things on my hard limit list. He knew they were there, but we never made a contract, and I was always free to say "no" to him.

It has worked rather well for us. But I suppose not everyone would be comfortable with it. When I release a limit, it is something I had in my mind, not something that had ever been a limit between the two of us...

I think trust grows in many ways LA, just as you said, but when I let him in and experience new things with him, it is magical for me. It is a growth experience for me, and it is not just kink to me. But that is just how I feel about it.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual - 2/17/2007 9:52:03 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
I think trust grows in many ways LA, just as you said, but when I let him in and experience new things with him, it is magical for me. It is a growth experience for me, and it is not just kink to me. But that is just how I feel about it.

I completely understand and I feel the same way.  It just has nothing to do with "limits" for me.

I was excited the first time he showed me his apartment, or the first time we went on a weekend trip together, or the first time we spent the night during the week.  Those were all big cool exciting deals for me and we continue to have them and I hope we never stop.

For me, it's all about life and growing closer.  Limits really aren't an issue in my life at all compared to all that LIVING stuff.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual - 2/17/2007 9:53:13 PM   
BabyNyla


Posts: 578
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

quote:

ORIGINAL: BabyNyla

quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

Hmmm.... so you would choose licking the turd eh?



dear lord no ... I leave that dirty business to the trolls ... hehe.


All righty. Now that we have established you will lick a tweeter... lets talk about bisexual stuff!


 
at your place or mine? 

_____________________________

My Journal

(in reply to FukinTroll)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual - 2/17/2007 9:54:07 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline 		YES!

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to BabyNyla)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual - 2/17/2007 9:54:39 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline 		Yeah, the living stuff is nice too, like the last time I was down there we planted flowers... that was a lot of fun..smiles

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual - 2/17/2007 9:57:07 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		This reminds me of my thread asking people whether they wanted a master who would always be on time and such for dates or to always orgasm on command.

I felt tons of more excitement, more closeness, and more gratitude the day we moved into our apartment together than I have ever felt in a scene with him.

Scenes are awesome, hot, intense, fabulous and I've no plans to give them up- but I wouldn't want them with my partner without the rest as well.

I'm greedy :)

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual - 2/17/2007 10:04:43 PM   
KurtKaboom


Posts: 203
Joined: 2/11/2007
Status: offline 		     Slaves do not get to pick an oreintation.  It is what the Master prefers.  This should be understood before colaring.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual - 2/17/2007 10:07:58 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KurtKaboom
Slaves do not get to pick an oreintation.  It is what the Master prefers.  This should be understood before colaring.

Orientations aren't something you pick like your junior year schedule, or your major in college.

And if the master wants particular acts to be done with particular people, yes that should be understood before collaring.  That doens't mean all slaves or all masters choose to be in relationships such as those.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to KurtKaboom)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual - 2/17/2007 10:10:13 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline 		Yep. Otherwise they would have already swarmed to your collar Kurt.

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual - 2/17/2007 10:10:37 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KurtKaboom

    Slaves do not get to pick an oreintation.  It is what the Master prefers.  This should be understood before colaring.


Orientation is not something that is a choice. It is just who I am. It is not like going to the grocery and choosing wheat or white bread.

_____________________________

Sir Pain's pain slut

(in reply to KurtKaboom)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual - 2/17/2007 10:14:26 PM   
KurtKaboom


Posts: 203
Joined: 2/11/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

Yep. Otherwise they would have already swarmed to your collar Kurt.



    I'm seeking a bit more than the first one to show up on a bridge

(in reply to FukinTroll)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual - 2/17/2007 10:16:12 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline 		Good luck finding it here buddy!

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to KurtKaboom)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual - 2/17/2007 10:21:46 PM   
KurtKaboom


Posts: 203
Joined: 2/11/2007
Status: offline 		    Thank you

(in reply to FukinTroll)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual - 2/17/2007 10:22:50 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline 		Anytime.

_____________________________

I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to KurtKaboom)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual - 2/17/2007 11:51:10 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I have had this curiousity building in me about something I have seen on profiles here, and some debating with others about this topic...what do you think of requiring a submissive to engage in bisexual activities if it was understood between the two that she was not bisexual at the beginning of the dynamic? By this I mean at the beginning there was no expressed desire for her to be bisexual, and that was the way the relationship started. What do you think of the dominant asking for this limit to be released? Does the motivation for him asking for this matter? Would it matter if it was because he just desired her to release all such limits to him, or some other trust building experience he was working on acheiving through this?

What are your thoughts?


Doesn't hurt to ask, but to require it without communication is changing the dynamic which was agreed to in the beginning. Thinking that people don't change just because they are involved in a long term relationship is short-sighted at best. Most of us do evolve over time and if the relationship is solid and there is good communication, I see no reason at all why it can't be discussed. Sometimes, the reality is that people grow in different directions and relationships end because of it.. but, hell, the submissive might have been the one who changed and be open to it as well. It could just as easily be the submissive going to the dominant and being the one to ask about experiencing new things of whatever nature. This is one of those issues that require tawk, tawk and more tawk to come to a meeting of the minds.

Celeste

edited to add: Hell, I should have read the thread first because I didn't add a damn thing to it that hasn't already been said. ::chuckles:: Just ignore this as redundant.

< Message edited by BitaTruble -- 2/17/2007 11:55:47 PM >

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual - 2/18/2007 4:04:00 AM   
ExSteelAgain


Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline 		Lots of words and phrases here. What is the net from all of it? The guy wants the sub to play with another woman with him there. In a casual situation, it can even be that the woman desires to be pushed into things like that. It is what all are there for and wild, casual play could involve another woman. Nothing wrong in that situation.

But let me keep it in the realm of an intense, one on one relationship, without poly “family” interpretations. Sure, I can make a slave do a bisexual thing if I want, but I have to consider my relationship with her. Do I care about her feelings if I get her to do this and she doesn’t want to?

Same thing with poly. I know I have this power, but it is going to change the relationship. Do I care about the relationship? Is her loyalty to me based on her knowing I wouldn’t push her into certain things like these?

Now if you are saying you are not sure you want to do something or not, well that is a whole other game. It means you probably want to do it…heh.

_____________________________

You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.141