Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual (Full Version)

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juliaoceania -> Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual (2/17/2007 8:29:08 PM)

I have had this curiousity building in me about something I have seen on profiles here, and some debating with others about this topic...what do you think of requiring a submissive to engage in bisexual activities if it was understood between the two that she was not bisexual at the beginning of the dynamic? By this I mean at the beginning there was no expressed desire for her to be bisexual, and that was the way the relationship started. What do you think of the dominant asking for this limit to be released? Does the motivation for him asking for this matter? Would it matter if it was because he just desired her to release all such limits to him, or some other trust building experience he was working on acheiving through this?

What are your thoughts?



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual (2/17/2007 8:37:22 PM)

IMO..if it was understood that their submissive was not bisexual, and she made such a limit..then to me to couch having the same submissive perform bi-sexual acts as a way to test her or to see the scope of her submission is a "bullhockey" way of having her do that which the Dominant wanted but did not reveal at the get go....in other words she was purposefully mislead...Tempting



juliaoceania -> RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual (2/17/2007 8:38:37 PM)

But lets say they had been living together for 2 years? Would you still think that he was wanting her to do this for that reason?



FukinTroll -> RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual (2/17/2007 8:40:20 PM)

Well Julia... first your a big chicken!!!!!!!!!!!

Second: I can think of a few reasons for a Dom/me to make a sub/slave do bisexual activities. Humiliation would be one.



juliaoceania -> RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual (2/17/2007 8:43:40 PM)

You triple dared me, but my flame retardant suit is at the cleaners[:D]



FukinTroll -> RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual (2/17/2007 8:45:14 PM)

I knew you would chicken out. That is why it already hit the gossip page.

Muahhahhahahha



touchthesky -> RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual (2/17/2007 8:46:25 PM)

if i was not bi but i wanted to please my Dom i would do it to entertain him, if i wanted to please him very much. Most men like to see women together. There are other things that might be much harder limits say like scat or electric play that would be a no go. It would really depend on if the Dom  was trustworthy, and how much it excited him. Wouldn't do it just so he could see how far he could push me, only to please him if it was all that to him.



FukinTroll -> RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual (2/17/2007 8:47:32 PM)

Hmmm... lick a turd or a tweeter. That is an easy choice.



jranger98 -> RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual (2/17/2007 8:47:58 PM)

Sub male new to Birmingham and to colorme.  How can I find some fun?



ArgoGeorgia -> RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual (2/17/2007 8:51:48 PM)

I would think that if it is a hard limit, set up at the beginning, one of those no negotiating things, then the Dom shouldn't force the issue.  For some people it could be pretty traumatizing I imagine.  However, if at the beginning and during discussions around the subject it was more of a "Well, I'm not bisexual, not really something I'm interested in" but that is it, I might push that boundary some.  Of course, I would also have to keep in mind the other woman's feelings, mindset.  I imagine that for many it wouldn't be such a great thing to have to make out and perform sexual acts with someone who is scared shitless and getting nauseated and who just doesn't want to be there.  Unless you are one of those pervs who likes that kind of stuff. LOL



MzMia -> RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual (2/17/2007 8:51:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I have had this curiousity building in me about something I have seen on profiles here, and some debating with others about this topic...what do you think of requiring a submissive to engage in bisexual activities if it was understood between the two that she was not bisexual at the beginning of the dynamic? By this I mean at the beginning there was no expressed desire for her to be bisexual, and that was the way the relationship started. What do you think of the dominant asking for this limit to be released? Does the motivation for him asking for this matter? Would it matter if it was because he just desired her to release all such limits to him, or some other trust building experience he was working on acheiving through this?

What are your thoughts?


Nice topic julia
Hard limit for straight men/women, julia, I would not cross that one.
Hard limits are just that hard limits, not a soft limit...well......if its not a hard limit, that means you are open to experiencing it.
I personally have found very few submissive men here that have bisexuality as a hard limit, most on this site are very bi-curious.
IMHO



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual (2/17/2007 8:53:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

But lets say they had been living together for 2 years? Would you still think that he was wanting her to do this for that reason?
humm good question...I guess if they had been together for that amount of time then possibly he may be wanting to push the envelope moreso...to widen the scope..BUT....could it also be that he is retesting boundaries set at the beginning to see if there was some wriggle room...I see testing a submissives submission to be a load of "crap"...either you are compatible in your D/s or you are not..to "test" IMO is simply another way to guilt a submissive into doing that which she finds abhorrent....Tempting



hisannabelle -> RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual (2/17/2007 8:55:58 PM)

it depends. one doesn't have to be bisexual to participate in bisexual activities; it could be part of the submissive's service to the dominant. on the other hand, if it was expressly listed as a limit, then that would mean a discussion of changing limits would have to happen, and if the dominant forced the issue while it was still a hard limit, then that'd mean the dominant was just disrespecting the limits he claimed to have accepted at the beginning.



mstrjx -> RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual (2/17/2007 8:56:35 PM)

Well, there are limits, and then there are limits.  No, I'm not being obtuse (well, any more than usual).

I don't know about the rest of you, but when, at 30, I started in the BDSM world full-time, I didn't know all there was to know.  I didn't know what my informed opinions were on all that WIITWD.  How could I?  But as I got closer to things, I realize that my interests broadened; I'm not really a squick-worthy type of guy, but some things that might have made me uncomfortable grew on me as ideas.  Some have been broached, others not.

Nobody ever said that submission was going to be easy.  Nobody ever said that it would always be comfortable.  Some people probably don't even know that submission makes us take hard looks at ourselves.  It's part of the journey.

I'm not condoning the behavior if a so-called dom(me) wants to have their cake and eat it, too, just for their own sake.  But I will say that this topic could very well be addressed or explained in any number of (depending on the situation) ways.

This topic triggers some of the same sorts of emotional buttons as being loaned.  Usually there is some sort of proviso at the beginning of a relationship, but the matter might lie on the table dormant for months or years until it finally gets broached.

Not for everyone, but not unheard of either.

Jeff



juliaoceania -> RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual (2/17/2007 8:57:14 PM)

to all of you talking hard limits, that was not part of the OP, it just stated that the sub expressed no interest in it at the beginning. I said limit, not hard limit... there is a difference between hard limits and soft ones... perhaps I should not have used the "L" word.



MzMia -> RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual (2/17/2007 8:58:37 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

to all of you talking hard limits, that was not part of the OP, it just stated that the sub expressed no interest in it at the beginning. I said limit, not hard limit... there is a difference between hard limits and soft ones... perhaps I should not have used the "L" word.


Thanks julia, well as I said if it was not stated up front, all bets are off and anything goes.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual (2/17/2007 9:00:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
what do you think of requiring a submissive to engage in bisexual activities if it was understood between the two that she was not bisexual at the beginning of the dynamic?

As long as it's understood by everyone where the score is, sure.

Say a straight woman becomes slave to a lesbian mistress who requires the slave to go down on her and fuck her with dildos and all sorts of things.

As long as the slave knows ahead of time that this service will be required, then it's just another form of service.

quote:

What do you think of the dominant asking for this limit to be released?

Well you didn't mention that it WAS a limit at all, only that she wasn't bisexual.  I've fucked plenty of men and women I wasn't attracted to for the pleasure of my owner.  It wasn't a limit at all.

I'd think it's no different than a dom asking for any change of limits.

quote:

Does the motivation for him asking for this matter?

It might change her receptivity and speed at which the limit may be changed in a healthy and productive way.

quote:

Would it matter if it was because he just desired her to release all such limits to him, or some other trust building experience he was working on acheiving through this?

I think both of those are bullshit- if he wanted these sorts of acts done, he should have said so BEFORE the commitment was made.

Having someone "give up limits" as an act of trust is bullshit.  I'm not going to go put a bullet in my nephews head to prove submission to someone or prove I trust my owner.  He is not God and I am not Job.

If you want a slave who will fuck whoever you want them to fuck, however you want them to fuck, whenever you tell them- great, go for it, find it and be happy.  Just be honest and open about it and don't couch it in ridiculous pyscho crap answers like proving trust or sincerity.  That pretty much falls into the "you're not a sub if you ask me questions" category.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual (2/17/2007 9:03:49 PM)

Oh and the dom isn't asking the sub to BE bisexual, only to engage in sex act with another woman.

I fuck someone- that doesn't mean I WANT to fuck them, or that I find them at all attractive.



MzMia -> RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual (2/17/2007 9:05:45 PM)

Oh goody goody this thread is getting interesting---> I am goiing to get my 1 beer.[:D]



juliaoceania -> RE: Dominant Asking For Submissive to Be BiSexual (2/17/2007 9:07:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

Well, there are limits, and then there are limits.  No, I'm not being obtuse (well, any more than usual).

I don't know about the rest of you, but when, at 30, I started in the BDSM world full-time, I didn't know all there was to know.  I didn't know what my informed opinions were on all that WIITWD.  How could I?  But as I got closer to things, I realize that my interests broadened; I'm not really a squick-worthy type of guy, but some things that might have made me uncomfortable grew on me as ideas.  Some have been broached, others not.

Nobody ever said that submission was going to be easy.  Nobody ever said that it would always be comfortable.  Some people probably don't even know that submission makes us take hard looks at ourselves.  It's part of the journey.

I'm not condoning the behavior if a so-called dom(me) wants to have their cake and eat it, too, just for their own sake.  But I will say that this topic could very well be addressed or explained in any number of (depending on the situation) ways.

This topic triggers some of the same sorts of emotional buttons as being loaned.  Usually there is some sort of proviso at the beginning of a relationship, but the matter might lie on the table dormant for months or years until it finally gets broached.

Not for everyone, but not unheard of either.

Jeff


I will say that this issue may come up for me one day, how would I react? I would submit because I would think that if he was out for a "cake and eat it too" situation my feelings would never be an issue... which with him  my limits are a big issue in that he takes trust I have in him seriously. 

I have a friend that used to post here that had these situations arise, we talked today over the phone about it, and it made me wonder how I would/will deal with it... because for us there seems to be something playing out in our relationship... releasing limits that I did not know were even up for debate and how that engenders deep trust in me.

You are right, there are some things that one just starts to grow into within the context of discovering themselves, especially with a patient partner



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