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How to handle this - 2/18/2007 8:30:19 AM

rollinonward05

Posts: 78
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

Hello everyone, It has been ages since I have been here in collar me and I have been enjoying the posts here. There have been many instances that I have seen where people help each other over a problem or help them to see something more clearly. So I am hoping to get some help too with good advice and whatnot.

I belong to a wonderful Master who I think the world of. Right now I am long distance from Him but we manage to see each other as much as possible. He connected with a submissive from around here several years ago who lied to His face and was released. Since that release she has come back three more times. And three more times she has lied and then lied her way back into Masters life. Vicious circle continues because now she has run Master down and called him all kinds of names and just showed him so much disrespect. If I lived closer than many hours away I would love to kick her ass around the block but that would not serve any useful purpose.
The thing is she talks down to Master, does things that are very unsubmissive like but a few days later is back and talking and writing like nothing happened like she is completely innocent of saying or writing anything disrespectful at all. I have no idea what Master will do this time around. I am hoping this is the final straw but i don't know.
What advice can anyone here give me on how to handle myself in this situation. My own emotions and feelings. I would love to rant and rave at Master too tell him what i think but that would then be me showing him disrespect. I know i should talk to him about this and i promise i will. Just looking for feedback from others at this point.

Thank you

Post #: 1

RE: How to handle this - 2/18/2007 8:40:26 AM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

IMO He should tell that lieing creature to take a hike.
But since this is what? the third time he has taken her back and she just does the same thing over n over I'd say go find yourself some one with some nads

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to rollinonward05)

Post #: 2

RE: How to handle this - 2/18/2007 8:54:32 AM

cjenny

Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline

I don't think there is much 'you' can do in this situation. It's really up to your master to either end the cycle of her returning or to continue it. It sounds to me like he doesn't really want to end it or he would have by now.
How long have you belonged to him? Have you ever discussed this with your master, if so how does he feel about the other sub?
This isn't really something easily answered without knowing a bit more but it does set off my subbly spidey senses a bit.

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.

~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 3

RE: How to handle this - 2/18/2007 9:15:32 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

It's not up to you to do something about it, as it is your Master's issue even though you suffer frustration over it. You can talk to him of your frustration, and ask him to help you understand his logic for accepting this kind of chaos. You can also ask him to help you deal with this, because it's at a point where it's causing you confusion and anger. I have found when influences affect me negatively (whether internal or external influences), asking for my Master's guidance in coping with it is always most effective.

Running her down and kicking her ass, while perhaps an enjoyable thought, would be counter productive and is placing your focus on her, rather than on your Master.

(in reply to rollinonward05)

Post #: 4

RE: How to handle this - 2/18/2007 9:42:04 AM

xxxWENCHxxx

Posts: 45
Joined: 12/10/2006
Status: offline

brava ownedgirlie .... that was so elegantly put and the best way for rollinward to handle that situation ...

it is so important that the focus is not on this partiuclar sub (she sounds more like a switch to me ... no offense to switches) ... all your focus should be on your Master

besides, i am a firm believer that by asking your Master to help you understand His relationship with this person, He will take a look at how it affects you which ultimately make Him reflect on Himself .... (just a little "topping from the bottom" my dear) ...

all the responses here on the boards have been some of the best tools for me to learn from .... i may be "ancient" to some of Y/you in age but i am just a baby (3 years now) to the lifestyle ... thanx for being so vocal people ...

< Message edited by xxxWENCHxxx -- 2/18/2007 9:56:06 AM >

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 5

RE: How to handle this - 2/18/2007 9:56:19 AM

BeingChewsie

Posts: 1633
Joined: 10/27/2005
Status: offline

Hello :)

Take a deep breath, do not get involved, or it will make you crazy.

This situation will go on for as long your Master allows it to go on. Obviously he gains something from these interactions with her or he would send her packing and mean it.

I wonder if part of your frustration is that you see him as not taking this situation by the balls and bringing it to -his- timely conclusion, that would rattle my cage a lot more than her behavior.

_____________________________

"In fact, it is my contention that most women are accepting of way less than optimal circumstance constantly, and are lucky to be 'snagged' by the right man, if ever. But it is more by happy accident than by their design. "
~Ron and Hup

(in reply to xxxWENCHxxx)

Post #: 6

RE: How to handle this - 2/18/2007 10:32:48 AM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

Im sorry hon

I know the feelings because Im very protective of my Master and dont like when other fuck with him I have gotten in trouble a few times for showing my fangs and claws to people I didnt think where treating him right. But when it comes down to it it is his choice to let her back in his life over and over again your only choice here is to deside weather you can deal with a man that is so distrutive in his social choices weather you can watch him get hurt over and over.. for me it would eat me up inside I dont know if I could take it no matter how much I loved the man (is empathic and cant handle the drama) Try talking to him let him know how this makes you feel let him know whats going on in your head.. hopefully he loves you enough to respect your feeling and start ignoring the other girl he should want to chose your happyness over the other girls game.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to BeingChewsie)

Post #: 7

RE: How to handle this - 2/18/2007 10:50:44 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

Yep, what they said.

The natural submissive urge to protect is good - but you need to reign it in, lest you be consumed by it. Ask yourself, do you really want a Dom who would let you dictate to him how he should handle his affairs?

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 8

RE: How to handle this - 2/18/2007 11:19:38 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I agree with Owned. Frankly, after this many cycles, you just have to say he WANTS it like this and is completely blind to the reality of the situation.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 9

RE: How to handle this - 2/18/2007 11:24:17 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: xxxWENCHxxx

brava ownedgirlie .... that was so elegantly put and the best way for rollinward to handle that situation ...

Thank you for your kind words, Wench, and welcome to the forums.

(in reply to xxxWENCHxxx)

Post #: 10

RE: How to handle this - 2/18/2007 11:57:13 AM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

quote:

I belong to a wonderful Master who I think the world of.......He connected with a submissive from around here several years ago who lied to His face and was released. Since that release she has come back three more times.

I can't figure out from your post if he is playing with this sub in real life or if it is an online thing. Did he agree to be monogomous with you? I'm not sure what you can do except express your concerns with him or ask for your release. Apparently he likes having her in his life or he wouldn't keep letting her back in.

_____________________________

proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to rollinonward05)

Post #: 11

RE: How to handle this - 2/18/2007 12:03:48 PM

PlayDate

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/9/2007
Status: offline

There is not much for you to do in this instance. He is the Dom, you are His sub. It seems certain that you have expressed your concerns to Him before and still this is something He chooses. Perhaps He likes this other's bluster and fire - many Doms find wild subs quite attractive. All in all, it is not your place to chastise your Master's decisions or to do anything about this girl.

If it is filling you with anguish, the alternative is to ask for release but you know that already, and so I assume you wish to bend your Sir to your will, wish Him to see the situation as you do and respond as you wish Him to. If He does, perhaps another inspection is in order - who is in control of whom?

(in reply to proudsub)

Post #: 12

RE: How to handle this - 2/18/2007 12:28:42 PM

michaels4evr

Posts: 184
Joined: 8/8/2006
Status: offline

I'd let him know how His drama with this girl is affecting me and respectfully request not to know the details. If it were me, I would probably begin to have trouble respecting His judgment if He keeps putting up with the other submissive's abusive behavior.

(in reply to PlayDate)

Post #: 13

RE: How to handle this - 2/18/2007 12:37:40 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

This is his problem, not yours. For whatever reasons, his "stuff" is allowing this behavior. What you have to deal with is "your stuff" and how you react. If you brough violence into the equation, would it really help? If your Master cannot get himself together, how is this going to affect you? Have you talked to your Master about how much it hurts you to see him go through this and that you think he should cut all ties with this woman? Be open and honest with him about your feelings. Try not to focus on what he is or isn't doing, just on your reactions. Let him know how you think you will come to feel over time if he doesn't shut this obviously negative person out of his life. You can't control what he does, but you can set healthy emotional boudaries about how you react to what he does.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to rollinonward05)

Post #: 14

RE: How to handle this - 2/18/2007 2:53:17 PM

rollinonward05

Posts: 78
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

Thank you all very much for your advice. I will take it all to heart I assure all of you that.
I will keep my focus on where it should be , on Master. His happiness means everything to me.
Again thank you everyone. I appreciate all the comments and aid .
Be well
rollin

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 15

RE: How to handle this - 2/18/2007 2:56:14 PM

rollinonward05

Posts: 78
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

I have belonged to Master for over 5 years. I have learned a lot about myself with His help and I have grown in ways I never imagined. Best of all I have become more open minded to the way others chose to live their lives both inside and outside the lifestyle. Still have more growing to do both for Master and for myself
Be well
rollin

(in reply to cjenny)

Post #: 16

RE: How to handle this - 2/20/2007 1:47:38 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

You can't control what he does, you can only control what you do and what you are or are not willing to abide with. You don't say if you're poly, if you have the right of veto, or whatever. Myself, I would just make it clear I didn't want to hear about her at all. I don't want to know when she calls, what she says or anything else. I would pretend she doesn't exist in my life.

But I would judge him as to whether he was keeping his word to me. If he cancelled for the weekend because of her, I would lose trust in him and tell him. If he couldn't control his temper because of her I would lose respect for him. And I would tell him this because I have the ability to separate myself from others, I have healthy boundaries.

(in reply to rollinonward05)

Post #: 17

RE: How to handle this( another question(s) - 2/20/2007 4:43:19 PM

rollinonward05

Posts: 78
Joined: 9/11/2005
Status: offline

You know Celeste that is very good advice. That i not know a whole lot about what is going on with this woman. I have no reason to trust her with the things she has pulled in the past. Master knows i have no trust there. I am better off not knowing at least for now. Because when i know the bs she is handing out it only tends to upset me and sometimes Master is the one who i take it out on. If i can ignore or better yet not know exactly what all is going on it has a almost calming affect on me.

I know it is not always good to be kept in the dark but if you know it may cause insecurities or anger to come out isn't it better to be in the dark ? Till things are worked out??

be well
rollin

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 18

RE: How to handle this - 2/20/2007 6:11:54 PM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

As a Dominant I'd give her two tries, after the second time she'd be gone from my life forever. I do not have time for games or lies. She has learned that your Master will take her back, so in a way she controls him. He needs to decide if she is worth it and if not, tell her to go away and never to come back.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to rollinonward05)

Post #: 19

RE: How to handle this - 2/20/2007 8:14:25 PM

czarlipet

Posts: 30
Joined: 2/17/2007
Status: offline

I do agree with the others that this is his decision and his problem. But it does affect you. I disagree that there is nothing you can or should do. You should talk to your master and tell him how you feel. Keep the communication going as long as you need to for as long as this other person's presence is affecting you.

Yes, your master is your first concern. But he has a responsability to you to take care of your emotional health. You have a responsability to keep yourself healthy for your master. The two go hand in hand and ignoring something that obviously bothers you so much will only cause your feelings to fester. Communicate and ask your master to help you master your emotions.

Czarli

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 20

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