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should a Dom be involved? - 2/18/2007 5:04:30 PM

stateira

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Joined: 12/19/2006
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Say two people...a slave and a submissive...had an argument as friends sometimes will do. They are both owned...and the submissive is owned by the slave's former Dom's submissive. In other words the submissive joined a poly group and the Dom doesn't have a whole lot to do with her collar according to them. so while the two friends are arguing, the Dom gets involved. We will call this dom Sam. Sam starts sending the slave girl ugly messages. No part of the argument concerned him...so he should not have been involved right? Unfortunately the two friends ceased contact with one another...but Sam is still sending the slave tacky messages.

I was under the impression that Doms and Masters were above getting involved in things that didn't concern them. Sam is a highly respected member of several D/s chat sites and communites. I think I am missing something since he is so respected and loved...I guess I am looking for some opinions. Maybe you all can tell me what I am missing.

< Message edited by stateira -- 2/18/2007 5:20:13 PM >

Post #: 1

RE: should a Dom be involved? - 2/18/2007 5:08:00 PM

SimplySubmissive

Posts: 216
Joined: 1/2/2004
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so i guess it's not a hypothetical question?

he said, she said.. it seems confusing to me. no way to really know who should have said what to whom.

(in reply to stateira)

Post #: 2

RE: should a Dom be involved? - 2/18/2007 5:08:50 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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This sounds to me like it ha nothing to do with the person being a Dominant. Getting involved like that and not letting the issue drop is far more a personality thing. It is like he is looking to get the last word in. I wouldnt concern myself too much with the nasty messages HE is sending, and would back out of the poly situation if it involved him. He is trying to control and take sides in a suituation he shouldnt have been involved in, but since he has interjected himself, its likely he wont be easy to get rid of.

My 2 cents
DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

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If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

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VampiresLair

(in reply to stateira)

Post #: 3

RE: should a Dom be involved? - 2/18/2007 5:09:38 PM

juliaoceania

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Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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It all sounds very Jerry Springerish. I cannot determine who was owned by whom, and what the argument was over, and how many doms were there again?

BTW, my Daddy can involve himself in any argument of mine he feels like, but something tells me if I related a story like the above to him, he would just roll his eyes and say "Who are you and what have you done with my strumpet?" My question is why would a dom WANT to involve themselves in this drama?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to stateira)

Post #: 4

RE: should a Dom be involved? - 2/18/2007 5:13:15 PM

gooddogbenji

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From: Toronto
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As soon as I read the "I have a hypothetical question," I knew it wasn't.

I have no idea what actually happened, but as a general rule, people, regardless of self-definitions, should stay out of other peoples' fights. If it concerns the Dom, or if the Dom decides to intervene on behalf of his sub, more power to him, but only on behalf of his sub.

But in this example, I would say the third cousin of the sub, collared to the slave's ex-Master's uncle's brother in law, should call the slave's sub, and apologize for the slave's sub's brother's dog's peeing on the neighbour's cat's dog toy.

Make sense?

Yours,

benji

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Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to SimplySubmissive)

Post #: 5

RE: should a Dom be involved? - 2/18/2007 5:14:29 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

As soon as I read the "I have a hypothetical question," I knew it wasn't

And how did you know that?

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Post #: 6

RE: should a Dom be involved? - 2/18/2007 5:18:28 PM

stateira

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Joined: 12/19/2006
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LOL! okay I know it is all a little confusing...and yes it sounds a bit jerry springer-ish. The main question is this. If there is an argument between two subs, and a Dom who is not involved and does not own either of them interjects and says he can interject simply because he is a Dom and happens to be friends of both the submissives...is that right?

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Post #: 7

RE: should a Dom be involved? - 2/18/2007 5:19:15 PM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
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From: Toronto
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Julia, just hypothetically, let's just say someone were to come on here and ask a hypothetical question. Do you really think they would put "this is hypothetical" in the post?

Purely hypothetically, of course.

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 8

RE: should a Dom be involved? - 2/18/2007 5:21:28 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

As I mentioned a little bit ago in another post, not everyone in the BDSM lifestyle has achieved mental or emotional maturity. In a perfect world, all Dominants would be in full control and over petty behaviour. Unfortunately, this is not a perfect world. If need be, request your Dominant inform the other Dominant that all correspondence to you is to go through them. Many Dominants remember their manners when it becomes a question of ruining their reputation.

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Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
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(in reply to stateira)

Post #: 9

RE: should a Dom be involved? - 2/18/2007 5:23:53 PM

LaTigresse

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Joined: 1/15/2006
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I am thinking that aside from breaking a law...... said hypothetical dom (

) can do whatever the hell they want.

Wether or not they continue to be, or ever are, respected for acting like an adult...........well that is another matter.

< Message edited by LaTigresse -- 2/18/2007 5:24:26 PM >

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Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to stateira)

Post #: 10

RE: should a Dom be involved? - 2/18/2007 5:25:41 PM

MasterC70

Posts: 68
Joined: 1/31/2007
Status: offline

I'm a bit confused. The sub is not owned by the Dom but is the slave? If so and he has her under speaking restriction could that be the reason why he became involved? Or perhaps the slave was supposed to be doing some other task that she hadn\t completed because she was busy arguing with the sub?

quote:

ORIGINAL: stateira

Say two people...a slave and a submissive...had an argument as friends sometimes will do. They are both owned...and the submissive is owned by the slave's former Dom's submissive. In other words the submissive joined a poly group and the Dom doesn't have a whole lot to do with her collar according to them. so while the two friends are arguing, the Dom gets involved. We will call this dom Sam. Sam starts sending the slave girl ugly messages. No part of the argument concerned him...so he should not have been involved right? Unfortunately the two friends ceased contact with one another...but Sam is still sending the slave tacky messages.

I was under the impression that Doms and Masters were above getting involved in things that didn't concern them. Sam is a highly respected member of several D/s chat sites and communites. I think I am missing something since he is so respected and loved...I guess I am looking for some opinions. Maybe you all can tell me what I am missing.

(in reply to stateira)

Post #: 11

RE: should a Dom be involved? - 2/18/2007 5:27:30 PM

BDSM05478

Posts: 417
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline

fast reply
unless your one of the 3 parties that are at odds with each other, it's really no business of yours either. I know that may sound harsh (damn I should left it up to LA to say that, she's better at it) and I really don't mean to come across brash but If anyone is a "well respected member of several chatrooms" they need to unplugg the puter and *POOF* the issues are over.

on a side note when will I reach the point where i know to skip these posts and keep silent? anyone???

_____________________________

"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart" U.E. McGill

"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present." - Marcus Aurelius

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Post #: 12

RE: should a Dom be involved? - 2/18/2007 5:29:34 PM

stateira

Posts: 48
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

unless your one of the 3 parties that are at odds with each other, it's really no business of yours either. I know that may sound harsh (damn I should left it up to LA to say that, she's better at it)

I am one of the 3 parties...otherwise I probably wouldn't have cared.

(in reply to BDSM05478)

Post #: 13

RE: should a Dom be involved? - 2/18/2007 5:33:15 PM

catize

Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline

quote:

But in this example, I would say the third cousin of the sub, collared to the slave's ex-Master's uncle's brother in law, should call the slave's sub, and apologize for the slave's sub's brother's dog's peeing on the neighbour's cat's dog toy.

My neighbor's hairdressers' sister's boyfriend's parrot said it was you who peed on my toy.........and I told him to tell her to tell them to tell you that pissed me off! Does that make one of us hypothetically pissy?

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
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(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Post #: 14

RE: should a Dom be involved? - 2/18/2007 5:34:08 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

People shouldn't drag others into situations and people shouldn't feel so insecure that they have to wave around their dicks and say "back off!" when they get into tiffs.

It's harder when it's a personal relationship, but I always find it best for people to deal with their own issues unless it seriously begins to impact the relationship itself (and then you have to wonder about someone who'd get into that much of a problem with their personal friends.)

Nothing worse than a dom OR sub who jumps into a cyber conversation with something to the effect of "Don't be talking bad about my boy!" because it makes everyone look incapable of dealing with this as a mature adult.

Don't we all like to SAY at least that subs and slaves are capable mature adults? Why the NEED to include a dom?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to stateira)

Post #: 15

RE: should a Dom be involved? - 2/18/2007 5:34:31 PM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
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quote:

ORIGINAL: stateira
I am one of the 3 parties...otherwise I probably wouldn't have cared.

So you lied when you said it was hypothetical?

HOW COULD YOU????? YOU BROKE MY HEART!

Yours,

benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to stateira)

Post #: 16

RE: should a Dom be involved? - 2/18/2007 5:38:16 PM

stateira

Posts: 48
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Nothing worse than a dom OR sub who jumps into a cyber conversation with something to the effect of "Don't be talking bad about my boy!" because it makes everyone look incapable of dealing with this as a mature adult.

stuff like this happens online all the time. I have learned to ignore the online stuff. the conversation was not a cyber one.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 17

RE: should a Dom be involved? - 2/18/2007 5:39:59 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: stateira
stuff like this happens online all the time. I have learned to ignore the online stuff. the conversation was not a cyber one.

The dom is probably used to subs who coo over his "manly intrusive behavior." He needs to be told that this isn't his issue to solve and to back off and both of them need to stop communicating to him AND stop arguing in a public manner where people will know so easily that there IS a problem.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to stateira)

Post #: 18

RE: should a Dom be involved? - 2/18/2007 5:40:17 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: stateira

LOL! okay I know it is all a little confusing...and yes it sounds a bit jerry springer-ish. The main question is this. If there is an argument between two subs, and a Dom who is not involved and does not own either of them interjects and says he can interject simply because he is a Dom and happens to be friends of both the submissives...is that right?

Well he can interject if you allow him to I suppose. He has no right to do so just because he is a dom.... he sounds like a legend in his own mind. I would probably do the unsubmissive thing of telling him to "butt out"

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to stateira)

Post #: 19

RE: should a Dom be involved? - 2/18/2007 5:41:58 PM

BDSM05478

Posts: 417
Joined: 10/27/2006
Status: offline

so would you be the sub or the slave.......nm doesn't matter. From the looks of your profile your happy w/ your life, yes? and these other people are online only friends? (It's kinda hard to give advice when you have to weed through all the characters he said she said stuff) If A and B are correct, as I understand them, then the answer to the original question is.... maybe.

_____________________________

"It's a fool that looks for logic in the chambers of the human heart" U.E. McGill

"Never let the future disturb you. You will meet it, if you have to, with the same weapons of reason which today arm you against the present." - Marcus Aurelius

(in reply to stateira)

Post #: 20

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