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RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? - 2/19/2007 2:42:30 AM

alexfromsacto

Posts: 24
Joined: 8/12/2005
Status: offline

Thank you all for your help. I am still interested in hearing more ideas. Just to let you see what I'm doing with your suggestions... check out my "personal home page". I would very much appreciate any comments you have about it.

http://www.abouthim.info/alexfromsacto/

(in reply to alexfromsacto)

Post #: 21

RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? - 2/19/2007 8:09:08 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: alexfromsacto

Thank you all for your help. I am still interested in hearing more ideas. Just to let you see what I'm doing with your suggestions... check out my "personal home page". I would very much appreciate any comments you have about it.

http://www.abouthim.info/alexfromsacto/

Based strictly on content, it's the page of someone I'd be interested in getting to know. Excellent job. You still need to take a new picture. :)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to alexfromsacto)

Post #: 22

RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? - 2/19/2007 12:05:46 PM

LotusSong

Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline

Why do men "spit"-- is it a unnatural fear of saliva or something?

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

(in reply to alexfromsacto)

Post #: 23

RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? - 2/19/2007 1:09:35 PM

KaramelGoddess

Posts: 404
Joined: 6/20/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Women over a certain age really want to know, but would never ask:

are you really looking for love or still chasing illusory perfection?

do you really want a life partner or just a regular bonk?

do you want kids one day? About when will "one day" arrive?

can you take care of a family - physically and emotionally?

how bad is your existing baggage? Is it treatable with enough therapy?

what priority will I get in your life compared to your mother, career, ex-wife, existing kids, football buddies etc etc

can you survive my mood swings and other challenging behaviours?

An unfortunate consequence of the sexual revolution is way too many fuck-and-run accidents. Guys can easily get casual sex for free (using the internet etc) - so they do. After a while, all this sleaziness gets tiresome.

I think what women want to know most is: are you a good guy or a bad boy? Is being with you going to make my heart sing - or shatter.

LOVED this post - it says it all for me! Thanks MsC for putting it so succinctly.

I also ask about favourite things and share mine - like I love to crack the sugar topping on creme brulee and it's my fave dessert...what's yours?

With kind regard,
~Kara

_____________________________

"Never eat more than you can lift." ~ Miss Piggy

(in reply to MsCfromMelbourne)

Post #: 24

RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? - 2/19/2007 1:40:37 PM

mp072004

Posts: 381
Joined: 12/22/2005
Status: offline

Alex,

Thanks for a good question.

On responses: I get the impression that women on dating sites like this don't send out a lot of emails--they let others contact them. *I* do this, and I'm an aggressive sort generally.

To give you an idea of where I'm coming from, I am under 45, though I'm a bit closer to house-buying and farther from college than you. I'm in Boston, dominant, bisexual, and hierarchically polyamorous.

I think it would be vital to tell about the relational structure, or structures, you would entertain. I'm sure that you wouldn't want to move in with someone right after meeting, but is living together on the menu? Do you want a fairly casual, ongoing relationship where you meet once weekly for "fun" dates like sex/play or movie-watching? If not, is that not a goal, or not an acceptable stage or option? Would you entertain an inequal-power relationship involving d/s and SM, and where emotional intimacy and romance weren't options? Would you like multiple partners, and if so, is there an organizational system that you like best? You've said that you want something "long-term," and that's helpful, but it's not quite enough. There are lots of relationships that go on for a long while and are structured very differently from one another. If you don't want to put an extensive description in your profile, you should at least be able to describe your preferred structures in emails.

A line note: your bit about "feeling without a purpose...your happiness becomes my purpose" isn't the most attractive expression. I'd suggest you cut the bit about feeling without a purpose, and express in some other way your sense that you derive satisfaction and happiness from observing that you have made others happy (if I understand you correctly).

You might also cut down the amount of things you list in your "loves" and "likes" columns.

I'd recommend that you create two additional profiles on this site: one for Alex-the-submissive, and one for Alex-the-dominant. This is because you wouldn't want to switch in a relationship. IF you are monogamous and wouldn't switch in the relationship, your switching isn't important. If you would nurture at least one relationship in which you submitted and at least one in which you dominated, it would be important to express that you would do that.

Also, develop a "hook" to your profile. An attractive quip, a pithy statement of your approach to BDSM or relationships...these are good starter lines. This is particularly important as Collarme treats the first few words of your profile as a sort of title.

And I echo the above ladies: get a new photo, preferably with better lighting and resolution. You've decided that showing your face is an acceptable risk, so you should make your image a great asset. I rather like posed photos if they are well-done, but you can do something more casual if you prefer. Early morning and late afternoon are good times for natural light, as a rule.

Monica

(in reply to alexfromsacto)

Post #: 25

RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? - 2/19/2007 2:00:56 PM

GuidingLite

Posts: 233
Joined: 12/10/2006
Status: offline

AGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! rlmao. Fine Ill ask! I don't give a shyt ! :::rolleyes:::
WHAT PERSONALITY TRAITS DO YOU PREFER YOUR WOMAN TO HAVE?

< Message edited by GuidingLite -- 2/19/2007 2:01:39 PM >

(in reply to alexfromsacto)

Post #: 26

RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? - 2/19/2007 2:06:16 PM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

Class.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to GuidingLite)

Post #: 27

RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? - 2/19/2007 3:33:45 PM

ShogunSensei

Posts: 38
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline

From a dominant's perspective? While we can feel some, we miss the warmth and the wetness which is OH so much the turn on from the beginning. Not to mention the sense of skin to skin contact.

(in reply to Mikal)

Post #: 28

RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? - 2/19/2007 3:37:30 PM

ShogunSensei

Posts: 38
Joined: 8/5/2006
Status: offline

That wise dom was indeed intelligent. I alsways ask submissives about how they came to be interested in this and what intrigues them most and why. I am looking for their motivations. Then I explore the vanilla side of them. I wrote to a submissive earlier today that her body is irrelevant if there is no mental or physical connection.

Regards,

Shogun

P.S. Hope y'all don't mind a male dominant posting here from time to time.

(in reply to SweetDommes)

Post #: 29

RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? - 2/21/2007 9:44:09 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Alex,

I am from Sacramento and have considered taking on a male submissive in a service role, NOT sexual as I am straight. I enjoyed your profile with a couple of exceptions, one thing I found highly disturbing though, STARBUCKS?

Seriously, you have to get out more!

As for finding groups with younger people who take better care of themselves, best of luck. There are some Femme Dom groups that hold munches, one downtown, the other out off of Auburn blvd. I don't go so I can't tell you what age the women are but you can bet few are young and hot.

If that really is your thing, you are going to have to start going to fetish events in the bay area and learning to dress more hip.

Pleasurebound has some youngish (30s?) femme doms and is a group I attend some of their events.

(in reply to alexfromsacto)

Post #: 30

RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? - 2/21/2007 10:31:49 PM

andyskayla

Posts: 19
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

Well I'm a submissive, but it's a great thread title.

Everything bitatrouble said plus,

you say you are an expert in intellectual discourse and economics, but you don't mention anything. I rarely wrote someone first when I was seeking, but the only time I did was when I could start a non-sexual conversation. Tell me about a book you loved an idea you are playing with, a philosopher or theory that flumoxes you or whatever you are writing your thesis on, a non-sexual passion so that I can start a conversation about an idea instead of about sex would make me much more likely to respond. Maybe I'm weird, but I couldn't be with someone that couldn't match me intellectually and I wouldn't be with someone I couldn't have non-sex conversation with. So for this gal, that would be the only way I'd actually write you first.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 31

RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? - 2/22/2007 7:48:32 AM

porthuronsub

Posts: 339
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

Class.

Stephan

I agree, my area has far too many drama queens, a woman with class goes along way. I am not saying snobbish either, just know how to act in public, the language to use/not use and dress appropriately for your age and body shape. Just my humble opinion.

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 32

RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? - 2/24/2007 10:08:22 AM

MystressAna

Posts: 33
Joined: 6/14/2004
From: Sacramento California USA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: alexfromsacto

"Local community"

I attended a few different groups in the Sacramento area, and everyone is 45+ unfortunately. 45 is just about the edge of my attraction range, and the people at these groups just didn't appeal. Not enough personal maintenance, if you know what I mean. I am still keeping my eyes open locally though.

Alex, have you had a chance to attend the Transitions Munches? That is the munch the young folks attend here in Sacto. Contact me if you need the contact info.
Ana

(in reply to alexfromsacto)

Post #: 33

RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? - 2/27/2007 1:29:38 AM

mons

Posts: 2400
Joined: 11/16/2005
Status: offline

greetings to all

dusty wow he asked what do woman want that men do not know. i do not think he was asking you for a date it was a little forward for you to assume he was asking you out he question was straight and forward as to what he wanted asnwer slow down dusty. Now alex i think to me it is a warm big hug something men think we to not have feeling or emotional attachments. and i also want to know about the vanilla side of him i love classical music and art and dogs. i need to knwo what he likes not just the kink side to him but the other things that make him click and tick. i think you question is right on the good side, i do want him to understand i have my soft side and want him to see it and feel it great question young man

take care and i wish you so much luck you a smart one
mons

(in reply to alexfromsacto)

Post #: 34

RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? - 2/27/2007 6:42:54 PM

SLAVEBOY32

Posts: 122
Joined: 2/26/2007
Status: offline

Hello everyone, Alex let me just say this is a great question/thread. I was curios to know what W/women had to say in response to it so I have read through because of course I wanted to pick up any advice I could. One thing I can tell you, from asking this same thing to friends involved in BDSM, I know most Dommes get responses every single day. And of course responses by the hundreds when they first set up a profile. Some have even shown me there mailbox being completely full not able to take any more messages from just one or two days. I saw that and felt like it was a lost cause, how could I stand out among hundreds of emails. It is no wonder many of them delete them all, they don't have time to go through them. It was sort of discouraging, but it gave me a reality check. If you want responses, you have to be on your game all the time, always sending out messages, you can not wait for W/women to contact you. DO NOT use a generic message, if they ask for anything specifically make sure you address that, and use as many web sites as you can, thereby increasing your odds. Setting up a profile and just sitting back and waiting for replies doesn't cut it for men. There's just too much competition. If you are lucky, 1 in 10 will respond to you, and then it is not usually a positive response.
Now secondly, i would like to state my feelings on the profile deal and welcome response/critiquing from anyone on this. I just joined this, or should I say rejoined this a couple days ago, and made a very brief profile and description. In the past, when i had a profile on here or alt or somewhere else etc., I have been told my profile is like a novel, and that I write too much in it. I really like to get to know someone inside and out, know as much about them as possible so I figured someone who was right for me would want the same and would like to know alot about me before contacting/responding. In the past, in my profile, I talked alot about my vanilla life and talked little about my submissive side and many Domme would ask if I was for real or if I was new and would reference that my profile was too vanilla. I think the majority of people on here are looking for the "total" package<----note i said majority. So, it was due to this overwhelming response that I decided to keep my profile brief this time, now I am having second thoughts after reading what Y/you all said. Many would say I had written so much they didn't feel like reading through it all. Hell even in this thread response i have a small novel...lol. Anyway, I'd welcome anyones responses-John

(in reply to alexfromsacto)

Post #: 35

RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? - 3/1/2007 3:51:21 PM

myobedience

Posts: 472
Joined: 1/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: alexfromsacto

What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? (Or, if you do ask, you don't usually get an/good answer)

I mean this both in terms of women interested in BDSM and vanilla women, and in terms of BDSM related things as well as vanilla things. It's an open question, and I honestly want to know. I'm trying to build a better profile (and also a password protected one off-site) that answers this kind of question with 110% honesty.

I know this is silly but I come around to eventually asking, out of mere curiosity, if I dont find out by observation first .... does he pee to the left or right?

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you is the only Man truly worthy of being called Master.

(in reply to alexfromsacto)

Post #: 36

RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? - 3/1/2007 3:57:39 PM

myobedience

Posts: 472
Joined: 1/28/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Why do men "spit"-- is it a unnatural fear of saliva or something?

This is funny !

Here's another.... why dont men at least trim the hair under their arms?
Why do some men like their genitalia wrapped in "wool," refuse to shave, yet require a shaved woman?

_____________________________

With grace and gratitude, I am owned.
A Man who always seeks to be the best He can be for you is the only Man truly worthy of being called Master.

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 37

RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? - 3/4/2007 1:14:51 PM

lovetokissnylons

Posts: 117
Joined: 10/17/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

Why do men "spit"-- is it a unnatural fear of saliva or something?

LotusSong, that's a GREAT question. Best, considered answer I can come up with (at least so far, but I'll keep on thinking), is: I don't know why. But by God, we do, don't we ? Tobacco juice if we chew, saliva or water we've just rinsed the mouth with, if we don't chew. Off the top response to "why fear saliva?" is that maybe it's imagined as too much like semen in our mouths ? Or that we don't like ANYTHING in our mouths ? (I'm remembering mnottertail's joke on another thread about, men can drive a truck for 20 years and they don't call him a truck-driver, but if ........once .....). So, this is truly NOT meant to hijack a very good and very informative thread, but I wonder if anybody on here DOES have a good handle on why men do spit ?

(in reply to LotusSong)

Post #: 38

RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? - 3/4/2007 1:33:31 PM

LadyEllen

Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline

Why do men spit?

Because youre frying them on too high a heat.

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

(in reply to lovetokissnylons)

Post #: 39

RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? - 3/5/2007 3:01:49 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mons

greetings to all

dusty wow he asked what do woman want that men do not know. i do not think he was asking you for a date it was a little forward for you to assume he was asking you out he question was straight and forward as to what he wanted asnwer slow down dusty. Now alex i think to me it is a warm big hug something men think we to not have feeling or emotional attachments. and i also want to know about the vanilla side of him i love classical music and art and dogs. i need to knwo what he likes not just the kink side to him but the other things that make him click and tick. i think you question is right on the good side, i do want him to understand i have my soft side and want him to see it and feel it great question young man

take care and i wish you so much luck you a smart one
mons

*Smiling and waving to mons..*
No....I was never my intention to consider that the OPwas addressing Me on a personal level. But he did mention that he was tyring to build a better profile,and that is what I mainly addressed, along with My personal take on why I am not, in a general sense,ever interested in a Switch other than a friend. And, as SweetDommes mentioned, he may also be falling out of searches since some FemDoms will not necessarily include the Switch orientation in a normal search.
Sorry for any misunderstanding.

quote:

originial: mp072004
I'd recommend that you create two additional profiles on this site: one for Alex-the-submissive, and one for Alex-the-dominant. This is because you wouldn't want to switch in a relationship. IF you are monogamous and wouldn't switch in the relationship, your switching isn't important. If you would nurture at least one relationship in which you submitted and at least one in which you dominated, it would be important to express that you would do that.

I would add to this bit of advice. If you choose to have more than one profile, be clear in each profile that you have the others, and why. Then it is up to the individual to decide if that is comfortable for them or not. We have had discussions on these boards before regarding finding out that a submissive is also a Dominant (profilewise anyway) and vise/versa. It is hard for the Switches...no doubt...but not impossible. Being upfront about the reasons for more than one profile can save alot of grief.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to mons)

Post #: 40

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