What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? (Full Version)

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alexfromsacto -> What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? (2/18/2007 7:30:38 PM)

What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask?  (Or, if you do ask, you don't usually get an/good answer)

I mean this both in terms of women interested in BDSM and vanilla women, and in terms of BDSM related things as well as vanilla things.  It's an open question, and I honestly want to know.  I'm trying to build a better profile (and also a password protected one off-site) that answers this kind of question with 110% honesty.



MzMia -> RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? (2/18/2007 7:37:21 PM)

**Clapping hands because she enjoys seeing people post nice questions**
Hello alex, you are a smart young submissive.[;)]
I hope you get a lot of responses, I will start.
I have to speak for women older than you <cough, cough>, hopefully some of the younger women
will also reply.
I look for men that are specific about what they are looking for in a relationship, opposed to a fetish list
of desires.  Lately, I tend to respond more to the men that don't have a long list of fetish interests.
I would rather read what his vanilla interests are.
Try to be honest, be yourself and keep it light and humble.  Humility speaks volumes and is a great
trait in a submissive.  A little humor will not hurt either!



alexfromsacto -> RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? (2/18/2007 7:42:30 PM)

Thank you MzMia for starting off the thread.  Actually I'm glad to hear you say that, because I'm working on putting together more information about my vanilla interests.  What do you think about my current profile by the way?  I don't want to derail my own thread, but I haven't been getting very many responses and I'm curious why that might be.



MzMia -> RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? (2/18/2007 7:48:30 PM)

alex, your profile seems fine to me.  I will let some of the CM experts advise you. [;)]



Vendaval -> RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? (2/18/2007 7:56:30 PM)

Hello alex and welcome to the boards.  [:D]
Your profile is very well written; however, I do not think
that the photograph does you justice.  The indoor lighting in
most offices makes people look yellow/greenish.
 
Do you have a friend who would go with you to another
setting, preferably outdoors and take some nice shots? 
The best times for outdoor photography are around sunrise
and sunset, this is known as "the golden hour" among 
photographers and film makers.
 
Also, check out the local Scene, try http://www.soj.org, 
for a list of munches and groups all over North America.
 
Good luck in your search,
 
Vendaval



alexfromsacto -> RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? (2/18/2007 7:58:46 PM)

Vendaval, thanks for letting me know.  I've had that picture up for a long time, and actually the picture itself is very old.  I've been meaning to get some better ones taken but I never have managed to arrange it at the right time.  I will make it a priority now, because I get the sense that the picture is probably hurting my replies a lot.



Mikal -> RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? (2/18/2007 8:16:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: alexfromsacto

What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask?  (Or, if you do ask, you don't usually get an/good answer)

Completely unrelated to your profile (I think), I want to know what IS IT WITH THE REMOTE CONTROL?!?!?!? (I'm talking about the T.V. one). Why can't you (that is a general 'you') share? Or share nicely?

Thanks [:)]



alexfromsacto -> RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? (2/18/2007 8:18:10 PM)

Personally I dont have any "remote control issues".  It's gotta be a power or safety thing.  Maybe they were used to the channel getting flipped on them when they were kids?  Blame the parents!  So there!  :-)



Mikal -> RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? (2/18/2007 8:25:20 PM)

Heh.. cute. Except I'm talking about one of my parents... and he didn't grow up with a T.V. (I don't know if they were even invented then [:D] ).

Question #2: Why do guys dislike condoms so much? And don't give me that crappola about it being 'tight'. Condoms will stretch to fit over an adults head (the one on top of the shoulders) - I tried this, so I know it's true. Also, the 'decreased sensitivity' bit doesn't fly with me either. I use nitrile gloves when I'm dissecting stuff, and believe me, you feel a lot through them, and they aren't nearly as thin as condoms are.

Thank you again. [;)]



GoddessDustyGold -> RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? (2/18/2007 9:03:51 PM)

Dear Alex,
 
I would begin by saying that you have a nice profile, but as a FemDom, I would not have the slightest interest.  And that is because you are an upfront Switch. 
It may not seem fair, but I don't want to deal with a Switch in a personal, long term relationship. I am interested in a *slave" only, and you would not fit the bill. 
I don't know what you mean when you say you are not getting much response.  You might mean that no one is replying to your profile, and your email box is sadly empty.  Or you may mean that you write and get no response. 
If the former, you need to seek out those in whom you would have an interest and tailor your letter to indicate a personal response that shows respect and sincerity.  In other words, make sure you are reading the profiles and writing appropriately.  I set out clear instructions in My profile regading what I want to see in a letter of intro, and I get very little that makes the effort to write the letter I like to see.  In the case of Switches, I never get a letter that I would like to see.  I often have the impression that, if the boy is a Switch, somehow he feels that the requirements would be different for him  *Shrug*
If the latter, then you need to roll with the punches.  Many will nto respond for what seems to be no good reason.  Others may not respond because they do not see any possiblity, therefore why bother to pursue.
Keep your chin up, and get out into your local community.  Online is only one way, and not the best way, to meet and make connections.
Good luck, and welcome to the boards. 



alexfromsacto -> RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? (2/18/2007 9:08:42 PM)

"Why do guys dislike condoms so much?"

It takes away a lot of the sensation.  Some guys say it doesnt, some say it does.  For me personally, I'd rather exchange oral sex, or get a really good hand job or something, than have vaginal sex with a condom.



BitaTruble -> RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? (2/18/2007 9:09:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: alexfromsacto

What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask?  (Or, if you do ask, you don't usually get an/good answer)



I want to know what makes you laugh, what makes you cry. What are you proud of and what do you really think about yourself. I want to know if you live in the real world or do you hang on tight to fantasy's. I want to know what inspires you, what makes you grow, what makes you tick. I want to know where you were, where you are, where you plan to go and how you plan to get there. I want to know your dreams, your failures, your successes. I want to know how to touch you and I want you to know if you want to know all those same things about me, not because I ask you.. but because you have as much interest in getting to know me as I have in getting to know you. I want to know if you work hard and I want to know if you can relax.  I want to know if you do the right thing, even when no one's watching. I want to know if you accept responsibility for your actions and inactions. I want to know if you've ever been hurt and how you got over it. In short, I want to know everything.

Satisfy my curiosity and it may peak an interest. Fail to disclose and I'll go find another book to read. It's as simple as that. I want to know if you'll be transparent so that I know 'you' as you are.. not the 'you' which is presented to the world.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it. [:)]

Celeste




alexfromsacto -> RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? (2/18/2007 9:11:12 PM)

"No interest in switches"

Well, I would explain that even though I'm a switch, I do like to keep one role in a relationship.  I can appreciate either role, and I think I would make a good slave or a good Dom.  But, explanations are usually too late.  So maybe I should tailor my profile to suit one or the other.  It's good advice.  Thanks :-)

"Local community"

I attended a few different groups in the Sacramento area, and everyone is 45+ unfortunately.  45 is just about the edge of my attraction range, and the people at these groups just didn't appeal.  Not enough personal maintenance, if you know what I mean.  I am still keeping my eyes open locally though.




alexfromsacto -> RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? (2/18/2007 9:12:24 PM)

BitATruble : Wow, awesome response!  Thanks!  A lot of food for thought.



alexfromsacto -> RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? (2/18/2007 9:58:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

I want to know if you live in the real world or do you hang on tight to fantasy's.


What do you mean by this?



SimplySubmissive -> RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? (2/18/2007 9:59:46 PM)

I agree with the vanilla interests.. hobbies.. what do you do to relax.. silly things that show a glimpse of yourself.

A wise Dom told me once that He wanted to know about me.. that the sex/lifestyle stuff isn't important if our daily lives had nothing in common.
good luck!



SweetDommes -> RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? (2/18/2007 10:31:53 PM)

I pretty much agree with what the others have already said.

About the switch thing, make sure you explain it in your profile, although you will be excluded from some searches (like ours) because you are listed as a switch.  Always list things that you enjoy - and a bit about why you enjoy them (i.e. one of my favorite authors is Anne McCaffrey because of her Pern series about dragons and dragonriders), put in things that are dealbreakers (like smoking, allergies/fears towards certain animals, opera attendance, public humiliation, whatever else - lifestyle or non-lifestyle). 

Changing your picture will help a lot - something more natural, less posed.  I'm all for trying to get good pictures, but I always prefer a picture of someone doing something they like vs one that is staged.  For example, a decent picture of a guy playing with his dog will give a better impression than a great looking staged picture of the same guy with the same dog.  A picture of a guy waterskiing is better than one of him just posing in the boat (even if you can't really see his face while waterskiing).  A picture of you doing something you enjoy is always better than one of you posed (in my opinion).



BitaTruble -> RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? (2/18/2007 10:45:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: alexfromsacto

quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

I want to know if you live in the real world or do you hang on tight to fantasy's.


What do you mean by this?



Real world - scrubbing toilets, paying bills, getting sick, being a flawed human etc.

Fantasy - living 24/7 in a cage, perfection, not needing to be responsible for your actions, etc.

Celeste



MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? (2/18/2007 11:21:43 PM)

quote:

What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask?


Women over a certain age really want to know, but would never ask:

  • are you really looking for love or still chasing illusory perfection?
  • do you really want a life partner or just a regular bonk?
  • do you want kids one day?  About when will "one day" arrive?
  • can you take care of a family - physically and emotionally?
  • how bad is your existing baggage?  Is it treatable with enough therapy?
  • what priority will I get in your life compared to your mother, career, ex-wife, existing kids, football buddies etc etc
  • can you survive my mood swings and other challenging behaviours?

An unfortunate consequence of the sexual revolution is way too many fuck-and-run accidents.  Guys can easily get casual sex for free (using the internet etc) - so they do.  After a while, all this sleaziness gets tiresome. 

I think what women want to know most is: are you a good guy or a bad boy?  Is being with you going to make my heart sing - or shatter.








alexfromsacto -> RE: What Do Women Want to Know About Men But Don't Ask? (2/18/2007 11:28:03 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsCfromMelbourne
Women over a certain age really want to know, but would never ask:


Wow!  Another great post!  Thank you :-)



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