krikket
Posts: 1183
Joined: 11/17/2004
From: Washington, DC Metro Area
Status: offline
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On-line submission is like a lot of things in that you get out of it what you put into it. There are several drawbacks, of course, in that nothing quite substitutes the feel of a real hand spanking real flesh, the look in the eye of Dom to the sub to reinforce his word, etc.
But, it also has some things going for it. For some, like myself, it was a great way to safely explore those feelings that were so new to me back then. It's very much a mental and emotional connection, rather than a physical connection, although i know of some who have managed to get past that as well. When i use the word, safely, i don't mean physically safe, but emotionally safe. D/s often exposes a dark side -- a side that especially for a newbie can be difficult to admit out loud. It can give you time to really think through a subject, time you might not have when you have to speak immediately.
For many on-line is the only way they have of expressing their submission (or dominance), and it's certainly better than nothing, but it can also be incredibly frustrating. It usually isn't long before both parties want "more". You both also must have absolute trust in the other -- that as a sub you'll do exactly what you're told to do. This type of trust is hard to find face to face much less computer to computer.
If you're going to have an on-line only relationship i think it's important to know what to expect and to accept that it's not the same as face to face. (i refuse to call it real life vs. computer, because it can be very much real life.) The Dom can direct what you do and how you do it, BUT you have to be honest and true. If you can't carry out an assignment, for whatever reason, you have to admit it and accept the consequences. It also requires patience and trust on the Dom's part to know that when you speak you speak the truth. Some have trouble with that even when they can look you in the eye to judge your sincerity.
Even though they've never experienced an on-line relationship, many will tell you that such a relationship can't possibly be the real thing, that's it's fake, a ruse, but...it can be and is very real to those who are involved. It depends on how you see it and how real you want it to be. There's a lot more involved than i've gone into here, so feel free to write if you have specific questions.
Yes, i've been involved in an on-line (or heart to heart) only D/s relationship and a face to face, heart to heart relationship, and if given a choice i'd pick the reach out and touch someone kind, but if it meant absolutely no D/s in my life at all if not for on-line then i'd still go with on-line.
Good luck,
jk
_____________________________
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom."
by A. Nin
When your heart speaks take good notes.
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