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Monogamy and Bisexuality - 2/20/2007 6:04:32 AM   
adaddysgirl


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i see various threads going around that i found quite interesting...one on bisexuality and the ones on monogamy.  i want to get some thoughts out here to see what others think.
 
So my question is....what if monogamy is inherent such as bisexuality (or being gay) is?
 
So take a child who grows up in a predominantly heterosexual environment (as most of us probably do) but feels attracted to the same sex.  Somewhere along the line, they may experiment.  At that point, a gay may realize this is what he/she needs in his/her life.  Now some may experiment and find no continued interest.  And that person may then decide they are heterosexual.  And then, of course, you would have the group who has no attraction to the same sex and it is never even a question.
 
Now take these same people in D/s.  They have a partner who wants to share them with another.  Of course the gay one will be okay with that.  Another might not particularly like it but can tolerate it for the pleasure of their Master.  While the third may say 'no way, it's a hard limit'.  We all know these scenarios.
 
Now let's look at a child who is brought up in a predominantly monogamous environment (as most of us probably initially are).  They date, fall in love, marry, etc.  But they never quite feel satisfied with just one partner (and this probably has traditionally been the case for males but as we can see, there are plenty of females around here who feel the same).  So maybe they dabble.  Maybe they try swinging, or bringing another into their primary relationship, or maybe they cheat, or maybe they try a poly situation. 
 
And maybe that will work for some but just as being gay, could it be possible that this will not ultimately be what they are 'geared for'.  We all know that some will take to it like a bee to honey, but what about those who find it really wasn't for them?  And what about those who just have no desire to interact that way at all outside of their primary relationship?
 
The very first dom i was with asked me about bringing in another female.  i said no because i am not bisexual and have no desire at all to be with another female in any capacity.  He then asked me about bringing in another guy and again i said no....as i am monogamous and that was of no interest to me either.  And all that was so simple to me...there was no question at all about either of those possibilities.
 
As stated, i am both straight and monogamous (not the easiest combination in D/s, is it?).  Finding a D/s partner would really be much easier for me if i weren't.  But that doesn't make me change who i am....i just am who i am.  And the hopes are that i will find a partner who is also straight and monogamous.  Not someone i have to talk into either, nor entice into...or whatever...because i don't think that's even possible to change someone's orientation like that (in either case).
 
True enough that there are many influencing factors in our lives and as we age, we try different things and we change.  But at almost 50, i have been this way my entire life....i believe i can safely say that neither of these is going to change for me.
 
Thoughts?
 
Daddysgirl
 
 
 
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RE: Monogamy and Bisexuality - 2/20/2007 6:11:08 AM   
AquaticSub


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For me, monogamy is a big thing. I don't quite know if it's a hard limit because if Valyraen felt strongly about it, I might try. I can't say for sure either way because it's never come up as anything remotely resembling a possibility.

I like women, I like men. I like them both a lot. But honestly the thought of being with someone else, someone who isn't Valyraen almost turns my stomach. Bottoming for others at play parties is one thing, but to actually be with someone else sexually? I don't want to think about it.

I've heard a lot of people say that monogamy is just for people too selfish or insecure to share. I think I would give polyarmory a shot, in the right circumstances. But these don't seem to be it and as long as both parties are happy, I don't see the problem.

_____________________________

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RE: Monogamy and Bisexuality - 2/20/2007 6:15:36 AM   
Driver1961


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He enters, dips His lid gracefully to Daddysgirl;

Now without encroaching on Your Daddy-
'I am the Dominant and I say that sexual play with others is a part of my being!'

or

'Come on, you're not a prick teaser?!  Let me go all the way.  I want more!'

Is the Dominant in either case pursuing personal fantasies or wants at the expense of disrespecting His partner, thus showing lack of Dominant strength/reliability?

BANG- the gavel rests.

Smiles to all.

Driver1961, Sir to His loving WildChild.

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RE: Monogamy and Bisexuality - 2/20/2007 6:34:04 AM   
Caitriona


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I've been poly in some form since I was 16 - I had a long term (almost 10 year relationship) girlfriend and several boyfriends during that time. 

I do believe that, much like my bisexuality, it is simply a part of who I am in terms of my sexual needs.  I am most content when I have one male and one female partner.  I can be monogamous if my primary (male) partner desires that but it's not my preference.

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Serving alongside ciarra

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RE: Monogamy and Bisexuality - 2/20/2007 6:34:30 AM   
FukinTroll


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Mrs.Troll is a monogamist and I am poly, and everyone that has entered our life she has told he's poly and I am a monogamist. So when you have someone defining a poly relationship it gets more complicated than thinking everyone is poly in the relationship. Now she will share her love with anyone who enters our life but not herself.

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RE: Monogamy and Bisexuality - 2/20/2007 7:17:10 AM   
starshineowned


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Greetings..~smiles~

Just had to interject quickly. FukinTroll Sir..your journal entry is hilarious..lol

Thanks for a good morning laugh in a good way

Well Wishes
starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin

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"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years." --Abraham Lincoln

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RE: Monogamy and Bisexuality - 2/20/2007 7:17:57 AM   
mixielicous


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both my Master and i are for monogamy. His recent [meaning, while with me] enthusiasm i think comes from all the woman He has had, and cheated on in the past [i am girl # "one twenty something"] He doesn't even share for play/scening but this does not bother me at all. i think deep down He just sees how much being someones sole possession means to me.

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RE: Monogamy and Bisexuality - 2/20/2007 7:25:02 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


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quote:

ORIGINAL: adaddysgirl
Finding a D/s partner would really be much easier for me if i weren't.  [/qutoe]
It really wouldn't.
[qutoe]i believe i can safely say that neither of these is going to change for me.

I can safely say at 27 that I am bisexual and polyamorous and never expect either of those to change for me.

Let's go have fun :)

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RE: Monogamy and Bisexuality - 2/20/2007 7:40:14 AM   
toservez


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I think the way people are in this area was sum up pretty well by the OP. We human beings do tend to complicate things.

For me personally I am bisexual and not poly tried it and was nice for short term but could not do it for a long term relationship. I totally understand and respect monogamy but it is not important to me and so far in my life have gravitated toward owners who do not practice it. At the same time though if I was in a regular relationship that we decided to have an open relationship I am not sure I would act on it.


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RE: Monogamy and Bisexuality - 2/20/2007 7:57:41 AM   
Mercnbeth


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In my not so humble opinion, the problem with the question, whether it be on monogamy or bisexuality, is you are focusing on one of the least important aspects of a relationship-a physical act of sex.

If I directed beth to have sex with a room full of men, or women, her important “monogamy” and sexual preference wouldn’t be affected.  I am her only Master.  Mentally and emotionally she is monogamous to me.  Trusting that the emotional and mental dynamic will not change is essential.  The confidence to know the relationship foundation is strong allows both in it to experience physical things that may rank as whims or obsessions.

Labels like homosexual, bisexual, slut, whore, or whatever are applied by other people, perhaps lacking that confidence.  Life is very short and tenuous.  Indulging your partner in a fantasy is a gift that should be given as the opportunities present themselves.  A physical act does not necessarily take you outside a couple’s monogamous relationship.  Intimacy is a factor.  I believe flogging is and should be just as intimate as intercourse.  However, it is only one aspect of a relationship.  Trust, mental and emotional bonding, and confidence are also key.  Without trust and confidence and a mental/emotional commitment; there is no intimacy at all.

Turn it around enjoy the physical act, enjoy each other, enjoy others, experience all you can.  Let others worry about labels.

< Message edited by Mercnbeth -- 2/20/2007 8:12:21 AM >

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RE: Monogamy and Bisexuality - 2/20/2007 8:05:55 AM   
domiguy


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

both my Master and i are for monogamy. His recent [meaning, while with me] enthusiasm i think comes from all the woman He has had, and cheated on in the past [i am girl # "one twenty something"] He doesn't even share for play/scening but this does not bother me at all. i think deep down He just sees how much being someones sole possession means to me.


I think what you are trying to say here is....That if you were a  fatter sub he would have no regrets in showing you off and turning you "bi" or make you participate in other horrible non monogamous activities.....I agree....Maybe it could be another thread...."Do fat (female) subs eat more pussy than there slender counterparts?" (figuratively speaking of course).

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RE: Monogamy and Bisexuality - 2/20/2007 8:45:29 AM   
StellaByStarlite


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Hello. =)
 
This post is probably not the reply the OP has in mind, but I think it's interesting anyway. =)
 
Human beings share approximately 98% of the DNA with two species of apes. The Common Chmpanzee ( Pan Troglodytes) and the Bonobo ( Pan Paniscus). We're actually closer to the chimp then they are to the gorilla. =)
 
What I find fascinating is that there are obvious differences in the social structure of two primate species. The Bonobos are more peaceful, they use sex to reinforce their group bonds, and they frequently pleasure each other without regard to sex or age. The Common chimp, on the other hand, is more violent, hierarchal, and male dominated.
 
Neither one of these species are monogamous. However-and this is a big however- the remaining small percentage of DNA that are unique to humans accounts for huge differences in our own social structure. The most important being the development of language. That makes us primates plus. It seems we can look for clues into our own sexuality by observing both species of chimpanzees, but on the other hand we do have the ability to dissect and analyze, consider consequences, and otherwise take our "primateness" to incredible levels of diversity.
 
I apologize for hijacking the OP, lol. But I like to learn about socio-biology and this thread just sparked a random thought. The whole "nature vs. nurture" question definitely branches off into new directions.
 
Cheers,
Stella 

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RE: Monogamy and Bisexuality - 2/20/2007 8:49:26 AM   
adaddysgirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Driver1961

Is the Dominant in either case pursuing personal fantasies or wants at the expense of disrespecting His partner, thus showing lack of Dominant strength/reliability?


 
i imagine that most would say that if engaging in the desired act is a real hard limit and might end up being somehow harmful to the partner, then most doms would not pursue the issue.  However, if the sub is willing to engage, for her partner's pleasure, even if she, let's say, isn't crazy about the act....then there is no problem with the strength/reliability issue.  Hmmm...did that make sense? 
 
DG

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RE: Monogamy and Bisexuality - 2/20/2007 8:56:48 AM   
adaddysgirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Caitriona

I've been poly in some form since I was 16 - I had a long term (almost 10 year relationship) girlfriend and several boyfriends during that time. 

I do believe that, much like my bisexuality, it is simply a part of who I am in terms of my sexual needs.  I am most content when I have one male and one female partner.  I can be monogamous if my primary (male) partner desires that but it's not my preference.


It's good to hear you know yourself so well.  Makes life a lot easier, don't it? 
 
But seriously, i highlighted exactly what i was trying to say.  It just seems the more i think (and hear) about it, the more the two just seem like similar needs (separately or jointly) and although one could 'go the other way' for a partner, the decision to do that is just that...a decision....even if it goes 'against the grain' so to speak.
 
DG

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RE: Monogamy and Bisexuality - 2/20/2007 9:04:52 AM   
adaddysgirl


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From: Syracuse, NY
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quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

Mrs.Troll is a monogamist and I am poly, and everyone that has entered our life she has told he's poly and I am a monogamist. So when you have someone defining a poly relationship it gets more complicated than thinking everyone is poly in the relationship. Now she will share her love with anyone who enters our life but not herself.


The first time i ever heard of this dynamic was during my first monogamy thread.  Really, this just reinforced my thought that monogamy is not borne out of jealousy and insecurity.  If it were, no monogamous person could ever be with a non-monogamous person.  It would be just too tormenting for them. 
 
So i concluded (rightfully so or not) that jealousy and insecurity are separate issues....that people in monogamous relationships could have those issues, but others don't....just as within poly, i would imagine. 
 
Now it just so happens that i would require a partner who was also monogamous....but that's just for my own personal reasons.....none of which have to do with jealousy or insecurity.
 
DG

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RE: Monogamy and Bisexuality - 2/20/2007 9:06:42 AM   
adaddysgirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: starshineowned

Greetings..~smiles~

Just had to interject quickly. FukinTroll Sir..your journal entry is hilarious..lol

Thanks for a good morning laugh in a good way

Well Wishes
starshine
Happy slave of Master Delvin


His entire profile is a hoot!  i just got done reading it 
 
DG

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RE: Monogamy and Bisexuality - 2/20/2007 9:09:34 AM   
Missokyst


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I do equate monogamy with sexual activity.  I would have few problems playing with someone if my partner wished it, as long as it did not involve sexual penetration.
But for me sex is too intimate for me to want to share it with one, or many, who was not my partner.  Currently, as a single woman I am certainly able to play with anyone sexually if it came up.  But frankly the idea is not appealling.  I have the weird quirk of wanting to like, be attracted to, desire, and want to know someone well enough to see their bits and pieces up close and personal. 

I consider myself both monogamous, and straight.  And see no potential for changing in my future.  Although if there had to be a change it would be monogamy, and never, bi-sexual activity.  Given that (bi) or a gun to my head, I would choose the gun. 
Kyst

_____________________________

pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding ~Gibran, Kahlil

“The truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”
― Bob Marley


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RE: Monogamy and Bisexuality - 2/20/2007 9:12:34 AM   
adaddysgirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous

both my Master and i are for monogamy. His recent [meaning, while with me] enthusiasm i think comes from all the woman He has had, and cheated on in the past [i am girl # "one twenty something"] He doesn't even share for play/scening but this does not bother me at all. i think deep down He just sees how much being someones sole possession means to me.


i have talked with doms who have 'been there, done that' and were now pursuing a monogamous relationship.  At first, i was skeptical of this....not knowing for sure how well they knew themselves...or if it was a possible ploy...or what. 
 
But i tend to believe this is possible...a person tries it and finds out in time that it is not what they need...or perhaps desire....in the long term.  i would accept a partner like that if i knew that he was certain that monogamy is what he ultimately wanted.  Lucky you! 
 
DG

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RE: Monogamy and Bisexuality - 2/20/2007 9:17:29 AM   
adaddysgirl


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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

quote:

ORIGINAL: mixielicous



I think what you are trying to say here is....That if you were a  fatter sub he would have no regrets in showing you off and turning you "bi" or make you participate in other horrible non monogamous activities.....I agree....Maybe it could be another thread...."Do fat (female) subs eat more pussy than there slender counterparts?" (figuratively speaking of course).


What is your problem D.G.?  Can't you just have a normal conversation? 
 
DG

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RE: Monogamy and Bisexuality - 2/20/2007 9:19:26 AM   
adaddysgirl


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i thought this was interesting too Stella 
 
DG

(in reply to StellaByStarlite)
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