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adressing as Sir.... - 3/18/2005 1:23:42 AM   
match2u


Posts: 131
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline



Hug to all,

may You can give me an advice - Your opinion.

in getting in touch here on collar or somewhere else i figured out that a lot of Masters/ Doms a little bit pissed off ( sorry for my words) when i do not adress them from the beginning as Sir/Master etc.

for me first of as a novice and second as a human i have a problem to adress someone as Sir just exchanged one or two notes.

not cause i do not have respect in general - just cause for myself to adress someone as Sir/ Master i define for myself that i have a bond with Him founded on trust. something not happen overnight.

i would like to hear Your answer.

is it really necesarry to adress someone even in the first note as Sir?
does it mean for You as Dom/ Master there is a lack of respect?

thanks a lot

petra









< Message edited by match2u -- 3/18/2005 1:24:32 AM >
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RE: adressing as Sir.... - 3/18/2005 1:34:07 AM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
I am willing to accept Ma'am from a random submissive, but heaven help the one who addresses me as Mistress without being mine. While I see Ma'am or Sir as being almost generic terms, Mistress or Master is reserved for special. Anyone who wants you to call them Master up front is a player or a newbie.

You're a submissive. That doesn't make you the world's submissive. Random Dominants do not have the right to expect more than good manners. You do not owe anything more than common courtesy to people before you decide to be theirs. If you feel uncomfortable with addressing them as Sir, tell them that it is a term you are reserving for the person who you'll serve. If they still continue to insist upon it, consider it a sign that things aren't going so well.

Remember, just because someone claims to be a Dominant, doesn't make them one. Temper tantrums over titles just about always signals a wanna be. A title or appelation does not make or unmake someone Dominant. Someone who feels they need that title from everyone to confirm their Dominance.. well.. let's just say, move on.


_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

(in reply to match2u)
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RE: adressing as Sir.... - 3/18/2005 5:18:14 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: match2u
is it really necesarry to adress someone even in the first note as Sir?
does it mean for You as Dom/ Master there is a lack of respect?

thanks a lot

petra

No and no. Some doms actually get more annoyed if you presume to call them sir.

After all, what would you say to a switch?

Use the same manners in the scene that you use in the vanilla world and you won't go wrong. The ones who "insist" that you call them something are high protocol and/or dorks themselves. Let them go on their way and you go yours.







[/font][/size][/center]


(in reply to match2u)
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RE: adressing as Sir.... - 3/18/2005 6:30:30 AM   
MidnightWriter


Posts: 131
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: match2u

in getting in touch here on collar or somewhere else i figured out that a lot of Masters/ Doms a little bit pissed off ( sorry for my words) when i do not adress them from the beginning as Sir/Master etc.

is it really necesarry to adress someone even in the first note as Sir?
does it mean for You as Dom/ Master there is a lack of respect?

I used to object to being called "Sir" by anyone whom I hadn't collared, but I gave up that fight. I was at a store with several people from a local kink club, picking up supplies, when a store clerk called me Sir. One of the subs who had gotten my lecture about that almost hurt herself trying not to laugh.

She got the apology she was owed, and my policy reverted to my usual vanilla rules - address folks as they wish to be addressed, accept any form of address that's not intentionally insulting with equinamity, and don't sweat the small stuff.

If someone does the Sir/Master MW thing, I try to let them know early on that they're welcome to suit themselves, but that I don't expect it from anyone not wearing my collar.

Generally, when I see someone get bent out of shape about "respect" before they've had a chance to actually earn some, I assume that they're not familiar with the experience of earning it, and treat them accordingly.

Occasionally, they're simply misguided, having come up in some chatroom, and simply don't realize that the Real World doesn't work that way - but mostly, they're nits, not worth worrying about.

_____________________________

Power corrupts. Absolute power ... is really pretty nifty.

TIES - pansexual BDSM social group in MN, USA - http://www.ties-bdsm.org

(in reply to match2u)
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RE: adressing as Sir.... - 3/18/2005 7:30:03 AM   
Oumae


Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline 		I don't expect a title from someone who is not mine but so many are uncomfie with not using one that I relaxed on it but I hate being called "Ma'am".... Dom/mes differ and subs get confused lol

Seriously tho'... it is not about titles it is about the person, follow your instincts on this...you do not have to submit to all to be a sub. From this Domme's point of view it is so much nicer when the respect has been earned and is not just dished out willy nilly.

Oumae

(in reply to BeachMystress)
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RE: adressing as Sir.... - 3/18/2005 9:05:39 AM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline 		I used to correct anyone that called Me Sir other than My own pet, but I gave up trying. What's the sense? If that's what floats their boat then let them. However I also think it's absolutely wrong to insist that every sub call you Sir or grovel at your feet. Manners and protocol are one thing...Demanding hommage is something entirely different. I think the only place I've seen that is on IRC. Then again, I've seen an awful lot of losers on IRC, that being the main reason I don't go there anymore.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

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RE: adressing as Sir.... - 3/18/2005 10:04:19 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

I think it's up to you and the person you are addressing. If you have issues with deferring to someone you have not agreed to submit to then that is your right.

As for using the words "Sir" and "Ma'am" well, I was raised to believe that is a form of common courtesy. I've had submissives that didn't know me get quite upset when I called them sir, assuming I was making some reference about their submissive status. Horse feathers! I also know women who don't care for the term ma'am because it makes them feel old. <shrug> I am not responsible for the way other people react to my common courtesy and neither are you.

Use the term you are comfortable with. I agree with the notion that someone who is so committed to dominating a title out of you is probably someone who is not very secure or experienced in their own position.

But for me, sir is a generic form of common courtesy and not a deference to position. I'm of the opinion that people who use the terms as such show a kind of 'home training' that surpasses the norm and I'm also ok with people who choose not to believe so.



_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to match2u)
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RE: adressing as Sir.... - 3/18/2005 10:11:26 AM   
MizSuz


Posts: 1881
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MidnightWriter

I used to object to being called "Sir" by anyone whom I hadn't collared, but I gave up that fight. I was at a store with several people from a local kink club, picking up supplies, when a store clerk called me Sir. One of the subs who had gotten my lecture about that almost hurt herself trying not to laugh.



Man, can I relate. I used to be a stickler about getting "Mistress" by people I didn't know. Then I realized that it's no different than my use of sir and ma'am as a generic common courtesy and got over myself.

I still prefer to reserve "Madame" for those that I own, because it really 'sends' me, but realize that not only can the above be assumed, but also there are those in my life who know that I love it and why; and although I do not 'own' them I am quite touched by their use of same BECAUSE they know what it means to me.

But when someone I don't know uses these sorts of titles I just chalk it up to common courtesy. There are those that are trying to play out their fantasy of female dominance through the use of it, but if I don't give it any energy then it doesn't really effect me, does it?


_____________________________

“The more you love, the more you can love—and the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.”
- Robert Heinlein

(in reply to MidnightWriter)
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RE: adressing as Sir.... - 3/18/2005 10:26:49 AM   
DesertRat


Posts: 2774
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: NM/USA
Status: offline 		I don't mind being called 'Sir'. I prefer to be called by name during the intro phase of a correspondence. I figure the prosepective sub/slave probably knows lots of "Sirs", and I would rather have a unique identifier. But if it's gonna be "Sir", I'm not gonna stress out about it. Ideally, I guess I would like a naturally occurring usage of my name and Sir. I suppose that comes with time.

Bob

(in reply to MizSuz)
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RE: adressing as Sir.... - 3/18/2005 11:19:11 AM   
MistressMiss


Posts: 24
Joined: 2/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

As for using the words "Sir" and "Ma'am" well, I was raised to believe that is a form of common courtesy.


I will agree that it is a form of courtesy. I also do not expect someone to call me "Mistress" or "Ma'am" unless they want to. I know from the start how the conversation will go in the way they address me.
I try to make conversations in the beginning light hearted and not expect them to "bow" to me. It is ridiculous. After time has passed and a RT meeting has taken place then certain things are established. What I would like to be called and so forth. I never expect to be called Mistress especially by someone whom I have just met.

Any Dominant who insists upon it in my opinion is probably lacking the control in their lives and feels that need to express that to someone they don't know online. Real Dominants do not feel the need to enforce that.

My opinion for what it's worth

(in reply to DesertRat)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: adressing as Sir.... - 3/18/2005 11:59:44 AM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		if a Dominant want me to call them Sir or somthing like that i would do it, but i would not call a Dominant i did not have a relationship whit Master or Mistress. And i would never call a Dominant for God or Goddess, why, becouse i am religious, and even if you can swing a whip and do know what you want, you are not a God.

i once got into a near argument whit a submissive, if was at a chat room and we discussed somthing aboute hisotory, and i joined in. Then this girl started to critiqe me for not showing respect becouse i did not call the Dominants Sir and i joined into the conversation. Well i told her, i show them as much respect as i do anyone i meet, and i am a generaly polite person.

Often i find this is the case, Dominants often dont care if they are called Sir, but other submissives are quik to look down their noses at submissives that dont use sush ways of adressing.

(in reply to MistressMiss)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: adressing as Sir.... - 3/18/2005 12:52:45 PM   
stormsfate


Posts: 849
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline 		My owner doesn't permit me to address anyone as Sir unless he has instructed me to do so, and even then, not until I have received permission from the person to address them as such.

I've seen both schools as well...the ones who expect to be addressed by everyone on the lowercase side of the slash as Sir, and those who get downright aggravated by someone who is presumptuous enough to do so without permission. <shrug>


best regards,
fate

_____________________________

Vision? What do you know about MY vision? My vision would turn your world upside down, tear asunder your illusions and the sanctuary of your own ignorance crashing down around you! Now ask yourself, are you really ready to see that vision? [/size

(in reply to nella)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: adressing as Sir.... - 3/18/2005 1:02:22 PM   
Erusvi


Posts: 49
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Los Angeles
Status: offline 		I prefer 'Your Excellency' or 'Your Eminence'. Of course, a well timed 'Oh my god' works just as well.

But that's just me, I suppose. ;o)

_____________________________

Schno
ErusVI
Los Angeles
Owner of dahanala
www.esenem.net
[image]http://www.esenem.net/Gallery/albums/2005_08_Savage/SM_1.thumb.jpg[/image]

(in reply to stormsfate)
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RE: adressing as Sir.... - 3/18/2005 1:14:17 PM   
MistressMiss


Posts: 24
Joined: 2/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Often i find this is the case, Dominants often dont care if they are called Sir, but other submissives are quik to look down their noses at submissives that dont use sush ways of adressing.


I have seen that as well, and I think everyone is in agreement here that it is up to the person that you are speaking as to what they want. It is YOUR choice or the choice of a Master/Mistress if you are owned what they want. It is all about choices, and if someone chooses to look down on you in a chat room * where things seem to be different anyway* then they are not worth speaking to.

_____________________________

Miss

Opinions are like assholes, everybody has them and most of them stink
Life goes on you can bury your head in the sand or face it head on

(in reply to nella)
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RE: adressing as Sir.... - 3/18/2005 1:49:02 PM   
SirKenin


Posts: 2994
Joined: 10/31/2004
From: Barrie, ON Canada
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: stormsfate

My owner doesn't permit me to address anyone as Sir unless he has instructed me to do so, and even then, not until I have received permission from the person to address them as such.


I am the same way. Under no circumstance is My sub allowed to call Anyone Sir, Mistress, whatever unless I tell her to. Nor is she allowed to bow, kneel, pay any type of homage. The only thing she is to do is demonstrate respect, both in person and online. She is expected to look to the floor when being introduced and to use caps to acknowledge a Dom/me online.

I don't believe any old Dom/me is entitled to any special treatment apart from that. I agree that if they demand it they are just a poser or a newbie.

_____________________________

Hi. I don't care. Thanks.

Wicca: Pretending to be an ancient religion since 1956

Catholic Church: Serving up guilt since 107 AD.

(in reply to stormsfate)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: adressing as Sir.... - 3/18/2005 5:38:14 PM   
nella


Posts: 1243
Joined: 12/30/2004
From: Norway
Status: offline 		i dont think anything just proves they are players or newbies. i just hate that statement, if somone do this or this that is prof they are a newbie.

(in reply to SirKenin)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: adressing as Sir.... - 3/18/2005 6:10:09 PM   
PaintedLady


Posts: 35
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline 		Petra-

I am as inconsitant in the whole Sir/Ma'am as I am with anything else but I will use them for adressing a dom/me that I am writing to, or in a club or some setting- but OTOH I also call cabbies Sir. If someone tries to insist i call them sir or mam, I am just as likely to comply but just not calling anything ever again

Kat

_____________________________

"beware the fury of a patient man"
-John Dryen

(in reply to match2u)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: adressing as Sir.... - 3/19/2005 9:15:57 AM   
CitizenCane


Posts: 349
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		I've had a lot of vanillas call me 'Sir'- and not just retail clerks and waitresses. It's a common courtesy in some parts of the world. Since coming to Idaho it seems even more common- lots of mormons will address any man older than they are as 'Sir'. It doesn't give me a thrill, but I find that I like the atmosphere of courtesey. I think these polite habits tend to make people just a tad more mindful in their dealings with others- which is, I think, the point of requiring a sub to use such forms of address. Not a bad thing, over all. I find it surprising, frankly, how many people have such strong aversion to these simple courtesies. Perhaps it's from being forced to use them in childhood, or a bad military experience, or something. If you think of it as simply a respectful custom, which may not be one you grew up with, it shouldn't get your hackles up.

Citizen Cane

(in reply to PaintedLady)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: adressing as Sir.... - 3/19/2005 3:55:51 PM   
Focus50


Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline 		Like many here, I only allow or expect MY girl to address me as "Sir" or "Master" etc. To everyone else, I either have an online nic or I'm Garry.... I understand it's meant as respect when a new sub addresses me as Sir and I'm just as polite and respectful when I correct her.

Having a stranger such as a shop assistant call me Sir is a completely different dynamic and something I don't take issue with as it's not personal, just good business sense! It's "plastic" respect rather than the "real" kind.... lol

I'd suggest that if someone insists on being called "Sir" and you don't feel they've earned that level of your respect, go with that feeling and ignore them altogether! They're *RUDE* for insisting!

Focus50.

(in reply to match2u)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: adressing as Sir.... - 3/19/2005 9:23:32 PM   
domtimothy46176


Posts: 670
Joined: 12/25/2004
From: Dayton, Ohio area
Status: offline 		I will accept the use of sir, but I don't require it from anyone not wearing my collar. Master is reserved for someone I own. IMNSHO, anyone getting snippy because you don't use honorifics in the first exchanges is concentrating too much on the forms and not enough on the substance. I don't make any assumptions about those I meet online, and I would never simpy accept that someone is who he/she presents themself to be so I imagine I might, were I on the right of the slash, reserve the use of honorifics for those who demonstrated to me, personally, that they were, in fact, who and what they claimed to be. Then again, I've learned to be cynical.
Timothy

(in reply to match2u)
Profile   Post #: 20
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