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Advice for a new sub/switch interested in the scene? - 2/21/2007 9:06:38 PM   
Melynn


Posts: 8
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: offline 		Would just like to get acquainted with a few people in the community and get some advice on how to conduct myself as an aspiring sub.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Advice for a new sub/switch interested in the scene? - 2/21/2007 9:09:07 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline 		Post like you mean it. Don't get biligerant. If you don't like the topic don't read it. If you have questions e-mail me on the other side.

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TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

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(in reply to Melynn)
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RE: Advice for a new sub/switch interested in the scene? - 2/21/2007 9:10:27 PM   
Melynn


Posts: 8
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: offline 		Haha, thank you.

(in reply to FukinTroll)
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RE: Advice for a new sub/switch interested in the scene? - 2/21/2007 9:11:42 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		explore

(in reply to Melynn)
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RE: Advice for a new sub/switch interested in the scene? - 2/21/2007 9:17:44 PM   
azzmaster


Posts: 864
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		if anyone on here gives u a hard time simply ignor them. 

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RE: Advice for a new sub/switch interested in the scene? - 2/21/2007 9:21:29 PM   
ServiceNeeded


Posts: 12
Joined: 2/7/2007
Status: offline 		Don't feel like you have to "sub" to everyone that demands it. You can choose to address in formal speach, but unless it is someone you are actually "playing with" -- you are both just people and they should respect you.
I think a common mistake of those new that want to sub is subbing for people that use the term "dominant" to be agressive in disrespectful/hurtful ways.
You should "conduct yourself" in a normal, respectful, open way untill you have agreed to play together and then the domme/dom can help tell you how they would like you to conduct yourself with them personally/etc.


To learn more there are PLenty of good books on the subject. Check out amazon.com and throw in some "BDSM" "submissive" "loving dominant" type search terms and you will come up with material and possibly a few lists that may direct you well.
Also do a google search for "bdsm ___ your city/state____ " and see if there are any list serve groups or webpages for groups in your area.

Peace!

< Message edited by ServiceNeeded -- 2/21/2007 9:23:35 PM >

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
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RE: Advice for a new sub/switch interested in the scene? - 2/21/2007 9:21:47 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Same as you would in any vanilla situation.  Unless you have horrid manners- then pretend to be someone with good manners.

My advice for Novice Female Submissives

Newbie!

At a loss

I'm a new domme seeking advice

Does a slave also have to be a fool?

sub: totally new concept

Questions for other newbies

The Journey

Starting Out

New to the Life, Help

How to deal?

Request for Advice

Advice please: Relationships, bdsm, love and boundaries

First time sub seeking you advice- how to find the right master?

First time sub seeking advice

a newbie seeking advice

How can I be a great sub?

Brand new life

Help needed

Emotional Rollercoaster

Welcoming newbies

New to this

Just a few questions

Do's and Dont's



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RE: Advice for a new sub/switch interested in the scene? - 2/21/2007 9:32:19 PM   
CrazyC


Posts: 949
Joined: 9/28/2006
Status: offline 		learn, have fun, make mistakes, fix them, learn more....

And when someone seems to be judging you....remember they only hear part of the story and that your the only one who can make to decision.

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"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." Barbara De Angelis

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RE: Advice for a new sub/switch interested in the scene? - 2/22/2007 5:09:04 AM   
Domrob


Posts: 18
Joined: 1/7/2004
Status: offline 		Welcome to the scene.

Not all subs are the same maybe no two subs are the same.  If you are a sub not a slave you will have limits. Think what they are and list them.  Do you want just play sessions,do you want help with weight smoking or other problems. Do you want a Dom who will be part of your social life. Do you want your Dom to be your lover. In short what  submission do you offer.  Be clear what you want and what you can give.

Naturally this will change over time but tell it like it is now.

(in reply to CrazyC)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Advice for a new sub/switch interested in the scene? - 2/22/2007 7:59:49 AM   
DomMeinCT


Posts: 2355
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Make friends (on the boards) and in RL with others who are trustworthy and not just interested in trying to dominate you.  There is some excellent advice available from those more knowledgeable and willing to share it here.

(in reply to Domrob)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Advice for a new sub/switch interested in the scene? - 2/22/2007 8:37:44 AM   
touchthesky


Posts: 121
Joined: 1/27/2007
Status: offline 		just be humble and talk to alot of different people. there are Doms that will try to take advantage of your newness so don't get collared right away, take your time.

(in reply to DomMeinCT)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Advice for a new sub/switch interested in the scene? - 2/22/2007 10:05:07 AM   
TheShadows


Posts: 403
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Southern Illinois
Status: offline 		My favorite advice was always..."Take what you want/like, and leave the rest."

~MrsShadows~

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"The reason the mainstream is thought of as a stream is because of it's shallowness." - George Carlin

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most..." - Ozzy Osbourne

(in reply to Melynn)
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RE: Advice for a new sub/switch interested in the scene? - 2/22/2007 11:48:07 AM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		I think there might have been a couple of well-intentioned, but opposite (-reading) bits of advice.  Let me try to elaborate.

It might seem natural to behave in a deferential (submissive) manner towards prospective doms.  If you assume that everyone is well-meaning and well-intentioned, it is possible to get hurt.  Remember that it is your life/safety/sanity at stake, not theirs.

So while being 'humble' (from above) isn't necessarily bad advice, understand that you don't owe anyone anything until YOU decide who and when and how that happens.

You are a free agent until you agree not to be.  Assess your 'offers' and let your gut instincts guide you.

If you are in public where doms and subs are about (such as a munch) watch how other people carry out their business.  Not everyone will follow a certain protocol, but you might get a certain idea of what style works for you knowing yourself as you do.

Hope this helps.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to Melynn)
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RE: Advice for a new sub/switch interested in the scene? - 2/22/2007 12:49:55 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		Just because you may feel you are a sub/switch do NOT ever feel that you need to be someones doormat,
Find out about local events and munches, you may find that you fit in very well.


_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to Melynn)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Advice for a new sub/switch interested in the scene? - 2/22/2007 7:04:15 PM   
Melynn


Posts: 8
Joined: 2/21/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks guys. You've all given me great advice and I appreciate it. I'm excited about getting more into S&M. Honestly the most I've done is spank and be spanked - but the other aspects are more and more appealing the more I read... So it's great to have an online community as well as a local one to help me learn more.

(in reply to Kinkypupper)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Advice for a new sub/switch interested in the scene? - 2/22/2007 7:29:18 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Melynn

Would just like to get acquainted with a few people in the community and get some advice on how to conduct myself as an aspiring sub.


As a submissive, I would tend to say email people local to you that may know of what is happening in your area, and then attend munches to meet others like yourself.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Melynn)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Advice for a new sub/switch interested in the scene? - 8/15/2007 11:21:15 PM   
Rockwell


Posts: 63
Status: offline 		Switching is tough. I  learned my true being is to live a a slave.
It has been humbling but rewarding.
be yourself. always.

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Advice for a new sub/switch interested in the scene? - 8/16/2007 5:05:00 AM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		Have fun.

And don't trust anyone until you really know them.

(in reply to Rockwell)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Advice for a new sub/switch interested in the scene? - 8/16/2007 8:04:17 AM   
violetaelf


Posts: 74
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline 		Explore, learn, read, talk to people, don't be afraid to ask questions...

But most importantly , Use your mind and trust your gut feeling !

Welcome, and good luck! :)

'violet'

(in reply to Melynn)
Profile   Post #: 19
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