Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics (Full Version)

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Vendaval -> Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics (2/23/2007 4:46:40 PM)

OK now, fess up, you have em, you know them, time to share.
 
And how does that limerick end, the one that starts -
"There once was a man from Nantucket, " ?



smilezz -> RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics (2/23/2007 6:33:02 PM)

"There once was a man from Nantucket, " ?
who slipped and fell with his bucket,
he tried to re-balance..when he tore down the valance,
then threw up his hands and said fuckit.

*laughs*
i am so not good at this, but this was actually what came out of my head and down through my fingers...so that's what ya got. 

~smilezz~



dcnovice -> RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics (2/23/2007 7:33:47 PM)

<not original, alas>

A young Harvard man, sweet and tender,
Went off with some friends on a bender.
He came back in three days
In a sexual haze,
No longer quite sure of his gender.



dcnovice -> RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics (2/23/2007 8:10:27 PM)

<original, alas>

A fabulous domme known as Flo
Said, "I think that it's time I go pro."
This sparked a long thread
In which many folks said,
"Just face it, my dear: You're a ho."



Vendaval -> RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics (2/24/2007 5:59:24 AM)

There once was a girl named Sue
Who didn't know how to suck or screw
She hemmed and hawed and got slack-jawed
And now her poor boy's ball are blue!



newdombbw -> RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics (2/24/2007 6:05:02 AM)

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose cock was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
While wiping his chin
If my ear was a cunt I would fuck it


Read on a women's bathroom wall in Richmond, VA in the 1970's - been painted over by now.  Also (tho not a limerick):

She offered her honor
He honored her offer
and all night long
He was on her
and off her



Vendaval -> RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics (2/24/2007 6:30:14 AM)

Thank you!  I had heard only the first line of that limerick for years.
Got any others to share?



MadameDahlia -> RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics (2/24/2007 9:37:38 PM)

There once was a girl named Ceceil.
Who just had to make love to an eel.
It wiggled and writhed,
She was fit to be tied.
And she came with an ear piercing squeal.



MadameDahlia -> RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics (2/24/2007 10:03:24 PM)

There once was a man from Virginia
Who asked, "Can I please put it in ya'?"
The girl declined.
He sniffled, resigned.
And instead did her sister, Begonia.

Meh... not great. But did you really expect Nobel winners?



Mikal -> RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics (2/24/2007 10:08:59 PM)

From somewhere on the 'net...

There once was a woman from Blight
Her speed was much faster than light
I can now say
I fucked her today
And she came sometime last night



Mikal -> RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics (2/24/2007 10:17:27 PM)

Another, from my mind (I think)

There was a good ol' boy named Saul,
Who's dick was incredibly small,
When he tried for a day
To have sex every way,
He never touched her twat at all.




Mikal -> RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics (2/24/2007 10:19:37 PM)

Lastly, before I move on to other threads...

There was a goucho named Bruno
Who said, "about fucking, I do know,.."
That women are fine,
And sheep are divine,
But llamas are numero uno!!!"



MadameDahlia -> RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics (2/24/2007 10:27:32 PM)

*Laughs* Beautiful. Pure poetry.



t3nth0usandv0lts -> RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics (5/1/2007 11:54:11 PM)

There once was a man from Kildare...
He was screwing a whore on the stair...
When the banister broke, he redoubled his stroke,
And finished her off in midair.

Ay, ay ay ay...
Your sister does squat thrusts in cucumber patches...
Now sing me another verse
That's worse than the other verse
And waltz me around by my willy...

From a song by Master Efenwealt Whystle.



Satyr6406 -> RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics (5/2/2007 12:01:12 AM)

There once, was a locksmith named "Schorr"
who had the hots for his favorite whore.
When the cops got inside,
with a true craftsman's pride,
he was making a bolt for the door.
 
 
There once was a man from Peru
who fell asleep in a canoe.
While dreaming of Venus,
and touching his penis,
he woke up with a handful of "goo".
 
 
 
 
 
Peace and comfort,
 
 
 
 
 
Michael



Vartan -> RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics (5/2/2007 7:18:58 AM)

There once was a girl from Boston Mass
Who went into the ocean up to her ankles.

If this doesn't rhyme, just wait till the tide comes in.



MyMasterStephen -> RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics (5/2/2007 7:23:42 AM)

There was a young lady called Alice
Used a dynamite stick as a phallus.
They found her vagina in South Carolina
And part of her anus in Dallas.



MyMasterStephen -> RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics (5/2/2007 7:24:55 AM)

Roses are red,
Violets are blue
Some poems rhyme
But this one doesn't.



Svalbard -> RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics (5/2/2007 7:27:47 AM)

There was a young man from Racine
Who invented a fucking machine
'Twas concave and convex
And 'twould take either sex
But oh what a bitch to clean .....



Llyren -> RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics (5/2/2007 7:31:19 AM)


Most of us have just two hands,
and fingers eight or ten,
But there are those, not counting toes,
that total more again.

Some you must know, they do have
An eleventh finger true.
And upon it attention they do lave,
Hoping that you will too.

Men so love that extra digit,
Snuggled between their thighs!
They hope we won't cry, "Look, a midgit!"
When it meets our eyes.

As you can tell, I'm quite fond
Of this manly bit.
So I'll keep trying till I find the one
That is the perfect fit!

[sm=preen.gif]



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