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Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics - 2/23/2007 4:46:40 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		OK now, fess up, you have em, you know them, time to share.
 
And how does that limerick end, the one that starts -
"There once was a man from Nantucket, " ?

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk
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RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics - 2/23/2007 6:33:02 PM   
smilezz


Posts: 2156
Joined: 6/18/2004
Status: offline 		"There once was a man from Nantucket, " ?
who slipped and fell with his bucket,
he tried to re-balance..when he tore down the valance,
then threw up his hands and said fuckit.

*laughs*
i am so not good at this, but this was actually what came out of my head and down through my fingers...so that's what ya got. 

~smilezz~

_____________________________

=It's not my fault that when I was a baby I was dropped in a box of Glitter & I have been shinin' ever since=

�*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,.-:* � �*:-.,_,-:* �

(in reply to Vendaval)
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RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics - 2/23/2007 7:33:47 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline 		<not original, alas>

A young Harvard man, sweet and tender,
Went off with some friends on a bender.
He came back in three days
In a sexual haze,
No longer quite sure of his gender.

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to smilezz)
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RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics - 2/23/2007 8:10:27 PM   
dcnovice


Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline 		<original, alas>

A fabulous domme known as Flo
Said, "I think that it's time I go pro."
This sparked a long thread
In which many folks said,
"Just face it, my dear: You're a ho."

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to dcnovice)
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RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics - 2/24/2007 5:59:24 AM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		There once was a girl named Sue
Who didn't know how to suck or screw
She hemmed and hawed and got slack-jawed
And now her poor boy's ball are blue!

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to dcnovice)
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RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics - 2/24/2007 6:05:02 AM   
newdombbw


Posts: 84
Joined: 9/9/2005
Status: offline 		There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose cock was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
While wiping his chin
If my ear was a cunt I would fuck it


Read on a women's bathroom wall in Richmond, VA in the 1970's - been painted over by now.  Also (tho not a limerick):

She offered her honor
He honored her offer
and all night long
He was on her
and off her

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics - 2/24/2007 6:30:14 AM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you!  I had heard only the first line of that limerick for years.
Got any others to share?

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE


http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to newdombbw)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics - 2/24/2007 9:37:38 PM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline 		There once was a girl named Ceceil.
Who just had to make love to an eel.
It wiggled and writhed,
She was fit to be tied.
And she came with an ear piercing squeal.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to Vendaval)
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RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics - 2/24/2007 10:03:24 PM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline 		There once was a man from Virginia
Who asked, "Can I please put it in ya'?"
The girl declined.
He sniffled, resigned.
And instead did her sister, Begonia.

Meh... not great. But did you really expect Nobel winners?

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to MadameDahlia)
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RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics - 2/24/2007 10:08:59 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		From somewhere on the 'net...

There once was a woman from Blight
Her speed was much faster than light
I can now say
I fucked her today
And she came sometime last night


_____________________________

You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to MadameDahlia)
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RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics - 2/24/2007 10:17:27 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Another, from my mind (I think)

There was a good ol' boy named Saul,
Who's dick was incredibly small,
When he tried for a day
To have sex every way,
He never touched her twat at all.



_____________________________

You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics - 2/24/2007 10:19:37 PM   
Mikal


Posts: 3673
Status: offline 		Lastly, before I move on to other threads...

There was a goucho named Bruno
Who said, "about fucking, I do know,.."
That women are fine,
And sheep are divine,
But llamas are numero uno!!!"

_____________________________

You know that I am a sexy penguin.

(in reply to Mikal)
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RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics - 2/24/2007 10:27:32 PM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline 		*Laughs* Beautiful. Pure poetry.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to Mikal)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics - 5/1/2007 11:54:11 PM   
t3nth0usandv0lts


Posts: 70
Joined: 8/7/2006
Status: offline 		There once was a man from Kildare...
He was screwing a whore on the stair...
When the banister broke, he redoubled his stroke,
And finished her off in midair.

Ay, ay ay ay...
Your sister does squat thrusts in cucumber patches...
Now sing me another verse
That's worse than the other verse
And waltz me around by my willy...

From a song by Master Efenwealt Whystle.

_____________________________

...all our best men are laughed at in this nightmare land...

...once in a lifetime - that's how it feels. There's something so good, so damn good, how can it be real...

(in reply to MadameDahlia)
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RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics - 5/2/2007 12:01:12 AM   
Satyr6406


Posts: 820
Joined: 3/27/2006
From: New Brunswick, N.J.
Status: offline 		There once, was a locksmith named "Schorr"
who had the hots for his favorite whore.
When the cops got inside,
with a true craftsman's pride,
he was making a bolt for the door.
 
 
There once was a man from Peru
who fell asleep in a canoe.
While dreaming of Venus,
and touching his penis,
he woke up with a handful of "goo".
 
 
 
 
 
Peace and comfort,
 
 
 
 
 
Michael

_____________________________

Peace and comfort,


Michael

Former Vice-President Gore didn't invent the internet but, he DID make up global warming!

(in reply to t3nth0usandv0lts)
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RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics - 5/2/2007 7:18:58 AM   
Vartan


Posts: 20
Joined: 4/23/2007
From: New Jersey
Status: offline 		There once was a girl from Boston Mass
Who went into the ocean up to her ankles.

If this doesn't rhyme, just wait till the tide comes in.

(in reply to Satyr6406)
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RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics - 5/2/2007 7:23:42 AM   
MyMasterStephen


Posts: 219
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline 		There was a young lady called Alice
Used a dynamite stick as a phallus.
They found her vagina in South Carolina
And part of her anus in Dallas.

(in reply to Vendaval)
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RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics - 5/2/2007 7:24:55 AM   
MyMasterStephen


Posts: 219
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline 		Roses are red,
Violets are blue
Some poems rhyme
But this one doesn't.

(in reply to Vendaval)
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RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics - 5/2/2007 7:27:47 AM   
Svalbard


Posts: 4
Joined: 7/27/2005
Status: offline 		There was a young man from Racine
Who invented a fucking machine
'Twas concave and convex
And 'twould take either sex
But oh what a bitch to clean .....

(in reply to Vendaval)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Dirty Limericks and Bawdy Lyrics - 5/2/2007 7:31:19 AM   
Llyren


Posts: 637
Joined: 3/5/2007
From: Illinois
Status: offline
Most of us have just two hands,
and fingers eight or ten,
But there are those, not counting toes,
that total more again.

Some you must know, they do have
An eleventh finger true.
And upon it attention they do lave,
Hoping that you will too.

Men so love that extra digit,
Snuggled between their thighs!
They hope we won't cry, "Look, a midgit!"
When it meets our eyes.

As you can tell, I'm quite fond
Of this manly bit.
So I'll keep trying till I find the one
That is the perfect fit!




_____________________________

I'm not perving. I'm compensating for my myopia. So nyah.


Member of Cock-Suckers for World Peace

"Character is what you are in the dark."

- Lord John Whorfin

(in reply to MyMasterStephen)
Profile   Post #: 20
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