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Ethnocentricity - 2/24/2007 3:15:06 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		I've been participating on e-groups and forums regarding BDSM for several years and with few exceptions, One True Way is shot down by the vast majority when others seem to try to force their ethos onto the general population. I, myself, am a proponent of diversity and when one tries to force their ideas onto me, I do tend to bite and bite quickly.

My curiosity regarding this issue is three-fold and pertains, first, to methodologies, (the "how" of getting your ideas out to others) what you hope to accomplish by the way you present your ethos, to whom you present it and, of course, which particular methods would speak to you and attract your ears/eyes and which methods would you shun? What causes you to stop and listen to something which may be alien to you? Is it presentation? Perhaps it comes from someone whom you've already grown to appreciate? Is it the length of a post, spelling/grammar,  paragraph breaks? I'm speaking strictly on philosophy here. If a thread regarding AB's doesn't appeal to you, I would understand that presentation probably wouldn't matter at all since it's a thread which you, most likely, wouldn't open anyway, so I'm really hoping to keep specific fetish/kink out of the discussion.. but, threads do tend to go where they wander. :)

Once you decide to get involved does the content then matter to you if the ethos presented is not and never will be 'your way' of doing things as they relate to D/s? Would you feel compelled to question the presentation and if so, would it be for the purpose of learning that particular ethos or more to share your own as a counter-presentation or is it subjective and dependent upon the actual content? Are you open to hearing 'other' ways or is your own ethos pretty well set in stone?

Last but not least, do you feel that 'your way' is superior to other ways and if not, why do you engage in things the way you do? If you do feel that your way is superior, do you try to convert others or do you embrace a more exclusive philosophy, such that only those who find it on their own will be shown the inner sanctum or perhaps it's something else entirely?

Just something to pass the time while I sit in the midst of a blizzard.

Celeste



_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Ethnocentricity - 2/24/2007 3:18:43 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline 		 
Hello BitaTruble,

I tend to read anything I can get my hands on.  I might completely disagree with it.  I might agree wholeheartedly.  I might respond.  I might not respond.

Since you asked, I like reading what other people have to say because I find I learn an awful lot about how people view the world by doing so.

I tend to start off with two assumptions.

a)  I am probably wrong.
b) To agree with you, I will need to have you explain it to me and then research it myself. 

Just me, could be wrong, but there you go.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Ethnocentricity - 2/24/2007 3:20:48 PM   
porthuronsub


Posts: 339
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline 		I have a question... Is this a timed essay amd how many points are assigned to each question?  j/k
I will have to get back to this one.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Ethnocentricity - 2/24/2007 3:27:30 PM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		I timed out

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

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Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Ethnocentricity - 2/24/2007 3:53:46 PM   
porthuronsub


Posts: 339
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline 		QUESTION #1
I find using the forums to express/extract information works the best for me.  I don't hope to accomplish anything other than to give the world a little insight from my perspective.
I like posts that get to the point and not rattle on with useless non-information.  I like people who post using correct english and grammer and can break thoughts up into nice tidy paragraphs.  I dislike and hardly read posts from others who use chatspeak.  I find it lazy and annoying.
I find information educational.  If I see a post of something I am not familar with, or a topic that is confrontational or argumentative I will check it out.  I am learning who the educated people are here in the forums and who are not.  I find that useful too.
QUESTION # 2 
It doesn't matter to me if the world sees my viewpoint or not, after all everybody has their opinions and you see that on almost every thread.  I do like to post and then follow up to see if my opinion is agreed with or argued against.  Sometimes I am wrong and am proved so, that is Ok as I have just learned something.  You do need to have an open mind when using the forums as DBG found out when discussing bisexuality.
QUESTION # 3
I don't think the way that my Mistress and I live is superior to anyone else.  It is what is best for the parties involved, their situation and what they want to accomplish.
I do try to open minds to the possibility that there is more out there than they have discovered, but I don't try to convert anyone.  To each their own.

When are the grades to be posted for this essay exam?

(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Ethnocentricity - 2/24/2007 4:01:40 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline 		In an odd sort of sense, 'what one does' is like having a job.  A long time ago in the 'real world' I didn't want people catching on to exactly how I did things, because I didn't want anyone to be able to be as good such that I could be replaced.  Later on, I gave up that notion because I found in the real world organizations need to know as much as they can to be able to thrive.  I went from being more secluded to being a teacher and cheerleader.

Certainly one would have to say that if you utilize the dating portion of the site, you are 'competing' with all of the other 'people of your sort' for attention of others.  If you have something special, that's where it needs to be shown.  Past that, once one is in a relationship, 'your' way becomes less important unless you are a) writing a book, b) presenting at play parties and conferences.

I personally believe that I do understand the 'bigger picture' better than others.  Every so often, I'll get a batch of emails telling me so, if I didn't already believe that.  In the long run, however, unless I'm writing that book or giving a presentation, it's just useful in finding a mate.

No real big deal, then.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Ethnocentricity - 2/24/2007 5:24:06 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy



a)  I am probably wrong.


When you assume that you are probably wrong, do you mean in understanding the question or in providing an answer or something else?

quote:

b) To agree with you, I will need to have you explain it to me and then research it myself. 


I'm the same way unless it's something with which I already have some knowledge and have formed an opinion through previous reseach.

Thanks for the input!

Celeste



_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Ethnocentricity - 2/24/2007 5:25:14 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porthuronsub

I have a question... Is this a timed essay


Yes, you answer when you have the time to answer. ::grins::

quote:

 amd how many points are assigned to each question?  j/k


69 of course!

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to porthuronsub)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Ethnocentricity - 2/24/2007 5:26:32 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny

I timed out


I hate when that happens and even though it has happened several times, I keep forgetting to type responses into word first.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to cjenny)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Ethnocentricity - 2/24/2007 5:32:51 PM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
Status: offline 		Yup and it was the best post ever lol. Actually it was a really good topic & I enjoyed writing out the response  Could'nt have happened in 'Random Stupidity' noooooo lol.

_____________________________

*Unless I cite a source it is MO.


~ ssssh. i think i've just found freedom. ~

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Ethnocentricity - 2/24/2007 5:49:17 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porthuronsub

QUESTION #1
I find using the forums to express/extract information works the best for me.  I don't hope to accomplish anything other than to give the world a little insight from my perspective.


I do enjoy hearing from people who have different perspectives, so I can appreciate when others share something of themselves especially when it's done in such a way as I can add the knowledge to my own life if it can be of benefit to me and/or the relationship I share with Himself.  

quote:

 I am learning who the educated people are here in the forums and who are not.  I find that useful too.


::snipped for brevity::

So, are you saying that the method will grab you to at least read what's presented, but the meat is what educates you? If so, it's the same way for me. I tend to skip by posts which are difficult to make out because of style (font size & color for example) and I tend to give much less weight to those who use chatspeak or slash type writing. In addition, there are certain personalities which will attract me to a thread I wouldn't normally go read just because their past history of posting has touched me somehow and I'd like to learn more of them. At the same time, there are those who post in threads that I would find interesting, but because I am already soured on them, I won't bother reading what they have to say. Now, that is going to mean I'm likely to miss out on the good stuff they may post, but, I'm not willing nor do I have the time to wade through 1000 posts to get to the one or two that may be of interest to me. I have to pick and choose where to spend my time so don't waste it when the odds are there won't be anything I find useful or entertaining.


quote:

QUESTION # 2 
It doesn't matter to me if the world sees my viewpoint or not, after all everybody has their opinions and you see that on almost every thread. 


Personally, I do prefer when someone else makes an effort to understand my viewpoint as I try to give that same courtsey but I can't deny it tends to be a rare rather than frequent occurance.

quote:

 I do like to post and then follow up to see if my opinion is agreed with or argued against.  Sometimes I am wrong and am proved so, that is Ok as I have just learned something.  You do need to have an open mind when using the forums .


I do have to agree with this assessment. A closed mind rarely has the ability to have anything flow into it which doesn't coincide with preconceived notions. I think, often, people seek validation for their ideas rather than education. Perhaps it's the difference between thinking inside and outside of the box.

quote:

QUESTION # 3
I don't think the way that my Mistress and I live is superior to anyone else.  It is what is best for the parties involved, their situation and what they want to accomplish.
I do try to open minds to the possibility that there is more out there than they have discovered, but I don't try to convert anyone.  To each their own.


Thank you for sharing, porthuronsub. I appreciate it. :)

quote:

When are the grades to be posted for this essay exam?


The end of the semester. :)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to porthuronsub)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Ethnocentricity - 2/24/2007 5:58:15 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

In an odd sort of sense, 'what one does' is like having a job.  A long time ago in the 'real world' I didn't want people catching on to exactly how I did things, because I didn't want anyone to be able to be as good such that I could be replaced.  Later on, I gave up that notion because I found in the real world organizations need to know as much as they can to be able to thrive.  I went from being more secluded to being a teacher and cheerleader.


It sounds as if being the teacher is more natural for you since you gravitated towards that after trying things the other way. I would call that growth and seeing the bigger picture and such, in my view, would be an advantage in D/s relationships.

quote:

Certainly one would have to say that if you utilize the dating portion of the site, you are 'competing' with all of the other 'people of your sort' for attention of others.  If you have something special, that's where it needs to be shown.  Past that, once one is in a relationship, 'your' way becomes less important unless you are a) writing a book, b) presenting at play parties and conferences.


I'll take your word on what goes on across the road as I don't utilize that side of the site except for emails to friends and other forum posters.

On the second part of this paragraph, I find it interesting about 'your way' becoming less important and I do agree with it fully. I no longer, really, have a 'my' way per se as I have 'His' way.. it's just that His way and my way happened to mesh very well together. I'm not writing a book, but Himself and I do present at the occasional play party or conference, but those presentations, generally, have to do with activities rather than philosophies so perhaps don't pertain as much to the way we do things in that regard. We present 'a way' to, for example, engage in figging, but it's not even the only way which we do that particular activity, so I couldn't call it our one true way by any stretch of the imagination.

Thank you, Jeff. I appreciate your input as well. :)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to mstrjx)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Ethnocentricity - 2/24/2007 6:03:40 PM   
porthuronsub


Posts: 339
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline 		I don't read every post either, it has to be something that interests me, be related to my life in some manner, or be something that i think I can learn from.
I will not read posts that have the slash thingy going on in every other posting.  I find it unnecessary and quite annoying.  We know he is your Dom and you are subservient to him.  It doesn't need to be expressed through your writing.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Ethnocentricity - 2/24/2007 6:05:02 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy

a)  I am probably wrong.


When you assume that you are probably wrong, do you mean in understanding the question or in providing an answer or something else?



It is more of a diffuse and general sense of wrongness associated with my inner Sinergy.

Although, there is also a sense that I dont really have all the information to answer any question, and I assume
that somebody might come back with something I can learn from which will change my opinion.

Every time I have tried to put something into a closed jar, it just makes a huge mess.  I kinda view my consciousness the same way.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Ethnocentricity - 2/24/2007 8:35:20 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BitaTruble
methodologies, (the "how" of getting your ideas out to others) what you hope to accomplish by the way you present your ethos, to whom you present it and, of course, which particular methods would speak to you and attract your ears/eyes and which methods would you shun?

Well it's not just "one method" obviously- but I think I use whichever method fits the medium and what I think will pique the audience.

I used to write long prosaic posts but, over the years online, I found that I just preferred to the point, straight down, bulleted posts.  I am a highly reactionary person and the more positive feedback I got on this, the more I attuned myself to it.

This can be frustrating when someone else comes alone and writes a beautiful prosaic post which says essentially the exact same thing that I said, and they get all the glory for sounding pretty :) 

But I will say that there is sincere happiness that at least the person GOT the message, and it really doesn't need to be from me that they get it.  I love praise and affection and positive feedback, but I actually prefer someone expanding a little more into themselves a lot more.
quote:


What causes you to stop and listen to something which may be alien to you? Is it presentation? Perhaps it comes from someone whom you've already grown to appreciate? Is it the length of a post, spelling/grammar,  paragraph breaks?

Energy.  Is that too vague?

Let's take you for example.  I don't really LIKE you, I get a bad rough feeling on your posts sometimes, and I think it's quirky and have no real desire to spark up a dialogue with you.  Personality wise, it's not there for me.

But I really love your posts and ideas.  Your energy sparks in everything very loud and in living color and you have impeccable grammar and spelling, excellent formatting, and is anything I could ever hope for in a fellow collarme poster.  IMO you are an absolute asset to the site and it would be a loss if you stopped posting.

How could I not respond to that?

It's who you are, it's your own energy in life and the format you provide allows all of that to just shine through as clear as day.

quote:

Once you decide to get involved does the content then matter to you if the ethos presented is not and never will be 'your way' of doing things as they relate to D/s?

In general, yeah.

quote:

 Would you feel compelled to question the presentation and if so, would it be for the purpose of learning that particular ethos or more to share your own as a counter-presentation or is it subjective and dependent upon the actual content? Are you open to hearing 'other' ways or is your own ethos pretty well set in stone?

SOmetimes I think presentation does cause static and should be addressed, but for the most part I think it's not essential to the discussion.  That's why I rarely go back and fix my typos :)

There are few things I love better than seeing someone present a coherent, rich, consistent viewpoint- that happens to be completely opposite to my way of thinking.

quote:

Last but not least, do you feel that 'your way' is superior to other ways and if not, why do you engage in things the way you do?

Of course I do.  If I thought another way was superior, wouldn't I be doing it?

quote:

 If you do feel that your way is superior, do you try to convert others or do you embrace a more exclusive philosophy, such that only those who find it on their own will be shown the inner sanctum or perhaps it's something else entirely?

I'll try to convert someone, absolutely, whether it's to try and convince them NOT to get collared in the first six months or to convince them bdsm is NOT better than vanilla sex in general.

But not all topics lend themselves to that, trying to argue that apple pie is better than cherry pie is just over the top arrogances and a lack of perspective.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Ethnocentricity - 2/24/2007 8:56:00 PM   
ravenairsprite


Posts: 28
Joined: 7/23/2004
Status: offline 		Ok well I'm going to try to remember all you asked. The questions were somewhat jumbled in. I basically understood what you were getting at though.

First off I tend to only read topics that interest me unless I'm super bored and that rarely happens. As far as posters....I do have my favorites but I don't hunt them down. If I see they've posted recently on a thread that interests me I'll go look.

Do I think my way is superior? Sometimes yes and sometimes no. I change according to what makes most sense to me. Kinda like that discussion I had with you recently about a topic that was a hard limit. It's still a limit but a soft one due to a point of view I had never been given before.

Leading into the next question. Am I willing to listen and take in other peoples opinions and thoughts and possibly learn something new or even react differently? You bet. I am not infallible and I know it. If I am given a reasonable solution, point of view, and/or reaction I tend to be more openminded.

Humans are a constantly changing species. I take that back we are both changing and staying the same. Maybe somewhere in our heads the thought was already there buried deep but someone just brought it to the fore. I have no idea if that all made sense but it works for me.

~blows kisses to the ever beautiful BitaTruble~
Kali

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Ethnocentricity - 2/24/2007 9:16:35 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

It is more of a diffuse and general sense of wrongness associated with my inner Sinergy.


I am sooo glad there is a sense of inner wrongness about you.... WEG!

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Ethnocentricity - 2/24/2007 9:27:49 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross


I used to write long prosaic posts but, over the years online, I found that I just preferred to the point, straight down, bulleted posts.  I am a highly reactionary person and the more positive feedback I got on this, the more I attuned myself to it.


First, thank you for answering my questions. This was exactly the sort of input I was hoping to read. You and I have different styles, but often say the same thing and I believe I've said it before, both our styles (and others) are going to speak to different people and if one or the other works, that's the important thing.


quote:

Energy.  Is that too vague?


Not vague at all, at least not to me.



quote:

Let's take you for example.  I don't really LIKE you, I get a bad rough feeling on your posts sometimes, and I think it's quirky and have no real desire to spark up a dialogue with you.  Personality wise, it's not there for me.


Understandable. I've been told by many that I'm intimidating and it's hard to like me, but I have a thick skin and can handle such truths. I'm here to share and learn, so being popular isn't my goal and not everyone is going to like everyone else. That said, if you met me in person, you wouldn't be able to help yourself. I'm just that lovable. ::chuckles:: No harm, no foul (although I think I just highjacked my own thread.)

quote:

But I really love your posts and ideas.  Your energy sparks in everything very loud and in living color and you have impeccable grammar and spelling, excellent formatting, and is anything I could ever hope for in a fellow collarme poster.  IMO you are an absolute asset to the site and it would be a loss if you stopped posting.


That was a nice thing to say and I wasn't expecting it, so thank you.


quote:

Of course I do.  If I thought another way was superior, wouldn't I be doing it?


Thank you for the honesty. I do feel the same way, actually and, like you, I do try to convert others to 'my' way, have some limited success in that area and have no problem with letting things go if I'm not making headway in any particular area.

Thanks again, LA. I do appreciate the input.

Celeste


_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Ethnocentricity - 2/24/2007 9:33:18 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ravenairsprite

Ok well I'm going to try to remember all you asked. The questions were somewhat jumbled in. I basically understood what you were getting at though.


::chuckles:: That's what happens when hormones take over keyboards.


quote:

Do I think my way is superior? Sometimes yes and sometimes no. I change according to what makes most sense to me. Kinda like that discussion I had with you recently about a topic that was a hard limit. It's still a limit but a soft one due to a point of view I had never been given before.


I like this admission of flexibility and I do believe you're much more flexible than I in a lot of areas and I do adore talking to you and am grateful that the cost of that isn't reflected in my phone bill. ::grins::

quote:

Leading into the next question. Am I willing to listen and take in other peoples opinions and thoughts and possibly learn something new or even react differently? You bet. I am not infallible and I know it. If I am given a reasonable solution, point of view, and/or reaction I tend to be more openminded.


I have noticed that about you so can't argue the point!

quote:

Humans are a constantly changing species. I take that back we are both changing and staying the same. Maybe somewhere in our heads the thought was already there buried deep but someone just brought it to the fore. I have no idea if that all made sense but it works for me.


It makes perfect sense.

quote:

~blows kisses to the ever beautiful BitaTruble~
Kali


Back at ya, sweetie. I'm sorry the weather caused our plans to change tonight, but hopefully the snow will blow over and you and your Mom can go out with Himself and I in the very near future. I'll call you tomorrow. :)

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to ravenairsprite)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Ethnocentricity - 2/24/2007 9:38:19 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		What I look for is someone who isn't full of shit, who posts what is real for them and talks about themselves in a genuine and open way, who makes themselves vulnerable because they have been open honest and genuine. 

Or a topic that is important to me or one I feel I have something to add.

The people here who I enjoy reading may or not not be the ones I would enjoy dinner with.  They often challenge my thinking, they do things differently, that have different perspectives.

Presentation and style matter to only in that I require enough of it to get the message across, other than that, I would rather respond to an honest simpleton, than someone who is more concerned about their style than their substance.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 20
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