RE: Emotions and Irrational Fear as a Submissive

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RE: Emotions and Irrational Fear as a Submissive - 2/25/2007 3:48:10 PM

Arastella

Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
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Of course I've had and sometimes still have this fear. Mistress is the first Woman (person, actually) to ever have the ability to read me, see how I'm feeling, know when I need something and what it is I need, know when I'm upset and how to get out of me what's wrong. Before Her, no one could ever do that. I was so afraid of it at first that I pushed Her away because I wasn't comfortable with Her being able to see me. But when I allowed Her into my heart completely, I understood real love and submission. It's a Dom/Domme's job to understand you and know what it is you need. Do not be afraid of that, let it into your heart and you'll find beauty.

And EVERYONE has the fear of losing what you find. But if you push people away so that you DON'T get hurt, you'll never give love a chance. And that, alone, can hurt you. You gotta just take chances. Love is the most dangerous game in life, but it's a game of risk, and you can't win unless you play the game.

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RE: Emotions and Irrational Fear as a Submissive - 2/25/2007 3:51:46 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sensualmagirl

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

quote:

...But, I guess if I'm wondering I guess if I'm alone in this? Has anyone actually as my mother would say "bit off their nose to spite their face"? Pushed someone away? Do you struggle with this even now? How do you deal with your fear of your own emotions?...

this slave doesn't fear her own emotions---20 some years ago this slave was diagnosed with a problem of the hormonal variety that pretty much leaves this slave hormonally similar to the roller coaster of pregnancy on a permanent basis--until that blissful state of menopause sometime in the near future!!! so , for the last 20 years if this slave was feeling overly emotional she would just blame it on the hormones and move on. no mooning over it or wondering what it really meant. take a hot bath, meditate, drink some "herbal" tea...all better.

You know something, this makes sense too... my reaction was such a shock to even myself, because normally when those ideas of getting to close too someone creeps up on me, I'm able to push them back down and tell myself to stop worrying about it, let the future take care of itself. But, this happened during that wonderful emotional rollercoaster ride time women have every month or so... maybe that's why I was unable to kick those feelings back down. It's still good because at least these emotions and fears got out to be examined.

this slave cetainly might examine it for a bit, but wouldn't reccommend focusing on it...ever see "Star Wars"?

quote:

Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering...orig: Yoda

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RE: Emotions and Irrational Fear as a Submissive - 2/25/2007 5:01:56 PM

tricia

Posts: 231
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Fear of intimacy. When my therapist first said those words to me I thought he was the crazy one. But he was right and it sounds a lot like what you have written about.

I won’t go into all the gory details because my post would be pages long but I have always been attracted to people who are ‘unavailable’ on some level. I’ve realized after years of self examination that the reason I do this is out of fear they will get to close to me and realize I am defective. Broken. Unlovable.

A lot of what originally attracted me to a D/s relationship is because I was naïve and believed it would be black and white. One without emotional attachment. The fact that I love my guy and he also cares for me is an extremely scary thing to me. Many times I’ve thought about ending it simply because I got so tired of waiting for it to end. And I was so convinced it would.

I am still not completely over this. I feel my whole body tense if my Master caresses my arm or calls me something as simple as sweetie. It’s something I fight everyday.

It’s good that you can talk to your guy about your issues and your feelings. My Master helps me by being a constant figure in my life. He is dependable. Consistent. Firm. Patient. While I still don’t believe in forever, I know if this relationship does end – it is not because I cared too much, got too close, allowed him to get too close or because I’m toxic :)

< Message edited by tricia -- 2/25/2007 5:02:25 PM >

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RE: Emotions and Irrational Fear as a Submissive - 2/25/2007 5:28:49 PM

azzmaster

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fear of intimacy is of course related to fear of rejection. most people go thru it. the thing is , in life in general besides BDSM stuff, is not to give into ur fears. learn to act despite them and trust in the universe

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RE: Emotions and Irrational Fear as a Submissive - 2/25/2007 6:22:08 PM

sweetnurseBBW

Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
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I have done the same as you have in the past, because of past hurts. I stopped when I realizd how much I was missing out on. Its life, things happen and things don't always work out. You have to live you life to the fullest and enjoy what is present. Stop worrying about what if's.

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RE: Emotions and Irrational Fear as a Submissive - 2/26/2007 1:07:02 PM

freyjasdottir

Posts: 253
Joined: 8/29/2006
From: PA
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I think I just drove off someone I've loved forever due to my inablity to see myself as someone that he could care about. I knew I was being stupid and insecure but couldn't help it, now I just hope I can repair the damage somehow. Best of luck in everyone's relationships.

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RE: Emotions and Irrational Fear as a Submissive - 2/26/2007 8:33:44 PM

sensualmagirl

Posts: 1065
Joined: 7/4/2006
From: Boston, MA
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Thank you for the well wishes, and I'm sorry to hear about your situation freyjasdottir... is there any chance you can still talk it out with that person?

I was lucky that I was able to talk to my Papi several times now about this (as well as he read my posts here), and it was a great dialogue for us. Now, I'm back to being overly excited to see him tomorrow instead of being afraid of my feelings. Thanks to talking to him and reading the posts here (p.s., thank you everyone!)

I wish you well too.

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RE: Emotions and Irrational Fear as a Submissive - 2/27/2007 4:22:07 PM

babysburnin

Posts: 421
Joined: 2/16/2006
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I do the same thing. Glad to know I'm not the only one. There is something to be said about the posts here (I removed myself for a while) ... We aren't crazy (maybe a bit defective, but who isn't ... Thinking people have it tough) ?

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RE: Emotions and Irrational Fear as a Submissive - 2/27/2007 4:29:08 PM

freyjasdottir

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I can hope so, but at the moment he is not responding to me in any form so I do not know.

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Post #: 49