RE: Beginner Dom

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Beginner Dom

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Beginner Dom

Page: << < prev 1 2 3 4 [5]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Beginner Dom - 4/9/2005 5:00:10 AM

LdyAuburn

Posts: 179
Joined: 5/9/2004
Status: offline

OP on the original part I would actually consider going to local functions, try and network with couples of varying experience perhaps and longevity in their relationships
I know other new dominants who have decided that 24/7 can be very difficult and hard to walk the fine line of micromanaging and not fulfilling the submissive's need for rules etc

regards W
ps please dont judge all Australians by focus

Focus there aresome excellent functions being held in newcastle, if your relationship is as brilliant as you say it would be good for some new people to see it

(in reply to MzBerlin)

Profile

Post #: 81

RE: Beginner Dom - 7/29/2007 1:27:19 AM

came4U

Posts: 3572
Joined: 1/23/2007
From: London, Ontario
Status: offline

I think the OP means he has perhaps searched 'categories' and thinks himself of 'dominant character'. Yummy Sh3LLz

Nothing wrong with having that viewpoint of oneself without having to do some online quiz somewhere to find out just 'how dom, how strong, how bla bla'. It is a start.

I tire of the 'prove you are Dom/sub' or learn by watching approach. Some prefer to learn by 'doing', or prefer to be a virgin on their wedding day. So let him/her.

Experience is not all its cracked up to be. Too much experience, to me, leads to warped senses. Even the most experienced man could have developed as bad of habits as a habitual submissive that collects the mentality of the dominant and carries that into the next relationship.

Makes me wish i was 25 so I could do it all again.

and as far as exagerating experience goes...sigh, I've seen that occur lol. yuk. I'd rather no experience at all than something fabricated and tested on me.

(in reply to MzBerlin)

Profile

Post #: 82

RE: Beginner Dom - 7/29/2007 6:48:30 AM

cillydom

Posts: 332
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

read, listen, observe other couples, think, join a groupe such as mast, and expect to fail a few times before you get it any where near right.

get used to the idea that she really is there to serve you or should be.

there is no quick route for a dominant, it takes time.

(in reply to MzBerlin)

Profile

Post #: 83

RE: Beginner Dom - 7/29/2007 8:08:08 AM

k0432

Posts: 14
Joined: 7/7/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Focus50
I hesitate suggesting this but once you've gained some confidence, you may still have to "exaggerate" your level of experience in order to initially meet someone - esp if there's no community or munch wherever it is you live. It's the one and only area of the lifestyle where I found honesty is not always the best policy. And if you are some BS artist, they'll catch you out anyway and the grapevine will do the rest. But most subs will give a newbie Dom a go once they've at least agreed to a meet.

Focus50.

As a newbie myself, I simply can't imagine lying to a submissive about my level of experience. I'm one of those people who believe that a bdsm relationship is built on trust, and lying about my experience would kill that trust straight away. And yes, it means I am less desireable in the meat market, but that's a price I'm willing to pay. And I've been lucky enough to find myself a regular play partner.

k.

(in reply to Focus50)

Profile

Post #: 84

RE: Beginner Dom - 7/29/2007 1:13:23 PM

PairOfDimes

Posts: 324
Joined: 7/20/2006
Status: offline

I applaud your courage and desire to jump in with both feet. Do you really want a 24/7 relationship now? That's sort of like saying that you're new to the dating world and you're ready to get married, and it works about as well.

I think it's entirely okay for you to know that you prefer to dominate. You've probably either considered the fantasies or sex acts you enjoy and realized that you generally are more fulfilled when you run the action (erotically dominant), or you've realized that in a group of friends, you're the one who can readily persuade your companions to see the movie you want (socially dominant) or both. Or, perhaps, "dom" isn't quite the right word, and you're in the position I was in at first--more into the sensations, and causing pain--if that's the case, "top" or "sadist" might be a better label.

Believe me, I'm all for your doing d/s. Or play (bondage, spanking, etc.) Or both, for that matter. I imagine you would meet with great success if you did it temporarily--like, for an hour--at first. Sort of like dating--you don't get married or become partners straight off, but instead, you spend time together, periodically increasing the time and intimacy if it goes well (and everyone has his or her own pace).

Finally, involve yourself in your local BDSM community--go to munches, classes and other things, and talk to people. Try not to routinely announce that you're absolutely virgin--it never makes a good impression, and seems to attract the worst of the would-be mentors--but certainly mention that you're a beginner, if you talk with someone who seems to have good things to say.

(in reply to Sh3LLz)

Profile

Post #: 85

RE: Beginner Dom - 7/29/2007 1:24:55 PM

mistoferin

Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline

What is up with all of these 2 year old threads?????

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to PairOfDimes)

Profile

Post #: 86

RE: Beginner Dom - 7/29/2007 5:10:24 PM

grlneedstolearn

Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline

Look at websites, read books, come here a lot and get involved with your local community and meet new people

(in reply to Sh3LLz)

Profile

Post #: 87

RE: Beginner Dom - 8/16/2007 1:02:06 AM

Nothingman