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Too nice? - 2/25/2007 7:06:24 PM   
LadyVenom


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline 		Do you think a Mistress can be *too* nice? I feel that there's a time  and place for everything, meaning a time for me to be demanding and in control, and even bitchy, but I've lost some slaves for being too nice!
Do you subs expect/want us to be bitches/dommes ALL of the time?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Too nice? - 2/25/2007 7:09:48 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		It breaks the fantasy if you are not the bitchy Domme they expect from the things they have read or seen online.  The unreality of what they expect save you time, though, since if they lave because you are too nice, you dont waste your efforts one somoene who is a lousy fit.
I am never a bitch Mistress, I have no need to be.  I have had quite a few subs and slaves question me and leave becasue I wasnt what they expected or wanted.  Cest La Vie, I am not going to act the part to make them happy.
I might be "too nice" but my pets never seem brave enough to find out whether or not I stay that way when I am angry. You could always remind them that the most dangerous ones are the quiet ones...

DV


_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to LadyVenom)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Too nice? - 2/25/2007 7:21:18 PM   
AZSweetie


Posts: 147
Joined: 1/6/2007
Status: offline 		Well i dunno if it's so much as being bitchy but for me it's being in control. Being firm. You don't have to be a bitch to get your point across. Hey, it's kinda like what i tell employees at work... "It's okay to be strict, but no one wants to work for an asshole"

_____________________________

~ Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Too nice? - 2/25/2007 7:22:24 PM   
azzmaster


Posts: 864
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		its good to present urself initially to a sub as u really r since they get confused if things change. but my advice from what i have seen with other dommes and doms is never ever ever ever get into the trap of acting a certain way for ur sub. rewarding with a favorite activity yes, but be urself and please urself. its up to the sub to fit into what U want. doms up subs down

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Too nice? - 2/25/2007 7:28:54 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Oh my goodness, I agree with azzmaster. *blink blink*
Doing as they please is a great treat.  If they want the bitch goddess from hel, then give it to them as a reward.  But they are there to make YOU happy. If they arent doing that, or if you're being yourself doensnt work for them, then send em packing.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to azzmaster)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Too nice? - 2/25/2007 7:29:00 PM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Considering dominants are human to.  We all have our good days and bad days in life.  Most certainly anyone with any sense of what a relationship is, is going to know and understand that.
So, I think you are fine if you aren't in the mood all of the time.
It merely means you are human.  For those who don't understand that they aren't worth your time anyway.

(in reply to LadyVenom)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Too nice? - 2/25/2007 7:38:44 PM   
goodpet


Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline 		While i am not a male sub (at least not the last time i checked... let's see.. nope, still all female) i have served and enjoy time with several female Dominants.

I guess there are some online or book fantasies of  "bitchy" FemDoms. But in real life, at least at the clubs and groups, they are just seen as what they are, bitchy females, and are often left alone and not invited to private events and parties.  Tolerated but not well liked.

The FemDoms that are respected here and get all the invites are polite, well mannered, controlling and even demanding at time but never bitchy.  I would not disrespect myself enough to spend time in service to a bitchy person (female or male).

(in reply to sub4hire)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Too nice? - 2/25/2007 7:41:44 PM   
rick19


Posts: 98
Status: offline 		I'm not submissive 24/7, so I wouldn't expect her to be demanding 24/7 either. We are all human, afterall.

(in reply to LadyVenom)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Too nice? - 2/25/2007 7:53:26 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline 		First the general I do not think there is such a thing as being too nice.

To play devils advocate though my question would be what do you mean by nice?

If being nice means going too long without discipline sessions, letting what normally would be punishable slide and making your slave have too many decisions that they normally do not have then I could see it a big problem.

Again just playing devils advocate.



_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to rick19)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Too nice? - 2/25/2007 9:16:40 PM   
MagiksSlave


Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline 		This is along the same line of can a Dom be a gentalmen... And honestly why would anyone want to be with someone who was a jerk or a bitch all the time.. like you said there is a time and a place for everything.. I love when Master pulls my hair forsing me to do this or that but at the same time i feel cared for and cherished when he does simple things like hold the door for me or guid me into a room befor him, beeing a gentalmen doesnt take one little bit away from his Mastering of me. Just like I would thing that a Mistress treating her slave right or kindly would take away her Mastery of them. But thats just my opinion

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.


-Rodney Atkins-



(in reply to toservez)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Too nice? - 2/25/2007 9:42:30 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I think a person in charge can be too nice- a mother should not put being "friends" above priority of being a good guide.  If your sense of "niceness" interferes with the duties you have towards the relationship, then yes, you are too nice.

Too nice in the sense that most people use in these sorts of threads meaning normal good manners and social graces- no.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_848523/mpage_2/key_gentleman/tm.htm#848969
Mr. Nice guy is not Mr. Nice Dom?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_825792/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#825829
Can a dom be a gentleman?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_799563/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#799760
what makes a 'real' dom?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_775753/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#775760
dominants who show emotions, weakness or vulnerability

http://www.collarchat.com/m_771270/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#771630
Does gentle master mean weak?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_668725/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#668733
Too polite?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_505491/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#505668
Seeking consensus: dominant as gentleman?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_433779/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#433966
Master...in slaves' eyes!

http://www.collarchat.com/m_380311/mpage_2/key_gentleman%252Cdom/tm.htm#384513
dom vs gentleman

http://www.collarchat.com/m_266268/mpage_1/key_gentleman%252Cdom/tm.htm#266288
the gentleman dom with feelings

Is the term gentleman dom an oxymoron?

Gentlemen vs nice guy



_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to LadyVenom)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Too nice? - 2/25/2007 9:51:58 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: azzmaster

its good to present urself initially to a sub as u really r since they get confused if things change. but my advice from what i have seen with other dommes and doms is never ever ever ever get into the trap of acting a certain way for ur sub. rewarding with a favorite activity yes, but be urself and please urself. its up to the sub to fit into what U want. doms up subs down


you are funny as hell, subs down, Dommes up.
LOL

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to azzmaster)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Too nice? - 2/25/2007 9:59:05 PM   
porthuronsub


Posts: 339
Joined: 4/26/2005
Status: offline 		I realize my mistress is a real person first.  I can't imagine anyone being "on" 24/7.  That would be asking alot. 

LA, are you the designated previous thread reseacher?  I see you research almost every new topic to see if there was a previous thread relating to it.  That is cool, it helps to see other info at a glance...thanks!

(in reply to MzMia)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Too nice? - 2/26/2007 2:33:21 AM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Personaly for me I do not think there is to nice.
Depends on the structure of the relationship.
My Ex LadyHarlet is a beautiful -gracious- gentle-remarakable Lady.
She never needed to be demanding. I knew my place- I knew
what she expected from me and what I expected from myself.
Who was in charge was never in doubt .  She never had to be bitchy or
demanding to prove it.

< Message edited by swtnsparkling -- 2/26/2007 2:35:07 AM >

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to LadyVenom)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Too nice? - 2/26/2007 3:31:13 AM   
HCWT1


Posts: 161
Joined: 7/7/2005
Status: offline 		Lady Venom,

You are who you are,and you act as you see fit.If a sub/slave leaves because thay dont agree with your ways/methods,than its thir problem.
If you change anything about the way you interact with your subbies (hard,soft,nice,bitch,ect) then you'l be acting,and for mine,there is nothing worse than a dom,both genders,that is bending the way they normally do things to hang on to,get along with,or impress.
Too nice, ivé yet to meet the dom that can be an utter bitch 24/7.


< Message edited by HCWT1 -- 2/26/2007 3:41:45 AM >

(in reply to LadyVenom)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Too nice? - 2/26/2007 6:53:07 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I am a "nice" Domme. I am not bitchy or overly controlling but rather I have manners and a great sense of humor. I love to laugh while I'm playing and sometimes even when I'm downright mean I am laughing because I enjoy it. My sub has said to me in the past that from what he read Dommes were supposed to be mean, bitchy, demanding and totally controlling. I laughed at him and told him don't believe everything that you read. Half of what you read regarding BDSM is wrong, believe what I tell you. Because the truth of the matter is there are no rules except for the ones that those involved in the relationship make up for themselves.

After he had time to think about that he agreed with me. Somethings you can learn from a book or word of mouth, but when it comes down to it you have to use your own judgement as to whether it works for you or not.

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to HCWT1)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Too nice? - 2/26/2007 6:57:53 AM   
MistressAinCT


Posts: 205
Joined: 2/21/2004
Status: offline 		When I was pro, I did what was "expected" of Me-the total bitch-goddess: demanding, domineering, uncaring.  It was a job, a business-money.

But in My relationship, those things are a bit relaxed as I am more human.  I AM human with feelings, emotions and needs.  I understand all too well that My slave is also.  And while I still have rules, regulations, demands and CONTROL, I tend to be more of a woman than the bitch.  I am still however, the GODDESS and always will be. It's just hard and too much energy to be "on" all the time.   

And I also think that what works for some people, doesn't for others.



_____________________________

When you have them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow www.mobiusmetals.webs.com

So many toys-so little flesh...

(in reply to Lashra)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Too nice? - 2/26/2007 7:15:59 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: porthuronsub
LA, are you the designated previous thread reseacher?  I see you research almost every new topic to see if there was a previous thread relating to it.  That is cool, it helps to see other info at a glance...thanks!

It's totally unofficial.  I'm glad you find it useful, you're very welcome.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to porthuronsub)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Too nice? - 2/26/2007 7:21:20 AM   
WalterRego


Posts: 276
Joined: 12/28/2004
Status: offline 		Being mean is not necessary, but being firm and consistent is. I need  - and believe that most subs want and need  - some level of control, direction and boundries. If a Mistress says that I should do "x" (whether it is a form of address, or chore or conforming to any rule or conduct) then I want her to remind me if I have not done it, and that she requires it. She doesn't have to be mean or punish me, just state simply that it is a requirement. How she enforces that is totally up to her and dependant on the type of failure, how often it occurs or the reason.  Her response might be punishment, denial of pleasure, or dismissal entirely. That really depends totally on who she is. 

Whatever her response, if allowed to slack, or "get away" without doing something, I begin to doubt either her control or whether it was ever really a requirement of hers at all.

By the same token, a Dominant should not have to constantly remind, punish or do anything to enforce her rules. In that case the sub is manipulating her.

_____________________________

A person should not choose the form in which he wishes to perform the service, but he should perform it in any manner the opportunity affords. He should be like a vessel into which anything may be poured - wine, milk, or water.
-Abraham Joshua Heschel

(in reply to MistressAinCT)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Too nice? - 2/26/2007 8:22:12 AM   
petstorm


Posts: 49
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline 		i'm a little confused... And maybe it's just me. But i'm wondering of many of these submissives that are leaving because you're too nice aren't confusing "bitchy" with control. You should always be yourself, and do what comes naturally. And You should find a submissive that matches who and what You are, not try to fit Yourself into some other kind of mold. By doing so, you're giving your control to the submissive, which really then means they're becoming the Master. Kind of a weird philosophy i've adopted over the past few years, but anyway....

No, there's no such thing as being too nice. However, there is a such thing as not maintaining control, which can make a submissive unhappy and leave. Humm, looks like it comes down to that whole open communication thing again. Just as You must consider their needs, they must also consider yours. From the beginning. And something that everyone needs, is to be able to quite simply... be themselves.

(in reply to WalterRego)
Profile   Post #: 20
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