Too nice?

Too nice? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive

Message

LadyVenom -> Too nice? (2/25/2007 7:06:24 PM)
Do you think a Mistress can be too nice? I feel that there's a time and place for everything, meaning a time for me to be demanding and in control, and even bitchy, but I've lost some slaves for being too nice! Do you subs expect/want us to be bitches/dommes ALL of the time?

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Too nice? (2/25/2007 7:09:48 PM)
It breaks the fantasy if you are not the bitchy Domme they expect from the things they have read or seen online. The unreality of what they expect save you time, though, since if they lave because you are too nice, you dont waste your efforts one somoene who is a lousy fit. I am never a bitch Mistress, I have no need to be. I have had quite a few subs and slaves question me and leave becasue I wasnt what they expected or wanted. Cest La Vie, I am not going to act the part to make them happy. I might be "too nice" but my pets never seem brave enough to find out whether or not I stay that way when I am angry. You could always remind them that the most dangerous ones are the quiet ones... DV

AZSweetie -> RE: Too nice? (2/25/2007 7:21:18 PM)
Well i dunno if it's so much as being bitchy but for me it's being in control. Being firm. You don't have to be a bitch to get your point across. Hey, it's kinda like what i tell employees at work... "It's okay to be strict, but no one wants to work for an asshole"

azzmaster -> RE: Too nice? (2/25/2007 7:22:24 PM)
its good to present urself initially to a sub as u really r since they get confused if things change. but my advice from what i have seen with other dommes and doms is never ever ever ever get into the trap of acting a certain way for ur sub. rewarding with a favorite activity yes, but be urself and please urself. its up to the sub to fit into what U want. doms up subs down

DiurnalVampire -> RE: Too nice? (2/25/2007 7:28:54 PM)
Oh my goodness, I agree with azzmaster. blink blink Doing as they please is a great treat. If they want the bitch goddess from hel, then give it to them as a reward. But they are there to make YOU happy. If they arent doing that, or if you're being yourself doensnt work for them, then send em packing. DV

sub4hire -> RE: Too nice? (2/25/2007 7:29:00 PM)
Considering dominants are human to. We all have our good days and bad days in life. Most certainly anyone with any sense of what a relationship is, is going to know and understand that. So, I think you are fine if you aren't in the mood all of the time. It merely means you are human. For those who don't understand that they aren't worth your time anyway.

goodpet -> RE: Too nice? (2/25/2007 7:38:44 PM)
While i am not a male sub (at least not the last time i checked... let's see.. nope, still all female) i have served and enjoy time with several female Dominants. I guess there are some online or book fantasies of "bitchy" FemDoms. But in real life, at least at the clubs and groups, they are just seen as what they are, bitchy females, and are often left alone and not invited to private events and parties. Tolerated but not well liked. The FemDoms that are respected here and get all the invites are polite, well mannered, controlling and even demanding at time but never bitchy. I would not disrespect myself enough to spend time in service to a bitchy person (female or male).

rick19 -> RE: Too nice? (2/25/2007 7:41:44 PM)
I'm not submissive 24/7, so I wouldn't expect her to be demanding 24/7 either. We are all human, afterall.

toservez -> RE: Too nice? (2/25/2007 7:53:26 PM)
First the general I do not think there is such a thing as being too nice. To play devils advocate though my question would be what do you mean by nice? If being nice means going too long without discipline sessions, letting what normally would be punishable slide and making your slave have too many decisions that they normally do not have then I could see it a big problem. Again just playing devils advocate.

MagiksSlave -> RE: Too nice? (2/25/2007 9:16:40 PM)
This is along the same line of can a Dom be a gentalmen... And honestly why would anyone want to be with someone who was a jerk or a bitch all the time.. like you said there is a time and a place for everything.. I love when Master pulls my hair forsing me to do this or that but at the same time i feel cared for and cherished when he does simple things like hold the door for me or guid me into a room befor him, beeing a gentalmen doesnt take one little bit away from his Mastering of me. Just like I would thing that a Mistress treating her slave right or kindly would take away her Mastery of them. But thats just my opinion Magik's slave

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Too nice? (2/25/2007 9:42:30 PM)
I think a person in charge can be too nice- a mother should not put being "friends" above priority of being a good guide. If your sense of "niceness" interferes with the duties you have towards the relationship, then yes, you are too nice. Too nice in the sense that most people use in these sorts of threads meaning normal good manners and social graces- no. http://www.collarchat.com/m_848523/mpage_2/key_gentleman/tm.htm#848969 Mr. Nice guy is not Mr. Nice Dom? http://www.collarchat.com/m_825792/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#825829 Can a dom be a gentleman? http://www.collarchat.com/m_799563/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#799760 what makes a 'real' dom? http://www.collarchat.com/m_775753/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#775760 dominants who show emotions, weakness or vulnerability http://www.collarchat.com/m_771270/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#771630 Does gentle master mean weak? http://www.collarchat.com/m_668725/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#668733 Too polite? http://www.collarchat.com/m_505491/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#505668 Seeking consensus: dominant as gentleman? http://www.collarchat.com/m_433779/mpage_1/key_gentleman/tm.htm#433966 Master...in slaves' eyes! http://www.collarchat.com/m_380311/mpage_2/key_gentleman%252Cdom/tm.htm#384513 dom vs gentleman http://www.collarchat.com/m_266268/mpage_1/key_gentleman%252Cdom/tm.htm#266288 the gentleman dom with feelings Is the term gentleman dom an oxymoron? Gentlemen vs nice guy

MzMia -> RE: Too nice? (2/25/2007 9:51:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: azzmaster its good to present urself initially to a sub as u really r since they get confused if things change. but my advice from what i have seen with other dommes and doms is never ever ever ever get into the trap of acting a certain way for ur sub. rewarding with a favorite activity yes, but be urself and please urself. its up to the sub to fit into what U want. doms up subs down you are funny as hell, subs down, Dommes up. LOL

porthuronsub -> RE: Too nice? (2/25/2007 9:59:05 PM)
I realize my mistress is a real person first. I can't imagine anyone being "on" 24/7. That would be asking alot. LA, are you the designated previous thread reseacher? I see you research almost every new topic to see if there was a previous thread relating to it. That is cool, it helps to see other info at a glance...thanks!

swtnsparkling -> RE: Too nice? (2/26/2007 2:33:21 AM)
Personaly for me I do not think there is to nice. Depends on the structure of the relationship. My Ex LadyHarlet is a beautiful -gracious- gentle-remarakable Lady. She never needed to be demanding. I knew my place- I knew what she expected from me and what I expected from myself. Who was in charge was never in doubt . She never had to be bitchy or demanding to prove it.

HCWT1 -> RE: Too nice? (2/26/2007 3:31:13 AM)
Lady Venom, You are who you are,and you act as you see fit.If a sub/slave leaves because thay dont agree with your ways/methods,than its thir problem. If you change anything about the way you interact with your subbies (hard,soft,nice,bitch,ect) then you'l be acting,and for mine,there is nothing worse than a dom,both genders,that is bending the way they normally do things to hang on to,get along with,or impress. Too nice, ivé yet to meet the dom that can be an utter bitch 24/7.

Lashra -> RE: Too nice? (2/26/2007 6:53:07 AM)
I am a "nice" Domme. I am not bitchy or overly controlling but rather I have manners and a great sense of humor. I love to laugh while I'm playing and sometimes even when I'm downright mean I am laughing because I enjoy it. My sub has said to me in the past that from what he read Dommes were supposed to be mean, bitchy, demanding and totally controlling. I laughed at him and told him don't believe everything that you read. Half of what you read regarding BDSM is wrong, believe what I tell you. Because the truth of the matter is there are no rules except for the ones that those involved in the relationship make up for themselves. After he had time to think about that he agreed with me. Somethings you can learn from a book or word of mouth, but when it comes down to it you have to use your own judgement as to whether it works for you or not. ~Lashra

MistressAinCT -> RE: Too nice? (2/26/2007 6:57:53 AM)
When I was pro, I did what was "expected" of Me-the total bitch-goddess: demanding, domineering, uncaring. It was a job, a business-money. But in My relationship, those things are a bit relaxed as I am more human. I AM human with feelings, emotions and needs. I understand all too well that My slave is also. And while I still have rules, regulations, demands and CONTROL, I tend to be more of a woman than the bitch. I am still however, the GODDESS and always will be. It's just hard and too much energy to be "on" all the time. And I also think that what works for some people, doesn't for others.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Too nice? (2/26/2007 7:15:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: porthuronsub LA, are you the designated previous thread reseacher? I see you research almost every new topic to see if there was a previous thread relating to it. That is cool, it helps to see other info at a glance...thanks! It's totally unofficial. I'm glad you find it useful, you're very welcome.

WalterRego -> RE: Too nice? (2/26/2007 7:21:20 AM)
Being mean is not necessary, but being firm and consistent is. I need - and believe that most subs want and need - some level of control, direction and boundries. If a Mistress says that I should do "x" (whether it is a form of address, or chore or conforming to any rule or conduct) then I want her to remind me if I have not done it, and that she requires it. She doesn't have to be mean or punish me, just state simply that it is a requirement. How she enforces that is totally up to her and dependant on the type of failure, how often it occurs or the reason. Her response might be punishment, denial of pleasure, or dismissal entirely. That really depends totally on who she is. Whatever her response, if allowed to slack, or "get away" without doing something, I begin to doubt either her control or whether it was ever really a requirement of hers at all. By the same token, a Dominant should not have to constantly remind, punish or do anything to enforce her rules. In that case the sub is manipulating her.

petstorm -> RE: Too nice? (2/26/2007 8:22:12 AM)
i'm a little confused... And maybe it's just me. But i'm wondering of many of these submissives that are leaving because you're too nice aren't confusing "bitchy" with control. You should always be yourself, and do what comes naturally. And You should find a submissive that matches who and what You are, not try to fit Yourself into some other kind of mold. By doing so, you're giving your control to the submissive, which really then means they're becoming the Master. Kind of a weird philosophy i've adopted over the past few years, but anyway.... No, there's no such thing as being too nice. However, there is a such thing as not maintaining control, which can make a submissive unhappy and leave. Humm, looks like it comes down to that whole open communication thing again. Just as You must consider their needs, they must also consider yours. From the beginning. And something that everyone needs, is to be able to quite simply... be themselves.

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125