RE: Sublimating sexual desires

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RE: Sublimating sexual desires - 2/27/2007 6:30:22 AM

Aubre

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There is the teasing practice of "edging" - getting the sub very close to orgasm, then denying it, then doing it again and again and again. Sometimes the sub is allowed to eventually cum, sometimes not. But it isn't best for all subs, no one size fits all. Some subs react well to being told they aren't allowed to cum yet, and some don't. You have to find what's right for you. This is one example of a situation where I feel you have to structure your play around what fits your sub, instead of what grand ideal you might have in your head. The rewards are great.

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RE: Sublimating sexual desires - 2/27/2007 7:24:56 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aubre
There is the teasing practice of "edging" - getting the sub very close to orgasm, then denying it, then doing it again and again and again. Sometimes the sub is allowed to eventually cum, sometimes not. But it isn't best for all subs, no one size fits all. Some subs react well to being told they aren't allowed to cum yet, and some don't. You have to find what's right for you. This is one example of a situation where I feel you have to structure your play around what fits your sub, instead of what grand ideal you might have in your head. The rewards are great.

Hmm hand't heard the new verb term. I just call that teasing.

And for me that definitely never works- when I get to the point of orgasm, it's red or green, and if it's red- it's red for quite awhile.

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RE: Sublimating sexual desires - 2/27/2007 9:12:12 AM

petstorm

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If this is a learning curve for you both, then perhaps you should both have a sit down not only with each other in private and have a very long conversation about the matter, but also with someone in the lifestyle who's been around the block. They might be able to give an insight that neither of you had even thought of, and it just might resolve the whole issue.

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RE: Sublimating sexual desires - 2/27/2007 10:54:33 AM

blushingflower

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So, despite the fact that I was whiny, Daddy heard what I was saying and gave me lots of attention last night and several nice orgasms. But I'm still interested in advice on how to think about things other than how much I want to have sex.

(in reply to slaveish)

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RE: Sublimating sexual desires - 2/27/2007 10:57:43 AM

blushingflower

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" Why be afraid of public events?"
Because ironically, though I'm an extravert, I'm afraid of strangers (well, ok, I'm just really shy). I can intellectually rationalize that I have nothing to fear, but the idea of being around those people, of having to interact with them in any way, scares me, as does going and not knowing anyone and not having anyone to talk to. I don't go to vanilla bars or clubs either.

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RE: Sublimating sexual desires - 2/27/2007 11:15:35 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: blushingflower
" Why be afraid of public events?"
Because ironically, though I'm an extravert, I'm afraid of strangers (well, ok, I'm just really shy). I can intellectually rationalize that I have nothing to fear, but the idea of being around those people, of having to interact with them in any way, scares me, as does going and not knowing anyone and not having anyone to talk to. I don't go to vanilla bars or clubs either.

I know exactly how you feel (insomuch as another person can).

I recommend the BESS munches for you then- it's total sit down meal so you only have to interact with those few people next to you and not mingle. Food gives plenty to converse over and have a reason to be there, it's a weeknight so you don't feel bad about leaving "early" and it really is a welcoming group.

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Post #: 46

RE: Sublimating sexual desires - 2/27/2007 11:46:02 AM

Aubre

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I guess I should clarify, to my understanding edging is when you tease (.i.e. with hand or mouth or whatever you choose) with the intent of stopping just short of the orgasm, preventing the orgasm from happening, as opposed to just teasing. The goal is to keep the sub in that feeling/space that you have right before orgasm for as long as possible.

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RE: Sublimating sexual desires - 2/27/2007 12:21:25 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aubre
I guess I should clarify, to my understanding edging is when you tease (.i.e. with hand or mouth or whatever you choose) with the intent of stopping just short of the orgasm, preventing the orgasm from happening, as opposed to just teasing. The goal is to keep the sub in that feeling/space that you have right before orgasm for as long as possible.

I got that. It's just I call that teasing. I do it to my partner all the time.

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RE: Sublimating sexual desires - 2/28/2007 7:24:16 PM

blushingflower

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LA- thanks, I may try that. Daddy said something about us maybe going to some meet-up in the area. I don't know if I could handle it on my own. (Certain social activities I can and do brave alone, but I don't know about this kind...)

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RE: Sublimating sexual desires - 3/1/2007 3:49:53 PM

Celeste43

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I'm sorry. He's using this to try to force you to have sex with the first available woman. He gave you the right to take your time and find someone you could be comfortable with and now since you didn't do so inside of two weeks he's set you up for failure.

My response would be that I have decided I'm never going to have sex with another woman in front of him. And that I was so upset about being set up in this way, I can't imagine enjoying sex with him. I really don't like being played for a fool though and that's what he is doing. If it were me, I'd be very straight forward about his major mistake, and that he had caused me to distrust him so he now has to earn back my trust before I would ever again submit to him.

It's blackmail, plain and simple. And I never pay blackmail, fiscal or emotional.

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RE: Sublimating sexual desires - 3/1/2007 4:57:07 PM

blushingflower

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I totally appreciate your advice, and I understand where you're coming from, and I might even respond the same way if I were reading my post. (assuming that you are, in fact, replying to mine, I have a hard time following the way collarme threads go).
But it's not blackmail, because when I expressed that it was incredibly frustrating, he understood, and he relented. He doesn't want me to suffer (well, except in the fun ways). And I have played with women in front of him, and I want to do it again. He's not trying to force me to do something I don't want to do, he's trying to motivate me to seek out someone. I would agree that it's unfair that I don't have control over whether the other person actually is sincere, and that's something that we're talking about.

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RE: Sublimating sexual desires - 3/1/2007 6:12:23 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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And I'll be the first to admit that all doms will have an occasionally stupid idea, even if their intentions are in the right place. Sometimes it's best to just let it go and bring it up another time rather than make a huge deal over it.

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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Sublimating sexual desires - 3/1/2007 9:25:32 PM

smilingjaguar

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I've been under control/denial for years, and at first there was a period where I cumming was much more difficult. Mentally I got stuck in the "don't cum" rut, and it is a trap if the sub/slave doesn't completely turn their orgasms over to the Dom. Once it finally stuck that HE had complete control over them, I found myself much easier to bring to orgasm. He can make me cum by whispering in my ear. He doesn't have to touch me. For the last 7 years I have been unable to cum without his permission. I've tried to break it at times just to prove I could, but it's pretty useless at this point. Without his permission, I simply get teased to the point of eventual tears and begging (which isn't a bad thing if you like humiliation and being made to beg...). I had an orgasm last week so maybe I'm wearing a bit of rose-colored glasses. Talk to me in about 2 weeks and I'm sure I'll think the idea sucks again. ;)

What bothers me in this whole situation is the lack of communication. I could never serve someone I couldn't fully communicate with. It's just too dangerous. Sometimes not being able to obey is your unconscious telling you He just isn't the one....it's smart to listen to that little voice. It'll save you lots of heartache.

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