Sublimating sexual desires

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blushingflower -> Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 5:01:58 AM)
My Daddy has a rule that I am not allowed to orgasm without permission. This is a fairly straightforward rule, which I realize is very common. It would be ok for me if I was allowed to orgasm on a regular basis, but the last time I really had one was on Valentine's Day, when he then declared that I would not be allowed to orgasm until he sees me 69ing with another girl. (He did order me to cum for him on Friday, during anal, so it wasn't very intense) I find not being allowed to orgasm to be extremely frustrating and difficult, especially when the end isn't really in sight- I have a knowledge of what conditions need to be met, but they're not ones I can meet on my own, and while we've found another girl who wants to play with us, I don't know when that's going to be. Now, in the past, I will admit that I have simply broken this rule and masturbated myself to orgasm, on the grounds that it relieves my frustration and therefore makes me a better, happier submissive (rationalization is fun!). But, in what was likely a cosmic punishment, the only vibrator that actually makes my orgasm broke. So now all I have is sexual frustration and no way to relieve it. I pointed out to Daddy that I find it extremely frustrating not to be allowed to orgasm, and I asked him how he would feel if someone told him he couldn't cum. He said "If I were a submissive, I'd say 'Yes Ma'am, I'll do my best.'" Well, that's a lot easier to say that to do. To go from being someone who masturbated on a daily basis to someone who's not allowed to orgasm is very hard. I could handle fewer orgasms if I was having lots of sex and play, but I'm not, so I'm horny all the time, and I have no way to relieve it. All of this is a very long way for me to say that I need advice on how to turn that sexual desire into some other form of energy, or else I'm going to go crazy. I'm not the kind of submissive who can just say "this is what He wants, so I'll do it." And even if I were, that wouldn't turn off my needs. I know that priests and other people find ways to chanel their energies elsewhere, I just have no idea how it's done.

SimplySubmissive -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 5:20:27 AM)
Sometimes Masters/Doms don't think this through or really think through a lot of their orders. Especially if they are relatively new to all this. I had this experience myself.. and after going through all this hell and fustration, I just kept asking what was His goal for this? why why why? well, basically it came down to it being a turn on for him to have the sex be only about him. Also if He knows that you really need this, it's a way for him get the 2 girl fantasy search really stepped up.. a motivator. some just say no cumming w/o permission because they thing it's the Domly thing to do.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 7:14:32 AM)
Well I don't think the rule itself is wrong, and I don't think that following it will cause real harm. That being said, I do question the motivation for the rule, especially combined with making an exception- it really lends a sense to the idea that his "rules" are really just "whims." While being led by one's whims is not necessarily a bad thing either, it makes it very difficult to stay centered and focused upon following a path, specially when that path IS causing difficulties. As well, making a reward completely dependent upon another persons own choices seems very odd for a dom to allow. Asking what he would do is and always will be moot. Communicating your frustration openly and honestly to him, explaining in very specific ways how it makes you feel sans whining. Ask for specific explanation for the reasoning behind the rule and talk that through to see if it really works towards those goals.

viperess -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 7:29:17 AM)
Greetings, Yes it can be hard when you are used to cumming at a whim, bit at the same time it all goes back to who has control over you and all you do. Yes talk to Him and explain how you feel but remember the final decision is His. It also maybe a way to remind you that the sexual side is only a small part of serving and being a slave. Sometimes you just have to find other ways to channel your built up emotions until He deems it is time that you may find sexual release.

toservez -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 7:30:33 AM)
This is a tough subject for me so my advice might be totally incompetent. I was trained very much the opposite and a Master into orgasm control in a big way just would not be compatible to me. In talking to many Masters who enjoyed this fetish it is clear to me though that there are many reasons and enjoyment that can come out of this type of play. I can see orgasm control to enrich, connect with your Master and punishment, I find a reason like to motivate a situation with no set time period and events you cannot control or to prevent just because as very questionable reasons. Sexual compatibility is a major issue for all relationships not just us in this life. If you are not being sexually satisfied that is a big issue in the relationship and cannot be blown off by Master says slave does type theoretical living. If this is just a short term thing then I do think you should grin and bear it but communicate your feelings about it with him. Let your Master know this was not a positive thing for the relationship. If you think this is going to be a long term situation then a more direct and confrontational talk is in order. If this is about habitual issues and his way for you to confront what he thinks is not healthy again a talk to see where you stand, if both of you do feel you spend too much time thinking/doing/masturbating then physical activity, getting yourself out of the environment that puts you in that place are things to think about.

dawntreader -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 7:47:38 AM)
quote: All of this is a very long way for me to say that I need advice on how to turn that sexual desire into some other form of energy, or else I'm going to go crazy. For me i turned to very physically demanding activities in which i could also go into "the zone" so that both my mind and body were taken care of... i began power hiking with a cranked ipod about a year ago and found it to be a satisfactory way to deal with sexual frustration, a way to release mental anguish, and the physical side affects for my physique are most pleasing. While nothing compares to orgasm release, it is mind over matter, and if you want to please him and be submissive - you will find a way to cope and then feel pleasure with yourself in the obedience :-) good luck~

Aubre -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 7:49:49 AM)
When orgasm control results in a less horny sub, it's time to put it on the back burner. It doesn't work the same for everyone.

BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 7:53:58 AM)
The way I handle this subject and my views.IF you wear my collar then you are mine to do with as I please..I am sure you'll agree on this,one of my favorite play is to tease and denial of their of orgasms.of course I will grant them release after a while with lots of begging and promises on their part..The main thing is my property is for use as I wish....bounty

dawntreader -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 7:58:59 AM)
Absoloutely! It has been my experience that part of the reason for orgasm control is to enhance the orgasm once allowed as well as creating that need for one's Dominant. i should have explained in my earlier reply that my method of coping does not make me less horny but merely provides me with a coping mechanism as i hike to the point of endorphine release. i am still just as horny when i finish hiking just not frustrated! LOL! edited for spelling as i have not figured out how to get windows vista to accept ie spell yet! lol

juliaoceania -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 8:34:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aubre When orgasm control results in a less horny sub, it's time to put it on the back burner. It doesn't work the same for everyone. If left on hover for too long I can see myself becoming less orgasmic over time because I am the type of person that can focus on something to the exclusion of all else. I love to meditate and I can channel energy from this chakra center into other chakras. I can divorce myself from these feelings and the repercussion maybe that it would take effort on my part to recover my sex drive... but it would be very frustrating until I was able to do that.

petstorm -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 8:56:17 AM)
Well, this girl turns to her writing. i may not be able to get the physical release that my body is screaming for, but i do get an emotional one. My writing is my outlet, and sometimes i've even found that if my Master is pleased with the stories i've written, he'll reward me by letting me orgasm. If you want to try and channel this physical frustration, you can start by sitting somewhere quiet and calm. Be comfortable and relaxed. Close your eyes, take deep breaths. Imagine yourself being filled with light each time you breath in, then as you slowly exhale, envision your sexual energies being dispersed through your body and slowly being expelled. You're kinda replacing the sexual frustration with positive energy (the light). i know, i know... it sounds lame, but hey, it really does work! The largest sex organ you have is your brain, and if you can control that, you can also learn to control your urges. Don't get me wrong, you're still going to get horny and need release, but at least those desires aren't going to be in control of you. Also, finding something vigorous as was mentioned is helpful too. i guess chasing after kids qualifies in my case! chuckle But there's always a reason behind a Master's rule, and you should talk with him and ask him to help you understand it. For my Master, it's that i have given him all of me, including my sexuality, and he enjoys knowing that i am saving myself for him. Whether this is a few hours, a day, or weeks... i would question, however, your lack of obedience in disobeying his rule and masturbating. A large part of what makes any D/s relationship successful is trust. And you're betraying it by intentionally doing what you know you're not allowed to do. Karma is funny, but in your case, your vibe breaking does seem fitting. i do understand your frustrations, but i also believe you should come clean, if he doesn't already know, and accept the consequences for your actions.

AquaticSub -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 9:17:38 AM)
Talk to him. You may be finding that control of orgasms (or denying you less then X amount a month/whatever) is a limit for you. For me, it definitely is. But then again, I simply can not bring myself to orgasm so I am entirely dependent on Valyraen for my orgasms and have been dependent on my sexual partners for this all my life. I can go without a bunch, and I don't mind having sex and not getting one as long as he is happy. But for me an orgasm is stress relief - it calms me down and lets me think straight again. I've found that I function best when I'm getting at least four or so a month, preferably spaced out.

littleone35 -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 9:50:12 AM)
In a way i can understand your frustration i had surgery and not allowed to do anything sexually for 4 weeks and it is only week three so i still got another whole week to go. If you can execrise helps a lot get those feel good chemicals going. It might not make you less horny but might get some of you frustration out. Matt's littleone

blushingflower -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 10:16:40 AM)
There's a difference between being a slave and being a submissive. I can't just say "I'm His property, so I do what he says." And the point of this post is that I don't know how to chanel my sexual energies elsewhere, hence the asking for advice.

blushingflower -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 10:21:50 AM)
quote: i would question, however, your lack of obedience in disobeying his rule and masturbating Trust me, I know I shouldn't have, I was just so frustrated at a lack of sexual contact and a lack of communication that I felt justified.

DefiantFlower -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 10:42:06 AM)
Sublimation...hehe I exercise and paint when I'm frustrated or upset, even more so when I'm not allowed to cum. There are all kinds of things that you could transfer energy to... We've got exercise and painting already...There's: ~Cleaning the house (very good for getting on His good side as well [;)] ) ~Organizing storage areas/attic/basement/office (if He'll let you) ~Clean/Detail the car ~Pretty much anything creative...During one rather long orgasmless time, I made a few handmade purses and sold em for 20 bucks a piece! So you could sew, draw, paint, learn to play a musical instrument, write poetry/short stories, yada yada ~Research something He is into that you're willing to try and present your information to Him (kinda like homework, it distracts you if anything, or could very well get you more sex!) ~Still in college, I catch up on my homework and reading. But that definitely does not work for everyone since you also have to be motivated to undertake this particular task more so than others lol Well...the well's running dry. If I think of anything else, I'll repost lol. Hope this helps! <3

TheGaggingWh0re -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 10:54:58 AM)
Hm. I personally would have trouble with if he told me I had to specifically 69 with another girl to get another orgasm. Is there no other way? Has he discussed this with you before? Careful for those quick of decision, sometimes it can be all their own without you in mind :\ Now, with that being said, I'm a fellow sub on orgasm control, lol! I can understand the frustration. The last time I was allowed to play was when I came up with a particularily evil 'pulley system' for my nipple clamps for him to enjoy. He was so happy with the results that he gave me permission when I asked. Before that, I don't recall the last time I orgasmed. I don't ask because when I do, he usually says no because I asked. However, I find that if I ask right after a session or when he's taken note on my good behavior, then it's more of a reminder than a bother, lol. So...what I do is I read and get busy. Boredom leads my mind to wander, and it tends to go south if I think about it, lol. I go to school full time, which definitely keeps my wits about me, and I read books I'm heavily interested in, especially ones with no. sex. at all. Did you explain to him before you two got together that orgasm denial isn't really your cup of tea? Did he tell you it was his? If so, maybe you need to have a serious sit down with him. Keep us posted!

slaveish -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 12:06:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross Communicating your frustration openly and honestly to him, explaining in very specific ways how it makes you feel sans whining. Ask for specific explanation for the reasoning behind the rule and talk that through to see if it really works towards those goals. Yup. Doms / Masters seem to ~love~ absolute concrete answers sans whine and tend to give the same in return, at least in my experience. Impertinently questioning your Dom will do little but add time to your task or annoy Him to the point of ignoring you. In my opinion, it would be better for Him to give you a specific date since the task can be frustrating enough as it is, but that certainly isn't for me to decide. Hopefully, when properly asked, He will tell you the reason and give you a date.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 12:42:12 PM)
i'm under orgasm control too and i channel all my sexual frustrations into some steamy short stories or scenes for my novels that i'm currently penning. i agree it's extremely difficult going from daily mastrubation to none at your Master's whim however it's his rules and you must comply. try meditating or finding a new hobby to channel all this frustrations you're experiencing.

slaveish -> RE: Sublimating sexual desires (2/26/2007 1:08:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: blushingflower There's a difference between being a slave and being a submissive. I can't just say "I'm His property, so I do what he says." Just a quick aside ... I am a slave and this is not my Master's mindset. It isn't our dynamic. I am allowed to (properly) question Him and speak my mind. As with Doms, of course, the choice is ultimately His ... and likewise, the choice is ultimately mine (to obey or not). I think most of us, at one time or another, will do something we have been forbidden to do, or will not do something we have been expressely asked to accomplish, so no real big deal. The thing is, you submit to and serve Him or you do not. You do your best or you do not. Perhaps it will be easier for you if you keep in mind that this delicious (in my opinion it is delicious) frustration is for ~Him~ and not for you. It's always worked well for me. Any any case, bon fortune.

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