RE: OMG You did what?!?!?!

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LaTigresse -> RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! (2/26/2007 2:25:05 PM)
Yes it does. I find it very interesting that many submissives get all freaked at the idea that their dominant could be submissive to anyone. Unless the dominants were totally out of control as children I would have to say they submitted to someone at some point.

toservez -> RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! (2/26/2007 2:25:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: WayHome I find this thread very interesting. What if you were in a marriage and suddenly found out your spouse who you thought was straight had relationships with same-sex partners back in college? Or if they suddenly admitted ocasionally being turned on by really atractive people/pictures/porn of the same sex. Would it matter? Why? Same reasons as the Dom/switch or different? I know this selfishly defends my statements but this is what I am saying. I need to know I am the satisfying all of his needs and to be then told I am not or that there is a chance in the future I may not would be crushing to me. I think it is easy to state I love them so nothing would matter and if lived that way very noble. But what if you were in a monogamous relationship and found out before that your other who told you that was what he was had lived very much in open relationships? I am just saying it does not mean they will want that or cheat behind your back but I wonder if everyone could upon learning that quickly dismiss it and it would not have the potential to cause you severe trust and security issues.

bandit25 -> RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! (2/26/2007 2:29:19 PM)
I don't know how I'd feel. I'm sure I'd be upset if he withheld the information for any length of time...but I think I might understand if it wasn't the first or second thing he mentioned when we got together. Switch tendencies? Don't know about that either. I guess as long as I didn't have to domme him, it'd be ok. But whoever made the point about wanting to experience the sensations that subs or bottoms do...yeah, I see absolutely nothing wrong in that.

AquaticSub -> RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! (2/26/2007 2:29:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse Yes it does. I find it very interesting that many submissives get all freaked at the idea that their dominant could be submissive to anyone. Unless the dominants were totally out of control as children I would have to say they submitted to someone at some point. Meh... to me being squicked by something isn't so bad. Some people can't handle the fact that people can change and that not every desire in life has to be met. Yes, I'd like to be having sex with women. And honestly, I'd probably take a dominant role with them. However, I'd like to be faithful to Valyraen and I enjoy my submission to him more then the alternative. From my point of view, if you can't handle the fact that your dominant used to submit or that your lover used to be have sex with someone of the same gender, whatever. That just limits your dating pool and leaves more great folks out there for those of us who are accepting. So really... it's just their problem and them having that problem means better selection for everyone else. [:D]

GeekyGirl -> RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! (2/26/2007 2:34:49 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse Yes it does. I find it very interesting that many submissives get all freaked at the idea that their dominant could be submissive to anyone. Unless the dominants were totally out of control as children I would have to say they submitted to someone at some point. I don't think that's quite the same thing...I would assume that he submits to his boss at work too, but that's not a sexual relationship...For me, knowing that he was sexually submissive to a female or submissive in general in a relationship would just sort of be a freak-out. I'm not sure why...just something that's always been ingrained in me as part of the "the way men should act". I sometimes suspect it has to do with having a dominant, over bearing mother and having a certain disgust towards the way my stepdad always bowed down to her even when she was wrong. That's just a theory though.

LaTigresse -> RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! (2/26/2007 2:36:19 PM)
I am glad that Julia and Troll got me thinking about starting this thread. It is yet another interesting peek into people's heads.

agirl -> RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! (2/26/2007 2:41:29 PM)
I wouldn't mind at all. As long as he can master me, I really couldn't care less. I wouldn't mind that it hadn't been mentioned, either. I don't have to know everything about him, and don't. I know what I need to know. I'd be unsettled by something that would dramatically alter our relationship but it would only impact on me if he wanted to change the way we related. Simply KNOWING those things wouldn't necessarily mean that would happen. agirl

hereyesruponyou -> RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! (2/26/2007 3:08:09 PM)
Trying out roles while you are forming your personality is much different than continuing to seek them out. On the other hand, would you rather he/she only show you what you want to see, or do you want to know the whole person. I can imagine it would depend on how far into the relationship you were as well. I get approached by as many Doms and subs most days, seems many have a little sub in them somewhere....

HCWT1 -> RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! (2/26/2007 3:15:02 PM)
For mine,BDSM has never been about sex.With that in mind,knowing that the Domly one that i'm with,has at some time in the past has experienced it's sub side,just adds to the knowledge that it can use to make both of us travel/learn and move forward. Funny,unlike some around here,in talking before play or takeing up some sort of position,ivé allways been told up front. Ivé allways knowen anyway,these Doms have suttle differences in the way they approach a sub and the way they go about thir work.

BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! (2/26/2007 3:28:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse Dammit I did this for Julia and Troll and now I am sucked into it. BRN, I think you know me well enough to know I am not at all picking on you, I just find your thoughts interesting. Here is my line of thinking. If a person at age 20 was, as most are, insecure, unsure, basically rather lost in life. A strong dominant comes along and lures him/her into HIS/HER lair. Nurtures them, guides them, kinda shows them the ways of life. Years go by, the lowercase of the two becomes a much stronger and more confident person. Begins topping and having sub/slaves of their own. Yet still remains submissive to their teacher. Slowly they break away either thru life's stuff or death, whatever, and in all other relationships is dominant. Perhaps and probably an even better, stronger, dominant than they ever would have been if they not had that first relationship to guide them. Does the fact that they once served a very special master/mistress that helped them to become the amazing master/mistress that you are now serving, in any way make them less? I agree with LA, I would only be concerned if someone felt the need to keep in secret. Were I a submissive I think I would actually be quite thrilled that someone I was entrusting myself to, had had that experience. In many ways I wish I had had that when I was much younger. I know you aren't picking on me LAT.... no worries. Just remember that this is all new for me. Not the feelings, as they've always been there, but this being my first relationship that includes this dynamic...., so my opinion is based on where I am now. Forgive me if I stumble trying to put into words (blame the post-surgery pain meds) why learning my Master once submitted to another would change my view of Him to the detriment of our relationship - I only know that it would. First, it would be that He wasn't forthcoming with me. Second, knowing how I respond to Him and His authority/control over me, it would REALLY freak me out to think of Him responding that way with a domme. I wouldn't be able to get the visual outta my head. And the fear that He may up and decide that He'd rather go back to that type of dynamic again. I'm probably not explaining myself very well, but I most assuredly appreciate and respect that each person may go on journeys of self discovery that lead them to realize they are better suited to something else. I'd also never be in a relationship with a switch. All of my vanilla partners have had dominant traits, but they were not dominant in the way that I needed. I guess I'm like GeekyGirl - give me 100% dominant to match my 100% submissive in a relationship.

littleone35 -> RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! (2/26/2007 4:50:42 PM)
Ok i admit i did not read all the responses because this post made me laugh. M Master would never be a submissive bottom whatever. Fir the sake of the post kets say he had been in the past and told me. I don't care he is my Master now and that is how i see him. As for the switching well that would never happen either but that would make me have a long talk with him. Matt's littleone

beltainefaerie -> RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! (2/26/2007 4:53:17 PM)
As a concept, I wouldn't be freaked out at all. However, as so many have pointed out if I didn't know about it already I would be concerned as to the secretive aspect. If it had just never come up, that is one thing, but if it was hidden or lied about, that would cause problems. Of course, as a switch and bisexual, neither of those being revealed could cause me much difficulty.

Wildfleurs -> RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! (2/26/2007 5:01:30 PM)
I'm using fast reply... I'd say its not just the concept of my owner submitting his authority and control to someone else that just isnt' appealing but the cold practical reality of it. The thing that works so well in my relationship is that my owner is free to do as he wants with me (and in general). Being under someones authority means his time isn't his own anymore, his things (possibly including me) aren't his anymore, not to mention a plethora of other items and intangible things that are under his control and authority become under someone elses control. That drastically changes and affects our relationship no matter what and I think it would be foolish to not re-examine a relationship if it changes that much. For me it wouldn't just be a re-examination but probably a request for release because I don't want to belong to someone else who is directly under someone elses authority and control to the extent that takes place in a D/s or M/s relationship (which is not, to me the same as having an unmentionable). C~

petstorm -> RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! (2/26/2007 5:35:08 PM)
If Master were to come out and tell me that, i'd have alot of respect for him for it. i believe that a good Master is one who understand what it is to be submissive, as well as what his girl is all about. And one of the many ways for someone to do this is to BE a submissive. They get to go through the trials and experiences, the emotional ups and downs, and the miraculous feeling of pride and gratification that goes with it. i'm also aware that under some "formal" training programs, you must first be a submissive and earn the right (eventually begging for it in some cases) to be trained as a Master. If he had some switch tendencies? Great! The slave gets to play and have her way from time to time. i'm failing to see the downside to this... how is this a problem again? Now, if he wanted it frequently, there'd be a problem, but then he wouldn't be a Master with tendencies, he'd be an actual switch. Not the same thing! However, i do agree with what many have said. i would question why he didn't feel comfortable enough to tell me about this from the beginning, and have my doubts as to what else he wasn't telling me that i should know. Might shake the trust factor there for a bit. But the past is the past, and it does build us into what we are today.

Arastella -> RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! (2/26/2007 6:05:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse Yes it does. I find it very interesting that many submissives get all freaked at the idea that their dominant could be submissive to anyone. Unless the dominants were totally out of control as children I would have to say they submitted to someone at some point. I don't think that's quite the same thing...I would assume that he submits to his boss at work too, but that's not a sexual relationship...For me, knowing that he was sexually submissive to a female or submissive in general in a relationship would just sort of be a freak-out. I'm not sure why...just something that's always been ingrained in me as part of the "the way men should act". I sometimes suspect it has to do with having a dominant, over bearing mother and having a certain disgust towards the way my stepdad always bowed down to her even when she was wrong. That's just a theory though. why is BDSM these days so prodominantly sexually related???

SusanofO -> RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! (2/26/2007 6:12:02 PM)
I wouldn't care at all, as long as he knew how to be Dominant with me. Then again, I am a Switch. - Susan

AquaticSub -> RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! (2/26/2007 6:14:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Wildfleurs I'm using fast reply... I'd say its not just the concept of my owner submitting his authority and control to someone else that just isnt' appealing but the cold practical reality of it. The thing that works so well in my relationship is that my owner is free to do as he wants with me (and in general). Being under someones authority means his time isn't his own anymore, his things (possibly including me) aren't his anymore, not to mention a plethora of other items and intangible things that are under his control and authority become under someone elses control. That drastically changes and affects our relationship no matter what and I think it would be foolish to not re-examine a relationship if it changes that much. For me it wouldn't just be a re-examination but probably a request for release because I don't want to belong to someone else who is directly under someone elses authority and control to the extent that takes place in a D/s or M/s relationship (which is not, to me the same as having an unmentionable). C~ That depends. I thought we were talking about past experience which means that he would no longer be owned and therefore there would no concern about his mistress/master trying to have authority over you. However, as in all things the devil is in the details. I strongly suspect that somewhere at least one three way dynamic exists where the main relationship is a dominant and a submissive with the third acting as a dominant to the other dominant. Probably just for scenes (though I could be wrong). Just as we make our negotiations ("No Valyraen I do love you but you can't have the sword my father gave me for my 13th birthday"), so could he and in these decide that you are simply not under the control of anyone but him.

AquaticSub -> RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! (2/26/2007 6:16:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Arastella why is BDSM these days so prodominantly sexually related??? I dunno. I suspect because many of us start with sex - tying people up during sex or being tied up.

catize -> RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! (2/26/2007 6:21:42 PM)
quote: Were I a submissive I think I would actually be quite thrilled that someone I was entrusting myself to, had had that experience. That is exactly how I would feel. I would very much see it as a positive thing, knowing that he understands the submissive point of view, has felt what it is like to surrender to another’s authority. To my way of thinking, it would enhance his domination, not detract from it.

GeekyGirl -> RE: OMG You did what?!?!?! (2/26/2007 6:22:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Arastella quote: ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse Yes it does. I find it very interesting that many submissives get all freaked at the idea that their dominant could be submissive to anyone. Unless the dominants were totally out of control as children I would have to say they submitted to someone at some point. I don't think that's quite the same thing...I would assume that he submits to his boss at work too, but that's not a sexual relationship...For me, knowing that he was sexually submissive to a female or submissive in general in a relationship would just sort of be a freak-out. I'm not sure why...just something that's always been ingrained in me as part of the "the way men should act". I sometimes suspect it has to do with having a dominant, over bearing mother and having a certain disgust towards the way my stepdad always bowed down to her even when she was wrong. That's just a theory though. why is BDSM these days so prodominantly sexually related??? I can only answer for myself of course... For me it is because I am only submissive within the context of a loving and monogamous sexual relationship (I'm a dominant bitch to everyone else , lol). For me, it is sexual because of the reaction it provokes in me...When my dominant gives me an order, whether it is "suck my cock" or "do my dishes", I feel a twinge in between my legs and I get wet...I look at him and feel love and lust and longing. Every dominant thing he does makes me love him more and makes me lust for him more....I cannot say why it is sexual...it has always been thus for me. The two go hand in hand. Love, Lust, and Submission are always a package deal for me. If any one part of the equation is missing, I am unsatisfied. It's just all tangled up and entwined with each other for me. I could never untangle the knots which bind the three.

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