switching- fantasy vs. real life (Full Version)

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bbwdommelilith -> switching- fantasy vs. real life (2/26/2007 3:40:21 PM)

I have never thought of myself as anything but a domme, but lately I have found myself drawn to a man who is himself dominant. I have found myself having fantasies about him, but am unsure about whether this is indicates a genuine interest or not. I would be interested in hearing about both positive and negative experiences from those who have experimented with switching.

Lilith



BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life (2/26/2007 3:43:36 PM)

I believe most dommes were or are switches with the dom lovers.ITS some thing many lose sleep about..IF all were honest in their answers they would say yes they have switched or have thought about switching...bounty



hereyesruponyou -> RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life (2/26/2007 4:00:13 PM)

Some people push my switch, gotta admit it. Never hurts to try it out. AND alot of men feel the same way too, just not always secure enough to say so



TheShadows -> RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life (2/26/2007 4:01:01 PM)

I'm deeply in love with a Dominant man.  I have fantasies about him all the time...lol. 

Just because you're attracted to him doesn't mean you have to submit to him....unless ya really wanna. 

Is he interested in you?  Is he interested in having a relationship with you whether you'd submit to him or not?

I think you're putting the cart before the horse, personally.  I'd find out whether or not he's into you before stressing over whether or not you're going to try switching.

As always, YMMV...

~MrsShadows~



BOUNTYHUNTER -> RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life (2/26/2007 4:08:58 PM)

I agree many men are not open enought to even think about switching.I am a straight dom male and I wouldn't think about it but you never know...bounty



bbwdommelilith -> RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life (2/26/2007 4:11:00 PM)

He is DEFINITELY interested in me....but it would be complicated for reasons I won't go into.

Lilith



SilverShadows -> RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life (2/26/2007 4:21:26 PM)

I don’t know how, if at all, my experience relates or might be useful to you, so take it for what it is worth. I came into the community a sub & bottom and served another woman for years. When my second contract ran out, I declined to renew it as a sub. We had pretty much figured out by then I was a Dominant that switched as a top & bottom. I was a SAM from hell, which pleased her. After that we stayed together as a Dom/Dom couple. I still switch into service mode when other people are around.

I really think we all have both dominant and submissive aspects. The proportion and mix varies a great deal though.  I know I do.



hereyesruponyou -> RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life (2/26/2007 5:37:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: BOUNTYHUNTER

I agree many men are not open enought to even think about switching.I am a straight dom male and I wouldn't think about it but you never know...bounty



Awwwww, come on, just give me one night.....just one night



MasterFireMaam -> RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life (2/26/2007 5:51:18 PM)

I have come to learn that I want either an equal partner or a partner who can top for sex. I simply like to have things done TO me...it's work to tie someone up then do things to THEM. (Tying someone up in a scene is totally different). This came as interesting news to the slave I was with this weekend. he's a dominant personality, but has a service heart. So, I got what I wanted because I wanted it that way. WORKS!

Master Fire



CreatfreeAccount -> RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life (2/26/2007 6:08:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

I have come to learn that I want either an equal partner or a partner who can top for sex. I simply like to have things done TO me...

I love sexual servitude.  Being told how your Domme or Dom likes being touched and where.  Being ordered around like that for myself is AOK.  I would dive right in.
 
 to the slave I was with this weekend. he's a dominant personality, but has a service heart.

Is service submission?




MasterFireMaam -> RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life (2/26/2007 6:23:29 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreatfreeAccount

to the slave I was with this weekend. he's a dominant personality, but has a service heart.


Is service submission?



I'm not quite sure I understand what you're asking. I THINK I do, but I don't want to assume. Can you eleborate?

Master Fire



CreatfreeAccount -> RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life (2/26/2007 6:24:40 PM)

When someone is servicing someone be it their body, a task, ect, is that surrendering?



MasterFireMaam -> RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life (2/26/2007 6:32:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreatfreeAccount

When someone is servicing someone be it their body, a task, ect, is that surrendering?


Is it to you? For many things, it's the intent behind the action that makes it what it is.

For example: I've been in service to a Ms couple...as a Master. I did what they needed to have done and did it well, well enough, in fact, to convince half the community that I was a submissive by outward appearance. Many were shocked when I was introduced as Master Fire. I served my friends and it was a pleasure and an honor to do so, but I wouldn't say that I surrendered to them. However, there are those who I WOULD surrender to...both Master AND slave...but what they'd be likely to ask me to do in surrender wouldn't be to serve them, per say (although they could)...it'd be to challenge me spiritually. Again, the intent is what is important.

So, for ME, service is not necessarily surrender. Obedience is much more related to surrender for me than service.

Master Fire



CreatfreeAccount -> RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life (2/26/2007 6:38:36 PM)

I dont know if it is or it isn't, I have not thought about it before. 

It seems to me 'servicing' is behaving in a submissive way. edit:[or manner] 



bbwdommelilith -> RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life (2/26/2007 6:41:09 PM)

service vs. surrender

It depends upon the intention behind the act. If I decide to perform oral sex on a submissive, it is neither service nor surrender, unless it is his. It is for my pleasure, and I am the one in control; he is not allowed to come unless I say so, and if I tell him that he has to lose his erection in a specified period of time, then he had BETTER do so, or else.

Lilith



CreatfreeAccount -> RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life (2/26/2007 6:45:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bbwdommelilith

service vs. surrender

It is for my pleasure
Lilith


Yes and isn't it for his pleasure as well?



MasterFireMaam -> RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life (2/26/2007 6:46:56 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreatfreeAccount

I dont know if it is or it isn't, I have not thought about it before. 

It seems to me 'servicing' is behaving in a submissive way. edit:[or manner] 


And if your Dominant wants you to Top? Or to NOT behave in a submissive way? Is it then not possible to service?

Master Fire



HerEmeraldEyes -> RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life (2/26/2007 6:58:17 PM)

I was very blessed when I came into this lifestyle.  I was 18.  I accidentally came into a poly, BDSM household through a college girlfriend (romantic)  The Master was a wonderful man who very quickly discovered both my submissvie and dominant tendancies. He trained me as both.  My 19th birthday present was my own slave boy, who I loved dearly (and tragically lost to a car accident after a wonderful year together)  I spent the next few years dominant until I met a man masquerading as a dominant.   After 3 months of the most horrific abuse (the details thus spared) I escaped, put him in prison, and remained a dominant for another 6 years, thus denying myself the release or joy of serving.

My current Master was another drop of fate into my lap, like my first.  He came into my life as a switch interested in serving.  He is also a druid and a healer.  After MUCH conversation and testing the waters I accepted HIS collar and the healing love he has given me over the last year.

I have to say that it took me a very long time to get over the stigma of being a switch.  Add to that the fact that Master is a switch as well.  I've always refused to switch inside a relationship.  However, Master has taught me that by switching to top him when he requires it is an absolute act of joyful submission on my part because I am ultimately pleasing him when I do so.  We've never had a problem when the day is done because in our house he is ALWAYS Master.  All he has to do is twine a hand in my hair and quick as you can say subspace I'm there.  But again, there seems to be such a stigma within BDSM that for the longest time I feared my own switch side, my own submission. 

Now, with the most wonderful man behind me, I believe I have settled into a joyful acceptance of the fact that I don't personally care what other people think of switches, I'm happy, secure, and safe.  We found something that works for us and it is the most incredible feeling in the world to kneel at his feet, then stand up, come into the next room and put my own submissive on his knees.  I believe my switch side makes me stronger, as a domme and a submissive. 

I always hope that anyone else who feels they might have a switch side can be as lucky as I am.  (now if only I can get that whole bratty thing under control LOL)

Miss Emerald



BeachMystress -> RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life (2/26/2007 7:06:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: bbwdommelilith

I have never thought of myself as anything but a domme, but lately I have found myself drawn to a man who is himself dominant. I have found myself having fantasies about him, but am unsure about whether this is indicates a genuine interest or not. I would be interested in hearing about both positive and negative experiences from those who have experimented with switching.

Lilith

I don't have any experience with switching other than a switch trying to force me to switch during a scene. He actually had the nerve to call me the next day and complain that he was peeing blood from the kidney punch I gave him while twisting out of his grasp. I pointed out to him that his actions were non consensual and at the level of attempted rape. That was the last time I played with a switch.

There is a thought provoking article about switching at http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdswitch.html While I never felt the urge to switch myself, after reading the article I do not find it strange that others might choose that route.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BOUNTYHUNTER

I believe most dommes were or are switches with the dom lovers.ITS some thing many lose sleep about..IF all were honest in their answers they would say yes they have switched or have thought about switching...bounty

Wow, what an assumptive and conjectural thing to say! From this misogynistic statement I'm beginning to get the idea that bounty believes that no woman is truly Dominant; that we've just not met the "right" Dom. Bet he feels lesbians just haven't met a "real" man yet either. *sighs*



SilverShadows -> RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life (2/26/2007 7:12:36 PM)

If I go into service mode, it about doing something for them. They are the center. I could also do the same thing from dom mode. Then even if they enjoy it they are doing it for me. As a sub I would be bitten because the other person wanted to bite me. If on the other hand I said, “Bite me, Bite me hard,” that is top mode. If tell a sub I’m paying for dinner and they insist on Dutch they just blew it. I am not in service, I said I was paying and I’m paying. If I have a vanilla date and they say “lets do it Dutch” the power dynamics are different and I politely agree. It’s about mind set.



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