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switching- fantasy vs. real life - 2/26/2007 3:40:21 PM   
bbwdommelilith


Posts: 81
Joined: 10/25/2006
Status: offline 		I have never thought of myself as anything but a domme, but lately I have found myself drawn to a man who is himself dominant. I have found myself having fantasies about him, but am unsure about whether this is indicates a genuine interest or not. I would be interested in hearing about both positive and negative experiences from those who have experimented with switching.

Lilith
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RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life - 2/26/2007 3:43:36 PM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		I believe most dommes were or are switches with the dom lovers.ITS some thing many lose sleep about..IF all were honest in their answers they would say yes they have switched or have thought about switching...bounty

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US going to hell in a hand basket/

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RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life - 2/26/2007 4:00:13 PM   
hereyesruponyou


Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline 		Some people push my switch, gotta admit it. Never hurts to try it out. AND alot of men feel the same way too, just not always secure enough to say so

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RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life - 2/26/2007 4:01:01 PM   
TheShadows


Posts: 403
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Southern Illinois
Status: offline 		I'm deeply in love with a Dominant man.  I have fantasies about him all the time...lol. 

Just because you're attracted to him doesn't mean you have to submit to him....unless ya really wanna. 

Is he interested in you?  Is he interested in having a relationship with you whether you'd submit to him or not?

I think you're putting the cart before the horse, personally.  I'd find out whether or not he's into you before stressing over whether or not you're going to try switching.

As always, YMMV...

~MrsShadows~

_____________________________

"The reason the mainstream is thought of as a stream is because of it's shallowness." - George Carlin

"Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most..." - Ozzy Osbourne

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RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life - 2/26/2007 4:08:58 PM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		I agree many men are not open enought to even think about switching.I am a straight dom male and I wouldn't think about it but you never know...bounty

_____________________________

US going to hell in a hand basket/

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RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life - 2/26/2007 4:11:00 PM   
bbwdommelilith


Posts: 81
Joined: 10/25/2006
Status: offline 		He is DEFINITELY interested in me....but it would be complicated for reasons I won't go into.

Lilith

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RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life - 2/26/2007 4:21:26 PM   
SilverShadows


Posts: 558
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		I don’t know how, if at all, my experience relates or might be useful to you, so take it for what it is worth. I came into the community a sub & bottom and served another woman for years. When my second contract ran out, I declined to renew it as a sub. We had pretty much figured out by then I was a Dominant that switched as a top & bottom. I was a SAM from hell, which pleased her. After that we stayed together as a Dom/Dom couple. I still switch into service mode when other people are around.

I really think we all have both dominant and submissive aspects. The proportion and mix varies a great deal though.  I know I do.

_____________________________

The Countess

Το αίμα είναι η ζωή
Cruor est Vita
Sînge is art.hot. Viaţă
Vér van a Élet


Come Kiss the Guillotine
Come Taste the Gasoline

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RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life - 2/26/2007 5:37:46 PM   
hereyesruponyou


Posts: 770
Joined: 1/22/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BOUNTYHUNTER

I agree many men are not open enought to even think about switching.I am a straight dom male and I wouldn't think about it but you never know...bounty



Awwwww, come on, just give me one night.....just one night

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RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life - 2/26/2007 5:51:18 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		I have come to learn that I want either an equal partner or a partner who can top for sex. I simply like to have things done TO me...it's work to tie someone up then do things to THEM. (Tying someone up in a scene is totally different). This came as interesting news to the slave I was with this weekend. he's a dominant personality, but has a service heart. So, I got what I wanted because I wanted it that way. WORKS!

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

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RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life - 2/26/2007 6:08:33 PM   
CreatfreeAccount


Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

I have come to learn that I want either an equal partner or a partner who can top for sex. I simply like to have things done TO me...

I love sexual servitude.  Being told how your Domme or Dom likes being touched and where.  Being ordered around like that for myself is AOK.  I would dive right in.
 
 to the slave I was with this weekend. he's a dominant personality, but has a service heart.

Is service submission?


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RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life - 2/26/2007 6:23:29 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreatfreeAccount

to the slave I was with this weekend. he's a dominant personality, but has a service heart.


Is service submission?



I'm not quite sure I understand what you're asking. I THINK I do, but I don't want to assume. Can you eleborate?

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to CreatfreeAccount)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life - 2/26/2007 6:24:40 PM   
CreatfreeAccount


Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline 		When someone is servicing someone be it their body, a task, ect, is that surrendering?

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
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RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life - 2/26/2007 6:32:02 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreatfreeAccount

When someone is servicing someone be it their body, a task, ect, is that surrendering?


Is it to you? For many things, it's the intent behind the action that makes it what it is.

For example: I've been in service to a Ms couple...as a Master. I did what they needed to have done and did it well, well enough, in fact, to convince half the community that I was a submissive by outward appearance. Many were shocked when I was introduced as Master Fire. I served my friends and it was a pleasure and an honor to do so, but I wouldn't say that I surrendered to them. However, there are those who I WOULD surrender to...both Master AND slave...but what they'd be likely to ask me to do in surrender wouldn't be to serve them, per say (although they could)...it'd be to challenge me spiritually. Again, the intent is what is important.

So, for ME, service is not necessarily surrender. Obedience is much more related to surrender for me than service.

Master Fire

< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 2/26/2007 6:39:05 PM >

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to CreatfreeAccount)
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RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life - 2/26/2007 6:38:36 PM   
CreatfreeAccount


Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline 		I dont know if it is or it isn't, I have not thought about it before. 

It seems to me 'servicing' is behaving in a submissive way. edit:[or manner] 

< Message edited by CreatfreeAccount -- 2/26/2007 6:39:20 PM >

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
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RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life - 2/26/2007 6:41:09 PM   
bbwdommelilith


Posts: 81
Joined: 10/25/2006
Status: offline 		service vs. surrender

It depends upon the intention behind the act. If I decide to perform oral sex on a submissive, it is neither service nor surrender, unless it is his. It is for my pleasure, and I am the one in control; he is not allowed to come unless I say so, and if I tell him that he has to lose his erection in a specified period of time, then he had BETTER do so, or else.

Lilith

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RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life - 2/26/2007 6:45:24 PM   
CreatfreeAccount


Posts: 104
Joined: 2/25/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bbwdommelilith

service vs. surrender

It is for my pleasure
Lilith


Yes and isn't it for his pleasure as well?

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RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life - 2/26/2007 6:46:56 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreatfreeAccount

I dont know if it is or it isn't, I have not thought about it before. 

It seems to me 'servicing' is behaving in a submissive way. edit:[or manner] 


And if your Dominant wants you to Top? Or to NOT behave in a submissive way? Is it then not possible to service?

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to CreatfreeAccount)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life - 2/26/2007 6:58:17 PM   
HerEmeraldEyes


Posts: 51
Joined: 7/26/2006
From: Joliet, IL
Status: offline 		I was very blessed when I came into this lifestyle.  I was 18.  I accidentally came into a poly, BDSM household through a college girlfriend (romantic)  The Master was a wonderful man who very quickly discovered both my submissvie and dominant tendancies. He trained me as both.  My 19th birthday present was my own slave boy, who I loved dearly (and tragically lost to a car accident after a wonderful year together)  I spent the next few years dominant until I met a man masquerading as a dominant.   After 3 months of the most horrific abuse (the details thus spared) I escaped, put him in prison, and remained a dominant for another 6 years, thus denying myself the release or joy of serving.

My current Master was another drop of fate into my lap, like my first.  He came into my life as a switch interested in serving.  He is also a druid and a healer.  After MUCH conversation and testing the waters I accepted HIS collar and the healing love he has given me over the last year.

I have to say that it took me a very long time to get over the stigma of being a switch.  Add to that the fact that Master is a switch as well.  I've always refused to switch inside a relationship.  However, Master has taught me that by switching to top him when he requires it is an absolute act of joyful submission on my part because I am ultimately pleasing him when I do so.  We've never had a problem when the day is done because in our house he is ALWAYS Master.  All he has to do is twine a hand in my hair and quick as you can say subspace I'm there.  But again, there seems to be such a stigma within BDSM that for the longest time I feared my own switch side, my own submission. 

Now, with the most wonderful man behind me, I believe I have settled into a joyful acceptance of the fact that I don't personally care what other people think of switches, I'm happy, secure, and safe.  We found something that works for us and it is the most incredible feeling in the world to kneel at his feet, then stand up, come into the next room and put my own submissive on his knees.  I believe my switch side makes me stronger, as a domme and a submissive. 

I always hope that anyone else who feels they might have a switch side can be as lucky as I am.  (now if only I can get that whole bratty thing under control LOL)

Miss Emerald

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Unknown Author "Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. It means you have decided to look beyond the imperfections."

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RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life - 2/26/2007 7:06:48 PM   
BeachMystress


Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bbwdommelilith

I have never thought of myself as anything but a domme, but lately I have found myself drawn to a man who is himself dominant. I have found myself having fantasies about him, but am unsure about whether this is indicates a genuine interest or not. I would be interested in hearing about both positive and negative experiences from those who have experimented with switching.

Lilith

I don't have any experience with switching other than a switch trying to force me to switch during a scene. He actually had the nerve to call me the next day and complain that he was peeing blood from the kidney punch I gave him while twisting out of his grasp. I pointed out to him that his actions were non consensual and at the level of attempted rape. That was the last time I played with a switch.

There is a thought provoking article about switching at http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdswitch.html While I never felt the urge to switch myself, after reading the article I do not find it strange that others might choose that route.

quote:

ORIGINAL: BOUNTYHUNTER

I believe most dommes were or are switches with the dom lovers.ITS some thing many lose sleep about..IF all were honest in their answers they would say yes they have switched or have thought about switching...bounty

Wow, what an assumptive and conjectural thing to say! From this misogynistic statement I'm beginning to get the idea that bounty believes that no woman is truly Dominant; that we've just not met the "right" Dom. Bet he feels lesbians just haven't met a "real" man yet either. *sighs*

_____________________________

Beach Mystress
*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
http://beachmystress.jigsy.com
http://www.flickr.com/photos/beachmystress/

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: switching- fantasy vs. real life - 2/26/2007 7:12:36 PM   
SilverShadows


Posts: 558
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		If I go into service mode, it about doing something for them. They are the center. I could also do the same thing from dom mode. Then even if they enjoy it they are doing it for me. As a sub I would be bitten because the other person wanted to bite me. If on the other hand I said, “Bite me, Bite me hard,” that is top mode. If tell a sub I’m paying for dinner and they insist on Dutch they just blew it. I am not in service, I said I was paying and I’m paying. If I have a vanilla date and they say “lets do it Dutch” the power dynamics are different and I politely agree. It’s about mind set.

_____________________________

The Countess

Το αίμα είναι η ζωή
Cruor est Vita
Sînge is art.hot. Viaţă
Vér van a Élet


Come Kiss the Guillotine
Come Taste the Gasoline

(in reply to CreatfreeAccount)
Profile   Post #: 20
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