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Orgasm control - 2/27/2007 1:57:32 AM   
freshfaced


Posts: 12
Joined: 1/14/2005
Status: offline 		Orgasm control is a key interest of mine as a Dom. My current sub doesn't orgasm very easily at all. I am yet to bring her to orgasm and she doesn't seem particularly interested in having an orgasm. How do I respond? As I write this I think that the way to respond would be to bring her to orgasm and learn how to do it and do it well and get her to help me do it by submitting to me. And then I would truly control her orgasm, more than she.

Any other suggestions? Lol.

< Message edited by freshfaced -- 2/27/2007 1:58:11 AM >
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RE: Orgasm control - 2/27/2007 7:20:20 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: freshfaced
Orgasm control is a key interest of mine as a Dom. My current sub doesn't orgasm very easily at all. I am yet to bring her to orgasm and she doesn't seem particularly interested in having an orgasm. How do I respond? As I write this I think that the way to respond would be to bring her to orgasm and learn how to do it and do it well and get her to help me do it by submitting to me. And then I would truly control her orgasm, more than she.

Any other suggestions? Lol.


At this point I suggest you don't care at all about the orgasm, but continue to play sexually.  Teach both of you to enjoy sex for sex, for a long period of time. 

It is likely she feels very uncomfortable about her lack of orgasming and finds it easier to just act like it's not a big deal and not focus on it.  The more you "make it a big deal"- the more she feels uncomfortable, the less she's likely to relax and be ok with exploring, the less she's likely to learn how to get herself off.

Since she's never had an orgasm, it wouldn't surprise me if orgasm control were years away in your relationship at this point.  But the one thing that will take it from "years" to "never" would be to make her feel like she's bad/wrong/broken/not giving you what you want right now.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to freshfaced)
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RE: Orgasm control - 2/27/2007 7:36:38 AM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: freshfaced
Orgasm control is a key interest of mine as a Dom. My current sub doesn't orgasm very easily at all. I am yet to bring her to orgasm and she doesn't seem particularly interested in having an orgasm. How do I respond? As I write this I think that the way to respond would be to bring her to orgasm and learn how to do it and do it well and get her to help me do it by submitting to me. And then I would truly control her orgasm, more than she.

Any other suggestions? Lol.


At this point I suggest you don't care at all about the orgasm, but continue to play sexually.  Teach both of you to enjoy sex for sex, for a long period of time. 

It is likely she feels very uncomfortable about her lack of orgasming and finds it easier to just act like it's not a big deal and not focus on it.  The more you "make it a big deal"- the more she feels uncomfortable, the less she's likely to relax and be ok with exploring, the less she's likely to learn how to get herself off.

Since she's never had an orgasm, it wouldn't surprise me if orgasm control were years away in your relationship at this point.  But the one thing that will take it from "years" to "never" would be to make her feel like she's bad/wrong/broken/not giving you what you want right now.


That was just beautifully written. Orgasm is very mental the more you talk about it or she knows and/or feels that you are trying to get her to have one the more difficult it will be for her.

Maybe at some point and not when in bed you could have a talk with her and both of you could explore what maybe the potential reasons for this.





_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Orgasm control - 2/27/2007 9:01:29 AM   
daddysprop247


Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline 		your submissive sounds a lot like me....doesn't orgasm and doesn't really desire to orgasm. LA has given some great advice...take off the pressure, and please please don't ever make the focus about her orgasm.
but i wanted to ask you, why is that you're interested in orgasm control? is it something that you feel, being a Dominant, is a mandatory part of a D/s relationship, or do you sincerely have a personal desire for this? also, what if it turns out that your submissive is just not the orgasmic sort...could you live with that? would you still be satisfied with a submissive who didn't orgasm or even wish to orgasm? i ask these things because believe it or not, many Dominants do not engage in orgasm control of any sort...many don't care about or focus on a submissive's orgasm or sexual desires and responses...because for them, those things are just not relevant or of interest. you seem very youthful in your photo, and tho i don't know your lifestyle experience or years in the lifestyle, i get the impression from the way you posed your question that you may be approaching this matter from more a fun and games perspective, when in reality it is really quite a serious, complex issue.

(in reply to toservez)
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RE: Orgasm control - 2/27/2007 9:05:20 AM   
SingleRarity


Posts: 320
Joined: 9/13/2006
Status: offline 		Some people are just less orgasmic (is that a word?) than others. I've known women, including my ex of seven years, who could only orgasm after becoming very comfortable with their partners and even then only after a lot of patient foreplay could they climax, as well as women that found it almost too easy orgasm, like one who would quickly climax with just very mild breast stimulation and one that loved anal sex because it would allow her to enjoy some extended intercourse without uncontrollably having orgasms over and over again too soon. Everyone is different. I would suggest the same as has already been said and just enjoy the sex without expecting her to orgasm. She's probably enjoying the sex in her own way, which may include the fact that you are enjoying it; perhaps the more you relax and focus on yourself and your own enjoyment, the more she willl do the same.

(in reply to toservez)
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RE: Orgasm control - 2/27/2007 9:32:02 AM   
Padriag


Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: freshfaced

Any other suggestions? Lol.

First few suggestions I would make are as follows.

Make sure there's no medical / physiological reason for her difficultly.  Although probably unlikely, if this were the case such expectations would be unreasonable.

Second, make sure you are comfortable with this.  Any nervousness on your part will likely be picked up on by her.  You need to relax and let you both enjoy the experience, which will help make it more comfortable for both of you.

Third, take into consideration that she may have some mental obstacles to overcome due to her past.  Many people, especially women, were raised to believe sex was shameful and that sexual pleasure (orgasm) was particularly shameful and wrong.  If this has been the case with her it could very well explain her difficulty.  Helping her confront and change these beliefs will go a long way to changing how easily she orgasms.  You may need to seek professional help in this area, a trained counselor could be invaluable.  Keep in mind most such "values" were religious in origin and are thus can be especially tricky to deal with.

As LA stated, orgasm control (as a fetish) is probably something you will have to leave to the distant future.  In a sense the problem is too much control already (something is acting as a control here to prevent it).  Until that is first dealt with (which will likely take time) establishing another form of control is an unreasonable expectation.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to freshfaced)
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RE: Orgasm control - 2/27/2007 11:51:23 AM   
Aubre


Posts: 478
Joined: 12/9/2004
Status: offline 		Have you tried oral? Hitachi Magic Wand?

(in reply to Padriag)
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RE: Orgasm control - 2/27/2007 11:58:24 AM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		MMMmmmmmm... Hitachi Magic Wand!!! LOVE that.

(in reply to Aubre)
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RE: Orgasm control - 2/27/2007 12:20:23 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aubre
Have you tried oral? Hitachi Magic Wand?

Again, focusing ON the orgasm is pretty much the best way to make a person MORE self conscious about orgasming and then LESS likely to actually orgasm.

Not that trying different methods is a bad idea, simply that this should be more about experiencing pleasure together, not reaching some sexual goalpoint.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Aubre)
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RE: Orgasm control - 2/27/2007 1:17:25 PM   
Aubre


Posts: 478
Joined: 12/9/2004
Status: offline 		I agree, you don't want to focus on the orgasm problem but my ideas might be fun for them with or without the orgasm. I know we have to realize that some women just aren't going to have orgasms, and that's ok, and it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with either partner. But I also think the old Hitatchi might be fun for them to play with.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Orgasm control - 2/27/2007 2:53:57 PM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		Yeah, enjoy the sex and allow her to get comfortable with you and with sex without any pressure.  She may orgasm by NOT focusing on it.

(in reply to Aubre)
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RE: Orgasm control - 2/27/2007 7:13:39 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		One thing to remember. If you control her orgasm you may be in effect teaching her body to only submit to your commands and she will no longer really "enjoy" an orgasm.
Tis one thing to teach a girl to cum on command, its another to teach /allow her to trutly enjoy it.


_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to freshfaced)
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RE: Orgasm control - 2/28/2007 1:15:54 PM   
freshfaced


Posts: 12
Joined: 1/14/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for your input. Very thoughtful and insightful (again). I agree fully that making an issue out of her lack of orgasms at this early stage would most likely be counter productive. And, as to why, I am interested in her orgasms, well, I do have a vested interest in her personal enjoyment - she gets pleasure from my enjoyment - but I would like to see her explode in an enormous orgasm. It would please me, especially as they are 'illusive'. Having said that, its not massively important to me and I will take the advice given (and possibly investigate the Hitachi Magic Wand).

(in reply to Kinkypupper)
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RE: Orgasm control - 2/28/2007 2:00:39 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: freshfaced
Thanks for your input. Very thoughtful and insightful (again). I agree fully that making an issue out of her lack of orgasms at this early stage would most likely be counter productive. And, as to why, I am interested in her orgasms, well, I do have a vested interest in her personal enjoyment - she gets pleasure from my enjoyment - but I would like to see her explode in an enormous orgasm. It would please me, especially as they are 'illusive'. Having said that, its not massively important to me and I will take the advice given (and possibly investigate the Hitachi Magic Wand).

I think it's great that you want her to have great orgasms- but having orgasm control isn't the same thing.  I have massively awesome orgasms but have never had any "orgasm training" or "orgasm control."

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to freshfaced)
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RE: Orgasm control - 2/28/2007 2:09:35 PM   
mynded


Posts: 137
Joined: 8/20/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: freshfaced

Orgasm control is a key interest of mine as a Dom. My current sub doesn't orgasm very easily at all. I am yet to bring her to orgasm and she doesn't seem particularly interested in having an orgasm. How do I respond? As I write this I think that the way to respond would be to bring her to orgasm and learn how to do it and do it well and get her to help me do it by submitting to me. And then I would truly control her orgasm, more than she.

Any other suggestions? Lol.


Tease and denial works for me.

(in reply to freshfaced)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Orgasm control - 2/28/2007 3:14:21 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzie

MMMmmmmmm... Hitachi Magic Wand!!! LOVE that.


ok dumb question time....

What is it?

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

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RE: Orgasm control - 2/28/2007 3:17:45 PM   
JohnWarren


Posts: 3807
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Delray Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzie

MMMmmmmmm... Hitachi Magic Wand!!! LOVE that.


ok dumb question time....

What is it?


A very well built AC, hand-held vibrator.  One of my favorites because it's head is just large enough to fit into one of my condoms for play with multiple partners

_____________________________

www.lovingdominant.org

(in reply to akisha)
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RE: Orgasm control - 2/28/2007 3:18:47 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks John

hehe i'm thinking I may just have to go find one *S*


_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to JohnWarren)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Orgasm control - 2/28/2007 9:25:48 PM   
Aubre


Posts: 478
Joined: 12/9/2004
Status: offline 		And with ac power, no worries about the power running out - but depending on the way your place is laid out don't forget the extension cord!

(in reply to akisha)
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RE: Orgasm control - 2/28/2007 10:30:58 PM   
MASTERLJ


Posts: 21
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline 		Damn...........i read all this stuff and never have anything to say.......LOL at least i am learning something......

_____________________________


Bestow rewards without regard to rule, issue orders without regard to previous arrangements; and you will be able to handle a whole army as though you had to do with but a single man.
- Sun Tzu


(in reply to Aubre)
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