Orgasm control

Orgasm control (Full Version)

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freshfaced -> Orgasm control (2/27/2007 1:57:32 AM)
Orgasm control is a key interest of mine as a Dom. My current sub doesn't orgasm very easily at all. I am yet to bring her to orgasm and she doesn't seem particularly interested in having an orgasm. How do I respond? As I write this I think that the way to respond would be to bring her to orgasm and learn how to do it and do it well and get her to help me do it by submitting to me. And then I would truly control her orgasm, more than she. Any other suggestions? Lol.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Orgasm control (2/27/2007 7:20:20 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: freshfaced Orgasm control is a key interest of mine as a Dom. My current sub doesn't orgasm very easily at all. I am yet to bring her to orgasm and she doesn't seem particularly interested in having an orgasm. How do I respond? As I write this I think that the way to respond would be to bring her to orgasm and learn how to do it and do it well and get her to help me do it by submitting to me. And then I would truly control her orgasm, more than she. Any other suggestions? Lol. At this point I suggest you don't care at all about the orgasm, but continue to play sexually. Teach both of you to enjoy sex for sex, for a long period of time. It is likely she feels very uncomfortable about her lack of orgasming and finds it easier to just act like it's not a big deal and not focus on it. The more you "make it a big deal"- the more she feels uncomfortable, the less she's likely to relax and be ok with exploring, the less she's likely to learn how to get herself off. Since she's never had an orgasm, it wouldn't surprise me if orgasm control were years away in your relationship at this point. But the one thing that will take it from "years" to "never" would be to make her feel like she's bad/wrong/broken/not giving you what you want right now.

toservez -> RE: Orgasm control (2/27/2007 7:36:38 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross quote: ORIGINAL: freshfaced Orgasm control is a key interest of mine as a Dom. My current sub doesn't orgasm very easily at all. I am yet to bring her to orgasm and she doesn't seem particularly interested in having an orgasm. How do I respond? As I write this I think that the way to respond would be to bring her to orgasm and learn how to do it and do it well and get her to help me do it by submitting to me. And then I would truly control her orgasm, more than she. Any other suggestions? Lol. At this point I suggest you don't care at all about the orgasm, but continue to play sexually. Teach both of you to enjoy sex for sex, for a long period of time. It is likely she feels very uncomfortable about her lack of orgasming and finds it easier to just act like it's not a big deal and not focus on it. The more you "make it a big deal"- the more she feels uncomfortable, the less she's likely to relax and be ok with exploring, the less she's likely to learn how to get herself off. Since she's never had an orgasm, it wouldn't surprise me if orgasm control were years away in your relationship at this point. But the one thing that will take it from "years" to "never" would be to make her feel like she's bad/wrong/broken/not giving you what you want right now. That was just beautifully written. Orgasm is very mental the more you talk about it or she knows and/or feels that you are trying to get her to have one the more difficult it will be for her. Maybe at some point and not when in bed you could have a talk with her and both of you could explore what maybe the potential reasons for this.

daddysprop247 -> RE: Orgasm control (2/27/2007 9:01:29 AM)
your submissive sounds a lot like me....doesn't orgasm and doesn't really desire to orgasm. LA has given some great advice...take off the pressure, and please please don't ever make the focus about her orgasm. but i wanted to ask you, why is that you're interested in orgasm control? is it something that you feel, being a Dominant, is a mandatory part of a D/s relationship, or do you sincerely have a personal desire for this? also, what if it turns out that your submissive is just not the orgasmic sort...could you live with that? would you still be satisfied with a submissive who didn't orgasm or even wish to orgasm? i ask these things because believe it or not, many Dominants do not engage in orgasm control of any sort...many don't care about or focus on a submissive's orgasm or sexual desires and responses...because for them, those things are just not relevant or of interest. you seem very youthful in your photo, and tho i don't know your lifestyle experience or years in the lifestyle, i get the impression from the way you posed your question that you may be approaching this matter from more a fun and games perspective, when in reality it is really quite a serious, complex issue.

SingleRarity -> RE: Orgasm control (2/27/2007 9:05:20 AM)
Some people are just less orgasmic (is that a word?) than others. I've known women, including my ex of seven years, who could only orgasm after becoming very comfortable with their partners and even then only after a lot of patient foreplay could they climax, as well as women that found it almost too easy orgasm, like one who would quickly climax with just very mild breast stimulation and one that loved anal sex because it would allow her to enjoy some extended intercourse without uncontrollably having orgasms over and over again too soon. Everyone is different. I would suggest the same as has already been said and just enjoy the sex without expecting her to orgasm. She's probably enjoying the sex in her own way, which may include the fact that you are enjoying it; perhaps the more you relax and focus on yourself and your own enjoyment, the more she willl do the same.

Padriag -> RE: Orgasm control (2/27/2007 9:32:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: freshfaced Any other suggestions? Lol. First few suggestions I would make are as follows. Make sure there's no medical / physiological reason for her difficultly. Although probably unlikely, if this were the case such expectations would be unreasonable. Second, make sure you are comfortable with this. Any nervousness on your part will likely be picked up on by her. You need to relax and let you both enjoy the experience, which will help make it more comfortable for both of you. Third, take into consideration that she may have some mental obstacles to overcome due to her past. Many people, especially women, were raised to believe sex was shameful and that sexual pleasure (orgasm) was particularly shameful and wrong. If this has been the case with her it could very well explain her difficulty. Helping her confront and change these beliefs will go a long way to changing how easily she orgasms. You may need to seek professional help in this area, a trained counselor could be invaluable. Keep in mind most such "values" were religious in origin and are thus can be especially tricky to deal with. As LA stated, orgasm control (as a fetish) is probably something you will have to leave to the distant future. In a sense the problem is too much control already (something is acting as a control here to prevent it). Until that is first dealt with (which will likely take time) establishing another form of control is an unreasonable expectation.

Aubre -> RE: Orgasm control (2/27/2007 11:51:23 AM)
Have you tried oral? Hitachi Magic Wand?

sublizzie -> RE: Orgasm control (2/27/2007 11:58:24 AM)
MMMmmmmmm... Hitachi Magic Wand!!! LOVE that.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Orgasm control (2/27/2007 12:20:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Aubre Have you tried oral? Hitachi Magic Wand? Again, focusing ON the orgasm is pretty much the best way to make a person MORE self conscious about orgasming and then LESS likely to actually orgasm. Not that trying different methods is a bad idea, simply that this should be more about experiencing pleasure together, not reaching some sexual goalpoint.

Aubre -> RE: Orgasm control (2/27/2007 1:17:25 PM)
I agree, you don't want to focus on the orgasm problem but my ideas might be fun for them with or without the orgasm. I know we have to realize that some women just aren't going to have orgasms, and that's ok, and it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with either partner. But I also think the old Hitatchi might be fun for them to play with.

bandit25 -> RE: Orgasm control (2/27/2007 2:53:57 PM)
Yeah, enjoy the sex and allow her to get comfortable with you and with sex without any pressure. She may orgasm by NOT focusing on it.

Kinkypupper -> RE: Orgasm control (2/27/2007 7:13:39 PM)
One thing to remember. If you control her orgasm you may be in effect teaching her body to only submit to your commands and she will no longer really "enjoy" an orgasm. Tis one thing to teach a girl to cum on command, its another to teach /allow her to trutly enjoy it.

freshfaced -> RE: Orgasm control (2/28/2007 1:15:54 PM)
Thanks for your input. Very thoughtful and insightful (again). I agree fully that making an issue out of her lack of orgasms at this early stage would most likely be counter productive. And, as to why, I am interested in her orgasms, well, I do have a vested interest in her personal enjoyment - she gets pleasure from my enjoyment - but I would like to see her explode in an enormous orgasm. It would please me, especially as they are 'illusive'. Having said that, its not massively important to me and I will take the advice given (and possibly investigate the Hitachi Magic Wand).

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Orgasm control (2/28/2007 2:00:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: freshfaced Thanks for your input. Very thoughtful and insightful (again). I agree fully that making an issue out of her lack of orgasms at this early stage would most likely be counter productive. And, as to why, I am interested in her orgasms, well, I do have a vested interest in her personal enjoyment - she gets pleasure from my enjoyment - but I would like to see her explode in an enormous orgasm. It would please me, especially as they are 'illusive'. Having said that, its not massively important to me and I will take the advice given (and possibly investigate the Hitachi Magic Wand). I think it's great that you want her to have great orgasms- but having orgasm control isn't the same thing. I have massively awesome orgasms but have never had any "orgasm training" or "orgasm control."

mynded -> RE: Orgasm control (2/28/2007 2:09:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: freshfaced Orgasm control is a key interest of mine as a Dom. My current sub doesn't orgasm very easily at all. I am yet to bring her to orgasm and she doesn't seem particularly interested in having an orgasm. How do I respond? As I write this I think that the way to respond would be to bring her to orgasm and learn how to do it and do it well and get her to help me do it by submitting to me. And then I would truly control her orgasm, more than she. Any other suggestions? Lol. Tease and denial works for me.

akisha -> RE: Orgasm control (2/28/2007 3:14:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sublizzie MMMmmmmmm... Hitachi Magic Wand!!! LOVE that. ok dumb question time.... What is it?

JohnWarren -> RE: Orgasm control (2/28/2007 3:17:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: akisha quote: ORIGINAL: sublizzie MMMmmmmmm... Hitachi Magic Wand!!! LOVE that. ok dumb question time.... What is it? A very well built AC, hand-held vibrator. One of my favorites because it's head is just large enough to fit into one of my condoms for play with multiple partners

akisha -> RE: Orgasm control (2/28/2007 3:18:47 PM)
Thanks John hehe i'm thinking I may just have to go find one S

Aubre -> RE: Orgasm control (2/28/2007 9:25:48 PM)
And with ac power, no worries about the power running out - but depending on the way your place is laid out don't forget the extension cord!

MASTERLJ -> RE: Orgasm control (2/28/2007 10:30:58 PM)
Damn...........i read all this stuff and never have anything to say.......LOL at least i am learning something......

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