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D/s and BDSM: There's a difference! - 2/27/2007 9:28:36 AM

petstorm

Posts: 49
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

Ok, this is something that really irks me. (to use someone elses term from reading earlier posts) i realize that i'm young, and to many that means that i couldn't possible understand the things that i do. But if you ever sat down and spoke with me one on one, you'd see for yourself that i have comprehension beyond my years. Agree or don't, that's your choice.

Be warned, this is a long post!

Ok, here's what keeps getting under my skin. BDSM and D/s. People keep talking like they're both the same thing, and that they both belong in the same catagory. Well, i'm sorry to say... they are not, and do not.

In the simplest terms (though it's never really simple) BDSM is that whole lump catagory that goes along with sex games. It can be played 24/7, though it's usually kept for the bedroom. Example: The standard whips and chains, bondage and Master/slave roleplay. Where D/s is the intricate relationship, including all the things big and small, in daily life that may or may not have to do with sex. This one can be kept solely for the bedroom, but is more commonly lived 24/7. Example: a slave waking up before her Master in the morning, putting on clothes that are appealing to his eye, and to make him breakfast and coffee, prepared in the manner that she knows he likes.

Yes, BDSM has it's place in D/s, and vice versa, but they are two completely different things! You can have one without the other, though they can both go hand-in-hand in this wonderful community that we all reside in.

When i was first learning about this lifestyle, i made sure to gain all the knowledge i could, and disect the brains of everyone i could that knew of it, and had lived in it. Believe me, i spent a great deal of time soul searching and digging for answers. And doing so, i learned the difference between the two.

So how is it, that i can distinguish the two, and yet they are still confused and pressed together into one lump catagory? i realize that outsiders to this lifestyle won't understand, and don't see a difference, but honestly... why does it seem like people living it, that should know and understand, do not?

And i'm also curious to know... how do you define the difference between the two? They can both be extremely complex in their simplest forms.

Post #: 1

RE: D/s and BDSM: There's a difference! - 2/27/2007 9:33:36 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I totally agree with you. Master and I live D/s but we are not into (as you put it) the whips and chains. Pain is not our thing look at what the letters BDSM stand for Master and I do the B and D but not that S and M that is the difference if you do part or all of the letters stand for. I don't want to get flamed for this it is just my take on it.

Matt's littleone

< Message edited by littleone35 -- 2/27/2007 10:25:24 AM >

(in reply to petstorm)

Post #: 2

RE: D/s and BDSM: There's a difference! - 2/27/2007 9:35:17 AM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

There have been many discussions about this in the general BDSM forum if you would like to search for them. Many people feel that while BDSM is a part of many D/s relationships, D/s stands alone without BDSM and vice versa... myself included

People think what they think and there is not much I can do to change their mind if they are resistant. There are some people that still believe Saddam was in on 9-11 for example...smiles. I cannot change their minds, so I let it go, not worth losing your peace of mind over.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to petstorm)

Post #: 3

RE: D/s and BDSM: There's a difference! - 2/27/2007 9:41:44 AM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

I think it's LA that is always saying, D/s is who we are, BDSM is what we do.

There are plenty of couples who aren't even in this "lifestyle" who have D/s relationships that don't include any sort of kinky aspect.

There are couples who have no D/s aspect to their relationship other than engaging in BDSM activities in the bedroom.

Some do it all.

There are as many variations as there are people most likely.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 4

RE: D/s and BDSM: There's a difference! - 2/27/2007 9:44:03 AM

petstorm

Posts: 49
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

La di da... for those wondering what BDSM actually stands for it is:
B/D – Bondage/Discipline, D/s – Dominant/submissive, S/M - Sado/Masochism

As you can see, D/s IS listed among the grouping, but it's meant more for roleplay than actual 24/7 lifestyle.

Anyway, there's one other thing that i forgot to ask. As a submissive/slave, or even as a Master/Mistress... i'm wondering how many people out there come into this lifestyle without knowing there's a difference, and how it is that it's not as highly voiced and taught as Safe. Sane. and Consensual is.

We now return you to your regularly posted forum......

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 5

RE: D/s and BDSM: There's a difference! - 2/27/2007 9:51:25 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: petstorm
La di da... for those wondering what BDSM actually stands for it is:
B/D – Bondage/Discipline, D/s – Dominant/submissive, S/M - Sado/Masochism

La di da, thanks for being so obviously wrong and OK with acting like you know this universal truth for everyone to see.

I've NEVER used bdsm to incorporate dominant/submissive. In my experience, incorporating Ds into bdsm is a rather new idea.

A lot of people use bdsm as you do, and a lot of people don't. There is no "one way."

quote:

Anyway, there's one other thing that i forgot to ask. As a submissive/slave, or even as a Master/Mistress... i'm wondering how many people out there come into this lifestyle without knowing there's a difference, and how it is that it's not as highly voiced and taught as Safe. Sane. and Consensual is.

We now return you to your regularly posted forum......

Because it's not universally agreed upon that
a) there is a difference
b) what the difference is
c) there are tons of OTHER kinky things that we do which have nothing to do with bdsm and so it's not necessary to talk a lot about bdsm

As well, SSC is a neatly packaged, nice sounding motto for people to fling about as they choose and make them feel better.

I wouldn't presume you don't know anything, certainly not from your age, but it was stupid of you to suggest you have the one true ultimate definition of "bdsm" and how it's supposed to be used.

And thanks BR- that's exactly how I like to put it.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to petstorm)

Post #: 6

RE: D/s and BDSM: There's a difference! - 2/27/2007 9:53:07 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: petstorm
And i'm also curious to know... how do you define the difference between the two? They can both be extremely complex in their simplest forms.

My definitions:

D/s is a mental relationship dynamic that involves submission and obedience.
BDSM represents actions that we do for kink activities.

They can be overlapped, or not. They can be non-role specific, too. What we do does not necessarily define who we are.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to petstorm)

Post #: 7

RE: D/s and BDSM: There's a difference! - 2/27/2007 10:18:54 AM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I've NEVER used bdsm to incorporate dominant/submissive. In my experience, incorporating Ds into bdsm is a rather new idea.

A lot of people use bdsm as you do, and a lot of people don't. There is no "one way."

Dear Liz-

As far as I can tell, "BDSM" appeared around '96 or so, and at the time I first heard it, it was explained to me that it was a contraction of B&D/D/S/SM, and we were using it to cover everything, as a less clunky way of saying WIIWD.

I cannot say for sure, but I think it was Gloria Brame who explained it to me at the time.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 8

RE: D/s and BDSM: There's a difference! - 2/27/2007 10:20:04 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: topcat
Dear Liz-

As far as I can tell, "BDSM" appeared around '96 or so, and at the time I first heard it, it was explained to me that it was a contraction of B&D/D/S/SM, and we were using it to cover everything, as a less clunky way of saying WIIWD.

I cannot say for sure, but I think it was Gloria Brame who explained it to me at the time.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

I certainly don't doubt that at all.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to topcat)

Post #: 9

RE: D/s and BDSM: There's a difference! - 2/27/2007 12:32:36 PM

petstorm

Posts: 49
Joined: 6/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: petstorm
La di da... for those wondering what BDSM actually stands for it is:
B/D – Bondage/Discipline, D/s – Dominant/submissive, S/M - Sado/Masochism

La di da, thanks for being so obviously wrong and OK with acting like you know this universal truth for everyone to see.

I've NEVER used bdsm to incorporate dominant/submissive. In my experience, incorporating Ds into bdsm is a rather new idea.

A lot of people use bdsm as you do, and a lot of people don't. There is no "one way."

quote:

Anyway, there's one other thing that i forgot to ask. As a submissive/slave, or even as a Master/Mistress... i'm wondering how many people out there come into this lifestyle without knowing there's a difference, and how it is that it's not as highly voiced and taught as Safe. Sane. and Consensual is.

We now return you to your regularly posted forum......

Because it's not universally agreed upon that
a) there is a difference
b) what the difference is
c) there are tons of OTHER kinky things that we do which have nothing to do with bdsm and so it's not necessary to talk a lot about bdsm

As well, SSC is a neatly packaged, nice sounding motto for people to fling about as they choose and make them feel better.

I wouldn't presume you don't know anything, certainly not from your age, but it was stupid of you to suggest you have the one true ultimate definition of "bdsm" and how it's supposed to be used.

And thanks BR- that's exactly how I like to put it.

When did i say there was one and only one true definition? Say what you want, but there IS a difference in the two and they can and are defined differently. Which would be why i also asked how you would define it. And YES, B/D – Bondage/Discipline, D/s – Dominant/submissive, S/M - Sado/Masochism is the universally excepted explaination of what BDSM stands for.

Do your homework. i know i did!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 10

RE: D/s and BDSM: There's a difference! - 2/27/2007 12:43:34 PM

Arastella

Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline

Is this, like, intended for me to read? Cause I use the term BDSM pretty broadly, and had meant to say M/s but BDSM is the first word that comes to my mind.

(in reply to petstorm)

Post #: 11

RE: D/s and BDSM: There's a difference! - 2/27/2007 12:45:48 PM

Arastella

Posts: 262
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: petstorm
La di da... for those wondering what BDSM actually stands for it is:
B/D – Bondage/Discipline, D/s – Dominant/submissive, S/M - Sado/Masochism

La di da, thanks for being so obviously wrong and OK with acting like you know this universal truth for everyone to see.

I've NEVER used bdsm to incorporate dominant/submissive. In my experience, incorporating Ds into bdsm is a rather new idea.

A lot of people use bdsm as you do, and a lot of people don't. There is no "one way."

quote:

Anyway, there's one other thing that i forgot to ask. As a submissive/slave, or even as a Master/Mistress... i'm wondering how many people out there come into this lifestyle without knowing there's a difference, and how it is that it's not as highly voiced and taught as Safe. Sane. and Consensual is.

We now return you to your regularly posted forum......

Because it's not universally agreed upon that
a) there is a difference
b) what the difference is
c) there are tons of OTHER kinky things that we do which have nothing to do with bdsm and so it's not necessary to talk a lot about bdsm

As well, SSC is a neatly packaged, nice sounding motto for people to fling about as they choose and make them feel better.

I wouldn't presume you don't know anything, certainly not from your age, but it was stupid of you to suggest you have the one true ultimate definition of "bdsm" and how it's supposed to be used.

And thanks BR- that's exactly how I like to put it.

Here she goes again trying to be smart and flaming people with her supposed intelligence in the lifestyle. Ugh, this gets so tiring.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 12

RE: D/s and BDSM: There's a difference! - 2/27/2007 12:49:21 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: petstorm
When did i say there was one and only one true definition?

Here:
for those wondering what BDSM actually stands for it is:

And here:
is the universally excepted explaination of what BDSM stands for.

And I think you mean accepted, not excepted.

quote:

Say what you want, but there IS a difference in the two and they can and are defined differently.

But that is what I say and has already been said- BR noted correctly that for me, Ds is who we are, bdsm is some of what we do.

quote:

is the universally excepted explaination of what BDSM stands for.

Except that it's not. It's not how I use it, nor it is how many use it, it's far from universal.

< Message edited by LuckyAlbatross -- 2/27/2007 12:51:32 PM >

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to petstorm)

Post #: 13

RE: D/s and BDSM: There's a difference! - 2/27/2007 1:08:37 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

Yes, BDSM has it's place in D/s, and vice versa, but they are two completely different things! You can have one without the other, though they can both go hand-in-hand in this wonderful community that we all reside in.

On more reflection I would like to point out that one could have bondage and discipline without anything else, or sado-masochism without anything else, and for some people their D/s is inseparable from BDSM, and that is really ok too.

I would wonder if you have heard of topping and bottoming in relationship to BDSM also?

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 2/27/2007 1:09:27 PM >

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to petstorm)

Post #: 14

RE: D/s and BDSM: There's a difference! - 2/27/2007 1:08:54 PM

FukinTroll

Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline

You mean it isn't Bring Dollars & Spend Money.

Friggen Oklahoma munch slogans....

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TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 15

RE: D/s and BDSM: There's a difference! - 2/27/2007 2:12:15 PM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

Really? I thought it stood for badly dressed social misfits

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.

Visit My Website

(in reply to FukinTroll)

Post #: 16

RE: D/s and BDSM: There's a difference! - 2/27/2007 2:19:20 PM

orfunboi

Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: petstorm

La di da... for those wondering what BDSM actually stands for it is:
B/D – Bondage/Discipline, D/s – Dominant/submissive, S/M - Sado/Masochism

Yup, that looks about right, and i notice D/s is right in the middle..hmmmmm

quote:

As you can see, D/s IS listed among the grouping, but it's meant more for roleplay than actual 24/7 lifestyle.

Well, don't tell all those who live a 24/7 D/s lifestyle, or they might argue that point.

(in reply to petstorm)

Post #: 17

RE: D/s and BDSM: There's a difference! - 2/27/2007 2:21:35 PM

orfunboi

Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: petstorm

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: petstorm
La di da... for those wondering what BDSM actually stands for it is:
B/D – Bondage/Discipline, D/s – Dominant/submissive, S/M - Sado/Masochism

La di da, thanks for being so obviously wrong and OK with acting like you know this universal truth for everyone to see.

I've NEVER used bdsm to incorporate dominant/submissive. In my experience, incorporating Ds into bdsm is a rather new idea.

A lot of people use bdsm as you do, and a lot of people don't. There is no "one way."

quote:

Anyway, there's one other thing that i forgot to ask. As a submissive/slave, or even as a Master/Mistress... i'm wondering how many people out there come into this lifestyle without knowing there's a difference, and how it is that it's not as highly voiced and taught as Safe. Sane. and Consensual is.

We now return you to your regularly posted forum......

Because it's not universally agreed upon that
a) there is a difference
b) what the difference is
c) there are tons of OTHER kinky things that we do which have nothing to do with bdsm and so it's not necessary to talk a lot about bdsm

As well, SSC is a neatly packaged, nice sounding motto for people to fling about as they choose and make them feel better.

I wouldn't presume you don't know anything, certainly not from your age, but it was stupid of you to suggest you have the one true ultimate definition of "bdsm" and how it's supposed to be used.

And thanks BR- that's exactly how I like to put it.

When did i say there was one and only one true definition?

Maybe he got that impression from your OP...."Ok, here's what keeps getting under my skin. BDSM and D/s. People keep talking like they're both the same thing, and that they both belong in the same catagory. Well, i'm sorry to say... they are not, and do not."

(in reply to petstorm)

Post #: 18

RE: D/s and BDSM: There's a difference! - 2/27/2007 2:23:24 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: petstorm

La di da... for those wondering what BDSM actually stands for it is:
B/D – Bondage/Discipline, D/s – Dominant/submissive, S/M - Sado/Masochism

As you can see, D/s IS listed among the grouping, but it's meant more for roleplay than actual 24/7 lifestyle.

Anyway, there's one other thing that i forgot to ask. As a submissive/slave, or even as a Master/Mistress... i'm wondering how many people out there come into this lifestyle without knowing there's a difference, and how it is that it's not as highly voiced and taught as Safe. Sane. and Consensual is.

We now return you to your regularly posted forum......

You're preaching to the converted, rather.

I'm not sure why you have decided that D/s in the BDSM is *meant for role-play only*.......What if I decide that it stands perfectly well for D/s AS D/s?

What is safe, sane and consentual?....

agirl

(in reply to petstorm)

Post #: 19

RE: D/s and BDSM: There's a difference! - 2/27/2007 2:24:51 PM

orfunboi

Posts: 1223
Joined: 10/22/2005
Status: offline

No, tiring is the whiney little snipe you just took at her. Not sure what your purpose was, but to me, it only made you look small and petty.

(in reply to Arastella)

Post #: 20

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