RE: level of respect

RE: level of respect (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

juliaoceania -> RE: level of respect (2/28/2007 12:17:39 PM)
There are many times that I have read submissives and dominants that had issues with a submissive calling their dominant "sir" as this was their name for the owner in their dynamic, and the dominant may not say anything, but that does not mean he is not thinking it. If another female in the real world called my Dom "daddy" I would probably have a reaction internally to that even though I would not be impolite enough to make a scene over it. I would consider it very rude and presumptuous. I realize some submissives are ordered to call others by names they may not want to be called by, it seems nonconsensual to me in the lifestyle to assume that one should call anyone anything like "sir" or "master". I never blame them for it though, I just tend to think that their protocol has been thought through entirely to take another person's wishes into account. Just my opinion

daddysprop247 -> RE: level of respect (2/28/2007 1:03:48 PM)
LA, tho it's not something i've experienced yet, it's easier for me to imagine someone being offended by being called "Master Randy" as opposed to "Sir." perhaps that's one reason why Daddy only has me refer to Dominants we closely interact with in that way? who knows. julia, i understand where you're coming from, and i would never wish to cause anyone offense by referring to them in a way which they found uncomfortable or inappropriate. however i think some of the differences may lie in how we all view these terms/titles. when i call someone "Master Randy" i am not calling them "my" Master, i am just respecting their authority over me and making it clear that i do not view myself as their equal (which in my Master's eyes, would be truly disrespectful). likewise with Sir, there's no confusion about them being "my" Sir, it is just a way of acknowledging our difference in status. also these protocols are a reflection of my Master's personal beliefs and ways regarding D/s and Male/female status in general. there is a way he communicates and interacts with his male friends, and there is a way he communicates and interacts with his female friends. neither is any better or worse, less or more, but they are different. all his female friends, even vanillas, refer to him either as "Sir" or "Papi"....never at his request or demand, there's just something about him that makes anything else seem inappropriate. He tends to take a protector/mentor role with his female friends, constantly coming to their rescue or advising them in life and such, whereas his male friends are comrades, equals. if a female were to interact with him the same way he interacts with another male, he'd find it distasteful/unfeminine/etc. so it makes sense that he would train his slave not to communicate with men in that way. if a particular man or Dominant still took offense to it, more than likely they wouldn't be someone he'd get along with personally anyway as their core beliefs would be so different. and that could be the reason why we haven't yet come across anyone who had any issue with it.

juliaoceania -> RE: level of respect (2/28/2007 1:19:26 PM)
quote: when i call someone "Master Randy" i am not calling them "my" Master, i am just respecting their authority over me and making it clear that i do not view myself as their equal (which in my Master's eyes, would be truly disrespectful). likewise with Sir, there's no confusion about them being "my" Sir, it is just a way of acknowledging our difference in status. You qualified this well when you said that your owner would not want you interacting with men that would not want you to be anything but by first name, and I respect that very much. I just know it makes my Daddy uncomfortable to be referred to as anything but "Sinergy", and maybe uncomfortable would be even the wrong word, he just has a preference for being referred to by his given name (which is not Sinergy...lol). He does not make a deal over it when someone calls him something else. I could find one of the posts that he made on this subject, but paraphrasing him, when people in the real world ask him how he identifies he shakes their name and gives them his first name. It sets the parameters that he wants no show of deference from any person that he has not given that permission to. It is almost as if someone was attempting to be submissive to him without him accepting that. quote: also these protocols are a reflection of my Master's personal beliefs and ways regarding D/s and Male/female status in general. there is a way he communicates and interacts with his male friends, and there is a way he communicates and interacts with his female friends. neither is any better or worse, less or more, but they are different. all his female friends, even vanillas, refer to him either as "Sir" or "Papi"....never at his request or demand, there's just something about him that makes anything else seem inappropriate. He tends to take a protector/mentor role with his female friends, constantly coming to their rescue or advising them in life and such, whereas his male friends are comrades, equals.if a female were to interact with him the same way he interacts with another male, he'd find it distasteful/unfeminine/etc. You see, I relate well with men in general on an equals basis. But I understand that not all people are the same, and in some cultures this is not acceptable and I respect that because I know that not to would be futile on my part. I hope to study other cultures where these inequalities are within the culture, so I better not get offended because it is not "my way". But generally the men in my life treat me as an equal. quote: so it makes sense that he would train his slave not to communicate with men in that way. It makes complete sense to both of you, everyone is comfortable within the interactions and the protocol set up by your master, all agree to it, but every dominant has a set of different protocols for their possessions.. like my Daddy only wanting me to be deferential to those he stipulates that I should be deferential to... chocolate vanilla and strawberry...smiles.

ArgoGeorgia -> RE: level of respect (2/28/2007 1:30:22 PM)
I don't know - for me respect has always been one of those things that is earned, not just given freely. If someone I had just met insisted that I call them "Sir" or whatever, I would probably just not talk to them, as they have already lost my respect. The only caveat to this are my bosses. And that's just because I kiss ass to guarantee a paycheck when necessary. Money sucks that way.

BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: level of respect (2/28/2007 1:50:08 PM)
As GeekyGirl said, in the south most of us were raised to use sir and ma'am, particularly to those who are older and to those who held positions of authority. I'm not going to call someone in this lifestyle sir or ma'am unless I'm instructed to, but that doesn't mean I won't use those titles in response to them. I may say 'thank you ma'am' or 'thank you kind sir' or whatever, but I'm not using them as a sign of respect for their position, but rather to be polite. I call my Master either Master or by his first name, depending on the situation. When I answer him, it's "yes sir" or "no sir".

agirl -> RE: level of respect (2/28/2007 2:12:47 PM)
No, I refer to people by the name they introduce themselves with....whoever they are. agirl

ownedgirlie -> RE: level of respect (2/28/2007 2:14:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: simplewhispers Just curious do you address each man that you know is a Dom with Sir ? Each Mistress as such , or do you reserve that for the one that chooses you ? Enlighten me please ...... I call them by name. I have had a few highly regarded male dominant friends in the past, prior to knowing my Master, whom I called Sir. I have one well respected male dominant friend who I asked about calling Sir, and he said to just call him by name, although having been my confessor I've been known to kiddingly call him "Father" hahaha... But as for deferring to anyone...I defer/submit/surrender/obey to one and only one. I have been trained away from the notion of slaves being inferior to all dominants, but once in awhile I will talk to someone who is clearly more powerful than I, and offer him/her due respect as such.

moki1984 -> RE: level of respect (2/28/2007 2:16:41 PM)
i have a tendency to call all men sir even if not dom BUT that is because I was in the military and was trained for years to do that out of common courtesy.....

GeekyGirl -> RE: level of respect (2/28/2007 2:27:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddysprop247 when i call someone "Master Randy" i am not calling them "my" Master, i am just respecting their authority over me and making it clear that i do not view myself as their equal (which in my Master's eyes, would be truly disrespectful). likewise with Sir, there's no confusion about them being "my" Sir, it is just a way of acknowledging our difference in status. For me, I do not consider any person regardless of gender to have authority over me, with the exception of my bosses, my parents, and my dominant. I view myself as equal (or sometimes superior to) everybody else on earth. I don't acknowledge any difference in status because I do not believe that women and men are unequal. He is not automaticaly in authority to me or of higher status to me just because he has a penis. I have penises too (psst..is it penises or peni? Proper plural?) ..about 5 of them in a drawer somewhere , and some of mine are larger than those of the men I know ! However, I respect the fact that you believe differently and understand why it is a value you hold in esteem.

juliaoceania -> RE: level of respect (2/28/2007 2:28:31 PM)
FR I just got my first email from a female submissive that called me "ma'am"...now I do not know if it is because I am old or if it is that she is somewhat confuzzled[:D]

wyldsubmissive -> RE: level of respect (2/28/2007 2:32:56 PM)
Due to my military upbringing I address my superiors and most people as Sir or Ma'am unless they're younger then me. It's a service member thing...

Squeakers -> RE: level of respect (2/28/2007 2:33:33 PM)
My partner is the only one I refer to as Master or Sir, unless he tells me otherwise. In a vanilla setting, I may use sir or ma'am when addressing a police officer, someone in the supermarket, someone on the phone, but that title is in a different context.

GeekyGirl -> RE: level of respect (2/28/2007 2:36:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania confuzzled[:D] That's the coolest word ever...I'm adding it to my vocabulary!

piercedntattooed -> RE: level of respect (2/28/2007 2:57:26 PM)
i only use Master for the one i belong to also, it just isn't a title i can give anyone, it has to mean something to me everyone else i call them by their names or whatever my Master chooses

DaddyDeSade -> RE: level of respect (2/28/2007 3:25:17 PM)
I for one would be uncomfortable if any sub but my own called me Sir. And if any sub called me Master I would correct them. I have seen Doms who insist on their subs calling all other Doms Master or Mistress. I have spoken to them. Often they are doing it to be respectful of others. Which I generally will offer my opinion that it is most respectful to call someone what they want to be called. In one case the Dom was trying to impress upon the sub their place, as a penalty for continued embarassing brattiness at parties. In that case we settled on her calling me Mr. Ahze as a compromise.

YourhandMyAss -> RE: level of respect (2/28/2007 3:32:41 PM)
Nope, I do not. I do not believe in using honorifics simply cause what they identify as. quote: ORIGINAL: simplewhispers Just curious do you address each man that you know is a Dom with Sir ? Each Mistress as such ,

DiurnalVampire -> RE: level of respect (2/28/2007 3:33:50 PM)
I prefer to be addressed by my name by subs and Doms alike. I tend to call people Sir or Maam becaue its something I have to do at work every day and it carries over. By the same token, I am comfortable being addressed as both Sir and Maam since I taught karate for years and I answered to both. Its just a title, not a pet name. If someone other than Angel called me Mommy, I think I would have major problems with it. Just about everyone I know calls him Angel, though, and thats fine. And he calls just about everyone either Sir or Maam out of respect becasue thats how he was raised. Hope that helps DV

softcoresicko -> RE: level of respect (2/28/2007 3:43:31 PM)
Online, I tend to use whatever screenname someone has chosen (or a shortened form, once I'm certain what they consider an acceptable shortening). I've never felt the need to call anyone Sir or Ma'am, nor had it demanded of me. I usually try to capitalize the words Master and Mistress when I use them, more as a show of respect for the institution, so to speak. In the real world, I tend to use sir, ma'am, or miss for people I don't know in any sort of situation. It just seems less offensive than "Hey, you!". Even we Northern boys have some class. quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross As well, no one's ever been able to tell me how they'd address a switch. Heh. Nobody's ever told me how I should be addressed, either. Most people I've talked with call me some derivative of softcoresicko, like softcore, SCS, or soft (which is both amusing, and makes me wish I had given some forethought to how my nickname could be abbreviated). I can't speak for all switches, but anything that gets my attention and allows me to know you're talking to me is fine in my book.

Lucius -> RE: spectful RE: plies (2/28/2007 3:44:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross I’ve never seen anyone get offended at being called sir, or ma’am I have, unfortunately. My impulse is to – well, I’ll let LaTigresse say it - quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse I would probably tell them to remove the cob from their ass Yep, that pretty much is how I feel towards both those who are offended at being called Sir and Ma’am and to a lesser extent those who make a big deal about refusing to call anyone Sir or Ma’am. However, please see my response to GeekyGirl below; I have come to understand the attitude a little better. quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub “you aren’t my master, I’m not treating you like you are.” This puzzles Me. Calling someone “Sir” is not “treating them like they’re your Master.” It’s just treating them with courtesy. If calling someone “Sir” makes them My Master, then I have a hell of a lot of Masters. Like several others here, I was in the military once. quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania the dominant may well prefer that no one but one they own refer to them this way I understand this one even less. Why would anyone object to being addressed politely? quote: ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross no one’s ever been able to tell me how they’d address a switch… Any reason I can’t call them Sir or Ma’am? If I want to? quote: ORIGINAL: GeekyGirl In a BDSM setting I purposely do not use the terms “ma’am” “mistress” “sir” or “master” …. because I don’t (want) anyone to assume that I’m deferring to them. I think this is unfortunate, but it IS perfectly understandable. Far too many Dominants (or would be Dominants) are all too likely to seize on something as trivial as calling them “Sir” and interpret it as consent to being commanded, dominated, or even claimed. I imagine it would only take one encounter with such to make a submissive very wary of even uttering the word “Sir.” Lucius Alexander House of the Palindromedary

GeekyGirl -> RE: spectful RE: plies (2/28/2007 3:56:55 PM)
You hit it exactly, Lucius. I normally do use "sir" and "ma'am". It's how I was raised. However, I do not like people to mistake my politeness for deferrence...I defer to very few people on earth. By avoiding the terms, I avoid any misunderstandings. (thanks for catching my typo above...I'm always leaving words out!)

Page: << < prev 1 [2] 3 4 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.078125