RE: The control of money

RE: The control of money (Full Version)

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SirKenin -> RE: The control of money (4/6/2005 7:26:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MzBerlin Angelika- I was just about to ask that..... B Also- Kenin- I'm confused about the vacuum problem. Did she need a new vacuum? Was it her money? (I'm assuming, due to this post that you haven't pooled your resources yet.) Why is the vacuum an issue? gee, I'm nosy!! B Actually no, W/we did not need one. I already had a Kenmore upright vacuum cleaner, but it was getting old and it was heavy. When the lady demonstrated how inferior My vacuum was to this new Tristar My girlfriend was sold on it. she thought it would be the mutts nuts to have one for O/our new house. It came with a one year no payments, no interest plan so she bought it. W/we have not pooled O/our resources yet, so really I do not have much to say although W/we will have by the time that the first payment is due. I think what bothered Me about the whole thing is not that she bought it per se, but rather it was the impulsivity that was demonstrated. It became alarming because it demonstrated the same type of behaviors that I am known for all too well.

FLButtSlut -> RE: The control of money (4/6/2005 10:38:56 PM)
SirKenin, I was not aware that you lived in Canada (my mistake). As someon very active in the legal field in the United States, I admit it, I tend to view everything under United States law. While some states recognize common law (although that is usually 5-7 years or more), many do not. Based on your mentioning of Canadian law, certainly you should follow the guidelines set forth therein. As for your issues with the percentages, there shouldn't be any problem because each is contributing an equal percentage of their income to the household expenses. Obviously, when there is significant difference (as in my example), it is ludicrous and unfair to expect a 50/50 split as then the animosity comes from such a large portion of the lower income earner being put towards expenses. Using the percentages, it is actually an equal amount. Most states in the US use this calculation in one form or another for figuring out child support. Certainly not perfect for real circumstances of child support, it is quite valid for your situation. I just feel that everyone should legally protect themselves should things not work out. I have been married myself, and honestly haven't figured otu why I should ever consider doing it again. I would however, make sure that MY assets and MY future be protected. The concept that if you are a sub or slave, you relinquish this right is assinine at best. No one, under any circumstances, should be left destitute in the event the relationship ends, regardless of chosen roles. If you think that is irrelevant, closer look at YOUR role to determine if you are indeed a master, dom or nothing more than a controlling abusive person might be in order.

SirKenin -> RE: The control of money (4/6/2005 11:09:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: FLButtSlut SirKenin, I was not aware that you lived in Canada (my mistake). As someon very active in the legal field in the United States, I admit it, I tend to view everything under United States law. While some states recognize common law (although that is usually 5-7 years or more), many do not. Based on your mentioning of Canadian law, certainly you should follow the guidelines set forth therein. Yes, there are only thirteen US states that recognize and offer up legal protection to cohabitants/common-law marriages. I have extensive knowledge of the Ontario Family Law Act R.S.O. 1990, a chunk of that due to My own personal circumstances. Ugh. However, My knowledge of the Law gained from My own experiences, helping others and reading allows Me to protect U/us in the unfortunate event of dissolution. It is not just Me I have to think about here, as you aptly pointed out. It is Veronica as well. I look after any woman that becomes an ex. I feel that it is My obligation to do so. I will add, though, that My wife tried to take Me for everything I had so quite naturally I fought back with everything I had. In the end she lost out big time. It is almost too bad. If she had not been such an idiot I would have gladly looked after her, but trying to screw Me is an exceptionally bad idea. I think you are right. Under no circumstances should a sub lose her rights, whether it be to her property or otherwise. For example when Sassy and I split up I was quite insistent that she be entitled to any of her belongings and anything else that was rightfully hers, including stuff that was bought for her in the relationship. I did not withhold anything from her. In fact, I continued to look after her after W/we went O/our separate ways until such time as W/we each deemed otherwise. I truly believe that it is a Dom/me's responsibility to make sure that His/Her sub is looked after in every way to the best of Their ability. I think I will try to emphasize the value of the percentages idea. I was hoping she would be able to read this tonight but she was just too exhausted to do so. Perhaps tomorrow night will be better for her.

FLButtSlut -> RE: The control of money (4/9/2005 10:30:02 PM)
SirKenin, Whether or not the state recognizes something is superceded by any type of written agreement, as I am sure you are aware. My big concern was that everyone seemed to be caught up in what the proper way to handle this vis a vis the lifestyle was. It just seems to me that at some point you have to discard the lifestyle in favor of reality. Reality tells ME that putting something in writing protects everyone (in case you didn't figure it out I work in the legal field). No one goes into these situations with the concept of it ever failing, but statistically it can, so protecting your interests is the best option. The percentage perspective puts everyone on equal ground. Perhaps "equal ground" is inappropriate in a D/s or M/s situation, but for this type of situation, protecting everyone involved seems to be the most important factor, and lifestyle be damned. I am hopeful that you both will have a long and enjoyable relationship that voids all these conversations. But to start, I think that they are a top priority to move forward in a positive manner for everyone. After all, these types of agreements can be "re-negotiated" as necessary and desired. I just get very concerned when people take real life situations and try to make it fit to the "lifestyle" or their version of it without consideration of reality. As for your ex and what happened there? Well, I deal with that every day. No one needs to be a jerk, but it seems that someone always gets the ball rolling in that direction and then the "chips" fall as they may. My main point is in this particular situation, the "proper" lifestyle protocol needs to be totally disregarded and the couple needs to deal with it as two consenting adults embarking on a journey to a place they THINK they want to go with room for open negotiation and necessary change as any couple will face. My whole point was to look at things from a "real" perspective outside of the lifestyle. It seems that some things need to be looked at without "lifestlye" influence (at least to me) and to try to fit the "lifestyle" into it is just silly. Work it out as two people who are moving into a relationship and worry about the lifestyle crap later. I really do hope that the two of you have years and years (and years) of happiness together. All things can not revolve around the proper protocol of the "lifestyle". Sometimes, y'all just have to deal with it in the plain old boring vanilla perspective. Good luck and best wishes and if you want to have a FIFTH bank account, feel free to put my name on it!

SirKenin -> RE: The control of money (4/11/2005 10:10:41 AM)
FLButtSlut, you need to realize that US Law is not the same as Canadian Law. Written agreements are not worth the paper they are written on in a Court of competent jurisdiction. I know. I have been through this. I appreciate what you are saying, and understand that if I lived in your State that they might have some meaning, but these are Ontario Statutes W/we are talking about here, and prenuptial agreements are essentially invalidated by any competent Judge. Now I am going to go back and read the rest of your post.

SirKenin -> RE: The control of money (4/11/2005 10:16:15 AM)
Ok, as for the rest of your post, W/we have, after having her read this thread in it's entirety, settled upon the percentage idea as the best way to go, with two bank accounts for now with the possibility of adding the third one later as suggested. she wants to further her career, I have My business. W/we will be making different amounts of money (unless she gets a career that makes $50.00/hour, which is entirely possible) and the percentage idea makes perfect sense. I really appreciate E/everyone's input in this thread, Y/you all helped U/us solve what appeared to be a very complicated issue. For that I offer My sincere thanks.

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: The control of money (4/11/2005 12:27:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirKenin settled upon the percentage idea as the best way to go, with two bank accounts for now with the possibility of adding the third one later as suggested. she wants to further her career, I have My business. W/we will be making different amounts of money I really appreciate E/everyone's input in this thread. For that I offer My sincere thanks. Great to hear it's resolved. Wish you two great fun and good life together. M

CaryCouple -> RE: The control of money (4/11/2005 6:37:26 PM)
My wife is a sub, and she handles all the finances as part of our relationship. Understand that in the end if I wish I can have my way--but she has spreadsheets and dutifully will see to it that the work of paying the bills is attended to. The same with the shopping--all shopping lists are approved by me each week, and I am appraised of any needs that may come up in addition to this. As part of this, I ensure that she is kept up to date on any future expenses that may come along so that she can make whatever budget accomodations are necessary. For the last seven years this has been a graceful dance between us: I am still the Dom, and I guide the household as needed; she is respected as the sub and ensures that when I come home I do not have to involve myself in the bills/taxes/whatever. As a sub her greatest pride is that I am never bothered with the details--she carries out my wishes and does so in a splendid manner. As I often joke to my vanilla friends and coworkers, "I live in a socialist state and receive only the amount of money that the leaders have determined I need."

BigBeninLA -> RE: The control of money (4/12/2005 3:54:38 PM)
While there were many good suggestions, I do note the absence of one alternative. If neither of you is confident of your ability to curb your impulses and live within a budget, perhaps you should consider a professional money manager who could make sure your necessary expenses were paid from your earnings (and in a way that was fair to each of you), provided a savings and investment plan, and also provide an allowance for you to indulge your impulses up to a sane point--once the allowance is gone, it's gone. Even in this sort of arrangement, ultimately, of course, you still retain the final say, as you can simply fire the manager if you don't like the way it's going.

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