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I am a sub but I hate pain - 3/25/2005 4:18:05 AM

nu222

Posts: 6
Joined: 3/21/2005
Status: offline

I,a pretty girl ,somehow loves tight bondage sex.But I anmafraid of pain
you know.why so? I just cannot understand what mekes myself this way.

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RE: I am a sub but I hate pain - 3/25/2005 4:25:00 AM

onceburned

Posts: 2117
Joined: 1/4/2005
From: Iowa
Status: offline

Because pain hurts?

I don't like pain either, although I will endure it for a good reason.

(in reply to nu222)

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RE: I am a sub but I hate pain - 3/25/2005 5:06:13 AM

chainedgirl

Posts: 142
Joined: 2/5/2005
Status: offline

nu222,

whoever said a submissive has to like pain? it is perfectly ok to be submissive and not like pain at all. Many of the toys used to inflict pain can be quite nice as well, its all in how they are used. But there is still the option of submitting without any of the BDSM activities happening. In some relationships a hand or flogger is never raised, but they are still D/s relationships because the submissive gives over control to the Dominant. All it means is you simply find a Dominant who isn't seeking to do that stuff.

As for what makes you that way, who can tell. What makes me like pain while you do not? What makes me sometimes ask for a spanking and wanting to be thrashed even thought it hurts like hell? i dunno, but i don't care either. Pain is simply one need of many that i have, but you do not. Don't stress about it too much, simply accept that is how you are.

chainedgirl.

(in reply to onceburned)

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RE: I am a sub but I hate pain - 3/25/2005 5:56:06 AM

Oumae

Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline

There is no law that says you have to like pain and as said you can have D/s without bdsm. The joy is that you can pick and choose what suits you as a couple (or more in poly reationships).

One thing I would say is you don't have to rule out all thought of it ever. Yes, its that Never say never thing!
Be honest with any potential partner about your dislike/fear of it but if you trust someone and have a good relationship its amazing what you can discover.
I don't like giving "pain"... I do really enjoy giving "sensation" tho' and it is wonderful to see someone discover the difference.

Oumae

Just to clarify I do believe in Hard limits.

< Message edited by Oumae -- 3/25/2005 5:58:02 AM >

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Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to nu222)

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RE: I am a sub but I hate pain - 3/25/2005 6:06:36 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Being a sub and being a masochist are two totally different things.

I hate pain, I simply do NOT have an endorphin response that a lot of other people do. I am a sadist however...

Some people simply don't do painplay if they can't get off on it. For me, it is a way to another form of submission to the Owner who is a sadist.

But lots of people in the scene don't like pain.

(in reply to nu222)

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RE: I am a sub but I hate pain - 3/25/2005 9:12:31 AM

proudsub

Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline

When my first dom, which was online, asked me if i liked pain i said no way, why would anyone like that. Then he asked me just to try one thing--clothes pins on my nips for a few seconds and gradually increasing the time. Well that changed my whole outlook on pain and i love it now. I can understand not liking it, but i am curious if you have tried any erotic pain.

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proudsub

"Without goals you become what you were. With goals you become what you wish." .

"You are entitled to your own opinions but not your own facts"--Alan Greenspan

(in reply to nu222)

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RE: I am a sub but I hate pain - 3/25/2005 9:21:28 AM

Chupaflor

Posts: 17
Joined: 2/23/2005
Status: offline

I don't think not being into pain makes you any less of a sub, and like everything else in life, what works for one won't work for another. I myself like pain, yet cringe at the thought of fisting. Everone is different, and that's ok

(in reply to proudsub)

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RE: I am a sub but I hate pain - 3/25/2005 9:54:52 AM

EmeraldSlave2

Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Let's just say after over 6 years of active experience in the scene, owners who were each heavy sadists, being with countless tops or every style...I know my response is not due to lack of trying or not experiencing things the right way.

(in reply to proudsub)

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RE: I am a sub but I hate pain - 3/25/2005 12:07:50 PM

strongnsubmissiv

Posts: 197
Joined: 9/8/2004
Status: offline

I'm not much for pain either but i certainly respect it's place in the dynamic. It's not certainly something i need, but Her happiness is, so if that means some suffering, i'll endure it for the greater good.

Just because you hate to cook has nothing to do with enjoying good food. You're no less of a submissive for not liking pain.

sns

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*** Strong and submissive are not contradictions ***

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

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RE: I am a sub but I hate pain - 3/26/2005 12:07:44 AM

submissivesilk

Posts: 154
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline

i dont like pain myself, but when Master is the one delivering it, it excites me beyond belief.

(in reply to strongnsubmissiv)

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RE: I am a sub but I hate pain - 3/26/2005 12:30:29 AM

vaj85uk

Posts: 8
Joined: 3/25/2005
Status: offline

i am a sub that hates pain, but the humiliation of being in fear of doing what She wants or from Her chastisement for not taking Her punishment is far stronger.

(in reply to nu222)

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RE: I am a sub but I hate pain - 3/27/2005 9:11:49 PM

Igotcuffs

Posts: 3
Joined: 3/25/2005
Status: offline

and just my random thoughts on here. If a sub hates pain this could be a very effective way of punishment. If you're spanking a subs ass for messing up that enjoys pain..well, you're not really punishing them are you? Just my thoughts though. I'm very new to all of this

(in reply to vaj85uk)

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RE: I am a sub but I hate pain - 3/27/2005 9:43:24 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

Most submissives that I know don't like pain.

Most masochists that I know like pain.

Some masochistst that I know also happen to be submissives.

Welcome to the complex realm of "the bottom".

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

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